I heard the calls of the jungle birds before snapping my eyes open. I shot up, noticing I had fallen asleep on the ground, leaves sticking to my black hair. I combed them out and the rest of my hair as best I could. Tying it back in a braid I stood carefully. The lost boys were sleeping all around me like a minefield. I cautiously released a bit of my power and glided over them, landing out of earshot.
Suddenly remembering, I put my shields against magic back up around my body. What was I thinking!? Dropping my shields for a magic piper boy I barely knew, what would be next? I walked until I found a tiny stream of water. I washed my face with the chilly liquid. I could still smell the earthy scent of mud, wood, and smoke. I really was in a trance, I had no control over my body yet I knew what I was doing. It was the equivalent of a drug stupor or having too much to drink. I didn't like it, someone having power over me.
I heard the bushes rustle. I closed my eyes to hear exactly where. In almost one movement, I slammed the owner's face to the dirt, kneeing their back. I was feeling for their shadow, prepared to rip it out when I heard a muffled voice,
"Good to know you like it on top."
With a loud groan I released him, standing up.
"Jeez, Peter! Do you know how close I came to-"
" What? Killing me?" He doubted.
"First lesson: Everything has a shadow, everything can be killed." I stated.
Snatching a lizard off a tree trunk, I demonstrated. I placed a hand over it, feeling for the shadow's edge. I grabbed it and yanked before it had a chance to escape. It died right then in my hand. I released the new shadow back on the tree. Pan actually looked awestruck.
"Excellent! Can you teach me?" He beamed, an eager twinkle in his eyes.
" Is there a place we can go? Not so close to camp, to be alone?"
With a smirk and a nod, "come along."
Awhile later we reached a singular tree in a tiny open patch of tree-space. Peter told me he calls it his thinking tree, it's where he likes to hide out and sleep. Examining the area, I decided it was suitable for my purposes. I turned to Pan, silently regretting what I said next,
"Take off your shirt-save it." I stopped him as he opened his mouth for a remark, "it's for the ritual." He followed my orders, hushing up. I did the same, certain places covered of course.
"Do I at least get to know why the ritual requires us to be half naked?"
"Not every man walking down the street can rip shadows from bodies, Peter. I need to transfer some of my power to you. It's not allowed, only used in the family for the total transference like when my father chose me to have the power and transferred it to me. Only, I'll only transfer a bit. Let's just hope it goes well. It's not a fun time, let me tell you. But, It won't be as bad as getting all the power at once." I stated, shuddering at the memory.
"I think I can handle a little dark m-"
"This not dark magic!" I yelled, "It's demonic energy being transferred into a human being. No one's supposed to handle it. You'll get the basic and weaker versions of my powers. The shadow reaping one of many."
Clearly understanding the gravity behind my outburst, he nodded. I took some breaths to calm myself. I went over the steps in my head. I told Peter exactly what to say and when, what to do and how. I couldn't mess this up. If I did, sure I'd be weaker; but Peter... He would either become some possessed soul and vessel with no hope... Or die. I just needed to believe in myself and believe Peter is strong enough.
"Hand me your knife, please."
Slowly Peter took it out from its strap, almost as if it was sacred; and for our purposes it technically was, only the opposite. I took it. With a moment of hesitation, I deeply sliced my hand, the red blood seeped out. It dripped down like the melting wax of a candle. I smeared it around my hand. "Now you." I said quietly, passing the knife. He repeated my actions. "You can put it down now." I said next. Standing back where he was, I glided over to him, counting each step. I placed my blood stained hand over his heart. " In Elathan's name I bind thee. The bond of spirit, body, and soul. This gift of shadow, evil and darkness will shroud thee, further connecting thou to I. I, Clairda Marissa Anne Jameson do permit thee to SHARE in my demonic powers graced by the dark lord himself the great Elathan. I mark thee to share the powers: the mark of bondage surrounding the bonding print, darkness to cloud the face, shadow on the body and arms to create it as an extension of the being, flight to give swift feet, flame to give sight in the clouded vision, and evil to keep the dark lord with us."
Peter repeated the process only instead stating he accepted the gift and swore to use its power to please our dark lord. I intertwined his hand in mine and closed my eyes, he did the same. This was the real test. All of that stuff before was only preparation. This was the real transference.
I let my power drift out slowly. I opened my eyes, I needed to see if he would be ok. It snaked down my arms in a light mist compared to the dark cloud that consumed me during my transference. Though I don't remember much, I'd blacked out. It was the after psychological effects that got to me... I was actually scared for Peter.
I saw his face wince in pain when the first bits of shadow started to sink in, traveling around his body. It was covering each limb. He made a small sound of hurt. I watched hesitantly as the bit of my inner shadow, my soul went to his heart. That was when he snapped. He screamed aloud, collapsing to the ground. He was shaking and convulsing, I watched his vision flash and trail like it was working but flickering on and off. I got to my knees.
"Oh no no no... Peter? Peter! What did I do? What have I done? I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please, please stop. Please! Come on, hang on you idiot. Pan never fails, remember?" I didn't even notice but I was crying, I was so scared. Killing someone wasn't something new for me. My line of work can call for it.
But here I was sitting in the muddy mess, my knees hugged to my chest. The sounds of the jungle were the only thing preventing total silence. I couldn't watch, couldn't even look at him. I was reeling in my head, starting to accept that he'd be lost or dead. I suddenly heard a noise, an intake of breath. I dropped my pose and scrambled over to him. His eyes shot open. He looked... Scared.
I realize that even the scariest and worst people put up shields... But don't I do that too? I didn't have time to think about that or myself. I cleared my throat though the effort was wasted because my voice still cracked when I spoke, " Peter?"
His blue- green orbs finally landed on me. He was losing it, I remembered what he was going through well. It's something you never forget. I remembered the endless voices that called my name and mumbled unintelligible phrases. I remembered being locked in my room alone, being trapped in the shadows. I remembered having no one. My father left me to handle the change on my own before he died. It was the after effects of Elathan taking your soul, lasting for weeks. In Peter's case, it was only a piece but I had no idea how long he'd be trapped like this.
"Ciarda I- why is this happening? Make it stop, please." He covered his ears and buried his head.
I couldn't watch this. I knew what he was going through. The endless voices calling your name, whispering constant phrases you never hear. The feeling of a thousand eyes staring at you. The shadows surrounding you, always coming closer but never reaching you. It was the after effects of Elathan taking your soul; but, in Peter's case it was only a piece. I remembered every day of that torture. It lasted weeks for me until it finally ended. I had no clue how long Peter would be like this. I knew one thing: I won't leave him alone, like my father left me to take the change. It worried me to see him break down like this. I swore I would get him through this. What I was feeling wasn't love, lust, and I don't even know it was friendship. It was caring and understanding.
I crawled over to him. I wrapped my arms around him. Pride and feelings didn't matter right now. He needed someone to be there for him and his list of those who would be was either very short or nonexistent.
I brushed my fingers in his messy hair as he rested against my skin, the bloody symbols on our bodies getting disfigured. I told him over and over,
"It's okay. I'm here. They can't hurt you, Peter. It'll be over soon, I promise."
We stayed like this for hours. It grew dark. I put on my shirts and slipped Peter's on him. He was still lost in the madness. I went back to comforting him. I was used to this feeling. I was helping him while he unknowingly helped me. He needed me and I needed him. I may not need his sass, his darkness, or his perverted remarks; but, I needed the closeness. The feeling of being wanted and accepted, I didn't need love or at least I hope not, and I don't quite know how I feel about lust yet. This was enough.
With a jolt Peter sat up from me,
" The voices stopped but the shadows are still coming I can't I-" he whispered.
"Peter!" I shouted, I took his face in my hands, " it's not the darkness or the shadows. It's just the night."
I stood up and built a small fire, using what magic I could muster to create the flames. I hoped the bit of light would ease his vulnerable mind. I went back over to him, coaxing him to come to the fire.
We sat in silence for a long while. Peter finally broke it,
"I want to thank you, Ciarda. In all honesty. I was in a dark place, quite literally. So, thanks. It was a nice feeling." He didn't want to elaborate and he didn't have to. This much we had in common. The secret need to be needed and accepted.
"The same to you I guess. I've basically never dealt with people but that doesn't mean I WANTED it that way. No one understood. Hell, who would want to be close to a monster like me anyway?" I said. I looked away from him and into the dancing flames.
Peter scooted closer to me, "I do and I would."
I looked at him, "Where did that narcissist, bossy, perverted brat I met before go?" I said with a smile.
He gave a dark laugh, not as hearty as it could be, " He's still around. I'm not always like that. I just can't let the others think I'm going soft is all. Even I have my weak spots."
" I was worried you'd think I had." I replied.
" No, I - I needed that."
" I figured in those moments you deserved what I never got... Are you sure you're all right?"
He only nodded. I'm sure he didn't want to talk about it. I finally let myself relax. I flopped from sitting to laying down on the ground underneath me. The flames still crackled. I closed my eyes. I heard the rustle of leaves indicating Peter did the same. We could both use some sleep after the ritual. I arms pull me close. I didn't rip away, I accepted the closeness. I rested my head on his chest and drifted off.
AN: I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this so far! It seems like things are moving fast for Peter and Ciarda but as I've tried to clarify, they don't love each other, just well I don't really know how to explain it but if it was love this story would be over by now.