AN: Here we go, another chapter for you guys because you're so wonderful!
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
Daryl felt strange as he got out the truck. He considered the house to be his house, but suddenly he didn't feel like it was his house anymore. It had been a while since he'd been there and he knew that Carol was at least a little annoyed with him, if not angry.
He got out the truck, though, and pulled the two gallon jugs out of the back, carrying them up to the door. He knocked on the glass side door with his elbow and heard Lincoln baying from inside. A moment later Carol came and swung open the door, leaning out and holding the glass door open for him while pushing Lincoln back with her foot.
Daryl passed as quickly inside as he could, trying to not to step on the dog that was damn near ready to piss all over himself right there in the middle of the kitchen floor trying to get Daryl's attention or a belly rub. Daryl put the two gallon jugs down on the bar.
"I…uh…don't know if ya want all that but Miss Jo sent'cha a couple a' gallons a' that pumpkin cider she was sellin' at the festival," Daryl said.
Carol smiled, closing the door and coming into the kitchen with him to look at the jugs.
"I love it!" She said.
"She's got enough ta flood the whole state if she wanted to," Daryl said. "Smells good in here…"
Daryl wasn't sure what to say or do…or even really how he was supposed to act. Carol didn't look like she was mad…but if she wasn't mad then he wasn't really sure what was going on or why they had to do this thing this way.
"Thanks," Carol said. "Dinner's ready. I made beef stew…but we're having cherry pie and ice cream for dessert and the pie is baking so I'll take it out to cool some while we're eating. It shouldn't be that much longer."
"It's fine," Daryl said, kneeling down to pay attention to the dog and to try to figure out what his next move was supposed to be.
From his position kneeling on the floor he watched Carol as she walking around checking on various things in the kitchen. She was barefoot and wearing black leggings with a sort of baggy green dress that hung down to around her knees. Daryl wasn't used to seeing her wear too much besides jeans and shirts or the occasional dress when they were the uniforms at Lula's.
"What'cha wearin'?" Daryl asked.
Carol turned and looked over her shoulder, smiling at him.
"You like it?" She asked.
Daryl chuckled.
"Kinda look like a leprechaun in all that green," Daryl said. "But it ain't bad."
Carol gave him the look she typically did when she was pretending to be annoyed but actually wasn't. She seemed, actually to be in a really good mood.
"The leggings are comfortable," Carol said. "My jeans just aren't very comfortable so I like the leggings and Michonne and I found these great dresses. They're sort of one size fits all so they grow right along with me. I got like six different ones…though now I'm rethinking the green."
Daryl chuckled again.
"It ain't bad…it's just a lotta green," Daryl said.
Carol opened the oven and looked in.
"Almost done here," she said. "Why don't you go look at the crib that Andrea and I put together and by the time you get back we'll be ready to eat."
"Where is it?" Daryl asked, standing up.
Carol turned around her hands on her hips.
"In the nursery," she said. "You know…that room that isn't Andrea's room."
Daryl nodded and started down the hall to the extra bedrooms of the house. They didn't really go in them much. Andrea had taken one of them and called it a guest bedroom…or at least she used to call it that…but now it appeared that she was giving up all false pretense of moving out "in a couple of days".
Daryl stepped into the other room. It was empty except for some cardboard boxes shoved in a corner and a crib up against the wall.
Daryl felt strange seeing a crib there. They'd talked about buying one and he knew they were going to get one, but talking about it and seeing the furniture there, in your house, those were two different things.
Daryl left the room fairly quickly and came back in to see Carol carrying bowls of stew to the table.
"Can you fix the tea?" Carol asked. "Unless you'd rather have cider…but I think I'll save mine for dessert."
Daryl faked a gagging sound.
"I can't even stand ta smell that shit no more," Daryl said. "I swear I feel like damn pumpkins an' shit is comin' outta my ears."
He crossed to the kitchen quickly and fixed two glasses of tea while Carol was setting the rest of the table.
"Sorry it's not anything more elaborate," Carol said. "I needed something I could just leave in the crockpot while I was at work today."
"Smells just great to me," Daryl said, taking his seat at the table. Once Carol was settled in he took a moment to take a few bites of his food while trying to think what they might talk about.
"Did you like the crib?" Carol asked.
Daryl wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say about it. It was a wooden crib. It was essentially a cage for a baby…a baby they were supposed to have…in an empty room in a house that he wasn't even living in.
"Great," he said.
Carol frowned at him, but didn't say anything for a minute and when she did speak again she'd changed the subject, although only slightly.
"I was worried about the truck but Andrea and I are going to switch vehicles when it gets harder for me to get in the truck. We tested the backseat of her car with one of Michonne's car seats and it works…so now I just need the car seat," Carol said.
Daryl thought about it for a moment.
"You gon' start drivin' that piece a' shit that Andrea's got?" Daryl asked.
Carol nodded.
"I've got to have somewhere to put the car seat, Daryl. I can't exactly put the baby in a milk crate and bungee cord the thing to the back of the truck," Carol said.
Daryl snickered at the image.
"That car ain't much better," Daryl said. "I'm damn surprised the thing still runs."
"What do you suggest?" Carol asked. "I can buy a car, but I'm not sure what I'm even looking for."
Now it was Daryl's turn to frown at her.
"So I'll take ya ta find a damn car," Daryl said. "Ya ain't gotta do every damn thing on ya own."
"I'd love for you to take me if you want to, Daryl," Carol said.
Daryl sighed.
"So when ya gon' let me move back in?" Daryl asked. "What exactly is it that ya wantin' me ta do ta let'cha know that I made up my mind I wanna come back?"
Carol ate for a minute before bothering to respond.
"I don't know that I want you to do anything, Daryl," Carol said. "I just want you to be sure that you're coming back for good…and that means that when things get hard you're back…and when things are easy, you're back."
"If ya remember correctly I weren't the one that weren't so sure 'bout us gettin' married in the first place," Daryl said. "I was tryin' ta make a commitment to ya an' it was you, Carol, that said ya ain't thought it was a good idea."
Carol nodded her head.
"That's true, Daryl…that was me," Carol said. "I've had a lot of time to be sorry for that…and I've had a lot of time to think about it. The thing is that I don't think you're going to hit me…but I can't promise you that I'm just going to forget about Ed and that's that. I can't promise you that at all. I don't think you are Ed and I don't think you're like Ed…but that's a lot for me to just get over too…and not a whole lot of time."
"I ain't askiin' ya ta pretend he weren't never in ya life an' I ain't askin' ya ta just forget every damn thing," Daryl said. "I get sicka hearin' Ed as some damn excuse for things, though. If there's somethin' ya don't wanna do, like marry me, then at least have the guts ta say ya just don't wanna do it."
Carol nodded her head at him, picking around in her stew with her spoon like she was fishing for specific ingredients.
"That's fair," Carol said. "I can try to do better about that…although what I was trying to explain to you with the marriage thing didn't really have to do with you, Daryl. It had to do with the concept of marriage. Not the being with you…not the being committed…not the being together. It had to do with the idea of actually being married…and that has to do with Ed."
Daryl huffed a little and went back to his stew.
"If we're going to be making demands, though," Carol said, making Daryl look up, "then I don't want to hear what Dixon men do and don't do. It doesn't matter a hill of beans to me what your last name is, Daryl…your genetics don't make your decisions, you do…and I know that's more Merle's thing than yours, but you buy into it too…when it suits you."
Daryl looked at her, not entirely sure how to respond for the moment and could clearly see that she wasn't done talking. She wasn't even looking at him. She was looking off, to the side, the gears in her head visibly turning.
"And I'm not going to raise my baby," Carol said, continuing, "whether it's a boy or a girl, to do anything or not do it because it's a Dixon. You do what's right because it's right and you don't do what's wrong because it's wrong, but that's not going to have a thing to do with its last name."
"It's how we was raised, that's all it means," Daryl said, trying to hide his annoyance.
Carol nodded her head.
"Fine…" She said. "I just don't want my baby to grow up thinking it's OK to just excuse things because of its last name."
Daryl scoffed.
"I ain't even gonna argue that one," He said. "I ain't wantin' my damn kid growin' up like I did…but I can't help but notice ya got an awful lotta 'my babies' thrown up in there. I thought this was my kid too."
"That depends on you," Carol said. "It's our child…we made it together…but it's going to be up to you what role you want to take in the baby's life. What remains constant, though, is that it's my baby. That's not going to change."
Daryl growled now.
"It's my kid too," he said. "Damn it! I ain't run out on the kid for good or nothin'. I told ya I fucked up. I went out ta Hershel Greene's farm 'cause I thought I could figure my shit out…an' I think I have. I was gone too fuckin' long, alright? I know that…but hell, I ain't used ta all this damn shit no way. An' then I put my ass out there an' think we gon' get married, the way we s'posed ta do, an' ya throw Ed in my face. I needed a damn break from it ta get it together."
Carol was looking at him now, but she didn't make a move to say anything.
"I got out there an' I realized that I ain't never been on my own durin' my whole damn life. I've always had someone there…someone I had ta be lookin' out for or thinkin' 'bout. Hell, I been with Merle since we was with our parents. Then I moved in here with you an' all of a damn sudden I got a kid on the way an' I'm livin' in fuckin' suburbia…an' then ya tell me ya ain't even sure if ya think ya oughta marry me 'cause ya was married to a fucker that beat'cha. I just had ta get the fuck out for a little while…an' now I'm back an' I'm waitin' ta see what kinda damn hoops ya gonna set up for me to jump through just ta tell ya I'm sorry that I took longer than ya thought I shoulda taken."
Carol sat there a moment, still looking at him, and then she went back to excavating for things in her bowl. Daryl wasn't terribly hungry, but he turned his attention back to his own stew to match her.
"I know it's important for you to have time to figure yourself out," Carol said. "And I think…"
She broke off for a moment and Daryl watched her, waiting for her to get together whatever it was she was thinking about.
"I'm not setting up hoops for you," Carol said. "If you need to find yourself or have some kind of early mid-life crisis…or recreate yourself…or I don't even know…then I want you to do it now and make sure that you've got it done. Right now, Daryl, this baby doesn't know what's happening between us, out here, but one day it will. So I want you to have whatever time you need alone or whatever before it gets here. Do you understand that?"
"I get that," Daryl said. "An' I know that I want ta be with ya. I did need the fuckin' time alone, but I'm back now. I don't want ta spend the rest a' my life tryin' ta prove to ya that I ain't Ed, though."
"Got that," Carol said. "You're not Ed."
"So now what else I gotta do?" Daryl asked. "Can I come back or we ain't done yet?"
Carol chuckled.
"I guess we're not done yet," Carol said. "You were gone for three, almost four, weeks, Daryl. Let's settle back into this slowly. I'm afraid that your rush to get back into things right now…to just move right back in…is driven by panic and not by your real conviction to be back. We've got time before the baby comes to ease back into this. That's time for you to make sure this is what you want. We've done this every way but right so far, Daryl. We've rushed in and we've rushed right back out. This time I don't think we should rush."
"OK," Daryl said. "Then how ya wanna do this? What do we do this time?"
"Exactly what we're doing," Carol said. She shrugged. "We have dinner together…we spend time together. We talk and we do things and we don't take for granted that at the end of the day we're going to be living together."
"But you're lettin' me come back?" Daryl asked.
Carol smiled.
"I told you…you can come back. But let's take the time we've got right now and do this right…I think we've rushed into things so quickly before that we've taken everything for granted. We skipped the dating part and went straight to being a married couple. We've hardly been able to talk to one another until tonight without prompts written on pieces of paper. It's a great system for helping us out a little…but I think we need to back up and go at this again," Carol said.
"Where do we start?" Daryl asked.
"What's your favorite color?" Carol asked.
Daryl chuckled.
"Blue," Daryl said. "But not dark blue…the bright blue. Yours?"
"Purple," Carol said. "All shades…light purple all the way to dark purple."
"This what the hell we gon' do now?" Daryl asked with a chuckle.
Carol smiled at him.
"It's a start," she said.