2025 Nick
I spend the whole day on the streets visiting all the places one can go ice skating and going back to the park to where we fought three times. I can't find Debbie. I walk for hours without getting tired, I try to deny that it's been hours ever since I last saw her, but I feel my throat is getting constricted more and more. It's winter so it gets dark early, I try to rationalize myself, but it's getting dark. I have no problems with that generally, but I can't help but think about Debbie. She is a girl after all, who knows what could happen to her.
I consider going to the police and tell them everything and how I lost Debbie, but I'm a coward and I refuse to admit that I failed. And I also don't want to know what my parents or, for worse, her parents would do to me in that case. After the clock reaches 8.p.m, I'm truly desperate. I can't help but feel tears rolling on my face. I know this won't help solving the problem, but I don't know what else to do, I'm lost in a big city all alone. Maybe Debbie called the police and they are after me. Or her body already lays in the bottom of the East River or the Hudson. I give a chance going back to the hotel, but I have to go to the police after that. In the lobby there's no Debbie.
Unlocking the door I'm preparing myself for a good cry then running to the first police station, but to my biggest relief, Debbie is there sitting on a sofa.
" Debbie? " I ask and I can't help but run to her.
"Welcome home. " she says sarcastically. I'm truly relieved I found her, but as my worries go away, I find the anger I had when we were arguing.
" Are you normal? How did you dare to run away like that? Do you know how big New York is? It's 302.6 square miles or expressed in the metric system 784 square kilometers . Do you know what could have happened to you? Are you crazy or are you that dumb? Do you know how I felt all day? "
" I didn't do anything. I got back here. I asked the receptionist to let me in, I told I just forgot something, then no one realised I've never went back down. But I don't think you have the right to be upset. We kind of did the same with everyone back home when we ran away. "
Why can't she shut up about them?
" This is not about them. Why didn't you call the police? I thought our little deal broke when I hit you. "
" I didn't want to go home without you. And I think I provoked you. I'm sorry. "
" I'm sorry too. I totally lost my mind. "
" Yeah, you sure did. Anyway, let's go home. Your parents are as worried as you were today. "
I stop. Maybe she is right but I can't and I don't want to believe that, I have too many bad memories about my parents fighting about me.
" I don't know." I say finally.
" I don't know a lot about your parents either. But I know someone who surely feels the same you did. Dory. She loves you, you idiot! She told me how she made me promise you, you'll stay with her anyway. And what have you done? You left her. "
I nod. I haven't been thinking about Dory for a while now. It was too painful.
" Why would she tell you that? " I ask
" Because it was important to her! "
I knew that. I just didn't want to admit it. It was easier to run away, but looking for Debbie was terrible. I don't want Dory to feel that. I made her feel that. I guess I made a really big mess avoiding things and running away.
" We have to go back. " I say.
" Finally! "
" Let's go, find a police station. That would be the easiest. "
2025 Amy and Sheldon
" She fell asleep. " Amy said to Sheldon walking down the stairs to their living room which was now filled with papers and white boards and their laptops on the coffee table. She yawned as she clearly felt tired.
" Did she say anything about Nick? " he asked standing up and starting to pack.
" Yes. She promised she will pray for him as her Meemaw taught her. " Amy said helping him.
" And you let her do that? "
" I prayed with her. " she answered.
" Amy… Now you're catholic. "
" I'm not catholic, Sheldon. I'm desperate. And besides Dory was right as it seems there is nothing else we can do but pray. Or at least our research is not going well enough. "
" That's not true. In fact I actually think I know where he is. I ran an other test while you were with Dory." he said proudly. Amy stopped.
" Really? And why are you telling me just now? Where is he? " she was now enthusiastic filled with hope.
" Well... Don't get your hopes up yet. I think he is in New York right now. It's a 87,54 percentage chance. " he said.
" And where in New York? "
" Well, that's why you shouldn't get you hopes up. I really don't know yet. But maybe if we keep working tomorrow, we'll get more results and we can find out. I called the police, and they said they will send all information to the local police departments there. " he said.
" And what if we won't find anything? " she asked. This was a huge development from having no clue about Nick but she was scared that this is only a false alarm, and eventually they will be back at the state where Nick is just simply lost.
" In that case I thought we could travel there and there is really a small chance but we could try searching for him manually too. It works in movies always. " Sheldon said with a slight smile.
" A part of me wants to leave right now to be at least in the same city as him. "
" Me too, but I think it would be too soon. I'll run some more tests that may confirm our suspections about New York at first. " He tried to stay rational.
Amy was smiling back at him. She knew that if they are wrong they will be losing hope again and it will be extremely painful, but she couldn't help but feel happy about this little progress.
" I know. I think I've never loved your intellectual abilities more, than I do right now. " she complimented him. Just after saying it out loud did she realize she used the word love. Sheldon also noticed, as he stopped for a second and was just staring at her. Amy really didn't know what to say and she feared that trying to explain herself would only make it worse. Sheldon cleared his throat finally.
" Well, I would have never gotten this far without you " he said. She really didn't know if after that, he was talking about their attempts to find Nick or about life in general. But she decided to react to the easier part.
" No, you found out first, that we should search his room and computer. " she answered with a smile.
" But then you found the proper methods to analyze the data. " he protested.
" Yes. But you looked at first at this problem like a mathematical one, and you would have found the proper methods yourself days ago, if I weren't distracting you with my emotional outbreaks and getting scared. " she insisted still smiling.
" That's maybe true, but your experimental knowledge was still essential, so stop arguing with me, Little Lady. "
Sheldon froze the moment he said that out loud and Amy exactly knew why. He hadn't call her Little Lady in a really long time. And it was the second time in less than five minutes that phrases and words slipped out of their mouth that pointed to the emotional side of their relationship. But being with Sheldon finally for real and working together and having deep conversations with him, well it was actually good, and she really couldn't be anymore careful, especially now, that everything else was just falling apart.
Amy shook her head and sat down on the couch.
" Sometimes I think… Nevermind. "
Sheldon looked at her with a questioning expression.
" It's just so… bad, that he had to run away to be like this. " she said.
" You mean us, right? " he asked. She nodded.
" Now we are nice to each other. We're not fighting. We are finally supporting and comforting each other. Why couldn't we do this when he was home? "Amy asked.
Sheldon took a deep breath joining her, putting some pillows away.
" I think I know why…"
He was looking at the floor. Amy waited.
Sheldon scratched her head before starting to talk. " I don't know. I felt like you don't need me anymore. It seemed like that. You were so powerful and succesful in your career. You had your girlfriends, your colleagues who adored you. You were the one who mostly took care of the kids. I felt like you are happy without me in your life. I felt like I'm useless to you. "
There was a part of her, that actually knew this all the way, but on the other hand she was surprised to hear Sheldon finally openly expressing his insecurities. Maybe it was time for her to do the same.
" I needed you Sheldon. I needed you badly. I may seemed powerful but I was not. I was crying in my car a lot. And in the shower. And basically anywhere where no one would see it. I was lonely and I felt that you are so distant and I'm all alone with all the problems. I needed you, but you never noticed, you never asked. " She was being honest, but she feared that it sounded like she still blamed him, but Sheldon had something else on his mind.
" Now I notice. " he said slowly and leaned in to her, touching her shoulder, and kissed her gently on the lips.
His lips felt soft and the sensation was just amazing to Amy, so she couldn't help, but kiss him back. She felt his mouth opening and his tongue slowly moving forward. He pulled her closer now placing his hand on her back while with his other hand he touched her cheek. It was so good she almost couldn't stop again, but all this reminded her the last time, when she lost her mind on that very same couch resulting in a lot of fighting and Nick running away. By the way is she really making out with her soon-to-be-ex-husband on their couch like a horny teenager while no one knows where her son is?
" We shouldn't do this. " she said and pulled away.
" Why not? " he asked.
" Because… It just isn't right. "
" It does feel right to me. Doesn't it feel right to you?" he asked now looking at her waiting for her to reassure him. She shook her head painfully.
" It does, but…"
"What if that's enough for now? " he said and tried to kiss her again, but this time she stopped him before their lips touching.
" Sheldon, please, we can't. We really can't. "
Sheldon leaned back and blow out the air through her mouth.
" I'm sorry. I didn't wanted you to… I didn't mean to… you know. This was not about… I mean it's completely okay for me if we don't… "
" What are you talking about? " she asked. It was really unusual from Sheldon to stutter like this.
He took another deep breath. " I'm talking about that I'm sorry I was coming at you, I didn't mean to scare you or to push you. It is perfectly fine with me if we don't move forward tonight, so all this was not about my baser urges. "
" So you're saying that you were not just trying to have sex? "
" Exactly! "
Amy slowly nodded. Sheldon really had no clue about what was going on on her mind.
He must have realized he wasn't saying something right because he felt the need to keep talking.
" I mean I do find you desirable. Very desirable actually. " he added quickly.
She let out a tiny laugh. Sheldon was really adorable now.
" It's not about that, and it's okay, I'm not scared. I just can't tell if it's real or not. What we feel right now. I want Nick to come back more than anything I've ever wanted, still I fear that when he will, all this will fade away again and we both go back to our old selfs and our old routines. Maybe we're just good together now temporarily. Maybe all this won't be enough to make our relationship work again."
Sheldon nodded than looked back at her.
" You know that the only way to find that out is experimental. " He said after a long pause.
" Maybe, but I don't want to experiment anymore. Not this time. I'm tired and afraid, because this is not science, and if the results are bad, we don't just throw them out, and start something else, but we could actually get hurt again. And if we do get hurt, our kids get hurt too. I may be speaking against my experimental history, but I think now, at first we should find a theoretical strategy before starting anything. And that requires a lot of cognitive effort, I just can't put into this right now. Not until he gets home. This right now just makes me feel guilty. Maybe he is suffering somewhere or is sick or is in trouble, and here I am, his mom, snogging on a couch with a man I'm not sure I can maintain a relationship with. It did feel right in a way, but in many other aspects… it just feels wrong. " she said looking at him with a serious expression.
" Well, you know I'm always here to help you finding a good theoretical strategy. And believe me, that I know what you were talking about. I kind of feel the same. Nick's missing is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Please don't misunderstand me, but as much as his absence hurts me, as it really does. Still I can't help but feel a little happiness as well because at least I got you back. I missed you." he said the last sentence quietly.
" I missed you too. I missed you more than I could tell you. But there are things that won't change. You know, I still have a Nobel Prize and I'm going to have it for the rest of my life. I'm famous because of it. My name will always be a big name because of it. And I cannot guarantee that you will win one too someday. "
Sheldon shook his head.
" I know, I really handled that poorly. Sorry. It just made me feel worthless. I've felt worthless lately a lot. And I pretended it's your fault."
" I accept your apology. But the real question is, that will you be able to handle it better? Because this situation will keep popping up. And I can't give the Nobel Prize back, no matter how much I'd like to. "
" Amy, what are you talking about? Why would you want to give it back? " he asked sounding surprised.
" Well, I'm kind of angry about that prize and I wanted to give it back the moment I got it. The moment I realized that it makes me lose more important things. Like you. "
" That's such a silly thought, Amy. You deserve that. Really. No one deserves it better than you. And I don't think I could be compared to a Nobel prize. The Nobel is a once in a lifetime thing, but I'm sure you could find as many men as you'd want to. "
" But to me, you're not just any man. " she said blushing slightly.
" I'm really embarrassed. I've never told you how proud I actually am of you. "
" Sheldon… As I said I can't make promises about our marriage or about anything romantically involved but I can and I want to make a promise that I want to have a good relationship with you whatever kind of relationship will that be. Could you promise me that? That you will always talk to me and tell me what's happening with you?"
" I can and I will. Starting that honest relationship, can I ask you a question?" he said.
" Sure. "
" Were you seeing any other men while we were separated? "
" No. But I tried hard to make you believe that. Sorry. It was really childish. "
" No one at all? "
" Sheldon, I have a full time job and two children I mostly raised on my own, in the last couple of months. Dating actually didn't even come to my mind. And emotionally, well, I'm clearly not over you. " She finally said that out loud. It was obvious anyway. He nodded.
" If you're not over me, than maybe… could you promise me, you'll think about all the other stuff as you can? " he asked.
" If he gets home." she added.
" Not if. When. " he corrected.
" I guess I can promise that. " she agreed.
My readers are the best, I totally adore all the reviews, now it's only two chapters and an epliogue left, I can't make promises, but I'll try hard.