Chapter 55 Family

As Kara silently walked ahead of Sergeant Mathias through Galactica's corridors, she was aware of the whispered conversations that followed in their wake. A few people made gestures of greeting as she passed, but she resolutely kept her gaze forward, refusing to meet their eyes.

It was the first time she'd been out into the battlestar's general population since her retreat into her crated sanctuary, and Kara felt the heat of her reddening face as shame thrummed though her tensed body. But as Starbuck, she refused to lower her head despite the nearly overpowering urge to hide from the inquisitive faces turned her way. She instead concentrated on the sounds of her steps as they struck the metal plating beneath her feet, reminding her it had been a long time since she'd jogged these hallways. She'd once found solace running through the mighty ship's looping passageways, feeling the endorphins kick in as sweat stained the back of her tank top.

But that was before New Caprica; before Kara was afraid that if she ever started running, she'd never be able to stop.

As she halted before the Admiral's hatch, she pulled her thoughts back to the here and now, and waited for permission to enter. The Admiral asked Mathias to wait outside as he ushered Kara in.

Feeling his blue eyes assessing her, she came to attention and kept her own focused on the wall beyond, refusing to meet his gaze. Her breakdown yesterday shamed her, but she didn't regret any of her words to him prior to it.

Waving towards the faux-leather couch, the Admiral said, "Have a seat Kara. Do you want some water or…" he offered, obviously trying to set a relaxed tone.

She just gave a negative shake of her head as she reluctantly crossed to sit where directed. Her eyes narrowed as he set aside his own glass and took a chair opposite her, leaning back and crossing his legs. Again she avoided his searching look and kept her spine ramrod straight and lips taut.

"Doc Cottle says he's ready to kick you loose from sickbay again. Hopefully for good now. Which leaves me with a problem." She twitched at his words, a hint of bitterness twisting one corner of her mouth. They both knew that she had always been his 'problem' pilot. At least before she'd been a pilot, now she was nothing more than a 'problem' to be dealt with. She saw him grimace before continuing, "We don't feel a cell's where you belong, and yet returning you to crew quarters at this time's not an option either. I've decided that the best solution for now is to have you where an experienced officer can provide supervision—make you eat your vegetables as it were," he said, apparently still trying to lighten the tension between them.

She warily worked her way through what he meant, before speaking for the first time since entering his chambers.

"Exactly who did you have in mind, Sir?"

"Me," the Admiral blandly answered, and her eyes widened in surprise. "In most circumstances, it'd be considered inappropriate. But I don't give a flying frak," he gruffly stated. "You're family and you need someone to look after you. So, you'll stay here when off duty," he finished.

Kara shifted uncomfortably as her eyes darted about the Admiral's quarters. Here? With him? But…but he was the Admiral, her commander. The idea seemed so absurd that it boggled her mind. What would people think…

"You'll sleep on the couch. Not as comfortable as your own rack, though I can attest that it's comfortable enough," he assured her, a small smile playing across his lips, as she glanced down at the couch beneath her, then back at him, with a look of dumbfounded bewilderment.

He couldn't be serious?

Kara swallowed, trying to get her voice and mind working. She had to say something! "I-I can't, Sir," she protested, finally getting air past the constriction in her throat as she finally met his discerning eyes.

"You can, and you will, Captain," the Admiral's voice held no amusement now as he moved to stand before her. "As your Admiral, I have to send you and Lee out to fight, each time knowing that I may never see you again. It's our job, what we do… And I can accept that." Now his voice turned harsh, "But I refuse to lose you to yourself. If I have to prove myself to you, prove what you really mean to me, then I will, understand me young lady?"

Kara's confusion deepened. He wanted her to stay with him? Expected her to accept that he still viewed her as family? Her eyes dropped beneath his intent gaze. She felt a finger under chin gently lifting her to face him. "I can't lose you like this," his voice had softened to a tormented whisper as he forced her to meet his eyes again. "Give me a chance to fix this," he roughly pleaded.

Her eyes stung and she abruptly stood and put some distance between them, arms clasping about herself. She searched his face, searching for the lie.

Might he still really care?

She hadn't wanted to hurt him, didn't think she'd meant anything to him anymore.

He came to stand before her, and she tensed. "You're family, Kara. Families fight. Just look at Lee and I." Then, offering her a smile, "I need to take care of you…and you need to let me."

Fear urged her to run now, back to sickbay…or the Cylon cell…or wherever. Her wounded heart was torn by conflicting needs. She so wanted to believe in him, to take the comfort he was offering, and yet she didn't trust him. He'd turned on her once, what would he do when he finally learned about Leob…about everything?

As the Admiral's blue eyes anxiously held hers, Kara slowly nodded cautious assent.

She never could resist a pair of blue eyes.