Love and Mischief Chapter 7

A week later Regina spoke to Archie about Roland.

"Maybe this is just a thing that happens. I messed up so badly with Henry when he was Roland's age." Regina sighed.

"You'd just started walking away from the darkness." Archie replied.

"Not just started. I started 28 years earlier, remember?"

"And you'd progressed a lot. You just needed that shock to get you past where you'd stopped."

Regina shuddered "A shock I never want to ever have again."

"I'm certain you won't. As you've said, what is happening with Roland is completely normal. He wants to be more independent. He understands more complex things now."

"But look what happened to Henry."

"A lot of that was outside of anything to do with you."

"Not really. Yes, Pan's plans were, but most of the rest was because of either things I'd done, or Henry's connection to me. The same goes for Roland and Hope. Roland has already been traumatized because of his connection to me. Thankfully Hope was just a baby so she won't remember, but Roland… "

"That's not just your worry Regina; it's every parent in Storybrooke. They worry about someone coming after their children, because of who they are or something they've done. It's not just Storybrooke either. We've seen the news stories from outside how a celebrity or politician's child was harassed or even kidnapped for ransom..."

"That happened in the Enchanted Forest too." Regina mused.

"Unfortunately, it's all too common. You've actually made this a far safer place than elsewhere."

"Not just me, a lot of people."

"But you are one of them."

"I am." She nodded.

"You've gotten past the fear you'll slide back into the darkness, you've told me how you faced your entire dark past and made atonements for it… Regina, do you know how rare that is, to be willing to do that?"

"Not many people have an encounter with the great mother goddess of the first tales. Tales before there was writing. Tales spoken until they were forgotten. Leaving only a vague memory of the goddess whose only name is the great mother."

"That must have been incredible."

"It was. Neither Robin nor I will ever forget it. She was able to bring Robin back."

"What you faced sounds like it more than paid the price."

Regina shook her head. "No. Gold is wrong; all magic doesn't come with a price. What I faced wasn't about a price."

"I'll admit I don't understand much about magic. I'm glad to hear he was wrong."

"Only dark magic demands a price. Light magic doesn't. If a light magic user demands a price then they either are lying or don't understand magic. Light magic is about working with the energy, dark is about forcing it. I learned that on Avalon."

"You teach that to the children that come to your class, don't you?"

"Yes, first thing."

"I've spoken with some of them. They admire you quite a bit. They find the stories about your past unbelievable."

"I don't hide it from them. I learned with Henry not to do that."

"It's not just the children either. Look at the election results."

"Against Albert."

"Yes. But even when Snow stands in for you, what happens?"

"Everyone starts complaining about things not getting done."

"And how many complaints do you get?"

"The usual ones that always complain."

"Regina, you know your mistakes all too well, but what about your successes and sacrifices? Don't discount those. We don't."

"That's what Robin says too."

"He's right."

"His belief in me has never wavered, not for a second."

"Nor his trust."

"Yes."

"He believes in you and trusts you completely. And Henry, once you regained his trust hasn't he said he believes in you and trusts you?"

"Yes."

"Then don't you think you'll do fine getting Roland through this too?"

"I know I won't mess up as spectacularly as I did with Henry when he was Roland's age. But I want to make sure I do the best I can."

"You will. Your anxiety tells me you'll do fine."

Regina smiled lopsidedly "Funny, I don't feel confident. But okay, you say I'll do fine. But I want to do better than that. Can you help me with that?"

"What way would you want me to help?"

"I know a few things from the mistakes I made with Henry and how I fixed them. But I want to have more options, things that might work even better."

Archie smiled. Good. Regina's anxiety was leading her in the best possible direction. He nodded. "I think the best thing would be to suggest a few books that might be helpful. Robin and you should both read them. Discuss them, and decide whether they sound like something you'd want to add to your options."

Regina breathed a sigh of relief; glad there was something out there.

Now that both Inari and Maya were working with the heroes they joined in with the search for the Blue Fairy. This was both a help and a hindrance. Robin and Emma were searching with the pair in the woods today.

Emma sighed; Inari and Maya were squabbling again. Not really fighting, it was almost banter, but with a sharper edge to it. "Will they ever stop baiting each other?"

Robin chuckled ruefully. "Sounds like Regina and I during the missing year."

"You think they are falling in love, then?"

Robin grinned then. "Almost certain. Regina thinks so too."

"Well you two would certainly be the experts on that." Emma laughed.

"They're both lonely, but he's more used it. She's bitterer about it. I suspect she's been alone, and had less respect for her help."

"And how we reacted to her just reinforced that."

"He's trying to reach her, but her bitterness is too strong right now."

"Wow. So that much like you and Regina, you think?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe Regina should try talking to her then."

"She's thought about it. We talked about it last night. But you know Regina; she's afraid she'll make it worse rather than better."

"Yeah. Wish she didn't beat up on herself so much."

"I know." Robin sighed. "We may need to get your mother to talk to Regina."

"Bossy mom or pep talk mom?" Emma laughed.

Robin smirked. "Perhaps both."

"Well, at least today, if the Blue Fairy was anywhere near, she's long gone now. I think, despite Inari's insistence he wants to help Maya, we should separate them during these searches."

"Yes. Maybe Regina and Maya could go searching tomorrow. That would give Regina time to talk to Maya. Maybe Maya will tell Regina her story if it's just them."

"And they'd be powerful enough to take on the Blue Fairy, should they find her and she fought them."

"I think Regina would try to reach out to Maya if they weren't searching with others."

"Okay. I'll talk to mom. It's Regina's day to pick up the girl's right?"

"Yes."

"Great. Mom's picking up Neal at the same time, perfect chance."

"Indeed." Robin chuckled.

Emma looked back at Maya and Inari. "Hey, looks like the search is a bust again. Let's head back."

"Regina, I think Maya wants to talk to someone."

"About what?" Regina had a good idea what this conversation was about, she just wanted to make Snow work for it. She wasn't a saint, sometimes the remnants of the deeply traumatized eighteen year old girl who had to then cater to the whims of an eight year old resurfaced. This playing obtuse was a safe way to let it out. Sometimes Snow knew it, at which point she would give Regina her version of the "scary mom face" and Regina would feel like a rebellious teenager. Which actually was fun. She could have never done that with her mother- Regina quickly shut down those awful memories...

"Inari says he senses great pain and loneliness in her. She won't talk to anyone about it."

"And it's better to not let those feelings fester. I know."

"You do know, probably best of all of us. Maybe if you talked to her..."

"She'd tell me. Maybe."

"Maybe if you talked to her about some of yours-"

"Even now there are things I can only talk to Robin about." And Archie, but it was easier if it was a session with both Robin and her. Talking about mother. When Regina had struggled to talk about those memories 28 years ago, Archie had mentioned he'd had nightmare parents. That made it a bit easier. Robin talking about his abusive father and distant mother, allowed her to speak of the worst things mother had done. Still, she'd rather just forget. Not ever think of them again. Nor what Leopold had done to her those ten years she was married to him.

"Not those." Snow stopped and looked Regina in the eyes and clasped her hands. "It's not right what happened to you. Some of that wouldn't have happened if the Blue Fairy hadn't made Isaac change your story. That nightmare childhood I know your mother-"

"Stop."

"Sorry." Snow looked contrite.

"It's okay." Regina sighed. "I suppose I could talk about the missing year. How I felt then, thinking I'd never see Henry again, and everything else that went on..."

"Your sister."

"Yeah, my feelings realizing Gold's gloating letter to my mother- about finding her daughter and how powerful she was, was about Zelena, not me. I never was anything more than a pawn to him."

"So he was like a father figure to you?"

"Yes. One that was strong enough to stand up to my mother, had no fear of her. Was so smart and powerful. I was so deluded." Regina looked disgusted.

"You were so young. Your father was a kind man."

"But mother broke him. He was afraid to defy her, most the time, afraid of Leopold too."

"But Gold wasn't a bit scared of her or him."

"Mother and Gold were attracted to each other in a kind of warped version of love, even, I think."

"Your sister too."

"It was just about her power on his side. My sister… I don't know what her attraction was to him."

"Her jealousy over you?"

"I think it was more, I think she wanted him as a partner of some kind, and came to hate him when he rejected that. She wanted more than just lust from him. I don't know why she'd be jealous over how he felt about me, it was less than he saw her."

"Maybe it was his obsession over you."

Regina looked thoughtful. "Maybe…even now he has some kind of weird interest in me. When he came back to visit Belle and Bae the last time, she was working in the library. He was acting like a caring father toward his daughter and talking civilly with Belle. Robin and I came in with the kids. Gold looked over at me...

"I've seen it, that look and I heard him say he owned you. It's worried me."

"I think though, that obsession of his might be a weakness we can use to protect Bae. Should Gold actually follow through with trying to abduct his daughter in a few years, like in Belle's dream.

"Regina, be careful. Don't underestimate how powerful he is. From what Belle said, he's looking for things that make him even more powerful. He could hurt you or even kill you if he wanted to. Despite his obsession with you, he's tried to kill you before."

"I know. I won't be reckless."

"Please don't. And you don't have to prove how much you've changed, how much a hero you are. We all know how good a person you are."

"I've accepted my past, Snow. It's been a while since I let it loom over everything I do. It's better since people have come to accept how I've changed since I was that person."

"Most people do, and the ones that don't..." Snow scowled "They're ones that have plenty they need to account for too."

"Oh yes, Albert, Keith, Phillip and Aurora..."

"Exactly. I used to think Phillip and Aurora were innocent victims... but they did things too."

"And have no guilt over it."

"I know." Snow looked disappointed. "I've tried to tell them but-"

"Their minds are still in the Enchanted Forest."

"Yes. They don't seem to realize that's why they don't have many friends."

"Other than some of the other former royals."

"And Mulan for some reason."

"Because she helped them."

"And because she had feelings for Aurora."

"Really? Doesn't seem like her type. She and Rebecka are so happy. Even though Rebecka's not a fighter she's not lived a pampered life."

Snow shrugged "You never know who you might fall for. I would have never expected someone like David would be my true love. And what about you and Robin?"

"True. Who would have guessed we'd be soulmates? Daniel and I were much more likely."

Snow nodded. "So you'll talk to Maya?"

"Sure."

Regina and Maya sat by the lake the next day.

"Thank you for helping us."

Maya looked solemn "It's the least I could do. I am truly sorry I caused people pain. I just thought I was helping."

Regina nodded. "In some cases, like Belle, she was glad for the warning, all of us are, really. In my and Robin's case you saved my life and health so we are thankful, but I think we would have preferred being approached with this danger in better way."

"And some yelled at me for meddling in their lives. They didn't want to know at all. I don't understand that."

"Some people believe in fate and don't believe they should know. I don't agree, but that's how some people feel."

"They doom themselves pointlessly then."

"Yes, they do."

Maya sighed. "It's not the first time I've been called a meddler. Some of the other aspects even call me that. No one has much respect for me."

"That's starting to change with some of us in Storybrooke."

"Yes. Belle has been very kind. I think I understand friendship now. I never had a friend before."

"It gets very lonely without one."

"But you have so many now. And love of many too."

"I spent many years alone and disliked". Hated actually, Regina thought. "I became so bitter I went mad."

Maya's eyes went wide. "To fall so far... I've feared it. I've felt bitterness in my heart. I pushed it away. This is my duty, I must accept it."

"Do you have to? Remember what you said about the people who believe fate rules them? What if you changed your duty, changed your life?"

"I don't know if I can."

"Maybe you could talk to Inari. I think he's been through a similar situation."

Maya looked faintly annoyed but blushed as well. "He's always offering to help me. But I know how he's 'helped' mortal women. I don't need that kind of help."

Regina smiled faintly, the same attraction/annoyance tone she had toward Robin during the missing year. "Still he's a very kind man, adores his daughters, misses them terribly."

"Yes, that was so cruel of them to take him away from his family. I don't have a family, but I see how beautiful it is to have a good family in people's dreams. How much pain the loss or even separation causes."

"Yes. It's happened to me."

"And it hurt you a great deal. I saw a hint of that in your dream."

Regina nodded, thinking of those times...

"So you think talking to Inari might help me?"

"I do. "

Maya shrugged. "Maybe I will then."

"Finally!" Isaac said in exasperation as the Blue Fairy stepped into his current hiding spot.

She glared back at him. "Do you know how many times I almost got caught trying to get to where you were hiding the past two weeks?"

Isaac waved his hands in apologetic way. "Never mind, I have the next one chosen. He's not quite a god but he's really powerful, causes lots of damage, has a temper. Really causes some chaos."

"Who?"

"Fionn MacCool."

"The name sounds vaguely familiar."

"Sort of a giant, but not like the Enchanted Forest version, like the real world, just a really tall guy. One of those legendary warrior types."

"Hmm, so he'd probably start fighting before he'd ask any questions if we brought him here."

"Oh yeah, no doubt about that."

"Good. That will occupy everyone while we get to my hiding place."

"Didn't you say you'd almost been caught several times? Why not here. I've stayed here five days and no one's found me."

"That's because of the spell I put on you. When we bring this Fionn MacCool over all my magic has to be concentrated on that. The strong magic users will see the magic trail and know where we are. We'll have to leave immediately after."

"Fine. So how long till we can do this?"

"Do you have the book?"

"Right here, even opened to the page" Isaac pointed to the table.

"I need to get the things for the spell."

"You didn't bring them with you?"

"No. Why should I when I can do this?" She waved her wand and several objects appeared on the table.

"Okay, then, let's get started."

Maya walked with Inari near the cave where she had hid.

"I worry I'm becoming too bitter. I'm not very valued as it is... if I become bitterer I may lose my status entirely."

"They would take away your goddess status?"

"I'm just an aspect. There are myriads of us, if I become too bitter at my fate I will become even less, someone else will take on my aspect."

"On top of what they already are."

"Yes."

"So they'll probably shun you."

"They already mostly do. I'm a nuisance, they say."

"No you aren't. You help people. You have more direct contact than most aspects, I bet."

"And what good does it? I see bad things, but I also see the joys of mortals' lives. I have none of that. My life is always the same, my duty."

"Until you were brought here. We didn't choose this, but haven't we both found some happiness here we didn't have before?"

Maya nodded.

"I've been struggling with bitterness too. Not because of my duties, but at the cruelties I saw in this world."

"Is it worse than other times?" Maya looked at him skeptically.

"No. It's just I hadn't seen them so directly in the past. I realize that now." He faintly smiled. "I also realized I was letting my loneliness steal away the joy I had in living."

"But you have children, you aren't alone like me."

"My daughters are my joy and they do help me be less lonely. But there are other types of loneliness."

"Romantic love, yes?"

"Yes. The ones I have with mortals, they cure the loneliness, for a while. But all too soon, it ends."

"Why don't fox spirits fall in love with each other then?"

"Sometimes we do. My older daughter, she thinks she is hiding it from me, but she is in love with a younger fox spirit. He is close to her age. So in love he's ventured little outside of the fox spirit realm for quite a while."

"Why is she hiding it from you?"

"She doesn't want me to be sad that she might leave to make her own family."

"But you are happy, aren't you?"

"I am. But I fear if I say anything, she will foolishly breakup with him."

"If we can find a way to break the spell that keeps us here, perhaps I could come and give her a dream to let her know she can choose this love."

"I'd like that." Inari looked her with gratefulness and he admitted, something more. He felt drawn to her, in a way more deeply than he'd been attracted to mortals…