AN: Well, this is it for the night, but I thought I'd throw you a little more to the story.
As always, thank you all for your reviews and comments. I'm so glad that you're still enjoying the story!
I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think and I'll try to get you out another chapter tomorrow!
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Carol sat staring out the window as Andrea drove to the hospital. If she hadn't been such an asshole…if she'd thought through things more…then they wouldn't even be taking this trip. She would have fixed dinner and they'd have had a good evening. Instead they were heading to the hospital to find out what had happened to Daryl and there was no telling what else was going to be waiting for them.
"Can you just explain one thing to me," Andrea said. As she drove she leaned her left elbow on the windowsill and rested her head against her hand. "Why would you tell Daryl you wouldn't marry him? You know how he is…you had to know he'd take it personally."
Carol could tell by Andrea's tone of voice that the woman was calmed down from her slightly elevated mood earlier. Now she was just driving along down the dark roads toward the hospital to pick Daryl up. The mood had passed.
Carol sighed.
"I just didn't think it all the way through," Carol said. "It's not that I meant…" she paused trying to figure out exactly how she wanted to say it. She was glad Andrea was asking, though, at least it would give her a chance to try and put into actual words what it was that she was struggling with understanding herself. "It's not that I meant I wouldn't ever marry him…but Ed…" Carol paused again, resting her forehead a second against the cool glass of the window.
"Ed what?" Andrea prodded.
"Ed wasn't always like he was…" Carol said. "I'm not stupid…I'm not glutton for punishment or anything like that. If I'd have known what Ed was really like…or what he was going to turn into…or whatever the hell it is that actually happened with Ed…then I wouldn't have married him. It wasn't like I wanted to be the abused housewife. I never grew up thinking that would be my life, OK?"
Andrea was quiet for a moment.
"Carol, I don't think anyone thinks you chose to be put in that situation," Andrea said. "I certainly don't think you chose it…but Daryl isn't like Ed."
Carol sighed again. She felt the choking sensation in her throat that came just before the tears tried to start and she swallowed a few times trying to fight it back. She didn't want to cry this time…she wanted to control that somehow.
"I know that Daryl isn't like Ed," Carol said. "But…I just keep thinking that I didn't think Ed was like Ed either."
Andrea sighed and Carol saw her twisting her hand on the steering wheel a little.
"Daryl's never going to be able to prove to you that he's not like Ed if you don't give him a chance," Andrea said. "And he's never going to have a chance without you taking some kind of chance. You've got to trust that he's not like Ed. Daryl's got a temper…but he'd never hit you."
Carol drug her fingers through her curls again remembering that whenever she tried to fight the tangled mess that she'd formed there it was going to be an epic battle…and it wasn't likely to get any better as what was probably going to be a very long night wore on.
"I just got divorced…" Carol said. "I just…Andrea I don't even know what to say. I just can't help but feel…worried or scared or whatever is the right word that I need here. I love Daryl…I really do…but I don't know that I'm ready to get married."
"But you're fine with living with him and having his kid?" Andrea said.
Carol sighed again, fighting back the tears. This wasn't her first battle with the thought of marrying Daryl. She'd gone through it time and time again with herself. She'd been dreading it simply because she didn't have the answer for herself. So many things with Daryl came down to her having to make them OK for him, and she never minded that, but it was hard to try to figure out how to explain something to Daryl that she couldn't even understand herself.
"Would you marry Merle?" Carol asked.
"This isn't about me and Merle," Andrea said.
"But would you marry Merle?" Carol repeated.
"Carol…Merle and Daryl aren't even in the same solar system," Andrea said. "If you needed a kidney, Daryl would offer you his before he even stopped to ask if he had one to spare. I couldn't even get Merle to say he kinda didn't want me to leave."
"But you stayed with him," Carol said. "You lived with him…if you'd ended up pregnant I know you wouldn't have been crazy about the idea, but would you have had his baby?"
Andrea growled.
"Fine, I'm just trying to understand this, but since you obviously don't want to talk about it then I'll just shut up and drive," Andrea said.
"That's not what I'm saying," Carol said. "I'm saying that it's not the commitment that I don't want…or that I'm afraid of…or whatever the hell the problem is. It's not being with Daryl that scares me. I'm not even scared of having a baby with him. It's the idea of marriage…that's what scares me."
Andrea didn't respond immediately so Carol continued, reasoning things out with herself.
"And what about Philip Blake? We don't even know what the rat bastard is up to," Carol said. "What if I married Daryl and somehow that worked against me? What if it helped Ed out?"
"How would you marrying Daryl help Ed out in any way?" Andrea asked.
Carol shook her head.
"I don't know…I really don't," Carol responded. "But I'm afraid it would and I don't want to do anything that might bring Ed back."
Carol looked over at Andrea in the darkness of the car and the blonde was chewing her lip, her eyes locked on the empty road in front of them as they made progress toward their destination.
"I don't have to marry Daryl to know how I feel about him," Carol said. "I don't have to marry him to want to be with him…to want this baby with him…I don't have to marry him and I'm not sure that I'm ready to marry him. Maybe one day…but I just don't think I'm there yet."
Andrea sighed and leaned back in her seat as though she was stretching her back out against it, locking her elbows and pushing herself away from the steering wheel.
"So tell him that," Andrea said. "You can't just say you don't want to marry him and leave it like that, though. Daryl's not built to handle that kind of rejection, Carol. He takes everything personally."
Carol leaned back in her seat and glanced out the window again.
"I wanted to tell him that," Carol said. "Except it didn't come out that way and he didn't give me the time to explain. I hurt him…I didn't mean to, but I did. And now here we are."
Andrea blew out a breath.
"Well…depending on what the hell he did to himself it looks like you'll probably have time to explain now," Andrea said.
Carol hoped that she would have time to explain and she hoped that Daryl was willing to hear her explanation. She knew that it didn't make perfect sense, but she couldn't get it to make any more sense than it did.
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When they got to the parking lot Carol felt like she'd run a marathon that day. She opened the car door and got out, slinging her purse over her shoulder and slamming the door shut before heading toward the large double doors. She saw the police cruiser parked in one of the first spaces and didn't even try to ignore when Rick Grimes got out upon seeing her and Andrea crossing the space.
"Carol Ann," Rick called, as though she might actually walk on past him and not assume he might have driven over from Sweet Junction to be involved in things.
Carol sighed and walked directly to him.
"Rick," she said as she approached.
Rick looked at her a moment like he wasn't sure what he wanted to say to her at all. It was almost as though she'd approached him off guard instead of like he'd been probably sitting there since even before the hospital had phoned her.
Rick sighed a little and Carol noticed that his breath fogged a little. It was the first time she became aware that it was cold outside and shiver ran through her at the realization.
"I talked to Michonne on my way over here," Rick said. "I wanted to talk to you."
Carol wasn't sure what it was or what he was going to say, but already the super power she had for jumping to the worst possible conclusions in the shortest span of time ever was kicking in and she was grateful that she hadn't eaten for most of the day or she might have vomited right there in the parking lot just for good measure.
"What is it?" She asked, fidgeting with her purse strap and trying not to freak out like she wanted to. She glanced around a moment and realized that Andrea had left them alone, going to smoke off to the side.
Rick put his hands on his hips and bit his lip. He glanced around as though he were checking to see if anyone was around. He lowered his voice and leaned into her a little.
"If I process this charge…" Rick started. "Daryl's record isn't clean, Carol."
Carol nodded, the sick feeling still hanging in her stomach.
"If anyone were to inquire about this," Rick asked. "Anyone in Sweet Junction…could I count on you to say that you handled it…fines and such…and leave it at that?"
Carol sucked in a deep breath. Rick Grimes didn't owe her any favors. Their families knew each other, they'd grown up together, and maybe he had some sort of affection for her simply for having known her all his life, but the man didn't owe her the favor of possibly putting his ass on the line to make her life better or easier. Someone else was calling in this favor, and she already knew who it was. In this moment, though, she was far too thankful for it to turn it down. Crooked law worked against them all…but it worked for them too.
Carol nodded.
"If anyone were to ask me anything," Carol said. "I'd just say that we did what we had to do."
Rick nodded. He looked at her sideways as though he were trying to judge what she was thinking by the fluorescent lights outside the hospital.
"Make sure this doesn't happen again," Rick said. "The next time he loses his license…he could go to jail…and it won't be cheap. I can't fix it if he does this again."
Carol nodded her head and sucked in another breath, a second shiver running through her.
"I understand," she said. "This isn't going to happen again."
Rick nodded a little and turned as though he was getting into the car. He stopped and turned just as his hand hit the handle.
"I already talked to him," Rick said. "I wrote everything up…don't say anything to him until you're in the car."
Carol nodded.
Rick opened the car door.
"Thank you," Carol said to him, keeping her voice low.
Rick nodded slightly in response.
"Don't mention it," he said. "And I mean that."
Carol turned and walked toward the hospital. Andrea was standing not far from the electric double doors waiting on her. She'd tell Andrea what had happened so that the woman wouldn't slip and give Rick away, she'd tell Daryl so that he wouldn't even dream of doing something like this again, and she'd thank Michonne for whatever favor she'd had to cash in, but she wouldn't mention this to another soul. She didn't have any way to actually thank Rick for this…but she could at least show him that when he put his ass on the line for her she wasn't going to let him get hit by a bus.
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When they'd gotten in the hospital, Daryl was ready to be released and was waiting to go with them. He'd signed things and taken care of everything. All that was probably going to haunt them from this part of the ordeal was the hospital bill since Hershel didn't exactly offer insurance to his farmhands. Carol didn't say anything though. At the moment the money wasn't what was important. Somehow they'd figure it out.
Daryl had a concussion and a sprained wrist. Minor injuries the nurse they spoke to said. They'd given him something, though he'd protested, and Carol wasn't sure if it was that or the alcohol, not sure how much he'd drunk, but she could tell that he wasn't entirely himself.
He was, however, enough in himself that he was clearly pissed off at her and not attempting to hide it in the slightest. He didn't speak to her the entire way to the car. She climbed in the back and let him have the front, ready for the ride back to Sweet Junction in which she doubted he would really speak to her.
Once they were on the road, Carol leaned up a little.
"I'm telling you both of this but it doesn't leave this car," Carol said. "And I mean no one…understand?"
Daryl didn't respond, but Carol knew he would have better since than to rat out Rick Grimes and Andrea quickly voiced her understanding.
"Rick isn't processing the accident," Carol said. "He's letting you off the hook for this one, Daryl. I don't know what strings Michonne pulled and I'm not asking, but if anyone asks either of you what happened you just say that we took care of all that needed to be taken care of and you leave it at that. If they keep talking fake a brain hemorrhage or whatever you've got to do to end the conversation, but leave it at we did what had to be done."
Andrea chuckled.
"I'm not saying shit to anyone. The more I get to know Michonne, the more I think she's got the fucking mafia in her pocket," Andrea said.
Carol sat back in her seat.
"She might," Carol said. "And if she does then I don't want to know about it, but I certainly don't want to end up on the hit list either."
They rode along in silence for a few minutes. Carol had a million things she wanted to say, but she didn't want to say them in the car. Andrea had already heard most of it, and she'd hear everything else one way or the other, but this was a conversation that Carol wanted to have in private with Daryl.
"So what happened?" Andrea asked.
"Whole damn thing's a crock a' shit," Daryl spat. "I weren't even fuckin' drunk. I had a couple drinks an' went for a drive. I weren't fuckin' payin' attention an' I ran off the road. Got the truck stuck in one a' them damn ditches off the backroad an' damn near flipped the fucker. Coulda gone straight fuckin' home if the good damn Samaritan that called the fuckin' hospital had a' just woke me the fuck up an' helped me get ahold a' some damn body."
"So we need to call someone about the truck tomorrow?" Andrea asked.
"Ya reckon you can pull that shit outta the ditch?" Daryl asked. "Fuck…what a fuckin' night."
Carol could tell his tongue was thick, but now she assumed it might be the combination of whatever a couple of drinks equaled mixed with whatever the hospital had given him.
"The important thing is you're alright," Carol offered. "We'll take care of the rest."
Daryl grunted something, but he didn't respond to her directly. She was going to pay for this and she was going to pay big…she had no doubts about it now.
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Andrea helped Carol get Daryl into bed. By the time they'd made it home the mixture of whatever was in his system was getting the better of him and they'd barely gotten him down the hall and into bed. He hadn't even protested when Andrea had helped Carol get him out of everything but his boxers and helped him get under the cover.
When Andrea was gone, Carol leaned over the bed.
Daryl wasn't asleep, but he wasn't really awake either. His eyes were cracked open and pretty glassy, and he had assumed the same facial expression as a codfish, opening and closing his mouth just a little. Carol knew he'd be asleep in a matter of minutes when she turned the light off and left him alone.
"Can I get you anything?" She asked.
Daryl blinked at her and swallowed. She'd already brought a cup in there and somewhere in the kitchen drawers Andrea had found an old straw from a drive through soda cup. Carol bent the straw slightly and offered him some of the water and he took it, swallowing far deeper than was necessary for the liquid.
"I'm fine," he grunted.
"I'm sorry, Daryl," Carol said. "And I want to explain what I was trying to say…it wasn't what you thought I was saying…" She felt the tears welling up again and she backed up, taking a breath and swallowing. If he didn't want her to cry then she wasn't going to cry. She pinched herself on the underside of the arm to distract her mind from wanting to tear up over the situation and it worked, at least for a minute.
Daryl was looking at her, glassy eyed, but he wasn't responding.
"I know that you don't want to talk about this right now, and it's not the right time, but I want to talk to you tomorrow. I'll take off work…I'll stay with you…but you need to talk to me and hear me out," Carol said.
Daryl grunted and made a face. He still looked angry and she nodded. She understood that he was angry. She'd hurt him, and she didn't even know how deep. On top of that she'd really been the cause of what had happened tonight. This whole thing was her fault and she knew it. She was responsible for all of it, and he had every right to be angry.
"I'll leave you alone," Carol said. "I just want you to know that I didn't mean it the way that you took it and I'm sorry."
Carol twisted the skin on the underside of her arm between her fingertips again to distract herself from the ache in her chest that was threatening to bring up the dreaded tears. She'd cry…she knew she couldn't hold it back for good…but at least she'd wait until she was on the couch and could do it was some sort of privacy.
Daryl nodded at her slightly, but offered no verbal response.
"We'll talk in the morning," Carol said. She leaned over and kissed Daryl on the temple. She wanted to do more. She wanted to crawl into the bed with him and wrap herself around him. She wanted to beg him to forgive her…but she wasn't going to do that now. "I love you," she said.
Daryl shifted a little and pulled the pillow under his head.
Carol nodded a little, understanding that he didn't want to respond to her. She turned and headed out of the bedroom, deciding to leave him alone for the night and work on her argument for the coming day. As she switched the light off, she heard him grunt behind her.
"Love ya," he said, low and gravelly. It wasn't much, but at least he was letting her know in some way that he didn't hate her. He was mad…she didn't know how mad exactly, but he was mad…but at least he was giving her something.
Carol took a deep breath and passed through the house to the living room. Andrea passed by her on her way to bed.
"Everything alright?" Andrea asked, concerned.
"It will be," Carol said, trying to force a smile and really wishing to just be alone so she could bury her face in the couch pillows and cry instead of repeatedly trying to distract herself with the various pinches.
"You want to sleep with me?" Andrea asked. "There's more than enough room…"
Carol shook her head.
"I'm fine," Carol said.
The crease between Andrea's brows deepened, but with another pinch Carol shook her head at Andrea.
"Really, Andrea," Carol said. "I'm fine. OK? Just go to sleep."
Carol didn't wait for Andrea to say anything else. She very nearly pushed past her and made the loop through the house, locking things up. She finally settled down on the couch and pulled the blanket down over her, calling Lincoln to come and share the space with her. Somehow everything would work out and she'd talk to Daryl in the morning. She was good at making messes, but she'd clean this one up, one way or the other.