A/N: Next chapter. Yay!
Thank you to the reviewers, you guys are awesome.
And a thank you to Greg for beta-ing.
XLV.
Though Doug and Gia dropped their eyes, Roman kept his penetrating gaze locked on Jimmy. There wasn't much of the usual fire in Roman's stare; it felt somewhat lost in a way, distant and forlorn. It struck Jimmy then, the deepening despair in the three; Kelsey hadn't just left, she had abandoned them, and through that came a much more awe-inspiring realization.
We're not like Ben, Roman had declared it so many times, but Jimmy had never fully grasped its meaning until that very moment. It was true, they weren't like Ben, but it had nothing to do with the spikes, the harness, and the extent of their genetically altered physiology. Ben had been rescued. His father and his brother had searched for him, it was their main reason for joining the resistance, and once they'd spotted him, Professor Mason made it clear in no uncertain terms to Weaver that he intended to invade the harnessing facility and rescue Ben and that was exactly what he did. Then Dr. Glass cut the harness from Ben's back and their family was reunited. Happily ever after, or just about the closest anyone could get in the apocalypse.
But what did that make Roman, Gia, Douglas, Kelsey, and, maybe to a lesser extent, Rick? They were all last minute after thoughts, unforeseen side-effects that came along whether anyone liked it or not with the real aim of Professor Mason and Hal's search-and-rescue mission several months ago: Ben. And even though Ben was no more wanted by the 2nd Mass than the other five, at least he had family there that loved him. As for the rest, they were all just unintended consequences, no more wanted nor having a place in the resistance than a ghost that outlived its usefulness when the 2nd Mass left Dorchester.
They weren't like Ben. If anything, they were exactly like Jimmy, lost and misplaced and searching for something, anything to hold onto and call their own. So in absence of their own family coming to rescue and reunite with them, they formed a family together. What else could they do? But now a part of that makeshift family had left, shrugged them off as though shrugging off a coat in July, and all that remained was the jarring reminder that they weren't really anything to one another or anyone else that was left in the world; it was disorienting to say the least and needless to say, Jimmy was overly familiar with the feeling.
"Tell me about the signal," Jimmy repeated.
"Already told you, we're not the ones that owe you an explanation," Roman muttered.
"Actually, you are," Jimmy gently returned, and the shift in his tone caused the others to hesitate, he smirked sadly up at Roman, "You're the ones that made me a part of it, not Ben," his eyes fell to the floor and he murmured, "You're the ones that want me a part of it. So either bring me in, bring me all the way in or…"
Jimmy sighed and lifted his eyes to meet Roman's once more; blinking away the flicker of pain as he dwelled on the inference in his own words.
"Or leave me out of it and leave me alone."
Roman turned his face away, and shifted uncomfortably. Gia peeked up at Jimmy and Doug snorted softly under his breath.
"We don't know much about it," Roman began. He straightened, took a deep breath and looked once more at Jimmy, "It started several weeks back, out of nowhere. At first it was faint, then it got louder, sometimes it fades out but…but it's always there."
"No one else could hear it," Gia mentioned, "We figured that out real quick. That it was just us."
"And the other two," Douglas whispered, "They hear it too."
"What does it sound like?" Jimmy wondered, "Is there a pattern to it? Is it like Morse code or…?"
"Nothing like that," Roman said, "It's hard to explain. It's kind of like…like the sound of candy wrappers, when you squash candy wrapper in your hands."
"Cellophane," Doug provided, "Crinkling cellophane."
"But then, it's not like that at all," Gia added.
Jimmy frowned, his brow wrinkling.
"That's not very helpful," he noted, though his mind was stumbling back to several weeks ago. Several things had occurred in that time span, some of which he couldn't be entirely certain were connected, but one of which stood out very clearly in his mind, "Is this signal why you asked Weaver for training?"
The three exchanged looks then sheepishly murmured various confirmations.
"What else is there about this signal? How does it make you…do you lose time or…are there things you've done, maybe things you wouldn't normally ever do, that you don't remember doing?" Jimmy asked, sounding put out by the question out of fear of its answer.
"No…" Roman carefully replied, perking a brow, scowling and surmising, "You're trying to excuse your psycho razorback's poor behavior with this weird signal thing. Unbelievable."
Jimmy narrowed his eyes on Roman, demanding, "What do you know about it?"
"I know when someone tells me they care about me right after they nearly twisted my arm out of its socket that chances are their actions are speaking way more loudly than their words," Roman hissed and Jimmy felt a terrible pang in his chest as he recalled Roman's confession the other night, "When are you going to figure it out, brat? You can't trust him."
Jimmy faltered, slumping back against the wall and screwing his eyes tightly shut.
"Why did Kelsey leave?" he asked, forcing the topic away from Ben. It was a difficult enough subject to think about when he knew the other boy's location and status, right then his thoughts were already in too dark a place as far as Ben's whereabouts went without throwing in doubt and not-entirely-irrational fears of alien mind control.
"Kelsey could hear the signal more clearly than the rest of us," Gia confessed, "Probably because…because her 'powers', the alien stuff, it's stronger in her than the rest of us."
"Really," Jimmy murmured, asked, "Why is that?"
"Probably because she was harnessed longer," Doug commented off handedly, and Gia poked him sharply in the ribs.
"I thought you were all harnessed at the same time," Jimmy persisted, darting looks to each of them, his mind reeling back once more to every conversation he'd ever had with Kelsey, going back to the truck and the shopping trip, "Kelsey was the one that wanted to go out to that alien structure today. Is that where the signal was coming from? The structure?"
"Kelsey thought it was, but she was wrong," Gia confirmed.
"Kelsey…was she…" Jimmy paused, searched for the right words, uncertain how to properly phrase the question, so he simply blurted out, "Is she a razorback?"
"No," Roman snapped, bristling angrily, "Did you see those spikes sticking out of her? She doesn't have them; she's not one of them."
"She…" Doug began, but let it drop after a sharp look from Roman.
They fell silent when Dai entered the hallway and Jimmy straightened, the senior officer examining him.
"I need a word," Dai said after a few minutes scrutiny.
Jimmy nodded and followed the young man into an empty room. He stood at attention and tensed slightly when Dai spun and eyed him warily, arms folded over his chest.
"You left during the attack," Dai stated.
Jimmy opened his mouth to explain, to insist once more that it had been against his will, but the words died on his tongue and only a small, strangled squeak managed to escape his throat. He ducked his head, ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Dai, I know I screwed up," he said.
"And you destroyed that alien structure," Dai interjected.
Jimmy nodded.
"Right, well, if we get out of this alive, remind me to punish you for insubordination later," Dai said, and Jimmy glanced up at him, catching the teasing smirk on his lip, "Anthony tells me you think the sewers could be a viable escape route?"
"Yeah. I think we could take them out of the suburbs," Jimmy sheepishly explained, "There should be an outlet somewhere just outside of the city, probably one that washes out into a river nearby."
"Right. We'll do that then," Dai decided.
Jimmy nodded again, and then made a noise as though clearing his throat. Dai raised a brow, a gesture that prompted Jimmy to speak his mind.
"Ben," Jimmy whispered, nibbling his inner cheek, "We got separated out at the alien blob…I don't know…I think he came back this way, I don't know for sure. I need…I don't want to leave until I find him."
"I understand," Dai replied, though his expression gave no indication that he truly did, and he strode towards the door, saying shortly, "We need to move."
"Well…are we going to look for Ben?" Jimmy wondered, befuddled, and hurrying after the ever-unreadable young man, "Wait, Dai, I don't understand! Are you going to let me look for Ben or not? Dai…?"
…
After a couple blocks, Skitters intermittently attacking in tiny forces, Uncle Scott made the call to take refuge in another building, a preschool with a tall cement wall along its backside. Dr. Glass suggested that she look at Ben's injuries, some were fresh from their movements, but mostly she was interested in treating the ones he'd retained from his mission out at the alien structure. The group holed up in one of the larger classrooms, and Dr. Glass took Ben aside to the restroom, Matt tagging along, hovering at the bathroom entrance as Dr. Glass cleaned what she could of the injuries, most of which had dried up already and scabbed over.
They sat in silence at first, and then Ben glanced warily at Matt, and in a low voice asked Dr. Glass, "Where did you last see Hal?"
"The church," she answered softly, her own eyes momentarily fleeing to the youngest Mason, "He asked if we'd keep an eye on Matt. With you gone, he was reluctant to leave Matt alone but he wanted to give Matt the best chance of getting out of here."
"Best chance would've been to stay with Matt," Ben mumbled, barely noticing the pain as Dr. Glass prodded a particularly bruised and gaping laceration in his side, still oozing blood it seemed.
"You might need stitches on this one," she clucked reprovingly, fumbling in her bag for a needle and thread, alcohol to disinfect.
"Leave it," Ben decided, noticing that Matt had maneuvered round behind him and was staring at the spikes protruding from his spine. He could hear the adults in the other room arguing with Uncle Scott and Kate about whether or not they should be traveling with 'one of them', "We don't have time."
"It'll only take me a few minutes," Dr. Glass replied, finding the items she needed and prepping them, "It's going to be a long ways until I can get you properly cleaned up, and I imagine you'll be taking quite a few more beatings until then, so it's important I take care of any tiny bit of patching up that I can do right now."
Ben sighed, but relented, shifting to give the doctor better access to the injury. He could feel the needle and thread tugging his skin closed, but it was a muted feeling, almost as though he were merely dreaming about feeling it. Matt disappeared from the bathroom, the door clicking shut behind him, and Ben frowned, glaring at the tiled floor.
"He worries about you," Dr. Glass commented, "Both of you."
"How bad was it? Getting to that house where I found you guys?" Ben asked.
"We lost a lot of our group. Some of them children," Dr. Glass answered, "One that Matt was getting along with, Tim, was lost."
"Oh," Ben said, because he felt he should say something but wasn't sure what. He'd never heard mention of any 'Tim', and he wasn't sure if that was because he hadn't listened or because he hadn't been around enough to hear. He wondered distantly if Hal knew anything of Tim, but pushed that pondering swiftly away, as he could easily guess the answer: no.
"My aunt Kate, she's in bad shape, more so than she's letting on," Dr. Glass admitted, tying off the stitch, and clipping the thread with a knife from her bag, "I think there might be internal bleeding, but she won't let me check. There's not much I can do about it right now if there is."
"I'm sorry," Ben whispered, shuddering at the brush of Dr. Glass's hands as she taped gauze over the fresh stitches. There wasn't much else he could say. From what little he remembered of his days interestedly researching medicine, internal bleeding could lead to a quick and silent death if not caught and treated.
"I'm sure that he's alright," Dr. Glass said.
Ben nodded, but didn't ask who she meant. Hal seemed obvious; they'd opened discussion on Hal, and spoke about Ben's brothers in general. Or it could be Jimmy, but Ben was trying his damndest not to think about where Jimmy might or might not be at that moment, he didn't think he could continue to do what the group needed him to do if he let himself linger on it. Either that or she meant his father, or even all three, or someone more obscure like the captain. Most likely, she didn't mean any of them at all in particular; she was only saying the words to make Ben feel better, not because the sentiment carried any truth.
"I guess that's the best I can do for now," Dr. Glass announced.
Ben slipped his shirt back on and started for the door as Dr. Glass repacked the scant medical supplies she'd been able to grab and bring along with her in all the fleeing.
"Dr. Glass," Ben began, pausing in the bathroom door and recalling his conversation with Uncle Scott shortly after the first attack the night before about confessing to Dr. Glass the mysterious happenings with his alien spikes. It seemed so long ago, time moved so rapidly along those days. It was hard for Ben to believe he was only just turning fifteen in less than a month, he felt far too old for his age. He could barely remember the scrawny, skittish child he'd been at the start of the invasion. Ben had lost track of Jimmy because his blackouts, and maybe in that sense at the very least, those adults were right not to want Ben amongst them. He couldn't be trusted, couldn't be relied on.
"What is it?" Dr. Glass prompted, slinging her bag over her shoulder and looking curiously at the teenager standing across from her – too young to be a man, too old to be a boy, too alien to be any part of humanity's hero.
"Nothing…just, thank you for the patch up," Ben mumbled, swiftly exiting. Matt waited in the hallway, perking when Ben appeared, and hastily following, as they rejoined the others in the classroom.
"Everyone thinks it's a bad idea to keep moving with all of these children like this," Uncle Scott said when Ben and Dr. Glass approached. Evidently, he didn't plan on voicing the other thing everyone else thought, that Ben was not and should not be welcome as their vanguard.
"It does make us an easier target," Ben agreed.
"It's been proposed that we leave the children here with a couple adults and break into a few pairs to search out the rest of the 2nd Mass, try and bring them back here," Uncle Scott continued, "We can cover more ground that way, and go a bit more undetected. Kate isn't feeling up to moving much farther, and my old bones are giving me trouble, we volunteered to stay with the children."
"I think I should stay too," Dr. Glass suggested, and though Ben figured it was probably because she wanted to keep an eye on Kate, Dr. Glass offered up explanation, "I imagine a lot of the people found and brought back here will be injured, I should be ready to take care of them."
"Everyone has picked themselves out a traveling companion," Uncle Scott went on and Ben nodded, understanding the hidden meaning in that proclamation, that no one picked Ben, "And are discussing where to scout at…we'll keep one gun here, give one to each party and divvy up the ammo. It's been mentioned, and now you don't have to if you don't want to, but a few people noticed that you fare well with your knife against the Skitters. Not a single one of us could manage that. Would you be willing to part with your rifle? Give it up to another pair?"
"Is that really a choice?" Ben scoffed, slipping the aforementioned gun off his shoulder and passing it over.
"It's always a choice," Uncle Scott said kindly, taking the weapon and smiling, "This is appreciated by all of us, I want you to know that. Just because you can manage in melee, doesn't mean it's easy, we recognize that."
"Right," Ben muttered. Uncle Scott sighed, and patted the young boy's shoulder.
"It's up to you if you want to head out alone or pick a party to travel with," he said.
"I'll go with Ben," Matt offered.
"Alone is fine," Ben said wearily, ignoring Matt's petulant look, "I can move faster by myself. I'll leave now, head northeast, the direction I heard gunfire earlier."
"I'll let the other's know," Uncle Scott conceded, and he and Dr. Glass headed back to the group, Dr. Glass gently touching Ben's shoulder in passing.
"I can go with you," Matt complained, dogging after Ben as he strode for the door, "Ben, I want to go with you."
"Matt," Ben growled, reeling on his younger brother, seething with his frustration at not knowing where Hal was, at his well-concealed panic of not knowing where Jimmy was, his feelings of hurt and betrayal at the group's distrust and his own distrust in himself, "And what good would you be to me? You'd only get in the way. You need to stay here and shut up."
"But you promised you wouldn't leave me again," Matt whispered, his features dropping.
Ben scowled, heart hammering in his chest. He took a deep breath and lowered himself to his knee, so he was more or less eye level with Matt, and gripped the younger boy's shoulders.
"I know, and I don't want to, but I don't have a choice, Matt," Ben said.
"Whatever. Everyone always leaves me behind," Matt murmured, "Mom, dad, Hal, you…"
"Matt, now is really not the time," Ben groaned, exasperated. He couldn't believe the little pain was really pulling a 'nobody cares about me' tantrum in the middle of the goddamned battlefield.
"When is the time? It's not fair, Ben! You and Hal get to go off and fight and do actual important stuff and I have to stay with little kids and the civilians," Matt hissed, snottily remarking, "Because you have to be the big powerful fighter who does all the protecting and I have to be the weak little kid that needs to be protected. No wonder Jimmy gets so mad at you. You're such a jerk."
Ben flinched, dually taken aback by the sudden mention of his MIA lover and the force of Matt's words.
"You're unbelievable, you know that? You don't want to be treated like a kid, Matt, well then grow up," Ben snapped, "In case you haven't noticed more important things are going on right now, I cannot spend my time out there worrying about where you are, when I'm already worried enough as it is about Hal and Jimmy."
Matt tugged himself free of Ben's grasp and darkened a glower on the older boy, "Because he's more important."
"That is not what I said," Ben seethed, rolling his eyes, agitation prickling at the hairs on the back of his neck, "Why do you have to act like this right now?"
Where the hell was Jimmy? Why hadn't he waited or at least gone looking for Ben? Had something happened to him? Or was he starting to think like the rest of the 2nd Mass again, realizing there might be truth in their catty whispers; that Ben couldn't be relied on?
"Fine. Go. I don't need you," Matt spat out, stumbling several steps backwards, he dropped his voice low and accused, "Everyone's probably right, you probably are working with the Skitters. My real older brother wouldn't break his promise."
"Or maybe your real older brother is just sick of your crap," Ben muttered tersely, shaking his head as though to shake away the stir of emotion in him from Matt's snide comment and, standing once more, whispered, "I'm sorry, Matt."
Matt shook his head and kicked absently at the ground, "Whatever."
Ben sighed, considering the younger boy a moment. Maybe Matt had every right to be angry, and maybe Ben had every reason to take Matt with him and forget the rest of the group, after all, they made it perfectly clear they didn't want him or his help. But like it or not, Ben and his brothers and, what's more, Jimmy needed the 2nd Mass, so there Ben stood, rock and hard place, yet again. He gently brushed a hand across Matt's head, mussing the hair a bit, which Matt half-heartedly responded indignantly towards, then Ben spun round on heel and hastened from the preschool, not once looking back.
.
.
.
AN: I don't really like these next several chapters so I kind of hope you people enjoy them.
Otherwise, I need to go to bed.
Thanks for reading, please review and whatnot.
Reviewers: Guest, um...happy birthday? Belated, I suppose. IcicleLilly, yeah, another separation. Shit happens. Sorry, tired. Hm...I know a few sensual scenes are **eventually** coming up, within the next ten chapters or so...ish, less, maybe. We'll see. SassySavanna190, the show does take long breaks, doesn't it? I'll be surprised if they retain much of an audience if they keep that up, short seasons and really long breaks tend to kill shows. Yes, Hal, Matt, and Dr. G are good. Dai is also doing well, are you not glad of that? They aren't just being snarky, they do have a bit of rationale, even though we'd all be devastated if it turned out to be true (no one more so than Jimmy, of course). Yeah, stupid Hal, getting Jimmy thinking about Ben. You'll see how everyone is doing later. Eventually. Not long. Less then five chapters. I think. No. Yes. I can't remember.
I need to sleep. See you guys...Sunday? Yeah, sure, we'll go with Sunday.