Written In The Body
Poetheather
A/N: Hopefully it will not cause a problem but I badly sprained my right wrist and seeing as I am right handed, it makes typing far slower and much more awkward. I will try to keep to the schedule, but you should be aware that there is a possible issue that might effect next weeks post.
A/N 2: Wow… you all seemed to enjoy that last post based on your comments. Hope you have fun with this one.
Still not JKR.
Twenty-eight
"You wanted to see me Headmistress?"
"Yes Hermione, please come in." said Headmistress McGonnagall from behind her desk, waving her in with one hand.
Hermione came forward from the doorway and stopped in front of her, waiting politely. When the older woman made a gesture towards the chairs she sat down and had her hands in her lap, sitting patiently. Since she really had no clue what this meeting was about it was impossible for her to really start anything. The Headmistress looked up from her papers she had been going through, smiled at her favorite student, and then said, "I suppose you are wondering why I called you here."
"Well, I must admit that I am kind of curious." acknowledged Hermione with a bit of a smile of her own.
McGonnagall folded her hands together and rested them on the table before she spoke. "I actually have three things to talk to you about but we will start with the most pressing which you will need to take charge of immediately. I was just recently informed that on the 31st of October there will be an awards ceremony here on the grounds hosted by the Ministry of Magic. The Wizengamont has decided to officially celebrate our victory in the Second Wizarding War and that we should honor both those who fought and those who fell with speeches and awards as well as the addition of a tasteful monument to the fallen in the courtyard. As such I have been asked personally by the Minister to have you to contact the representative for this event at the Ministry and work as the Liaison."
Hermione blinked at her. There was no way she had just heard what she had heard, right? "Wait, what?"
The Headmistress nodded, showing that she did understand Hermione's consternation but continued on, indicating that she wanted to finish this before they started discussing the matter. "From what I have been told, they wanted to hold the celebration for this on the Anniversary of the end of the First War in order to link the two together and to remind everyone of the brave people who participated in that first conflict as this was essentially a continuation of the earlier conflict."
With a wince at just how unthinking all of this was, Hermione said, "And I guess no one whatsoever has bothered to see if this ridiculous idea was okay with Harry? He doesn't see that day as anything but the day he lost his parents. It's certainly not some special day for him to celebrate anything. I'm not sure he'll be pleased when he finds out about this. This whole plan sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen."
Minerva McGonnagall nodded sighing in agreement and said, "While that may indeed be the case, the Wizengamot has chosen in their infinite wisdom to do this and we unfortunately have to help make this happen. It is not the best way for things to happen but it is regrettably what we are stuck with. And I gather that it means that you will need to talk to him when he gets here and try to explain things to him so he doesn't go off on anyone or perhaps send him a letter in advance of the event to warn him of what is coming, so he does not walk into this blind. Harry really does not need any more grief in his life."
Hermione groaned. This did not sound like a fun duty and it sort of sounded like it was going to eat up even more of her almost non-existent free time to make all the arrangements and deal with whoever was in charge of the event on the Ministry side. And did they really want to piss off Harry that badly, to celebrate something like that on a day that he pretty much disliked? She replied sarcastically, "Thank you. I appreciate that. I so enjoy talking Harry down."
"I do sympathize Hermione. This is not an enviable position that you have been put into. I am aware that this task won't be easy for you with everything else you have going on but I have faith in you. If it weren't for the Minister insisting on your involvement I would have made someone else do this. I know that this will cut into your studies, but with how far ahead you are in every class, you should be okay for a few weeks. You will do wonderfully." Headmistress McGonnagall smiled encouragingly at her.
She sighed, realizing that trying to struggle against this would be pointless. She would eventually agree to taking on this additional duty as she had a difficult time refusing her favorite instructor anything, even if it was a bit insane. With a nod of her head she conceded, saying, "So who is the contact for this fete?"
"Percy Weasley." McGonnagall said dryly.
Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed, "Of course it is."
The Headmistress snickered, eyes bright with amusement. "He is better than he was. Apparently the events of the last year have really shaken him up and changed his thinking. He is trying to fix things because of that. So it should not be too onerous a task."
"We're really having a rewards ceremony?" She was almost pleading for this to be untrue, for it to be a lie, for it to be anything but a fact. There was no doubt in her mind that her displeasure was showing on her face.
"Yes. I think the point that they are making is that the populace as a whole really needs this. I know that this will be hard on you and Harry, probably on others as well but I think overall more will be helped by the symbolism of it than not. This ceremony will help people heal more and have a sense of closure which I believe our society needs right now to move on." explained McGonnagall, clearly aware that logic was the best tool when trying to convince her of anything.
Hermione looked thoughtful at that statement and mulled the whole notion over. After a bit of thought she had to admit that the Headmistress did have a point and even though it would be a hard day, especially for Harry, it probably would do other people a lot of good. Closure was a very good thing and providing something to formally close out that whole mess for the whole of wizarding society would bring the whole affair to an obvious end for the average wizard and witch who only knew things because of the Daily Prophet. It would just not be very good for her or Harry thanks to everything it would be bringing up but that was perhaps that was a further cost of their victory. She wasn't sure about how Ron would be dealing with it because she wasn't sure what Ron was going through thanks to how far apart they had grown, which was partially her own fault but also due to his own stupidity. But for the wizarding world to actually recognize the heroes of that day and to commemorate the fallen, there was healing in that even for them. She ran her hand down the inside of her left arm before she answered, "I can see your point. It's just going to be hard to sit through all of that."
"I know Hermione and for that I am sorry. However, I know it is something that we must sometimes do for the Greater Good." Her smile was gentle and reassuring which succeeded in making the Head Girl feel better about the whole thing.
"What were the other things you wanted to talk about?" asked Hermione curiously, really wanting to get onto another topic. Even just tangentially thinking about that day was making her a bit twitchy and she would rather avoid that.
"Seeing as neither of the items is really all that pressing I'll let you choose the next topic for discussion. I have some news about Simon and then there is that conversation you wanted to have about your future that we haven't been able to get to and I finally decided to make happen." McGonnagall smiled slightly at her, a bit amused by the last part of her sentence.
Hermione nodded, brows furrowed as she tried to decide which would be the easier topic to deal with at the moment. Did she want heavier and then light or to take a quick emotional break? She wasn't exactly sure. "Right. Uh… can I hear about Simon? Knowing me I will just worry all about him during the other conversation and not give it the focus that it really requires. This way it's not hanging over my head."
"That's understandable. Now, I wanted to let you know that I have talked to Simon about his situation, as you know that was the plan and even though he was reluctant to admit it, he did eventually come out and let me know that yes, he was abused. From what he said to me, his parents did not react well to the revelation that he was a wizard as it is apparently something abhorrent to their religious faith. That part was not as clear as the others. So, all of the more serious abuse is moderately recent, since he received his Hogwarts letter, though he did admit to getting punished rather severely when something weird and unexplainable happened when he was a younger child. Apparently if he was close to these incidences of accidental magic or they were related to him he was punished for them."
"Poor Simon." said Hermione quietly, her heart going out to the poor boy she had gotten to know. How could that feel, being betrayed by your own parents over something that was outside of your control? It turned her stomach to even contemplate it and made her want to find him and hug him tightly.
"Indeed. Now according to Simon, none of the other children in the house are being abused, and that has been verified by observation and it has also been assessed that his sister is a witch. We figure her accidental magic use will probably become more obvious in a short while now that Simon is no longer there to take the blame for her occurrences. The Ministry currently has the family under official observation and will pull her if they raise a hand against her. Meanwhile they are busy looking into placing him and his sister into a good home as soon as something can be arranged. Since this is Kingsley's Ministry they are actually trying to do this legally and working with the muggle authorities, all properly covered of course by the Statute of Secrecy, but it is something to see nonetheless. From what I hear the muggle Prime Minister does not know what to do." explained McGonnagall.
Hermione sighed in relief, glad to hear that things were being taken care of. She had been so worried about him and to have her worst fears for him verified was a nightmare. That there was hope on the horizon was a blessing. "So Simon won't have to go back there at all?"
"No. From what I understand, when everything is completely arranged and finalized the Ministry will go into the house to get his things, the girl's things and Oblivate the parents and brother, removing the two of them entirely from that family. That way that family goes on with no worries about any of this and the two of them can get on with theirs. That is what I was told. Apparently it would be difficult and painful for both Simon and his sister to have to go through the process of having their parents taken into custody and charged. And during the trial they would have to be under Crown care which would preclude Simon remaining in school or a suitable home being found. It is easier to let them go free and with some cunning bit of bureaucratic punishment rather than to truly take them to task for their crimes. So we need to make sure that Simon is taken care of while he is here and then, when the time comes, to escort him to his new home over Christmas break. Can I trust you to manage that? I would ask Mr. Boyle to do that but he is not familiar with the Muggle world and might have some troubles in trying to find the family at King's Cross Station." asked the Headmistress.
"You'll tell me where to take him beforehand, right? And who to meet?" asked Hermione, a bit worried about where Simon might end up but sure that he would be taken care of from now on. There were a lot of families that had lost so much that would love a chance like this. This would give these families a second chance at having children.
"You will know before you get on the train. The Ministry is still dealing with this matter, as they have not found them a home yet. So I cannot tell you what I don't know." said McGonnagall. "Don't worry, I was told that your name is still under consideration but somehow I doubt that it will come to that, especially with the six year old sister now in the mix."
"Thank you Headmistress." Hermione was really filled with relief to know that, despite the horror of the situation, Simon and his sister were actually going to be taken care of. It made her feel happy to know that she had been a part of that, but to be assured of his safety, that was a load off her mind.
"Now, since we have taken care of that less than pleasant topic, what was it that you have wanted to talk to me about concerning your future career choices? I take it you have been having some second thoughts about your plans for working in the Ministry?" asked McGonnagall rather astutely, breaking down the essentials rather quickly.
Hermione blushed a little at how transparent she must seem. "Yes, Headmistress. I've been thinking about my life a lot lately, ever since my… time at Malfoy Manor and because of that I'm not sure I want to do what is expected of me anymore. Everyone seems to expect me to end up working in the Ministry, doing something there and righting some sort of wrong, and the problem is that the more I've thought about it, the more I'm not sure that it's something I want to do. I mean, I like some of the ideas in getting involved in the Governmental work, like directly advocating for House Elf rights, or improving the rights of Magical Creatures in general, and influencing the government to provide better rights for Muggleborn, but that isn't all of my interests and joy. It isn't even a good sized fraction of my interests anymore. I also dearly love researching and creating, writing is also something I enjoy a great deal and Ron and Harry have both said that I helped them understand things well when I was tutoring them every year in pretty much everything. So I have thought a lot about writing books on the various subjects I am interested in, or maybe even textbooks, because some of the ones we have are terrible, or I don't even know, or maybe inventing spells or so many other things that catch my attention. I honestly have so many interests in so many different fields Headmistress that I have no real way to narrow any of this down to something that makes any sort of sense. I feel so confused right now and unsure where to go with my life."
"Well, we both are aware of the simple fact that unless you simply give up, you will have the NEWTs to get into any field you want, in any subject you want and you have the skill and focus to pursue any Mastery you are interested in, so this is clearly not an issue of ability but rather of interest. It is also clear that you can get any job you want after you graduate because of your status of a major hero of the wizarding war, that and your name has actually been in the papers for years now so you are almost as much of a household name as Harry is so honestly Hermione, you really should just do what you want to do." answered McGonnagall, trying to be helpful.
"But that's the problem Headmistress, I honestly don't know what I want to do," complained Hermione sounding a bit frazzled. "I have too many interests and I feel that the whole Ministry route is what too many people expect of me, so I went along with it for the longest time without really thinking about what I wanted, what would make me happy. But if I do that I think it will pigeonhole me and just keep narrowing my life down more and more into this role until it chokes out all of my other interests and desires. I'll become a caricature of myself instead of becoming myself more fully actualized. I… I just can't stand the thought of that."
Headmistress McGonnagall nodded, gazing at the girl compassionately. "I do understand. There are a lot of students who arrive here at Hogwarts and feel a great deal of pressure from their families to end up in a certain House or in a certain job, to go against their own desires and interests because of familial pressures. They allow their families to shape them because they cannot imagine life being any other way nor do they believe in themselves enough to even try. I know that your family has not done that to you but I concede to the fact that everyone else has and for my part in that I am sorry. I really do just want you to live a happy and fulfilled life. Yes the Ministry is one of our world's most important institutions and I do believe that you could do quite well there but you are fundamentally correct, I do not think much has been made of your actual interests."
"Well, to be honest with the Triwizard Tournament and then Umbridge and the DA, it really was difficult to focus on anything else besides schoolwork, keeping Harry alive and getting things ready for the Defense classes he was running. There really wasn't time to think about the future in advance of that pre-OWL counseling. And with Voldemort hanging over our heads and the possibility of death in the near future being an all too real thing, thinking about the future didn't really seem all that practical compared to simply dealing with the here and now," admitted Hermione. It was something she had begun to realize as she had been trying to make sense of this particular issue and why it was plaguing her. All of these concerns came down to these very simple factors, with Voldemort really looming large in the factoring of the future. It really had been difficult to plan for things in the years ahead when a large part of yourself was expecting to die battling a Dark Lord at almost any minute.
"Well, now that you no longer have to worry about that, what sort of things are you interested in Hermione?" McGonnagall leaned forward some as she asked, interested in the answer.
"Everything! I love studying and learning. I love sharing that knowledge with others. I know I'm not as good a teacher as Harry is which all the work in the DA showed but I am still pretty good especially in other subjects. Defense just asks for that certain flair that he's got. It's just that I have so many things pulling me in so many different directions that I can't figure out which way to go so I kind of feel like I am running in all of them and getting nowhere." Hermione frowned, actually a bit distraught by this whole situation. She had wanted her life to be nice and orderly for years and ever since the Manor that need for order had been fading, as she knew that sort of control of her life was impossible. It had been swept away like so much dust, practically cut out of her.
"Maybe what you need to do is simply wait until after the Christmas holidays to make a decision at the earliest. Just relax, study for now and enjoy the time you are spending with Miss Weasley." McGonnagall snickered at the bright blush that sprang up on Hermione's cheeks when she mentioned Ginny. The Headmistress's eyes twinkled a little. "Please give me some credit Hermione, as if I would not be aware who one of my favorite students was dating. Besides Professor Cottington also informed me of the room switch so I am well aware of how things are between the two of you not to mention Poppy keeping me appraised on the general state of your health which did mention her. So I am quite aware of all of this and you should know that I am quite happy for the two of you."
"Eep." Hermione barely managed to squeak that out as her eyes went wide and her fists tightened on the fabric of her skirt. Her mind started racing. She said it was okay, but if she had caught on had other Professors? But then again it wasn't like they were hiding their relationship any so it was more like an open secret than anything else, available for anyone who cared to know.
"It doesn't bother me Hermione. From everything I have seen and heard from all of your professors and Madam Pomfrey, the two of you have been nothing but good for each other. So long as that continues to be the case I have no issues with any of this. And the two of you cohabiting may be unusual but it is also not unheard of. There are married persons housing from an earlier time when such things were more common. Now, give yourself some time and we can revisit the whole career topic later when you have had more time to properly ponder the issue."
Hermione nodded, her blush not even remotely fading. McGonnagall knew? And she didn't yell at her over it? And it was clear that all the other teachers knew as well. That explained some of the looks she had noted from a few of the Professors over the last month. Her personal business was obviously less personal than she had believed.
"Very well. I will schedule some time to talk to you later Hermione, after the start of the New Year. Thank you for stopping by. Don't forget to contact Percy in the next day so the planning for the Celebration can get underway."
Once released she practically fled the Headmistress's office, racing down the stairs and wanting to get somewhere safe, somewhere away, somewhere where she could hide from the world and forget about all that embarrassment. They all knew? What must they all think of her? Maybe she should either go outside or maybe to the Room of Requirement? She wasn't sure which would be the better option overall but she knew that she needed the time. If she went outside she wouldn't have to deal with most of the students, which would relieve her stress some and maybe it would help her just actually relax as she looked out at nature. She liked nature and it was actually soothing when she was out in it for a reason other than running from werewolves or hiding from Dark Lords or what not. It was also one of the few remaining nice days out there as time kept moving inexorably towards winter. Being deep in the Highlands like they were, the school was almost as far north as Stockholm and St. Petersburg, so it was no surprise to her that winter came to them a good bit sooner than it did to where she had grown up near London. The snow and cold were a large part of her school experience and so perhaps actually enjoying the outside while it was still pleasant might be the better option. The Room would be there later when the weather was inhospitable.
She headed outside, into the sunshine, still unsure what she was going to do, her mind awhirl with differing thoughts that kept crisscrossing and changing tracks. Everything she had just been told, all of it from her needing to contact Percy about the bloody ceremony for the dead to Simon's abuse at the hands of his family to the suggestions about her future all had her mind in a spin. What was she going to do? How was she going to deal with all of this? There were so many things going on and it was starting to feel like she was falling out of control.
Wandering away from the school and down towards the Lake, Hermione knew that there were several areas she could go where she would be isolated from others and able to think in peace. Fundamentally, it wasn't really a surprise that her life was kind of crazy if she really thought about it. It had been that way for years, in large part due to Harry. But this… this whole load that was on her was a good bit crazier than she usually dealt with and that was a bit disconcerting. Given that she had been brutally tortured by a mad woman only seven months ago, fought in a life or death battle for not just wizarding Britain but for the survival of all of it simply five months ago, found her parents again in Australia right after that and dealt with the fallout of their response to her having lied to them for the last few years and then Oblivating them, discovered three months ago that despite everything she had thought for years was a lesbian, got the girl of her dreams two months ago right after she had a massive emotional breakdown and had been dealing with PTSD among a few other issues for quite a while all due to the fallout of the War. Yeah… her life was perfectly normal. Why would she be having any problems? Seriously, was it any wonder that it felt like her head was spinning like a Dervish and about to pop?
And now she had NEWTs coming up at the end of this school year, plus her work as Head Girl including the Slytherin bullies and growing tensions, now this new nonsense with the ceremony, her worrying over Simon, her wonderful relationship that made her quite happy, the stress of their not having told Ron yet about her and Ginny nor the elder Weasleys, and her concerns over her future. Yeah… her head was simply going to explode at any point if she did not find some sort of way to relax and work some of this insanity out of her system. For any normal person they would barely have gotten over just the torture she had endured in March, let alone the torture and war in combination by this point. She completely acknowledged that in all honesty she would be a quivering mass if it weren't for the potions and the love that Ginny gave her but this whole thing was getting to be a little too much. Just thinking about it made her sick to her stomach and if she belched she could taste acid. Sometimes it felt to her like living during a time of war had been so much simpler than this peacetime life.
Finding the copse of trees she had wanted, she sat down in that secluded spot, occluded from casual view and looked over the water, doing her best to relax, enjoying the view she had across the Black Lake. Several deep breaths later Hermione lay back onto the grass and looked up at the clouds, the sky only partially blocked by branches. Thoughts still churning in her head, she tried to remember the last time she had actually just laid on the ground and looked at the sky, trying to imagine what the clouds were. She cast her thoughts back and they kept going farther and farther in time until she remembered doing just this very thing with Ginny at the Burrow the summer before fourth year. Had it really been five years ago? Five years that had been filled with such chaos, conflict and insanity, with constant worry about something, with pain, blood, and death. Maybe there was a reason that she hadn't done this since then. Thinking about it, so much about her fourth year felt like in had really been the end of her innocence, well whatever innocence had survived her first three years at the school. She just knew that she had very little of it left by fifth year and none at all really by sixth with all the death and injury and pain of the battle at the Ministry. In all honesty her torture by Bellatrix had not been that much of a surprise, as it would have been earlier in her life, but it had completely been a violation.
Letting her brown eyes drift back up to the cumulous clouds drifting across the light blue sky, Hermione wondered if she would ever really be able to just look up at the clouds with such innocent joy ever again? She used to love cloud gazing, trying to find as many shapes as she could in the clouds, as it really was a great tool in honing her creativity, one of the overused tools that had saved the three of them so many times in their mad adventures. Could she do that again? Could she ever go back to being that girl again? That girl who had such hopes and dreams untainted by such death and destruction and violation? Would she ever be clean of that stain, that corruption?
Feeling the slight burn of salt, she wiped her face, clearing the tears that were gently rolling down her face. Wiping her hands on her light jacket, she took a deep breath and sighed, trying to let the tension out that she knew had to be building up inside her. Crying over all of this had not been her intention when she had come out here but clearly that was not in her control at the moment. The heart wanted what the heart wanted. Her life was just so irrational that it honestly felt sometimes like she was almost getting buried under this mass of things. That she was trying to outrun an avalanche or in her worst nightmares the massive wall of Fiendfyre that had consumed the room where the diadem had been held. She took a ragged breath in, trying to breathe in deeply. It was getting broken up as her body was starting to shake with the growing force of her crying, deepening as if it had a will of its own. All of her attempts to calm herself were not working and that was not helping matters, the worry over that failure only ramping things up. The tears were starting to blur her vision no matter how fast she wiped, her breath starting to catch as the weight of everything began to press in on her physically.
The clasp of her book bag was not usually this difficult to work but her fingers felt so clumsy, thick, like she was wearing heavy gloves or her hands were not her own. Her life was just such a whirlwind of disparate things and she had no control, she was being torn apart by all these different forces and she was clearly doing a great job pretending that she was holding it together. She finally got the flap up and she began digging through her bag, shaking as she sobbed, her breath hitching and tight. There were so many things, just so many things overwhelming her and she was just a silly little girl, a silly little broken girl who really didn't know what she was doing. Why were people always looking to her as if she had all the answers? She didn't know anything. That had been proven time and time again and yet they still came to her as if she had a clue. Were they insane?
Her hands closed on a vial and she pulled it free. She tried to read the label and had to wipe her eyes several times in order to make the image clearer. When she saw that it was one of her pain relief potions she almost gave up. Frustration was added to everything else she was dealing with and tears filled her eyes again as she grasped about in her book bag. Why did she continue to struggle? What was the point to this anymore? She knew that fighting hadn't really helped her when she had been held down in Malfoy Manor. When she had been trapped there on the cold marble floor she had been completely helpless. Where was her intelligence and supposed strength then? She had to be saved like the little girl she was. She even had to be saved when she fought Bellatrix at the Battle of Hogwarts. It was kind of sad really the more she thought of it, how the supposedly brightest witch of the age constantly needed help to do anything of any true value. What good was it to be bright if you were so ineffectual at everything you did? Like she had said first year, books and cleverness weren't really useful. What she needed was to have a keeper to ensure that she didn't hurt herself. She was really no better than a trained monkey in the end.
Crying aloud she kept digging through her bag for the calming draught she knew was in there, tears falling from her face and soaking the fabric. What a failure and a disappointment she was in so many ways. She couldn't even find a simple little potion bottle. Maybe if she was lucky some first year or someone else could come along and rescue her from her own pathetic uselessness. Her body itched with remembered pain as she dug through the bag and her cries turned to deep sobs as pain began flaring through her limbs, curse pain washing through her. Memories of that thrice bedamned mocking laughter filled her ears and she could remember Bellatrix taunting her, calling her that hated name over and over, the feel of her hot breath upon her skin, the weight of the woman's body pressed against her own, the burn of the knife splitting her skin. Maybe she really was that useless, that worthy of scorn? Maybe Bellatrix had been right and she really was just a useless little mudblood? Maybe she should just give up and lie there, to let the elements take her? The weight of everything was just so heavy and it was pressing down on her so hard. Her heart felt like it was clenching painfully in her chest, helped along by the nerve burning pain of the Cruciatus.
Hands clasping onto another bottle, she sagged slightly in relief, the tone of her sobs shifting and pulled it free, again trying to make sure she could see. The label was correct as far as her watery vision could tell and she drank down the calming draught, finishing the entire bottle in her worry, curling up after she had finished. She could feel the effects of the potion taking hold and her breathing slowed, her thoughts slowed, and she rolled onto her back looking up at the sky. Her vision felt a little like she was looking up from the bottom of a well but that was slowly resolving. One of the clouds she saw looked a bit like a flying toaster, one of the old screensavers that her father had liked when they had first gotten a personal computer. She struggled to smile and just lay there on the ground, letting her eyes take in the different clouds. That other one reminded her a little bit of a dragon. That one a teapot. Her thoughts just drifted, let free by the calming draught she had drained, the crazed chatter stilled by the potion. She then realized that things were stilling a bit too much, her body quieting too fast.
Another one of the clouds off to her side seemed to look a bit like a bluish silver horse galloping towards her, which made her smile lazily. It came closer, the gallop turning into a trot, than into a walk before the head lowered and nuzzled her face and hair gently. Hermione closed her eyes and sighed, drinking in the feeling of love that she could feel emanating from the creature, Ginny.
The girl in questions voice came out of the Patronus, saying, "Hermione, where are you?"
Hermione, lying there on the ground, knew she needed help and knew that Ginny would be the best person for it. She wasn't sure if she could do this with how she was fading but she was going to try as this could be perhaps the only way that she would be found. Concentrating on how she felt when Ginny told her she loved her, Hermione cast her Patronus, focusing on it passing a message to her love and then leading Ginny to where she was. It was all she could do at the moment as her mind was too exhausted to do anything else and her remaining thoughts were slowing and blurring. Once the horse burst into its silvery form, amazingly bright and energetic, galloping off to go find her girl, Hermione felt a rush of weakness consume her body and her brown eyes drooped closed, her last sight the drifting varishaped clouds above.
HGHGHGHGHG
She opened her eyes and looked up at the far too familiar ceiling of the infirmary overhead. With an annoyed sigh she relaxed into the pillow and rolled her eyes. What exactly had she done this time? She ran her thoughts through the last memories she could recall and realized that she had more than likely consumed at least double or maybe even triple the calming draught that she had needed, draining what had remained in that vial in her anxiety ridden state. Groaning, Hermione rubbed her forehead in exasperation. This was all she needed.
"Ah good, you're awake."
Hermione turned to look at Madam Pomfrey and smiled faintly at her, somewhat mortified to be there. "Hello."
"And how are you?" asked the nurse.
"Embarrassed." admitted Hermione, with a faint blush.
"Why is that?" Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow in question, trying to understand what the problem was.
"I just realized that I took at least twice the draught or more that I had intended to. So essentially I did this to myself." grumbled Hermione, unable to meet the older witch's eyes.
Madam Pomfrey sat down next to the bed and asked, "Why did you need the draught earlier?"
"I sort of freaked out over some things and I guess I ended up having a bit of a panic attack. I realized that I needed the draught to help calm myself down but by then I was in such a state that I guess I just downed the whole thing instead of thinking clearly enough to drink just a half of what was left or even just a single dose. I don't even know how much was even left in the vial anymore before I finished it." said Hermione, being quite upfront with her failings in this. There was no reason that she could think of to withhold any of this from her, as her help in getting treated was what Hermione needed to heal.
"Should we go with single dose bottles instead?" inquired the nurse, aiming for useful feedback.
"I think so. That might help in situations like this when I might be too upset to be able to focus on self-regulating." said Hermione. "I take it Ginny was the one who found me?"
Madam Pomfrey smiled fondly. "She did and rushed you in here after she did once a Patronus warning came in. I sent her off while I treated you and she should be back momentarily. Do you need to talk about it?"
Hermione pondered that and realized that it couldn't hurt to open up about her concerns to the person who helped to regulate her medications. "I was a bit stressed out over things, especially new information and I was trying to relax. However before I could actually do that my train of thoughts led me into a downward spiral until I got worse and worse. Things just spiraled out of control. When I realized that something was wrong and I should have a potion it was a bit too late. All I knew was that in order to stem the tide, I had to get a calming draught in me no matter what the voices in my head were saying."
"Perhaps you need to be doing more physical activity. It can help you in dealing with the stress you are under and it should help you in feeling better for a number of reasons. I have no doubt that Miss Weasley will be able to come up with a suitable exercise regime for you to follow as she is rather well versed in that area." The nurse smiled at her.
With a slight blush, Hermione looked away and nodded. Oh Merlin, there was no way that was on purpose… right? Did Madam Pomfrey actually mean to imply that? "I am sure she can. Thank you."
"Feel free to get out of bed if you wish but I am going to insist on you waiting here and resting until Miss Weasley returns in a little bit to collect you. I do want to ensure that we have no other mishaps like this today. Having the same patient come in with the same problem reflects poorly on me. I will have your house elf switch out the vials for you so we can avoid a repeat of this potion issue." stated the nurse.
"Thank you Madam Pomfrey. That really means a lot to me." Hermione got out from under the covers of the bed and sat on it, lying back against the pillows. She purposefully did not let her thoughts wander down any of the alleyways that had led to her collapse earlier, well aware of how counterproductive that would be. There was relaxing and then there was an enforced nap due to too much calming draught. Right now all she wanted was to see Ginny and get out of here, maybe go for a walk around outside for a while and just relax with her girlfriend. Going to the room wouldn't be a bad choice either. She would probably tell her all about her problems, sharing with her everything that was going on, even though Ginny was aware of the majority of it all. She knew that Madam Pomfrey was going to be updating her on what had gone down that day anyway so she was sure she needed to tell her all about that as well. The nurse was only taking care of her by doing that and she didn't mind all that much. There really was only so much a woman could do and this problem was taxing a good deal of it. She only hoped that telling Ginny of her woes would not upset the redhead too much and she would be able to get assistance.
The doors at the end of the Hospital Wing opened and she turned to look at the sound. There was her best girl, Ginny, heading towards her with that somewhat cocky stride of hers, hips swaying in an enticing manner and a smile growing on her face as she saw that Hermione was sitting up on the bed. Hermione smiled back and her heart beginning to race at the sight. Merlin she absolutely loved that girl.