I'd like to thank my patient readers with this update :) I'm really glad you stayed with me. I know that I make my main characters suffer a lot but I have the whole plotline planned and partly written so don't forget about me. I plan updating next week. And I still love your reviews ;)

2024

The week in Texas goes by fast and it's the best week I've ever had for months. Liam is totally fun. We spend a lot of time with J.J walking him, teaching him to sit and lay down and feeling ashamed. That last one is really funny as J.J. is not really feeling shame but he puts his paws in front of his face. It's funny. Sometimes Dory joins us too and we have amazing home-cooked meals five times a day. And of course we go to the church too, but it is just one time and Meemaw makes cookies after that so it is kind of worth it. Mom seemes a little sad but at least she's calm too. That goes away as we arrive home.

Dad comes to pick us up at the airport. As we see him, Dory runs into his arms and he lifts her up. When he puts Dory down finally after getting a lot of kisses on the cheeks from her, he turns to me and runs his finger through my hair. Then he turns to Mom and I can't help but notice that they greet each other with a slight nod and nothing else. Then nothing bad happens on the way home because Dad is asking us about Texas and Dory tells him every small detail with great joy. Dad gets super excited when she tells him finally that Meemaw packed us some food. As I listen to them I look out on the window and wonder why have I come back here.

Dinner at home consists of what Meemaw packed, so it's delicious and we eat quite happily. For a brief moment everything seems normal.

"How did your research go with the guys? " Mom asks Dad. She tries to be nice but science results are a dangerous topic.

" It went kind of well. " Dad says. " I hope we made actual progress. "

" I'm happy to hear that and looking forward to read it. I'm sure it's brilliant. " Mom compliments him with a slight smile.

" Amy, I don't need your pity. We all know that it's not a breakthrough. " He shakes his head looking very tired.

" Sheldon. I don't pity you. I'm proud of you. " Mom says that with a pretty serious face.

" Sure you are. Add Bazinga to that. " Dad just sounds so bitter.

" Sheldon, you are being really unfair. Please, I know it's hard for you to accept that … " Mom doesn't finish this sentence but bites her lips instead.

" To accept what? " he aks.

" Please stop this. We just got home. " Mom looks at him apologetic.

" To accept what? " Dad repeats it. The tension is unbelievable. Dory is almost shaking.

" Sheldon, please. I didn't mean that. " Mom almost begs him now.

" No. You know how I feel about closure. To accept what? " Dad repeats the question again now really loudly.

" To accept that she is more successful than you are. " I feel how the words just leave my mouth.

" Nick! " Mom looks surprised and angry.

" What? It's true. And we all know you were thinking the same. " I say. I really don't get it why they don't understand.

" Thank you Amy that you raise our kids to believe that their father is a failure. Actually I was being sarcastic this time. I'm not grateful for that at all. " Dad says.

" I don't raise our kids that way. But even if I did, at least I do raise them somehow. You spent your fall break watching dumb science fiction and playing online games and being with the guys doing some research, while I spent mine watching our kids and your nephew with your mother. " Mom says as she stands up and leaves the table.

Dory looks scared and she eats three bites and runs upstairs to her room.

So it's just me and Dad, and we eat in silence without even looking at each other and it's actually okay for us.

After coming home from Texas school also seems like the hell it has always been. Debbie laughs at me a lot, and I'm lonely, I usually draw on classes some cool stuff like physics or architecture stuff or I read. It's like I'm not even there. Almost two days go by without anyone, not even teachers saying anything to me. Then we have a class with Mrs Rhodes who asks how all the "science stuff" is going and I smile politely and explain a simple research to her. She is okay compared to the others but she still has a victorious smile going away, because she is proud she could talk to me. Let me tell you a secret: anyone could talk to me if they would want to.

On Thursday Debbie hits my head with a ball in sports class but she tells that it was only an accident and she is really sorry. My head hurts but there is no physical sign of it so everyone believes Debbie and no one really cares. I'm so pissed at the whole school and at my whole life that I don't go to the school counselor's appointment. Then she calls Mom of course and after Mom and Dad finish blaming each other (which takes three and a half hours), I'm in trouble all over again. I tried to tell Mom I forgot it, but eidetic memory isn't the best when you want to make excuses.

Next evening Dory comes to my room and tries to talk to me too. I think she is here as Mom's embassador but instead asking me to apologize she is rather asking me what do I know about Mom and Dad. She looks really scared. Normally I'd tell her to leave and that I hate her, because she never ever gets punished and she is always on Debbie's side and I'm stuck here without anything fun, but now I feel sorry for her, so I don't send her away.

" Dory, it's okay. They are just fighting all the time. "

" I know. I hate it. But this is something worse now, isn't it? " she asks. I pretend it's no big deal.

" I don't know. Maybe it is. "

" How did you notice it? " she asks.

" Well, you don't remember because you were really little then, but they were really different… When we lived on Los Robles… Everything was different. " I say softly and I try really hard not to cry. Dory probably doesn't even understand what I'm talking about. Mom and Dad have always had strong and a lot of times different opinions on life, but it was not fighting. They were just teasing each other. When I was Dory's age I looked at them and I wanted to be just like them and I hated when I felt excluded, because I was too little. I wanted to be between them all the time listening to them talking about that lot of smart stuff. But I couldn't, because it was like if there was a joke only the two of them understood. Now I do everything I can, not to get in between them, although I always happen to end up there, but it's not funny or desired anymore. It's really bad actually and I always end up being punished.

Dory looks up at the ceiling. She takes a deep breath. " Do you think they are going to divorce? "

I don't know how to answer that. If I were honest I would say yes. And I would also say that sometimes I wish them to divorce finally. I mean really, it would be better for everyone. But I doubt Dory would want to hear that.

" I don't know. Maybe. But probably not. "

" Do I have to live with Daddy if they do? " she asks.

" I don't think so. Why? I thought you would have wanted to live with him. He lets you do basically anything. You're the only one who never bothers him. I'm the one who gets in trouble all the time and both of them are this strict to me. " My half-empty room illustrates my situation but Dory just shakes her head.

" Nick, what if we get separated? "

" Come on. Why do you think it's a possibility? "

" Rhiannon. You know, from preschool. Her parents divorced and she lives with her Mom while her sister lives now with his Dad. "

" But that's Rhiannon's family not ours. You shouldn't worry about that. Plus if you get old enough you get to choose where you want to live. "

" That's a long time. Anyway Nick, you're older. If you get asked… I just wanted you to know that I hope you choose wherever I have to live. I want to live where you live. " she tells me.

I'm totally in shock.

" Dory, you shouldn't worry about this. "

" Just promise me. You know. Just in case. "

" It's totally nonsense and I'm not old enough either. "

" Please, Nick. Just promise that if it's up to you, you choose to live with me. "

" Fine, I'll promise. "

She smiles and runs back to her own room before Mom or Dad would notice she is still up after her bedtime.

Dory is just like this. When she is awful for weeks and I feel like I can't even stand her, she does something like this and makes me feel touched even if I would never admit it. Then I think about her like she is a little angel and then she starts acting mean again. I try to keep this knowledge about my sister in my mind but this conversation stays with me and it keeps popping upin my head from time to time in the next few days.

2018

" Thank God he finally fell asleep. He is turning two this year but his questions... He asked me about the periodic table. " Amy said finally sitting down on the couch.

" Yeah. They grow up so fast. " Sheldon nodded.

" They actually do. Especially the little geniouses " she said.

" Amy… I've been thinking about this ever since the wedding. I don't know how to tell you…"

" You know you can tell me anything. After your storage place. " she grabbed his hand.

" Yes. So I've been thinking and I think I want an other one too. "

" An other storage place? Why?" Amyl looked puzzled.

" No. An other baby. "

Amy opened her mouth.

" Wow, that's… That's news. " Amy felt her stomach flip. She was thinking about the same too, but honestly she thought it would be too soon. At least too soon for her.

" I know. But having a baby felt like amazing. I want to feel that again. " Sheldon said.

" I honestly don't know how to react to that. " Amy was still surprised. Sure Sheldon loved his son, and was a great father but he was freaking out at first and he had a lot of smaller freakouts even after that

" Well, be happy about it? "

" I… I am, I just… I went back to work only three months ago. " she said. She felt like this was totally crazy.

" I know, and I don't want to pressure you, but we are not getting any younger. "

" True. But are you sure you want another baby? I mean there were hard times. "

" I know. Amy, don't you want an other child? " he asked.

" Umm… " It was a hard question. She wanted another child just the timing seemed wrong.

" It would do good for Nick. To grow up with a brother or a sister. "

" I know that. "

" Maybe we should give it a chance…" Sheldon kissed her gently on the lips.

" Do you mean right now? " she asked then kissed him back.

" Why not? Nick's finally asleep. "

" I'd just like to make you remember that last time we pretty much succeeded concieving at the first time. Literally the first time. "

" You don't have to make me remember, I do. Eidetic memory. I guess Nick will have the same. " He kissed her again with much more passionately.

" You just want an excuse to do it. "

" No. I want a baby. But it has certain benefits. "

" Maybe…" Amy said with a little insecurity but Sheldon's mouth covered her and his presence faded her further worries away.