Chapter 80 Food For Thought
Wiping his lips with the cloth napkin, Admiral Bill Adama leaned against the chair back with a contented sigh.
"That's the best meal I've had in…well, since I can remember, Madam President," he said, though, still wishing for a piece of bread to sop up the remaining gravy that was swirled across his plate.
"I know what you mean," Laura agreed. Then, at his inquiring look, "Believe me, Admiral, chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy are a rare treat even on Colonial One—despite what others may think." She grimaced, know how much flack she'd get from the Quorum if they knew she was enjoying this meal when they were about to enact fleet wide rationing.
Glancing from his forlornly empty dish to the redhead sitting across the narrow table, Adama asked, "So, what's the special occasion?"
"How about survival," she replied, then added, "I abhor those that use their position for personal privilege, but after the recent…incident," she said, referring to their discussion from the morning, "I decided to treat myself to a good meal. Especially since I would have the pleasure of your equally excellent company," voice softening as her dark eyes sparked off his startlingly blue ones.
He waved at the dish-strewn setting, "A last meal of sorts, Laura, just in case?" Silently wondering if she was more shaken by the assassination attempt than she'd let on?
"Nothing so dramatic, Bill," like him, dropping the formality between them as her lips quirked up with her reply. "Andrew, my cook, had this repast set aside for my upcoming birthday. I just decided to move the celebration forward by several weeks and limit the invitation list to one."
"I'm honored, but you've caught me without a birthday gift."
"Not at all. I've given you two weeks advance notice," she countered.
"In that case, I insist that you come to Galactica for your birthday dinner." With a look at the remains of the current meal, "Not that I can offer anything as good as tonight's."
"You know, I insisted that Andrew prepare this meal tonight. He was reluctant, but it's amazing what happens when the President—or Admiral—insists on something." Laura took a sip of her water before adding, "After a lifetime of fighting red tape, it's librating having scissors to snip right through it."
Her eyes darkened as she considered the other side of the privilege coin. She looked up and caught Bill's level gaze, knowing that he was intimately familiar with the weight that came with the perks of their positions. They carried humankind's fate on their souls, and a single stumble could send them all rolling downward to smash apart that future on the rocks of their failure.
Thanking all the Lords of Kobol for the partnership of this man of tenacity and integrity, Laura smiled with more passion than she usually showed. Bill's face, craggy from life's engravings, absorbed her warmth and, as sun-stroked stone, radiated it back at her. He reached between the debris of their banquet, seeking her touch as dessert. Settling hers within his larger hand, Laura contemplated how well they fit together. His restrained strength clasping her fingers infused her with confidence in their joining.
A knock announced the steward's arrival to collect the used settings and they reluctantly broke their connection.
Except for a polite thank you to the young man as he cleared their table, Laura remained silent, watching his efficiency that didn't completely hide the underlying shyness in her presence. Between the blonde hair and reserved manner, the steward reminded her distantly of Kara. Despite Starbuck's flamboyant reputation, Laura had always been struck by the younger woman's reticence during their interactions, even their more recent ones. With all she'd learned about Kara's past, it now made sense how she reacted to a female authority figure. Fleetingly, Laura wondered if Kara had been the same with Admiral Cain.
Her thoughts reminded Laura of the real reason for the Admiral's visit tonight. Once the blonde server had departed, she stood and gestured to the padded chairs that lined the suite's walls.
"Would you like a drink?" she offered, moving towards the mini-bar, "Kara and I have certainly made inroads into your supply."
She saw his features tighten, "Maybe later," he replied, "I have a feeling I'll be needing it." He moved to the indicated chairs, waiting politely for her to sit before lowering himself into his own.
The leather seat gave beneath her weight as Laura settled against it's backrest. Crossing her trousered legs, the woman ran her thoughts over what she intended to share with Bill about the experiences of his surrogate daughter.
Taking a breath, Laura began, "After failing to break Kara through physical means, the Cylons changed tactics, focusing instead on things to undermine her emotional and mental stability. In this they succeeded," she paused as the Admiral shook his head in denial. "Yes, they did, Bill. They broke her… More than once. But what they discovered was that Kara has a remarkable resilience. Each time they probably thought they'd cracked her resistance, she'd quickly recover. In this, I believe we have her mother to thank," Laura couldn't keep the distaste of that admission from her voice.
"I can't see how," he protested.
"Kara grew up getting literally and figuratively beaten down. To survive, she learned how to rebuild her sense of self, over and over. Her self-image is badly distorted after all those years of abuse, but the bedrock of it is her refusal to let anyone keep her down." Becoming aware of how tightly she was gripping the chair arms, Laura forced her hands to relax before continuing, "So, when the Cylons broke her, unlike most people, she didn't stay broken. Kara blocked out the memories that were too traumatic and pulled herself back together each time. It helped her survive, but the memories are still there, and they've been making themselves felt."
Listening to her explanation, the Admiral could intellectually acknowledge her point, but…
"You still haven't told me what the bastards did to her," he gruffly said, refusing to let his gaze drop from Laura's sympathetic one.
"Sam Anders," she said, then took a breath and went on, "They used her love for her husband against her. First, making her beg for him and then…" Laura stopped, trying to control her building nausea at what came next. Seeing the distress in her face, Bill leaned across and took her cold hand in his.
"Just tell me."
"Leoben chained Kara to Anders' corpse."
Put bluntly it didn't sound so horrific. But watching Bill work his way through the implications of her words, Laura saw the blood drain from his face. Saw him swallow, and she felt his clasp painfully tighten about her fingers.
"For how long?" he forced through gritted teeth.
"Best guess…over a week but under two," she replied, then continued, "It was during that time that they first tried withholding food and water. When that failed, Leoben started force-feeding Kara instead." Her hand was starting to ache from how hard Bill was gripping it, yet she refused to deny him what little comfort she could offer. Forcing herself to get it over with, "After a time, it must have become unbearable for her…she broke again. And Leoben took…took advantage of her," she said, knowing that the euphemism wouldn't be lost on the older man.
Abruptly dropping her hand, Bill rose to stalk back and forth in the confined area of her chamber. On the third pass, his fist shot out, striking the bulkhead with a dull thud and leaving a smear of red marking the spot.
Hurrying to him, Laura grabbed his bleeding hand, refusing to let the distraught man smash it into the unyielding metal a second time.
"Stop. This doesn't help Kara," she said. "And you know she'll guess why you're hurt, and blame herself. Do you want that?"
Anguish dragged at his features, but he didn't resist when Laura pulled him into an embrace, wrapping her arms around his chest and hugging as tightly as she could. She felt the trembling of bunched muscles and his harsh breathing brushed her ear as he dropped his head onto her shoulder, seeking refuge from the images and emotions her revelation evoked.
He thought he'd been prepared. Had readied himself to hear what had been done to Kara, what she'd endured. He'd been wrong—wasn't ready—could never be. Hearing how the Cylons had physically tortured his girl had been bad enough. But this… And he wasn't even being told the details. Two weeks…two frakkin' weeks chain to a decaying body. Her husband's body. Then…when she broke, Leoben took advantage. Tears escaped from eyes squeezed tight as he absorb the depth of Kara's torment.
He held onto Laura, letting her embrace encompass him as he fought for control. Finally easing back so he could read her expression, he forced words from his constricted throat.
"Is that it," he asked, "or is there more?"
"I don't honestly know yet. I hope that's everything," she said, trying to comfort him. "She survived, Bill. That's the most important thing to remember."
"But they broke her. She's broken and I don't know if…" he said.
"Remember what I said about her not staying broken," Laura said as she reached up to wipe the moisture from the face of this man she adored. "She's already come back so far. Cottle has her and Sharon in adjoining beds. And she's talking about what happened. Letting me in. Could you have imaged that just a week ago?"
"The nightmares and flashbacks?" His eyes pleaded with hers for reassurance.
"I think it's time for her to be taken off the sleeping pills, preferably while still in Life Stations where she can be monitored," Laura suggested, then added, "The flashbacks…well, she slipped into one today when we spoke about Leoben, but she came out of it quickly, and without the lingering shock like in the past. She's slowly overcoming them."
"So, what now?" he asked.
"I've instructed her to come to Colonial One three times a week, with your permission of course," she said. "Kara still has a lot of issues. I think what she needs now is just someone to talk too. No more interrogations. Just girl talk."
"Girl talk? Starbuck?"
"Yes, Admiral, girl talk," she firmly stated with a nod. "That young woman needs an experienced feminine point of view. Another woman with which to share her feelings and fears. On New Caprica, before the Occupation, she use to come to my school and we'd talk. Nothing important. Just about what had been happening around the colony. It was because of those talks that I believe I was able to get through to her now."
He raised his eyebrows at her revelation. He'd had no idea that Kara had sought Laura out prior to the Occupation. Thanking the gods that he'd thought to ask her to help, Bill lifted a hand to tenderly cup one side of Laura's face.
"Thank you," he said, his gruff voice warmed by the depth of his gratitude.
"You're welcome," she answered, pressing her palm to the hand on her cheek, and gave the smile she reserved for only him. "I also told her that I'd speak with you about returning her to flight duty."
"You think she's ready?" he asked.
"Bill, she's a mess," she said, "but remember that Kara's been functioning for years before New Caprica. She just needs to find her balance again. I understand that a big part of her identity is wrapped up in being Starbuck the Viper pilot. I think that by the time the doctor clears her to fly, she'll be ready in other ways, too."
"I don't want to lose her again," he admitted.
"You can't protect her," Laura said as she gazed at him with understanding. "She's still Starbuck, and the Fleet needs her out there protecting us. We can try to protect her from herself, as much as she'll let us, but you have to let her do her job."
"I know, it's just…" His eyes seemed to absorb her knowing warmth, finding some comfort in their compassionate regard.
"You're tired," she stated, seeing the weariness that slumped his spirit as well as his shoulders. "Having Kara stay with you was instrumental in helping her, yet it might be time for her to move back in with the crew. She needs to get use to people again, and you need your privacy back."
"I haven't minded."
"I know that. We'll see how she does when Dr. Cottle takes her off the medication," she said, then glanced at her watch. "Speaking of which, you still need to visit him tonight. Let him look at that hand, and you two have some things to discuss."
"Yes, Madam President." The barest of smiles touched his lips before he leaned forward and lightly kissed her, then stepped back from their embrace with a parting, "Goodnight, Laura."