CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The Endless Winter
Christmas was a very special and beloved time for many on the Normandy. And even though it was over two weeks away, everyone was feeling the love. Especially since they had to go to the Citadel to explain their latest "escapades" and this meant shore leave on the ever-chipper, every cheery Christmas-coated Citadel.
"It looks like Santa's balls exploded." Wrex remarked wryly with a "hmph" whilst Nick could not stop smiling, eagerly bouncing his head back and forth to Holiday music playing on the loudspeakers of the citadel whilst Shepherd, Ambassador Udina and Captain Anderson did a report with the Council. Liara was sipping on some hot chocolate at the diner whilst Garrus and Tali were looking over some books and gifts from the shop for Christmas presents, Ashley cheerily sitting next to Nick as he sat on a mall bench and Kaiden was looking over a Christmas list.
"Hmm. Who's been naughty, and who's been nice?" He wondered aloud.
"I thought as an agnostic you wouldn't exactly be into the spirit of the season." Nick said, stopping himself and looking confused, Kaiden giving him a look.
"I totally grok." He remarked, quoting some Heinlein. "Simply being agnostic doesn't mean I don't understand what the season ought to represent. Athiests and agnostics can enjoy Christmas too, y'know."
"Sorry, knee-jerk reaction. My mother's kind of an agnostic and my brother is a rather militant atheist who is always so smug about it." Nick sighed with a shrug. "He never had the simple faith I did and my mother's family was so persecuted by the Catholic church in Italy they had to leave as soon as possible. It made sense for them, but just never did for me. Besides. Atheists got, like, NO songs."
"No songs?" Ashley remarked.
"Beyond "10 in 2010" and "Precious Few Heroes", I can't think of one good song written by an atheist or about atheism." Nick admitted.
"What about "Imagine"?" Kaiden said with a raised eyebrow, Nick smacking his face and dragging it down.
"Ohhh. You're right! Stupid, stupid. I always forget the obvious. John Lennon, of course."
"Aren't you worried your power might, y'know, manifest in some twisted way and make a part of the Citadel blow up by accident?" Ashley muttered under her breath, leaning in close as Wrex chewed on a Christmas ornament he'd bought, going "hmmmm" before deciding he wanted to buy another. He was soon holding up an Elf decoration, wearing a Santa hat on his head and doing a fake Elf voice, quietly going "Noooo, no, Santa, don't eat me, don't eat me Santa" before laughing manically.
"Elves make my stomach shake like a bowl full of jelly!"
"Wrex is a liiiiittle too into dark humor. So I think I'm going to get him the Weird Al CD that has "The Night Santa Went Crazy" and a copy of "Santa Zombie Fights Jesus"." Nick remarked. "But nah. Christmas music for the most part is really harmless and is just festive, cheery and loving." He intoned as he spread his arms wide at the scene before them all, people milling about in the Citadel shops, dressed in red and green and gold and silver, all chatting it up about what they wanted to buy the ones they loved. "I mean, you can't really get "negative consequences" from listening to "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". Now if they put on "Christmas At Ground Zero", well, I've got earplugs for just such an occasion." Nick admitted, holding up a small pair of earplugs before putting them back in his pocket.
Elsewhere, the Council was sipping on some festive-looking drinks as Tevos, the Asari Councilor, enjoyed a nice cup of "chocolate-nog", a new variant of Eggnog invented fifty years ago. "Luckily for you we're all in such a good mood we don't even feel like yelling at you, Commander Shepherd. Because we have no other scheduled meetings planned for this month, and we intend to spend every single night watching our absolute favorite holiday films whilst we stuff ourselves on cookies."
"It's a pity MY species cannot enjoy gingerbread." Spartacus sighed as he held up a small brown thing and popped it into his mouth. "I have to settle for imitations. Just not the same, though."
"You tried it once before?"
"Yes, the Ambassador attempted to make Non-Human-Friendly Gingerbread cookies for us one Christmas. It tasted fine for the first ten minutes." Spartacus admitted as he nodded over at Udina before his cheery smile turned pale. "Then I spent the next 12 hours hugging the toilet and begging the spirits to put me out of my misery."
"Well, ah, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa and have a Festive Festivus!" Commander Shepherd said with a small smile and a wave, heading for the elevator with Captain Anderson. "What'll you be doing this Christmas?"
"I'm going to meet with an old friend for drinks." Captain Anderson said with a small smile. "She's very dear to me."
"Oh! Wait. One more thing, Commander." Valern the Salarian ambassador called out, Shepherd turning around in surprise as the Salarian held up a datapad, glancing it over and typing into it. "When you get on your way, there's an odd request that the Ralay inquired of us. They're close enough to an ancient, long-dead to be able to scan it with their limited technology for life signs. They never detected anything until just a few days ago. And since the planet is so ancient and so desolate, we thought you might find it interesting and worth investigation." He looked amused. "After all, the place has supposedly been dead for over 50,000 years according to our arcehologists. Perhaps your "Reapers" paid it a visit and are there now, coming back from the grave? Ooooohhhh!" He proclaimed, waving his hands in the air, Shepherd "harrumphing" at the sight.
"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch." Commander Shepherd mumbled. "But we'll check it out."
THE NEXT DAY…
"It's beginning to taste a lot like Christmas." Joker remarked as he leaned back in his chair and sipped his hot chocolate, letting out a sigh. "Mmm. Pepperiment Schnapps-flavored hot chocolate. What'll they think up next?"
"So you like the early present I got?" Kaiden asked with a big grin, standing by Joker as the pilot gave him a cheery nod, Kaiden walking off and whistling cheerily as Nick and Liara stood by the galaxy map, looking over the planet they would soon be investigating.
"The planet is well over 50,000 years old. The Ralay had asked the Citadel to send a team there because they weren't exactly spaceflight ready to make such a large journey. After all, actually training astronauts is hard. Getting to connect with the Council if you're a new and promising planet within the Traverse isn't. Unless, of course, you touch a Mass Relay." Liara mused aloud with a small Mona Lisa smile. "Then they bring the hammer down, as your species knows."
"So the Ralay are avians, huh?" Nick remarked, scratching his head. "I'm surprised they invented galactic-wide communication before proper spaceflight but…still, impressive." He admitted with a shrug, looking the Ralay on the datapad he had over, tilting his head slightly to the side. "They almost look like more feathery dinosaurs but with beaks. And what's with the jewelry?"
"Ralay adore jewelry. Different jewels mean different occupations and ages and "clans". Though the clans all answer to a central government. And they have something in common with you humans: they absolutely adore using diamonds for proposing to their beloved." Liara added with a big smile as Nick looked from the datapad to Liara.
"Y'know, Liara, have you ever gotten a proposal?" He asked. "Ever had any, yknow, boyfriends?"
"Regrettably, not. I don't exactly get to meet a lot of romantically-interested men or women in my profession. Not that I wasn't somewhat thoughtful about a few, but…it just hasn't happened yet." Liara remarked with a small shrug, Nick inwardly jumping for joy.
Yes. Yes, she is single, she is willing, I just have to find the right way to approach her!
"Y'know, Liara, I'm not really-"
It was then that Nick noticed something about a close-up image of the planet on the galaxy map, his eyes widening. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait-what in the?" He murmured, his tone dropping, becoming hushed and conspiratorial as his eyes scanned the structures buried deep within the eternally-falling snow that covered the whole land like a gigantic white body bag. "That…that language. I've seen it before." He murmured, focusing the picture in on the script written atop a large facility that was half-buried in snow.
"Oh? You have? What is it? And what is it saying?" Liara inquired.
"It's…it says…its their word for "Nursery"." Nick murmured softly.
It couldn't be. It just couldn't bbe./b
It wasn't long, of course, before the ship was landing and they found themselves in the center of an enormous, buried city. Enough of it was still outside of the frigid snow that surrounded them that they could get a very good idea of what was what, though. The could see obvious apartment buildings, storage halls, a great library off in the distance. The apartment sites themselves were towering structures, reaching higher and higher into the heavens, rather square running up and spiky at the top like spears intended to pierce the sky itself. Long stretches of windows ran across the apartment buildings, the glass that had been there now long-gone, only faint, tiny little traces remaining to indicate they'd even been windows at all.
Stretches of roadway could be faintly seen sticking out of the snow, winding their way around the buildings and in some cases, right into great big parking structures that were shaped like giant balls. The snowflakes wafted by their heads in slow sweeps, dancing gently around as if to allow the group to behold what was before their eyes, all of them making their way through the snow and deeper still into the city, their eyes taking it all in. There were a few apparent restaurants, obvious eating utensils lying on long tables and bars, and signs that had once clearly been colorful judging from the faded lightbulb stumbs were broken and falling apart at the seams.
And the colors, of course. The snow seemed unnatural, it's shade was just a bit too white, and it was seeking to bury the faint reddish/purple of the buildings. A few blues were here and there, the library especially, with what had been a big, vibrant blue book sign atop the facility that was obviously meant to slowly rotate around and around in a circle. And there was a big green structure that appeared to be a museum to their right. Yet for the most part? Reds and purples, reds and purples all around, the paint long faded on the buildings that were now being enveloped by the constant snow that continued to fall.
Except, of course, for the planet's nursery. It was a soft, pinkish color who's doors gave way as Shepherd pushed them open, a blast of musty yet cold air smacking into his armored face. He cringed a bit before making his way in deeper, Wrex biting his lip.
"I don't like it. The whole place just feels wrong." He admitted.
"There's no such thing as ghosts, you know." Kaiden insisted whilst Ashley took in a sharp breath, kneeling down by something that they caught notice of, two forms in a corner. They all approached her as she hung her head in sorrow, realizing what it was. A skeleton that, despite being somewhat insectoid, was clearly feminine and clearly trying to protect a much smaller, younger being. Both were very, very dead, their flesh long since peeled from their body, evidently dying on the spot in this dusty old nursery.
"They're not the only ones." Liara realized aloud as she opened up a large doorway that was partially open, all of them looking upon a horrific sight. Rows and rows of baby skeletons all lying against the wall in tubes, evidently evidence of mass-production test-tube baby breeding, with hundreds of grown-up skeletons turned around, frozen in positions that implied they'd been caught completely off guard and killed, just like the two outside, on the spot. Ashley struggled not to vomit, Wrex looking particularly disgusted whilst Liara tried to compose herself. Kaiden cringed as he hung his head, Garrus biting into his lip whilst Shepherd covered his mouth and took in a deep breath. Tali folded her arms over her chest, hanging her head a little whilst Nick broke the silence.
"What kind of sicko murders children?"
"What's going on down there, cap?" Joker's voice came up through their communicators, the wind making the facility groan and creak. "Lucas just took my order for all your Christmas presents. Don't you DARE try to bribe him, his favors can't be bought! He's over 70 anyhow and there's like, nothing you can offer him."
"We just found a test tube mass production laboratory for babies." Shepherd muttered. "Evidently this is how they made kids. Something killed everyone down here where they stood. Including the children."
Tali climbed atop a stairway leading to one of the bubble-esque tubes in the wall, rubbing against the glass, the tiny skeleton curled up in a fetal position as she looked it over more closely. "Three digits on their hands and tiny little toes…no nose, no ears. I wonder what they looked like normally?"
"We could keep an eye out for pictures." Nick said, his voice sounding as if he hated himself and wanted to throw himself off a nearby cliff. He bit his lip, moving forward towards what appeared to be an office,opening up the door and sighing. "Yep. Pictures."
The crew approached it, looking the cluttered office over, various datapads lying about, and, more importantly, pictures of rather insectoid beings with greenish skin and black antennae cheerily smiling at the camera. One in particular was obviously the "boss" of the place, a fat, tubby, chipper-looking alien who was standing next to a white-robed alien with an overjoyed expression on his face and a rather lovely-looking female with purple eyes by his side. The caption beneath read "My best friend and his wife. They got lucky! Never felt so good about my services not being required".
"I guess some of them did do it normally." Liara reasoned. "What fascinating features. Their eyes are almost as jewels." She murmured, looking the photograph over whilst Nick looked at one in particular that caught his eye. A black-eyed alien and the same white-eyed alien from before was hovering what was clearly a beer keg by his side, the two obviously drunk and clearly very, very happy. The caption read "Darithil found out machines can, in fact, get drunk. Thank you, Jayd!"
"Heh. They look so happy." Nick remarked with a smile before Garrus suddenly yelped.
"AHH! What the?"
He'd almost tripped over something. Looking down, he saw it was a hatch, and he opened it up, a blast of surprisingly warm air shooting up from it, a ladder leading down, down, into the darkness as Shepherd flashed his flashlight from his omni-tool down into the deep. His eyes narrowed intensely as he scanned, shaking his head.
"Can't see a damn thing."He murmured.
"I'd better go down first. I'm, y'know, expendable. If there's something nasty down there or the ladder breaks, this way none of you guys will get hurt." Nick reasoned, the others looking at each other, nodding in agreement before Nick began climbing down. As he did, he glanced about, taking in a deep breath before-
"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see aaaaall obstacles in my waaaaay…"
Light began to surround him, illuminating the immense tunnel system he now appeared to be in. As he descended the stairs, he made it to the bottom, jumping up and down on the ground, "hmmphing" as he did so, feeling the floor over. "Feels like bone." He called up.
"Yes. Totally not creepy." Kaiden intoned as they began to climb down the ladder as well, finally getting an even better look around where they were. The entire place appeared to be some kind of giant chamber made of a boney-esque metal, tubes of an unknown, murky, black substance twisting and turning above their heads, making their way towards an immensely huge thing that laid slightly off in the distance. They approached it, the light from their omni-tools providing additional illumination as they beheld it: an immense, heart-like capsule filled with the shifting black "sand" esque stuff that was moving through the overhead tubes. There were enormous plaques on the walls written in the alien language, Nick looking it over, rubbing his chin.
"What does it say?" Liara asked of Nick as he scratched his head.
"This was part of their "Research and Development" laboratory. They'd patched into a series of natural tunnelways built beneath the ground and made it into a lab to test out fascinating new ideas. This one's meant to be a kind of way to repair any wound and injury, microscopic life that can completely go inside of another being and heal them from within. The ultimate cure…a living cure. "Nanogenes", evidently, comprised of…odd." Nick blinked a bit. "Dunno THAT word."
"Wait. If this stuff is still moving, does that mean it's…still alive?" Wrex wanted to know.
"It would appear to be in more of a kind of "stasis"." Tali said, examining the structure as she paced back and forth. "I know machines. They can do background tasks yet still have their primary systems non-functioning. It's the same thing here. It's more comatose than dead. In "sleep mode" as it were."
"If it's not truly dead, then maybe I could bring it to life. I mean, the ultimate cure for any disease?" Nick reasoned, turning around to Commander Shepherd. "I'd say this would make for a great Christmas present for the galaxy, wouldn't you?"
"It IS still in that tube. Alright, see if you can get it to wake up. But if it looks like it's going to do something strange, we need to get out of here and fast." Shepherd reasoned. "So everyone get your guns and grenades ready just in case." He intoned, everyone else readying their weapons and stepping back as Nick approached the "heart", holding a hand up, taking in a deep breath.
"Please let this work this time. I will tryyyyy…to fix yoooouuuu…"
And just like that, the entire structure burst to life with vibrant color, a passionate, deep, amazing green shade filling the walls as the "heart" throbbed and pulsated, tentacular tubes cupping around it, lifting it up slightly as it too emitted that amazing green glow. It let out a "hmm" of life before its voice rang out, not in their ears, but in their heads.
"Yes. I live."
"Oh. You're…telepathic?" Nick mused aloud.
"I am. I run through this entire world. I am the heart of this planet. Though I am vast, and endless and alive, I am still, in a sense, dead. What is speaking to you now is a splinter of what was. A splinter of a splinter. I am the Many that comprise one." It proclaimed, its shifting black form turning now into an insectoid creature with greenish skin and deep black eyes, arms folded over it's armored chest. Tubes ran through gauntlets it wore, attached to a silvery pack of some kind on its back, a comforting-looking red cross-esque symbol across its chest. "Is this form more appealing?"
"You look like one o the inhabitants."
"I was once one. A medic. I wanted to heal. To heal everyone. Make everything better. Fix things that were broken."
"The whole planet looks broken." Shepherd remarked, stepping forward, giving the others a gesture for "stand down" as he held a hand up. "My name is Commander Shepherd. This is Nick. He's our own medical officer. Do you think you could, perhaps, explain what happened?"
"What happened?" The form in the tube rubbed its chin in a thoughtful fashion, lips slightly pursing, its voice sounding like thousands speaking all in perfect synchronization, yet though its voice carried authority and might, there was a sense of deep nobility and gentleness upon the being's face that surprised Shepherd. Warmth radiated from its intense black eyes as they seemed to cloud over in memory.
"Yes. Please, can you tell us what happened?"
"I had…friends. Comrades. All of us worked aboard our planet's greatest ship. A dreadnought of engineering. We were happy, all of us. Happy together with a dear friend. But we wanted more. The one who brought us together left the planet with his family, seeking to explore and bring the joy he'd brought to our lives to others. Others joined the local authorities of our capital, hoping to make a difference on the street. I and my friend became a doctor and a psychiatrist. We kept searching for a way to help heal all kinds of wounds."
The "heart" sighed wistfully. "I came up with a brilliant idea. Nanogenes. Comprised of tiny machines that were formed not merely with metal and wires, but from Willpower itself. We discovered a method to tap into the emotional spectrum, for it could manifest among our species as pure, raw power in very rare occasions. With my nanogenes, I realized I would be able to provide for so, so many. So I went from colony to colony, healing others."
"Oh, that's so nice of you!" Liara cheerily remarked before the "Heart" hung its head slightly.
"It went wrong. I tried my best but I couldn't truly heal them. Because no matter how much I healed them, no matter how much I provided, the people kept demanding more. They wounded and scarred the planets they colonized. They killed them."
"Damn." Shepherd murmured, shaking his head back and forth. "They killed this planet?"
"SHEPHERD, LOOK OUT!" Ashley yelled out, Shepherd wheeling around, a greenish tentacle from the ground shooting up, wrapping around him, more wrapping around the others, suspending them in the air, tightening their grip like anacondas seeking to crush the life from them.
"Stop it! They didn't do anything to you!"
"Neither did they." The "Heart" said, holding up a hand as it formed a being of its own species in its palm before the tiny would-be alien dissolved away. "Or they." It said, snapping it's fingers as another form popped up in its palm, revealing a Krogan in mercenary armor. "They were investigating this planet on behalf of someone named "The Machinist", seeking aid for him and the one named "Saren". They brought my backup systems back on, but couldn't truly bring me real life. Not even when I claimed them."
"So that's what the Ralay scanned. They caught it when it was booting up." Shepherd murmured. "And we fully brought it out of sleep mode."
"I had thought things would be different here after three centuries of seeing failures on other planets. I thought I could provide for them here and they'd be satisfied. I just had to try harder."
"Speaking of "harder"…you're really hurting us!" Tali gasped out, the tentacles loosening slightly, the "Heart's" form shifting out of the tube it had been in, wafting before them and gently patting Tali on the shoulder in an almost comforting fashion as more nanogenes began to form behind it in a cloud, beginning to take shape, forming a visage of towering alien structures. The capital city they'd just been in. That's what it was showing.
"I could see it happening. So many…so many of them. Wanting so much. So I brought as many as I could together in the capital. I explained to our leaders my greatest invention would be of immeasurable benefit to our race. Since I'd gotten in good with them, they believed me and sent out the call. After all, they were my best friends." The Heart quietly, sadly intoned as he gestured at the "screen" he had formed, the others looking at each other in confusion.
But Shepherd suddenly had a sickening feeling rising in his stomach like vomit that wanted to get out. "Oh no." He murmured.
"An immense chunk of the planet arrived at the capital and its outskirts. I explained as best I could. I knew they'd never be satisfied. I'd seen what they'd done to other colonies. Our species just kept taking and taking until their was nothing left to take from a planet. They'd kill our homeworld. If I LET them."
"No." Nick whispered, eyes widening.
"You didn't…" Shepherd gasped out.
"I had to stop them. Had to make sure the planet survived. That I, who now flowed through the world as its new bloodstream, survived. Because when it died, so would I. I just couldn't let them murder me." The Heart explained, wafting itself over to Shepherd, putting a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head back and forth. "The way they had all the other new homes they'd found. They screamed and they screamed, but I had to do it."
"You are just…what is wrong with you? That is outlandishly cruel!" Garrus snarled furiously. "You did all that?"
"It's necessary."
The Heart clapped its hands, the tentacles that held them shooting them up, up, as the ground above them split open in a perfect tube-shaped fashion, tossing them onto the surface of the planet as the wind began to pick up around them, moving swiftly, digging into their armored forms like a thousand bee stings. The snow came thick and heavy, suffocating as they tried to stand their ground, drawing their weapons as the air above them began to show thick, heavy stormclouds, and a horrific sound began to fill the air. The roar of thunder building. Thunder. In the middle of what was clearly an almost endless winter.
"I…can barely move my arms…" Wrex grunted out. It felt as though his body was being tied down with weights, all of the others struggling to try and pull themselves up, gasping and heaving. "What the f—k is going on?"
"It-it isn't just weather he's controlling! The ground, the skies, the planet's very gravity, everything! He's made himself the planet! Not just the bloodstream, the skin, the muscles, the fat, the nerve system, EVERYTHING!" Liara realized, blue eyes widening in absolute horror as Shepherd fired his gun uselessly into the ground, unable to really lift it even to his chest.
"I'm become so much more now, as you can see. And I see now that you small things? You always destroy." The planet spoke up, as if right by their side, the wind itself as its voice.
"We just wanted to help! We didn't want to hurt you!" Nick yelled out, the Heart sighing slightly.
"But you will. It's just your nature. You can't help it. But it doesn't have to be this way. Whilst I slept, I had time to think and dream. I will spread myself across all worlds. All will be me. And there will be peace."
"You don't have to do this." Tali grunted out, Garrus falling to his knees before Tali collapsed in front of Liara, Liara trying to use her biotic powers to keep herself up before she collapsed, Kaiden flopping onto the ground as Nick and Wrex crumpled. The gravitational pull was too great and soon Shepherd too was pulled down to his hands and knees.
"You sound like my dear friend. One of our leaders. He begged. He pleaded. He threatened. But he wouldn't listen. Wouldn't see. He didn't understand. So he murdered me. Using the last of his great psychic power, he struck at my core and ended it."
"He clearly didn't!" Nick yelled out as best he could. "He probably just wanted you to understand you'd gone too far. He still loved you even though after all you did, and hoped that you'd make the right choice if you woke back up." The medic managed to get out. "His name was Darithil, wasn't it?"
The weather momentarily abated, the Heart rising up from the ground to hover before them, its face solemn and sad.
"I saw your picture in the "smeetery" where they made children. It showed he was psychic. He's the one, right?"
"…he probably thought he was being kind." The former alien medic softly intoned. "And I understand you fear what is to come. But please, understand. This is necessary. And I will be gentle in joining all. There can be only one life. There can be only MY Will."
With that, the inky blackness stretched out, dozens of tentacles ensnaring them, each wrapping around a respective body part, sealing them in a cocoon of flesh save for their heads as a never-ending expansive "maw" began to form, circular and mighty, intending to envelop them. It's mandibles stretched wide to welcome them into the inky blackness that that planet was beginning to become, the medic fully joined with it, deep eyes still emanating that same comforting, tender warmth that seemed even more horrifying than the end that now was staring them right in the face. They could feel its hot breath on them all, an endless array of teeth surrounding them as they were lifted deep, deep into its engulfing maw.
"There can be only Jayd."
The thing wasn't just alive. It was a cancer. It was going to replace every living thing in the universe with itself.
And they knew they couldn't allow that.
And thank goodness, Joker had been listening in via their communications channel. A pulsating pounding of plasma cannon slammed into the mighty maw, the tentacles being dissolved by the sudden onslaught as the ground tossed their grenades at the surprised "face" of the thing. Explosions spread across Jayd's "face" as he shrieked and howled, tentacles rising, trying to ensnare them again, but as they whipped their weapons out and blasted away, harsh bullets tearing through flesh, the near-alien sensation of pain continued to disorient Jayd, making him reel.
"Please!" Nick screamed out, holding his hands up, his voice begging, pleading as he struggled not to give in to the deep sorrow that was welling, realizing what he had to do. "I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU!"
The tentacles halted, the "face" turning solemn, deep black eyes staring back.
"…but you will."
Nick's voice rang out through the air. A thousand points of light seemed to emanate out from the rising form of Jayd as he let out a final, screeching scream, being suspended in the air, impaled through the wrists, the legs, on display and hung out to dry on a symbol of sacrifice. He screamed and was then silent, everything turning grey and faded, his form having vanished as Nick collapsed to his knees, panting and heaving, clutching at his chest, lip quivering as Shepherd approached from behind and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on. Let's head back."
"…I didn't wanna kill him." Nick whispered, Shepherd helping him up to his feet as they slowly made their way towards the descending Normandy, the medic hanging his head. "I didn't wanna kill him…"
…
…
…
…a knock at the door and Shepherd pushed his way inside of the medic's room. He was lying on his bed, back to the door, curled up slightly, his voice cracked, fresh from crying. "I'd already been having terrible dreams every few nights. Now I know I'll get nightmares. I feel sick to my stomach. Just vomited out every ounce of ham I ate for lunch."
"You didn't have a choice." Shepherd insisted, shaking his head back and forth as he sat down in a nearby chair at the desk in the room, hands folded in his lap as he sighed. "You were there for me when I was in great doubt. Now its time I returned the favor. If you hadn't done what you did, Jayd would have killed all of us and gone on killing."
"It doesn't make me feel that much better. And I know it's selfish!" Nick admitted with a paind, harsh laugh. "Selfish for me to be more horrified that I killed somebody, that I did something wrong, than to be horrified with the death of another. I feel worse for me than I do for Jayd, and it disgusts me. It disgusts me to know how easily I can just rationalize killing someone. For-for God's sake, I'm a medic! I'm a SUPERHERO! I'm supposed to save lives, not take them away!" Nick gasped out, turning around, sitting up in his bed, slamming his hand against his chest as he shook his head back and forth. "The good guys don't kill. The…the good guys don't kill."
"It isn't entirely your fault. Jayd made his choice. You should be more mad with him for trying to kill us than yourself for retaliating. And you should be glad you feel horrified with yourself."
"Why?" Nick asked, blinking in surprise as Shepherd put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a warm smile.
"It shows you want to do the right thing. It shows you want to care more about life than the bottom line. You've got a very strong moral code, Nick. That's something pretty damn rare in this galaxy. No matter how badly it got battered today, you got to keep holding onto it. If nothing else…let what happened with Jayd remind you of why the ends can't ever justify the means. And why you can't ever kill."
"And I think that "no matter how awful people get, you should try to forgive"." Nick added quietly. "If Jayd had just tried to forgive his people, none of this might have happened."
"That's on him. I'd like to think you made him realize what he was doing." Shepherd admitted, and Nick chewed on his lip, the two staring at each other for a small while before Nick slowly spoke up.
"Would you…I dunno…do you know how to play piano? I used to, but I've been out of practice for a while, and I'd like to learn how to play some Christmas songs for the party we're having."
"I don't know how, but I know LIARA likes to." Shepherd said with a small smile, sitting up in the chair and giving Nick another pat on the shoulder. "Come on. Let's see if she can teach you "Good King Wencelas"."
The two headed off, Shepherd seeing Nick actually beginning to smile a little as he inwardly beamed himself. It would take a little while, but the kid would get there. He understood how it felt. A medic's first job was, after all, "first do no harm". It was understandable he'd be loathe to kill. And putting an end to a planet itself, even in the name of saving the galaxy, Shepherd could sympathize. Yet he hoped Nick would take what he said to heart, and that he wouldn't let what happened destroy him.
Though he also felt somewhat sad about what had happened. He remembered Jayd's comforting touch, the way he'd listened to Tali and loosened his grip, his sympathetic voice. Part of him felt guilty that they'd been unable to change Jayd's mind. If only he'd been able to be convinced. They could have been friends.
Unbeknownst to Shepherd, though, something odd was happening back on the formerly dead planet.
A single flower, a pretty little white rose, blossomed slowly out from the ground in a perfectly circular patch of green grass as a tiny form slowly wafted up into the air, black eyes widening.
"I...
I am.
I am Will.
I…am Jayd."