Poetheather
A/N: There will be a number of mature things discussed including torture, same sex relationships, violence and others… you have been warned.
A/N 2: This is an updated version of the original release from Dec 2012.
This is a work of fiction using the characters created by J.K. Rowling. They are not used with her permission. All actions follow the events of book seven of the series but not the epilogue. Any similarity between any person living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional. If you happen to find your life reflected in this piece I'll be impressed.
Two
The door to the room opened and the blond witch looked in with some concern, "Did you call?"
"Yes. Can I please get something for pain." asked Hermione, wanting to wipe the tears from her face, but moving at all was still far too painful for any action so the tears just rolled down her face. She felt shame at that and didn't know what to say or do.
Fleur wiped her cheeks dry with a piece of flannel, saying nothing about it and then gave her a sip of potion. "There that should 'elp. I don't want you to 'ave too much. Do you want me to check your arm? It 'asn't been very long but a bit more dittany could not 'urt."
Hermione nodded her head slightly. There was a burning in her arm that she just wanted to end and maybe the dittany could help. It was the best she knew of fro closing wounds. She then furrowed her brows in thought. She really needed to talk to someone, to get some feedback on where her current thoughts were leading her, so why not Fleur? "Fleur?"
"Oui?" The young woman looked up from where she was working on her.
"Can I talk to you, in private?" She was a bit nervous about talking to her but she really needed to do this. Since she hurt so bad that she couldn't write to explore her thoughts, than talking to someone was the next best option.
"Of course." The part veela witch gestured with her wand, saying something guietly, and Hermione guessed that they were now in complete privacy. "What is it 'ermione?"
"I… I have been thinking… something different… because of my experience and… and I wanted to check with someone… to make sure I am not… crazy or that this is not a side effect or anything." Hermione fidgeted as much as her injured body would allow, which wasn't all that much. Telling anyone this was not very easy and she wished she could move to get some of the nervous energy out.
Fleur arched an eyebrow at that and then sat in the chair by the bed. "You can tell me anything you want 'ermione and I will not be telling Ron or 'arry anything unless you want me to. If it is a thing that is bothering you it will affect your 'ealing and must be taken care of. We do want you to get better."
Hermione nodded slightly, seeing her point, and summoned her courage, she needed to get this out and see if she was going insane. The way her thoughts were going she was no longer sure and that was not comforting after being tortured. "Well, I… uhm… I sort of realized, that is… that I might not really be…"
Fleur had a patient and somewhat amused look on her face as Hermione spoke which caught her attention. It was so unexpected that it helped her be able to say the next part. "…attracted to Ron."
"Okay. And why is this a worry? I do not see this as a problem? Who you are attracted to is your business and nobody else's." Fleur seemed honestly confused with what Hermione was saying.
Hermione let out a breath she was not even aware she had been holding. That Fleur accepted this right off gave her some reassurance that this might be the right thing. But perhaps she needed to clarify things more, to make sure she was fully understood. "You don't think this is strange?"
"I take it you 'ad an epiphany about this under the Cruciatus? And this is why you do not want the memory of it affected?" asked Fleur rather pointedly, one elegant eyebrow raised.
"I do. When that was happening to me I realized I needed to stop sort of living for other people, for their expectations, their thoughts of me and live only for myself. Once I realized that I think I realized that I was sort of heading into a relationship with Ron because it was sort of expected, because we have been friends for a long time and I care about him, but while I love him I don't think I am in love with him or will ever be in love with him. We… we just don't mesh. Do you get what I mean? There is just too much about us that is different for us to really connect in a truly meaningful manner. Those differences, while there is some attraction, won't bring us together but I think will drive us apart. Does this make any sense?" explained Hermione, trying to get the jangled thoughts out of her head and laid out to another person in an orderly fashion. It felt like they were simply tumbling from her head and that was not helpful. These thoughts had shaken her and she just wanted to find solace from someone else.
Fleur smiled gently at her, reaching out to touch her shoulder softly. There was a slight twinge of pain yet it was bearable. She accepted the comfort. "Oui, I understand. While I am not a full Veela, my grandmother insisted that my sister and I knew a great deal of the ways of the Veela, their Rites, their magics. Fundamentally, they are creatures of Love and we do know a few things about that subject that most witches and wizards don't. So, yes, if your 'eart is telling you that Ronald is not your love, then you must listen, for it speaks true. Your 'eart must not, must never be denied. When your 'eart finds love, true, pure love, that is a powerful thing. It is why I am with William even after 'is attack when there are so many other men who would give everything they 'ave for me to be theirs. My 'eart wants him and I will not deny it. It makes me whole."
This confession made Hermione smile, perhaps the first true smile since she had awoken. She had never really been too sure what to make of Fleur but this was helping her to understand the woman better. Dumbledore had spoken of Love being powerful. She and Harry talked about that in the tent, trying to make sense of it. To hear Fleur talk of it was quite revealing. "So what should I do? I am far more used to thinking about things and these emotional matters are awkward for me. I know Ron is probably wanting to spend more time with me and do what he can to make this relationship happen but after thinking about it, I really don't want that to happen. There's just no real thing there. And if we cannot be then we both have better things to do than try to make something work that is doomed to fail."
"Well, right now you can always tell 'im that you 'ave no interest in things because of the torture and you need your space to 'eal. Then when there is a better time to actually address this matter, you can tell 'im without anything 'aving started between you." offered the blond woman.
Hermione lightly bit her lower lip in thought, weighing the advice. That approach really did seem to make sense and might even work. In all honesty it wasn't like she really had the time to worry about a relationship at the moment anyway. They were being hunted by Death Eaters and trying to kill Voldemort, it wasn't as if they had much free time that could be devoted to a social life let alone romantic entanglements. "That sounds like good advice. Thank you Fleur. I think that's what I'll do, at least for now."
"I can tell 'im that you are a bit touchy from the pain and trauma if you wish? That might give you some more space at the moment," inquired Fleur. "After what you went through, making sure your 'eart 'eals is as important as the body.
"Thank you Fleur that would be lovely," she said earnestly.
From what she could tell, this did afford her some space so she could start her healing. Her next day and a half were spent thinking over her resolution, Ron, Harry, what she wanted to do, her hopes and dreams. She also slept a lot, as the gradually lessening pain drained her greatly, sapping her strength and focus worse than her injury from the battle at the Ministry ever did while it healed. She woke often from those naps screaming, as nightmares of her torture constantly haunted her, with repetitions of what had happened or adding in the scarring of her face or dreams were there was nothing but the burning white pain of the Cruciatus and the cruel laugh as the only other thing known. The bandages on her arm were finally removed after several days and the word in her arm was a raw, red reminder of what Bellatrix had done to her but just looking at it made Hermione feel stronger, more determined than ever that she was not going to let someone else write her life. It angered her and made her want to fight against the ignorant bigotry that brought this about. That scar would become her talisman.
"Hermione!"
She smiled at Harry as he headed over from the doorway to stand alongside her bed, with Ron trailing along beside. He was shifting and looking away from her, clearly feeling awkward about this whole situation. The red head asked hesitantly, "Feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you Ron." said Hermione with a faint smile. She did want to make this a little easier on him.
"Are you able to tell us what happened?"
"Besides getting tortured?" scowled Hermione. "Well, actually yes. She let slip that there is another horcrux in her vault. Well, more implied than said right out."
"Then we have to get it!" Ron exclaimed.
Harry put a hand on his shoulder to get him to relax some as she was sure he could see the tension in her face. "I am sure we are all in agreement on that Ron, but let's figure out a plan first. Hermione is still weak and it's going to take a while for her to heal according to Fleur. There is no way we are doing this without her so let's figure things out and go from there."
"Wasn't there some of Bellatrix's hair on me when I arrived?" asked Hermione, vaguely remembering some falling on her at some point during her torture. She wasn't sure so she wanted to check. Things were rather a blur after all.
"Uhm… yes… I think there was, now that you mention it. Fleur got you out of your clothes so gently that I think there is still some available. We also have her wand. Why?" asked Harry, looking at her askance.
"Well, if we start brewing now we can get a batch ready quickly enough so I can use Polyjuice to look like her and that way I can walk into Gringotts. That way we can get the Horcrux directly from the vault with no fuss." suggested Hermione stating the first idea that came to mind.
"Hermione, that's blood mental!"
"Ron!" chided Harry, getting upset on her behalf.
"No Harry it is. Impersonate the craziest witch in England? You must be mental yourself to even consider this. That torture must have done something to you if you actually think that would work!" Ron was red faced and gesticulating wildly, glaring at both of them, daring them to say he was wrong.
"Zat es enough." snapped Fleur from the doorway, her accent growing thicker with her anger. "Ronald, out!"
He glowered a little at Fleur but left just the same, not wanting to argue with his brother's wife, stomping the whole way. Harry meanwhile looked at Hermione quite seriously, trying to weigh the idea, and asked, "Are you sure that this is the plan we should follow?"
"Yes Harry." Hermione looked at his tiredly. This was a terrible plan but given their resources it was perhaps the best they could do.
"Alright. I'll get right on the brewing once we gather everything up. When you are feeling better you can help me convince Griphook that this is actually a good plan and will help the Goblins."
She smiled weakly and yawned, feeling her strength wane. He smiled at her and said, "You know, you really are mental Hermione but absolutely brilliant. No one would ever expect such a plan because you would have to be daft to even try it. Get better. We can't do this without you."
Fleur came over and checked on her as Harry left, giving her some more potions to help with the pain, which Hermione allowed Fleur see. They filled her with a lassitude and helped her drift off to sleep. This time, instead of the nightmares that had been plaguing her, she had the dream again, the one where all she remembered was red hair, loving touches, passionate embrace, searing kisses, warmth and comfort enveloping her and strong, slender arms holding her protected from the world. It was the first time since the torture that she had awoken feeling safe and truly rested. She clung to that feeling as long as she could before the pains of the day could intrude.
Those dreams were not every night but as they continued and grew in length, Hermione began to get better and her pain got less. She was able to start moving around the cabin some, slowly but it was something. Even with that she still was spending the majority of her time talking with Fleur and occasionally Luna rather than anyone else. The Ravenclaw, while still a bit odd, was good company, helping Hermione keep Ron from crowding in to see her, allowing her the space she needed. The girls chatted a good deal about a good many topics both theoretical, informational and recreational and it was quite enjoyable. Even Dean came in a few times to see how she was which was a nice bit of variety as she had not spent a great deal of time with him at school. After an additional week and a half, she was able to move about for the most part without her entire body being wracked by pain with each step.
Sitting on the edge of the bed that she had spent far too much time in, she winced a little as she put on her bra. There were still some positions where her body still fired the pain from the spell through her, but they were only very brief flashes, more memories of the pain more than anything else which made her gasp each time. Pulling on her blouse, she buttoned it, thinking about what she was going to say to Ron and Harry. All of this rest and she was still at a bit of a loss. She felt better and yet she was about to go out into danger yet again. She sighed, and shook her head. What was she thinking? All of this had been hard enough when she wasn't hurt. Now with this injury, how would she fare? With a glance at her arm, Hermione nodded, grabbed her hoodie and headed downstairs.
When she could see the main room, apparently Harry spotted her first based off of his comment, "Good Morning!"
"Morning Harry. Is there still breakfast or has Ron eaten it all?" teased Hermione.
"Hey!" protested Ron.
"There is still food, we didn't let him eat it all." Harry nudged Ron playfully with his elbow. "Come on, sit down. We need to get you strong again so we can pull this off. Oh, the potion is brewing just nicely, so no worries there. I guess after you eat we can talk to Griphook?"
"It would be for the best."
That conversation went well, though Hermione lost her temper a little bit, even though that helped them as Griphook seemed to respond to that for some reason. Their plan was starting to come together. Harry had his invisibility cloak. Hermione would be polyjuiced and Ron would just be disguised and be acting as her assistant/ thug. And after they destroyed the cup, they would give the sword to Griphook as payment for his assistance as they agreed. Everything about the plan sounded as best as it could at this point, which was still shakier than any of them liked.
The visit by Remus, letting them know about the birth of his and Tonk's son Teddy, gave everyone hope and made Hermione somewhat wistful. She knew she had no future with Ron, her list made that painfully clear, but the idea of having a kid called to her. The idea of the redhead from her dreams being either Fred or George gave her hives. She might actually kill Percy if it all came down to it unless he got his act together, which she doubted. Bill was married and there was no way she was going to interfere with his and Fleur's happiness. That left Charlie as the only remaining option that she could think of and he was the Weasley she knew least about. She was certain that the hair color she was dreaming about was Weasley red. There was no mistaking that color for anything else in all honesty. She wondered what color her kid's hair would be if their other parent had Weasley red hair. Sitting outside, watching the others playing on the beach, Hermione smiled at the daydream of her with several wavy haired redheaded children.
"Is it all right if I joined you." asked Luna politely.
"No, go right ahead." Hermione smiled at the blond.
"I have noticed you have been very thoughtful lately. I do hope you have not been plagued by Wrackspurts." stated Luna with some concern.
"No Luna, I have just had a lot on my mind." said Hermione, trying to make sure that Luna was not overly worried for her.
"Oh, then you were just thinking about them." Luna turned to look at the water. Ron, Harry, Dean, and Bill were all playing by the water. Fleur was inside making lunch, with Griphook and Mr. Ollivander.
Hermione turned to look at the blond, somewhat confused by her statement. While it sounded vague to those who did not know her, Hermione could tell it was actually quite specific. "Thinking of who?"
"The one you love of course." Luna answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Hermione blinked a few times as she tried to make sense of that statement. Luna looked worried at the look on the girl's face and said, "Oh dear, did some wrackspurts get you? I don't have my glasses with me so I can't tell for sure."
"The one I love?" How did Luna know about that?
Luna nodded, "Oh yes. You get that look from time to time and you always have for the last few years. I figure it would have to be about love to make you smile so. Am I wrong?"
Hermione found that she could not argue with Luna's observation. The girl was somewhat right after all as her train of thoughts was tangentially connected to that especially there at the end. "Well, I don't exactly have a person I love right now but I can see some things, from my dreams."
"That's nice. Dreams can tell us a lot." Luna gave Hermione her usual smile.
Hermione groaned. "Don't tell me you believe that stuff that Professor Trelawney teaches?"
"Well… not exactly. Dreams are sure to have meaning and they are very powerful. They can drive us and inspire us. You just told me yourself that this dream of love makes you happy." stated Luna with a soft smile. "Maybe your dream is trying to tell you something or gives you a clue."
"Thank you Luna, I will have to think about that." Hermione rested a hand on Luna's arm.
"I am going to see if there are any more jam tarts." Luna got up and headed back inside.
The girl had offered up a point of view that Hermione had not really considered before and one that was somewhat compelling in light of things. If only she could remember more of that dream she kept having maybe she would be able to figure who this person was. The details were so elusive and the more she thought about it the faster they faded like smoke. Who knew, for all she knew it could very well be Ron but until she knew more how would she know?
In time she was all better, at least good enough to do this, and the polyjuice potion was ready. Griphook was convinced to help make this happen though it took some work, he would do this thing in return for the sword of Gryffindor. Hermione had practiced with Bellatrix's wand once casting magic did not cause her pain and she eventually got it to obey her after a while, though it felt strange to be using it. This wand was nowhere as comfortable as her own, especially when she realized that this was the wand that had tortured her and had caused her the pain that had created her problems.
Looking down at the potion she was unsure if she could do this until she glanced at her arm and the word carved there, staring back at her, driving home the need to do this. She drank it down the disgusting grey glop, gagging at the utter foulness of the taste. Essence of Bellatrix was repugnant. After her body had finished shifting she dressed quickly, they said their goodbyes and left Shell Cottage to attempt the utterly impossible task of breaking into Gringotts to steal something from a vault. It would take a miracle.
The plan went as well as their plans usually did and they only really had a true chance to breathe when they made it to Hogwarts, where Neville, Ginny and Luna had been busy keeping Dumbledore's Army alive until Luna had been taken. Finding out that Ginny was alright thrilled Hermione, as the youngest Weasley was her closest female friend and she had been worried for her. This whole year she had been in Hogwarts without any support from any of her family or Harry or her. Sure she had Neville and Luna to back her up, but still it couldn't have been easy for her. They only had a chance to catch up and hug briefly before the needs of the quest drove them on into the castle.
Once she had stabbed the cup with a basilisk's fang and she and Ron had reunited with Harry, Ron mentioned that he was worried about the house elves. Hermione was overcome with emotion, that Ron would actually think about such kind and generally helpless creatures in such a way but managed to refrain herself so that simply hugged Ron tightly, not wanting to give him the wrong impression about things. She cared about him, she really did, but wanted to make sure he knew that there was not anything other than friendship between them, especially after she had spent all that time at Shell Cottage trying to make that point clear to him. She did not want to have to deal with an overly emotional Weasley just before a battle.
Things got worse and worse as the day wore on and Hermione kept twitching slightly or felt the ghost pain from the Cruciatus flare through her when the pressure got a little too high during the fighting. She would look at her arm or grab the scar if she did not have the luxury of looking. That simple act kept her motivated and calmed her down as she honestly just wanted to curl up somewhere and cry at all of the horrors she was witnessing. This whole situation was terrible and made her sick to her stomach, at the growing numbers of atrocities. Finally there was a pause in the battle, and while the Death Eaters gave them some time, there was a regrouping in the Great Hall. That was where things got worse again.
Ginny was crying, sobbing out in her pain. Hermione rushed over once she found out Fred had died knowing that Ginny would need someone. It was clear that her mother could not be there for her as her father was consoling her and she could not spot Harry. She hugged the girl tightly and said into her hair, "Shhh… it will be alright Ginny."
"How? How will it be alright? He's dead. Fred's dead because some Deatheater killed him. How is it ever going to be alright again?" The red head slumped some more, her slender arms holding on weakly, her legs wobbly.
Hermione did the only thing she could think of, finding a seat and taking the distraught girl into her arms, rocking her gently. It didn't matter to her that it was awkward or that Ginny was heavy. It needed to be done. "I know this hurts Ginny and I know this is crazy. But we only have to survive a little longer, kill Nagini, and we can finish this. We need to keep fighting so that Fred, so that all of this will have not been in vain. Just think, after all of this work, if You-Know-Who dies, it would be the ultimate joke on the Deatheaters. Fred would approve."
Ginny snorted and then started crying again, but it did not sound to Hermione as if it were as raw and as pained as it had been before. She just held the red head, with a slight feeling of contentment in her. Running a hand over the red hair in a comforting gesture, she just tried to make Ginny feel a little bit better. She knew that this would not serve to take all the pain away or even part of it but if it would serve to keep Ginny together through to the end than it was all worth it. That seemed to work until someone rushed in letting everyone know that the Death Eaters were on their way back.
Hermione's heart felt crushed when she saw Harry's body lying there in Hagrid's arms. She screamed even though there was a burning ache in her chest. There was no way that this could be real. He couldn't be dead. And there, there was that bitch smirking at her knowingly. This all hurt worse than the torture had, bringing up the memories, tearing open the barely scabbed over mental wounds and throwing it all back in her face. And then Neville stepped up, refusing to yield, showing a courage that dwarfed every other Gryffindor's. Then Harry, Harry somehow, somehow he, and then she found herself fighting again, right in the thick of it.
A very short while later she found herself locked in a battle against Bellatrix with Ginny and Luna aiding her. Spells were flying as fast as she could cast them and still it wasn't fast enough. The woman was good, even when not using her own wand she was able to hold her own against the three of them, slipping around spells almost like smoke, using a shield only when necessary. It was crazy. Her heart fell again when a bolt of green lanced towards Ginny and she was sure it would be the end. Molly took over the battle at that point and she raced over to make sure Ginny was okay.
The red head was lying on the floor, trembling and watching her mother in wide eyed disbelief as she kept pressing into Bellatrix, driving the Senior Death Eater back. Hermione sighed in relief that the girl was fine thanks to her Quidditch honed reflexes and watched as well, doing what she could to protect them both while Molly Weasley eventually killed Bellatrix. Once that duel was over Hermione got to her feet, ran over and savagely kicked the body several times, screaming out her rage against her tormentor. Ginny pulled her way and then they fought their way back to the courtyard, determined to see what was going on.
There Harry was battling Voldemort. It was an incredible struggle. Their wands linked with the priori incantum and power was flooding the area. Hermione knew better than to step out there as that would be suicide with the amount of magical energy that was churning around out there. With one eye towards making sure she was safe and the other towards the battle being waged, she watched as Harry defeated the Dark Lord, and the man who had been terrifying Magical Britain for so long fell over, dead.
Hermione and Ron raced over to Harry, ecstatic, cheering. Hermione was slightly worried about the somewhat flat look on Harry's face, how emotionless he seemed but kept telling herself that Harry was just in a bit of shock that it surely was not something worse, that it couldn't be something worse. They were the victors after all. Voldemort was defeated! The battle wound down as news of Harry's victory spread, and as it did people started filtering out to into the rubble filled courtyard to congratulate Harry and the others, who stood there in a kind of daze.
Later that night, after the prisoners had been secured, there was somewhat of a victory celebration in the Great Hall, and Hermione sat there, drained and stunned, sort of blinking at everything, trying to process what was actually happening around her. Was it really over? Was the war that had been waged since she had been at the school finally over? It seemed so unreal. Despite having watched it happen it seemed so hard to believe. She was tempted to pinch herself but a part of her was afraid that it would bring her back to Malfoy Manor and she would rather be stuck in this fantasy than return there to find herself panting on the marble floor.
Harry was sitting next to her in pretty much the same state he had been in earlier, the flat, numb look still on his face. He looked ragged and beat down, like he was barely hanging on. Across from them, Ginny sat with her head on her mother's shoulder clearly trying to absorb everything that was going on at the party, though her eyes would occasionally go in and out of focus. Ron came up with a plate laden with food that the house elves had managed to make for everyone between the end of battle and now. He sat down on the other side of Harry and looked at everything before saying, "Bloody hell, is it really over?"