AN: And a little more for you! This is probably the last update for the night…at least on this one.
I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think!
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"One of these is upside down, that's all there is to it," Andrea said.
"Well we can read the directions," Carol said, "so that's not upside down…and that's got to be the bottom of this side."
Andrea scratched at her forehead and turned one of the pieces in her hand in the other direction.
"That's the culprit…I think…" Andrea said.
"Are you sure? Maybe we should call someone…" Carol said.
"No!" Andrea said, turning to look at Carol now. "We're not calling anyone. We are two able bodied, intelligent women and we put a damn crib together without someone's help. That's right…see, that part fits."
"Andrea if this thing breaks or something…I'm not putting my baby in something that may or may not fall apart," Carol said.
She'd finally given in. She'd crossed the line into the second trimester and given in and gone with Andrea and Michonne to buy a crib. The first piece of proof in the house that she expected, one day, to come through the door carrying a tiny little human being. And now she was trying to put the thing together with Andrea. They'd almost gotten it done…almost…but the last part wasn't going as smoothly as the first part had.
"Carol…the thing's got like a ridiculous weight limit," Andrea said. "I'll crawl my ass into it and if it doesn't break then it's not going to. If you pop out a kid that outweighs me then we've got bigger problem than the faulty construction of a crib, I can tell you that."
Carol laughed.
"Don't laugh…and don't think I don't know you were wearing my jeans the other night at the Watering Hole," Andrea said, working the pieces together in the manner that she saw fit.
"I didn't think you'd mind and they were clean. I forgot to wash mine," Carol said, passing pieces to her partner in crime.
"No, I don't mind," Andrea responded. "I always find it flattering when people want to wear my clothes as maternity wear."
"Don't be melodramatic," Carol said. "They didn't fit any better than mine do."
When they'd finally gotten the crib together, both of them stood back to admire it, silently congratulating themselves on accomplishing the job.
"I need a beer," Andrea said, turning and starting out of the nursery. "We should put Lincoln in the crib…see if it holds."
"We're going to put non-living things in there," Carol said. If it breaks it's not killing anyone or anything."
Andrea laughed and got a beer out of the refrigerator.
"Spaghetti alright with you for dinner?" Carol asked. "I really don't feel like making anything elaborate."
"You know I don't care," Andrea said.
Carol started getting things ready to put together their dinner while Andrea leaned against the bar, sipping at her beer.
"Still haven't heard anything from Daryl?" Andrea asked.
"You know I haven't," Carol said.
"I just figured he'd…I don't know…do something at the Pumpkin Festival," Andrea said. She sighed and then started blowing across the top of her bottle, making a noise a little like the sound of ship at a distance.
"You saw…" Carol said. "He didn't even want to speak to me."
It was going on two days since the Pumpkin Festival. Apparently Michonne and Andrea both were under the impression that the interaction, no matter how limited, that they'd had at the hay ride would spur Daryl into some kind of action…that he'd come back ready to just pick up where they left off the day of the fight.
In reality, they hadn't spoken yet and Carol was the only one who had seen how desperately Daryl seemed to even be trying to avoid eye contact with her at the Festival. She knew they were going to tease her that she had a flair for drama, but since that moment she'd been trying to slowly come to terms with the fact that Daryl wasn't coming back…he didn't care…and his space had taught him one thing. It had taught him he was glad to be rid of her.
The very thing he'd gone to figure out if she would do to him…he'd gone, as she understood it, to come to terms with his fears that she would forget about him or drop him out of her life…that's exactly what he'd done. Maybe he hadn't figured out if that's what she'd do to him, but she'd seen clearly that's what he'd do to her.
He hadn't talked to her in three weeks, and now everyone thought he would see her at the Pumpkin Festival and he'd show up, ready to come back.
"You know how Daryl is…you know how Merle is…" Andrea said. "They don't process things always in the best way."
"Don't excuse them," Carol said. "Merle Dixon has had more than enough time to admit that he was wrong to you…and Daryl's taken nearly a month to…to what? To forgive me?"
Carol turned around then and looked at Andrea who was contemplating her beer bottle much harder than she had to.
Carol shook her head.
"I told him that I didn't think it was the best idea for us to get married…and I hurt him. I realize that," Carol said. "And he wanted space…so I gave him space and time…and it's been three weeks…and he hasn't so much as set his foot in that door or picked up the phone. He's out, Andrea…he's done."
"I don't think he's done…this is Daryl we're talking about," Andrea said.
Carol chuckled a little. She'd soaked her pillow through the night of the festival, but she was done crying now.
"You're right," Carol said. "It's Daryl we're talking about," she said, leaving it at that. Andrea didn't say anything else, obviously gathering from Carol's tone of voice that she didn't care to continue the conversation.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1
When Daryl told Hershel he needed the afternoon off to go and talk to Carol, Hershel hadn't even asked him any questions before adamantly agreeing to give him the time off…as much as he needed. Daryl drove into town and drove to the law office, knowing that Carol would be working there. As much as he hated the idea of dealing with Michonne if she wasn't his biggest fan right now…and over the past few days he'd come up with a few reasons why she might not be…he knew that the best way to find Carol was to find her at work.
Daryl parked his truck in the parking lot next to Carol's and got out. He lit a cigarette and hung around the side of the truck for a moment trying to get his breathing under control.
He didn't know why he was absolutely terrified of seeing Carol, but he was. He felt like he'd be calmer at the moment if he had to face a firing squad.
He'd done in the past few days the amount of thinking that he'd told her he was going to do in the beginning. He felt like since he'd seen her at the festival he hadn't been able to get her off his mind. Everything he'd shoved back had come at him.
He wasn't mad anymore about the marriage thing. In fact, he was having a hard time now even remembering why he'd been mad in the first place and it was making him feel like an ass. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like an ass…and the more he felt like an ass, the more he got nervous about finally walking through those doors.
He had been trying to work it out, but he didn't have a damn clue what he was going to say. He'd never been in this situation before and he wasn't really even sure how someone handled something like this. He understood breaking up with someone, but they'd never really broken up…he'd just sort of avoided her altogether.
Finally Daryl threw down his cigarette and snubbed it out with his shoe. He took a deep breath and made his way into the door of the law office. Carol was sitting behind a desk area, hunched over some books she was writing in.
"Be with you in just one minute," she called, not looking up.
Daryl walked over and leaned against the little partition area.
"Take ya time," he said softly.
Carol slowly looked up at him, the pen in her hand suspended in the movement of whatever she'd been writing.
"Daryl…" she said.
Daryl nodded his head.
"Wanted ta talk ta ya…got a minute? Maybe we can go ta lunch?" Daryl asked.
"I…uh…" Carol looked surprised and Daryl realized he'd caught her off guard. He hadn't really known what to expect from her or what her reaction might be. He'd figured she'd probably start crying, but right now she just looked confused or surprised. "Let me talk to Michonne," Carol said.
Daryl nodded at her and watched as she got up from where she was, leaving everything just as it was. She disappeared quickly down a hallway that Daryl couldn't entirely see and he stood there, still leaning on the partition and chewing at the cuticle on his thumb.
A few minutes later Carol reappeared. She stepped back behind the partition and came up a moment later with a jacket that she threw on. Then she tossed her purse over her shoulder.
"We can go to lunch," she said, stepping around the partition and zipping up her jacket. "I've got an hour."
"You've got as long as you need," Michonne said, appearing in the hallway, just where Daryl could see her. She shot him a look and he could immediately tell it wasn't the nicest look he'd ever hoped to receive from Michonne. "We're not busy," Michonne added.
"Yeah…" Carol said, not really looking at either of them. She walked past Daryl and out the door and Daryl turned quickly, following her.
"We'll take my truck," Daryl said. He'd had all intentions of opening the door for her, but before he could even make it to the truck, less likely make it around and pull the door open, Carol had slid into the cab and slammed the door. When Daryl crawled in she was buckling her seatbelt.
"Lula's good with ya?" Daryl asked, glancing over at her. She looked would up tighter than the strings on a guitar at the moment.
"Fine…it's just fine," Carol said.
Daryl cranked the truck and drove them to the diner. When he got there he didn't get to open the truck door for Carol but he did make it in time to open the diner door and she thanked him as she slipped past him and inside. She went immediately to a booth and sat down.
Daryl felt almost out of place sitting across from her at the booth. She seemed to be looking at everything but him at the moment.
"How ya been?" He asked.
Carol looked at him then and he almost preferred her not looking at him. The look on her face was one caught between confusion and amusement and he had a pretty good feeling that he deserved it. A few days of realizing how bad you might have fucked up would do that to you.
"Just fine, Daryl," Carol said. "And yourself?"
Daryl nodded his head. Her tone was a little biting. He should have expected that.
"How…" he didn't know what to ask. "How are things? How's the baby?"
Carol nodded her head. She'd picked up a sugar packet now and was working it between her fingers, even though they didn't have anything to add sugar to at the moment.
"Baby's fine," Carol said. "Um…I'm fourteen weeks…I don't throw up like I did, but it still takes me about an hour or so to get going in the morning. Andrea and I put the crib together. Everything's just fine."
Daryl nodded at her and was almost thankful when Jacqui came to take their drink orders. He ordered his food with his drink and Carol seconded the order of a burger and fries.
Daryl snickered.
"Wanna make a bet on if ya can eat the whole damn thing?" He asked.
Carol looked at him.
"Look…OK, ya pissed at me?" Daryl asked. "Go ahead…say what the hell ya wanna say."
"No," Carol said. "I don't want to say anything, Daryl. I'm not going to say anything to you that's going to hurt your feelings…did you come here to say something or were you just checking in?"
Daryl nodded. She was pissed…that much was evident.
"I want ta come back," Daryl said. "I'm sorry I took so damn long ta get my shit straight…OK? I was an asshole…and I got side tracked a little…but I want ta come back. I ain't even pissed an' we ain't even gotta get married. I'll let'cha be the one that decides when we do."
Carol was still just staring at him and he wished she'd do something besides stare.
"Why, Daryl? Why do you want to come back?" Carol asked.
"What?" Daryl asked.
"Why do you want to come back?" Carol repeated. "What's made you want to come back? Why today?"
"Look, I was always comin' back," Daryl said. "Ya know I weren't leavin' for good. I just…I had ta clear my head. Ya know I love ya an' I wanta come back…that's just it."
Carol chuckled.
"It took you almost a month to come up with that?" Carol asked.
Daryl bit his lip.
"Ya said I could come back when I left…" Daryl said. "Ya didn't say I was gon' have ta fill out some kinda questionnaire."
"I'm not saying you can't come back," Carol said. "But I want to know what…in all this time…has changed or what have you figured out that you didn't know when you walked out that door. What has this space…this time…this clearing your head done…what have you figured out?"
"I know I shouldn'ta stayed gone so long, OK? It's just that I got…I don't know…I got distracted or some shit. I ain't never been on my own like that and I wasn't doin' what the shit I went out there to do," Daryl said.
Carol nodded her head.
"You got distracted?" She asked. "Side tracked?"
"I'm an asshole," Daryl said.
He knew exactly what it felt like to be in one of those cartoons where the person just automatically morphs into being a giant jackass. He couldn't have felt more like one in the heat of her facial expression right now if he'd begun braying at her.
"I don't want to call you an asshole, Daryl, and that's not what I want from you," Carol said. "But I want to know that whatever you got out of this time is what you needed out of it…Because me? Well I learned that I'm having a baby…and I know that because I get to see all these little changes…these little things that are happening to me, Daryl…and they don't go away. I learned that I can put a crib together with Andrea's help and more profanity than the two of us typically go through in a week…and I learned that it might hurt me when you ignore me flat out…because I do still love you…but hey…I'll wake up the next morning. So I want to know that you got what you needed out of your space and your time."
Daryl nodded his head.
"I'm sorry that I ignored ya…and I'm sorry that I hurt'cha," Daryl said. "I don't know how ta fix this shit, though."
Carol was quiet when Jacqui brought the plates. She left the food and walked away quickly and Daryl wondered if the air around the booth was as thick to everyone else as it felt to him.
"There's nothing to fix," Carol said. "Nothing's broken that needs to be fixed."
Daryl didn't respond because he had no idea how to respond. He would have liked to have dug some kind of a hole to crawl in right about now because he felt about as low as he could get and that had never been his intention in any of this. He hadn't meant to hurt Carol and he hadn't really meant to ignore her. It had just been one of those things that it had slowly seemed like the easiest thing to do. Now he'd somehow worked himself into a situation where he was the one that had fucked up entirely.
"What do ya want me ta say?" He asked finally. "I love ya an' I'm sorry. I'm a dick an' I done some stupid shit 'cause I was pissed."
"Have you decided that you believe I'm not going to just up and drop you over some mystery man?" Carol asked.
Daryl nodded.
He didn't think she was actively seeking out anyone else. She hadn't found anyone in the time that he'd been gone, and that was a pretty decent chunk of time. If anything he was starting to realize that she'd just move on without him if she had to…like she apparently already had done to some degree…but he couldn't even really blame that on her. He'd been the one that had put the distance between them and he'd been the one that had let it go on for so long…he'd said he was coming back when he'd felt like he'd had enough time…he just never really meant for it to be so long.
"I ain't gon' accuse ya no more a' wantin' ta find somebody else," Daryl offered. "You gon' quit comparin' me ta Ed all the damn time?"
Carol shook her head.
"I never compared you to Ed, Daryl," Carol said. "At least not in a bad way. You did that. I told you things I thought about…I told you experiences I had with Ed…but I never once compared you to Ed."
"Fine," Daryl said. "Do ya believe I ain't gon' hit'cha when we get married?"
"If we get married…then I think you're not going to hit me," Carol said. "But what I want to know now is if you're going to run out…and that doesn't have a thing to do with Ed, Daryl. That's my question to you."
Daryl sighed.
"I ain't runnin' no more," Daryl said.
"I want you to really think about that one, Daryl," Carol said. "Because I've had to think about it and I'd rather my baby grow up…"
Carol paused and Daryl watched as she rearranged the fries on her plate. She wasn't eating, but neither was he. At the moment the food didn't seem all that appetizing.
"I'd rather my baby grow up without a father…and grow up with aunts and uncles and whoever else that are going to be there…than grow up with a father who's in and out of its life. It's easier for me to explain why Daddy's not there for good than it'll ever be to explain why Daddy can't make up his mind," Carol said.
"That ain't fair…" Daryl responded. "Ya gon' hold this shit against me an' ya said ya weren't gonna do that. Ya said when I left that ya understood what the hell I was doin' an' that I could come back when I wanted an' now ya tryin' ta make it out…ya tryin' ta make it out like I'ma be some kinda asshole dad from the start."
Carol shook her head.
"When you left I thought it was going to be for a few days…maybe a week, Daryl. I understood that you were mad at me and you were hurt. But haven't I done enough time for that?" Carol asked. "I have never thought you'd be an asshole dad…but I have had to think about the fact that you might be an absent dad."
"I ain't gonna do that," Daryl said. "I don't know how ta make ya know that I ain't gonna do that."
"Be there," Carol said. "That's all you have to do."
Daryl sighed.
"So I can come back?" He asked.
Carol smiled at him.
"You come back, Daryl. You can always come back…but I don't think it's time for you to come back right now," Carol said.
Daryl looked at her and made a face.
"I think you need more time…or more space…or whatever it is that you need," Carol said. "Because when you do come back…if you come back…I want you to be sure that you're coming back for good. I want you to know why you're coming back and I want you to know that you really do want to come back. I don't think you know that right now. I think you know that you were gone for a long time, and I think you're worried that I'm not going to let you come back…and so you're panicking a little. I don't want your panic, Daryl."
"So how am I s'posed ta be there if ya ain't lettin' me come back?" Daryl asked.
"You can be there," Carol said, "just not live there…not until you're sure."
Daryl suddenly didn't feel hungry at all and from the looks of Carol she didn't feel hungry either. Daryl nodded, realizing that he didn't know what else to say. He picked at his food for a second.
"I'ma make it right," he said. "I'm comin' back."
"You can come back, Daryl," Carol repeated. "I just want you to be sure when you do."
They sat there in silence for a little longer and Daryl realized that he had a lot he had to go back to the little apartment and think about, but suddenly he wasn't feeling as pleased about being in the little area as he once had.
Finally, to end the somewhat awkward situation, Daryl suggested they get the food to go and he drove Carol back to Michonne's office in silence. When they got out the truck in the parking lot he asked if he could kiss her and was surprised when she agreed. She leaned up and kissed him gently.
"Don't look at me like that," Carol said, pulling away. "You're not being punished, Daryl. I just want you to make sure that you've really thought about things. I promise…I still love you."
Daryl leaned down and kissed her again. He felt like his heart was breaking for the moment. He wanted to say that in the moment he was sure that he wanted to come back…he didn't doubt it at all…but he knew she wasn't going to accept that.
"I love ya too," Daryl said. He stood there for a minute, lighting a cigarette and watching as she walked back toward the office. "Hey!" He called.
Carol turned around before she reached the door and looked at him.
"Ya reckon we could have supper together…like tomorrow maybe?" Daryl asked.
Carol smiled at him.
"I'd love to," she said. "I'll cook…you can come to the house around seven?"
"Sounds good," he said.
Carol smiled again and turned back, stepping into the building. Daryl sighed and finished his cigarette before getting in the truck and heading back to the Greene farm.