Writing this was tough, but we got there.
Clara was at work in person the next day, but barely in spirit. She heard everyone say to her how sorry they felt for her and how much it must be affecting her given where the incident happened, but she didn't respond. Of course she was glad they were reading it that way, but she couldn't find it in her to reply.
The students were all well behaved, getting on with what they were asked to do – clearly too worried to do otherwise. The whole school was subdued, the previous day's events really upsetting everyone. It was during her year 7 class that an innocent question was asked.
"Miss, do you know how Mr Pink is?" her mind quickly ran through his timetable and she realised most of this class were probably in with him at the time. She spent a moment trying to work out how to respond before trying to go in to 'responsible teacher' mode – after all, they were just scared.
"All I know is that he's being looked after Fraser, unfortunately I'm not the best person to ask, but I'm sure we'll be kept updated as much as possible. Are you alright?" she asked, noticing his facial expression seemed on the verge of upset. "Let's go outside for a moment, the rest of you carry on working." Clara took Fraser outside, pulling the door closed. "Was it you that phoned the ambulance yesterday?" she asked and he nodded. "I heard what you did, you did really well. What's upsetting you?"
"I'm just really worried, he looked really sick," Fraser told her, "Mr Pink has been really nice to me, I'm not that good at maths but he helps a lot." Clara nodded.
"Yeah I've heard good things about him. Listen the best thing you can do for him right now is keeping working really hard so when Mr Pink comes back you can show him you've kept going. Do you want to go and sit in the library for the rest of the lesson?" she asked and he nodded again, "alright, I'll go and get your stuff you can wait out here." Clara smiled a little for reassurance before going back in. When she opened the door she noticed her phone on the desk flashing as someone rang. She picked it up quickly on the way to getting Fraser's bag, reassuring his friends that he was alright before going back out. "Here you are, let them know I've sent you – they're welcome to come and check. If you need anything come and find me."
"Thank you Miss. You and Mr Pink should be friends – you're both really nice," Fraser commented and Clara smiled politely, not commenting for obvious reasons. Once he'd gone she quickly pulled out her phone in panic and called back the number that phoned. "Hello, someone called me from this number – Clara Oswald?"
"Oh yes that was me, I'm Hayley – a nurse at St George's hospital. I'm calling on behalf of your fiancé Danny; he just wanted you to know that he's going for his procedure this morning and to tell you not to worry because the doctor is very good – something I can agree with. He also told me to say thank you, but he didn't say what for?" Hayley told her.
"It's okay, I know," Clara had to lean against the wall as she'd spoke, but she didn't notice the tears until Beth walked passed and stopped on seeing her. "Thank you, can you phone when it's over?" she asked, having to go vague.
"Of course, it'll be a good while so don't panic if it takes time." Hayley let her know before hanging up. Beth put a hand on her shoulder.
"Clara are you alright?" she asked, looking incredibly concerned. Clara knew she'd been struggling with the Danny situation too, but she couldn't let her know that was why she was upset. She wiped at her eyes, nodding. "Liar; who was on the phone?"
"Hospital," she told her, "my cousin is in there, he's gone for surgery it's all… quite serious." Clara hated lying, but she'd got pretty good at it recently. She didn't even have a cousin, but Beth didn't know that.
"You guys are close?" Beth asked, "I don't remember you mentioning him?"
"Very, I just don't talk about family life at work. We grew up together; spent hours round each other's houses and to this day talk all the time. He only moved down here recently, it's been great seeing him so frequently and now…" she shook her head, "I need to get back to my class."
"Let me finish off, it's nearly lunch go and take a break Clara, you look worn out," Beth told her.
"Are you sure? Are you alright? All this stuff with Danny, you guys are close…" she asked her and Beth shrugged.
"I guess, but I'm alright Clara honestly. Go on, go get tea and relax, or go home if you want – your flat isn't far to disappear for an hour or so?" she suggested.
"Yeah, I might do. Thank you Beth, I appreciate this. Oh, Fraser is in the library by the way he's still quite upset after what happened yesterday. If anyone asks I did give him permission and if he comes looking for me tell him I'll see him when I'm back," Beth nodded as she took the information in.
"Got it - now go!" Beth smiled and went passed her in to her classroom as Clara disappeared off.
She considered going back to the flat, but it would just feel empty. She couldn't go to the hospital; Danny wouldn't be out for hours. Clara ended up going to her office – somewhere she rarely went – sat on the chair with a mug of tea and stared at the wall. She had all sorts going through her head, scenarios that could occur, including the worst. The bell went for lunch, but she didn't move other than to put her half-drunk tea down and wrap her arms round her knees, pulling them to her chest and letting tears fall.
The knocks at the door shocked her – everyone knew she never came in here and the blinds were shut. She didn't move, turning away from the door and hoping they'd go away – they didn't. 3 more knocks and she waited.
"Clara, it's me. Let me in before someone actually realises why I'm here and blows your cover," Adrian – of course. If anyone would work out where she was hiding then it would be him. Clara stood up and unlocked the door before sitting back down before he came in. "Beth said you'd gone home but I knew you wouldn't want to, I half expected you to be at the hospital but your coat was still in the staffroom. What's wrong love?"
"He's going to theatre, anything could happen Adrian - it's a long procedure. I don't know what to do I feel so useless," she told him but he shook his head.
"Don't speak rubbish, I bumped in to Fraser earlier and he's looking a lot happier thanks to you. Even Beth seems cheerier, apparently hearing about your 'cousin' has made her realise her problems aren't anywhere near as bad." Adrian raised an eyebrow at her as he spoke and Clara gave a brief smiled. "I'd love to meet him, he sounds great."
"Shush you, it's all I could think of," she told him and he chuckled. "Adrian what am I meant to do?"
"What you know you should do, go home, everyone will understand," Clara shook her head, still fighting tears, "well what are you doing to do here? Spend the rest of the afternoon with your mind on Danny, unable to give your classes the attention they deserve?" Clara sighed.
"I can't go home Adrian, it's so empty. My flat just brings back memories too, I can't be there alone and you can't leave. Just…" she glanced over to the timetable on her wall, "get my last 2 lessons covered. I'll stay in here; I've got plenty of paperwork and marking to be getting on with and I can keep my phone out." Clara pulled her laptop out of her bag, turning it on.
"Clara…" he pushed the screen down.
"No Adrian! This is the best you're going to get. Now please, you have work to do." Clara looked away and started working on something. Adrian eventually had to give in and left.
Clara didn't leave her room for hours, not until her phone rang. The operation was done and Danny was back on the ward. She looked at the clock; it was 5 minutes until the end of the school day. She knew waiting for Adrian was her only option today, but she was determined to be ready to go as soon as possible. Clara grabbed her bag, packing up her laptop and grabbing her coat. She made her way to Adrian's classroom and hovered outside while trying not to seem too keen. As the bell went students began to flood into the hall, streaming by as they made their way to the exit. Typically Beth reappeared just as she was going to go into Adrian.
"I thought you'd gone?" she asked. "How are you doing?"
"I had to come back, left some marking and I need to discuss some things with Adrian. I'm alright, honestly." Clara replied, glancing into Adrian's room who did catch her eye for a moment so she gave him a look.
"You just can't keep away Clara Oswald, some things never change. Well I suggest you get an early night." Beth said, smiling at her. Thankfully Adrian saw the nervous look in her eyes and staged an intervention.
"Clara, sorry I don't have long can we walk and talk?" he had his bag in hand ready to go – fully in character.
"Sure, see you Beth – thanks for the advice," she quickly scooted around her and joined Adrian. "Thank you, I never thought I'd get away. The hospital phoned, Danny's out of theatre, can we go please?" Clara asked as they reached his car.
"Of course, jump in I'll drive you straight over. I can't stay though…" Clara nodded, not really bothered as long as she got to the hospital. "I'll pick you up after my meeting about 8ish? That's when visiting ends right?" she sighed, nodding. "You can't stay forever, you know that." He told her. Clara didn't reply, staring at her phone until they arrived at the hospital.
She jumped out as soon as they arrived, briefly thanking Adrian before running inside. She ran to the ward and was greeted by Hayley who stopped her.
"Clara right?" she nodded, "Danny's just arrived back on the ward - he's still a little groggy but he is awake. He arrested again while they were doing the procedure, but they're confident that was just down to what they were doing and his recent arrests. Once he's on some medication and with this device in he'll be a lot better." Hayley explained. Clara didn't really know how to respond.
"Can I go in?" Hayley showed her through; he was half asleep on the bed but opened his eyes when she walked in. Clara ran over and kissed his head, taking his hand. "Don't scare me like that again, never again." Danny smiled weakly, lifting her hand up to his lips and kissing it softly.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he replied, but Clara shook her head quickly. "No, I am. You were upset," he spoke quietly.
"That's not important, it doesn't matter anymore. We need to focus on you now," she sat down beside him, keeping a tight hold on his hand. "How are you feeling?" Danny seemingly had to think about that, maybe he hadn't considered the answer in a while.
"Okay I think, still a little groggy but at least I can move now," he told her. "They reckon I could be home in a couple of days, but I'm not going to be the most useful person…"
"It's a good job you've got me then isn't it? What have they said about work? You can't go back straight away surely?" she asked.
"No, I'll have a review 2 weeks after I've been discharged and potentially be able to go back a week after that. Unless anything changes, it's just my shoulder and my arm which I can actually teach with so… what?" he was staring at her face which seemed unconvinced.
"3 weeks isn't very long Danny, you need time to recover," she looked worried and Danny couldn't blame her for being so.
"I'll be fine Clara, I've got the best nurse at home I'll be ready in no time. I promise I won't push anything too far, you don't need to worry." Clara leant over and kissed him. "Mmm more of those will help greatly," he chuckled and she smiled in return, "and more of those too," he put a hand to her cheek and a thumb to the corner of her smile. "You know what I'm going to miss the most in all this?" he asked and Clara made eye contact with him, "being able to hold you properly, I love that."
"I'll miss you doing so, but we need to get that arm and shoulder better before you get to do that again so we'll find ways to cope for now. Maybe I should take time off?" Danny immediately shook his head.
"You can't, you know that. Not just because of us, but that is a factor, we can't leave the school 2 teachers down for that long. I'll be alright love, and it's not something to think about just yet. We'll get the weekend done; I won't be going home till at least Monday so…" Clara looked down, nodding. "Clara what's that look? What is it? There's something I'm missing I know there is – why weren't you in yesterday? Where did you go?" so many questions, Clara stood up, taking a few steps away which Danny could only watch.
She stood at the window in his room, looking out on the car park she could see although not really paying attention to what's out there. Danny didn't need this, he shouldn't have to worry about her and her past right now, but she didn't want to lie to him. Adrian told her to tell him, but that was before all this.
"I was meant to be off for the rest of the term," she finally spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. "The wedding was this Saturday," Clara didn't look around, still vaguely looking out of the window and absentmindedly playing with her necklace. "I should have told you, I didn't want to upset you but it all seems so unimportant right now."
"Hey, come here," Danny told her and Clara walked back over, taking his hand that was waiting for her. "We're both in pain of different kinds right now, but we're going to be alright because we have each other." Clara nodded sitting back down, "I'm going to be fine babe, absolutely fine. Relax, come here," he shuffled over on the bed a little so she could join him and Clara hugged up to his good side, Danny holding her on.
It didn't take long for Clara to fall asleep, she was shattered and Danny was comfort as always. Hayley came in to bring his dinner later on, a little surprised at the sight before her.
"She needs the sleep; sorry I know it's probably not strictly allowed. You know Clara was meant to get married on Saturday? Her ex died 6 months before I met her, turns out this weekend would have been their wedding and with all this, I think it's just a bit much." Hayley nodded, putting the dinner down on his table. "He collapsed in the same classroom I was in yesterday; it's all too familiar for her."
"Poor girl… can't be easy for either of you to be in that situation?" she asked, checking his obs quickly.
"I guess not, but it's worse for her. I'll get better, physical injuries do that, but this for her it's not as easy. Saturday is going to be really hard and I'm stuck in here," he sighed.
"You shouldn't dismiss what's happening to you Danny, this is life changing," Hayley told him, taking the BP cuff back off him.
"Yeah I know, I'll have to make changes and take medication, I can't drive for 6 months and I could have a shock at any time. But the likelihood of that once I'm on the medication is minimal; I'll essentially be living a normal life. I know you're all concerned about this affecting my mental health, but I've seen worse, and sometimes you see things that make you realise your problems are minimal compared to some. Imagine watching someone you love die, and then when you're finally happy again almost the same thing happens again. I can't even understand how that must feel for her; I hate to see the pain in her eyes. She feels guilty that I'm worried about her, but she shouldn't – I love her and I don't want to see her going through this."
Hayley could see he meant what he said, he was serious. Clara clearly meant the world to him, and he was very worried about what was happening.
"Make sure she's here on Saturday then. 11am on the dot and she can stay all day, it'll be good for both of you," Hayley smiled, "I'm working so I'll make sure you're not disturbed too much."
"Thank you, that'll be helpful," Danny replied, smiling thankfully.
"How are you planning on eating those sandwiches, may I ask? Can I help?" Hayley chuckled and Danny smiled.
"Oh they can wait, I'm fine. Thanks though, I'll eat once she wakes." Danny let her go, settling back and watching Clara sleep.
Adrian arrived at half 7, being let in by one of the health care assistants. Clara was still fast asleep, her head resting on Danny's chest. Adrian smiled, taking a seat beside the bed after he'd greeted Danny.
"How long has she been asleep?" Adrian asked and Danny had to glance at the clock.
"About 3 hours now, I guess we'll have to wake her soon," Danny told him, gently playing with the end of her hair.
"Best had, how are you doing?"
"Alright thanks, just lacking the use of one arm – well – currently both arms but you know," Danny chuckled but stopped when he noticed Clara stirring. "Hey sleepyhead," he kissed her forehead softly.
"Ergh get a room," Adrian joked as Clara got her bearings and sat up, "evening Miss Oswald."
"What time is it…?" she asked, not moving too far from Danny but looking at her phone. "Blimey…" she stretched a little and then spotted the sandwiches, "you haven't eaten? Danny you should have woken me." Clara gave him a stern look to which he only smiled. "Oi stop that when I'm trying to be mad at you!"
"Nope; because you trying not to smile is very cute. I didn't have a spare arm to eat and I didn't want to wake you, you looked so beautiful. Speaking of eating however, when did you last have food?" Danny asked and Clara looked away.
"I threw bananas at her this morning," Adrian told him but Clara only looked more sheepish, "you didn't eat them did you?" She shrugged.
"Clara! Have you eaten at all in the last 36 hours?" he asked and she still didn't respond. "Right, you're going home right now and you're going to have a meal." Now she looked around.
"No, I'm not leaving you yet," she told him.
"It's nearly time Clara, you have work tomorrow and you need to eat. Please, for me?" he took her hand and kissed it softly.
"Come on Clara, I'll even cook," Adrian tried to encourage her.
"Ergh no thanks we'll get something in," she replied and Danny chuckled. "Fine, okay I'll go. But I'll be back straight after work tomorrow alright?"
"I would expect nothing less. I love you Clara, please look after yourself," she leant over and kissed him.
"I'll try I promise," she told him, hugging her.
She was forced home to eat and sleep which she did but only because Adrian kept reminding her what Danny had said. Clara forced herself into work, pushing through the day and the evening was spent back at the hospital, although she resisted the urge to sleep this time however tired she was. Once again she was made to leave at 8 and spent another night staring at the ceiling. Saturday morning came quicker than she wanted and Clara woke up from a restless sleep at 5am, giving up at that point and going through to the kitchen to make tea. She sat down in the lounge, flicking the TV on quietly for a bit of comfort and sipping slowly at the tea as she wrapped her hands around the mug for warmth. She pulled her phone out, jumping a little as it went off in her hand – shocked at the early text.
Go back to sleep, it's too early xx Clara smiled briefly at the phone before replying.
How did you know? Xx she sent to Danny, taking another sip of tea.
I know you too well. He replied and Clara sighed, he was so right.
You do, but I can't sleep. How come you're awake? She asked him, putting her mug down now.
Just woke up, but I did go to sleep about 9. How are you feeling? Danny knew what today was now, and somehow that made it a little easier.
Empty… I don't really know? I just can't wait to get in and see you, remind myself why this doesn't matter anymore. Clara put her phone down to stand up but no sooner had she done so when it rang.
"Clara Oswald of course this matters," came the voice on the other end in a fairly whispered but serious voice. "Today should have been your wedding day, that's important. I don't want you to ever forget that."
"I love you so much, you know that right?" Clara replied, equally keeping her voice down.
"Of course I do, and I love you too. Clara will you do something for me?" he asked.
"You know the answer to that," she told him.
"Go back to bed, please. Stay on the phone, just go back to bed," he instructed. Clara didn't argue this time, going in and lying down on the bed, informing him she'd done so. "Good, now stick your phone on speaker just loud enough so you can hear it and shut your eyes," he waited for her to do so. "Just relax sweetheart, I'm right here beside you. All this is going to be fine, I'm going to be fine; we'll be back together before you know it. I know today is difficult and upsetting for you and that is alright, but just remember the good things. You're a wonderful teacher, a beautiful daughter and a perfect girlfriend and none of that is going to change just because you have one bad day. Listen to me Clara, I wish I could be there right now with my arms wrapped around you and holding you close – keeping you safe. You mean the world to me, just seeing you makes me feel so much better and nobody has ever done that before…" Danny smiled as he heard her breathing relax as she fell asleep. "Goodnight beautiful."