AN: Here's a little chapter for you, advancing some of the story lines along. I'll try to get a little something else out for you tomorrow night after work.
I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!
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As they were driving back to Michonne's house from the Wagon Wheel, Andrea was beginning to wonder what had come over Merle, or if it was even Merle that was driving the vehicle he'd borrowed from Tyreese.
Throughout dinner they hadn't talked too much, but when they had talked, it was the simple and easy conversation that could be had with Merle when he wasn't trying to prove any points and he wasn't trying to impress anyone with his surliness.
They'd kept the conversation, somewhat awkwardly, centered on Daryl and Carol. Andrea was afraid to enter into anything else for fear of what kind of dormant version of Merle it might awaken from wherever he had that side of himself tucked.
Merle seemed oddly moved that his brother had chosen to get married. He didn't even, for at least the time that they were out, speak of it as though Daryl had been trapped in the vicious metal bear trap that he normally painted marriage as. In fact, Andrea would have almost dared to say that Merle was pleased that Daryl was married, or at least that he had found something that he liked out of life.
Of course, Andrea already knew, though he never would have admitted it, that Merle had a large sweet spot that ran very deep for his brother. He enjoyed harassing the hell out of Daryl when he was given the chance, but there was no hiding at all that Merle considered Daryl one of the most important, if not the most important, person that had ever been in his life.
And he wanted him to be happy. And any fool could see that Carol made Daryl happy.
For all their problems and for all the little disagreements and such that they must pass through, anyone that knew Daryl and Carol felt like they just belonged together. Andrea would have felt corny and cliché if she'd tried to express her feelings on it, but she really felt the two of them completed each other in a way and they complimented each other as well.
And maybe Merle saw that.
The closer they got to Michonne's house, though, the more that Andrea wondered what in the world she was doing in Merle's company. What had she been thinking and what was she going to do now?
This Merle…the Merle that she'd had dinner with and the one that had attended Daryl's wedding and reception. This was the Merle that she knew, most of the time, in private. He was crusty and surly and from time to time had a smart ass comment or two for whoever would listen, but in private, when the walls went down, he didn't try as hard to fight against the world.
Andrea knew that her friends thought she was crazy sometimes for having tolerated Merle for as long as she had, but it would have been impossible to get them to understand that Merle…for all his bad points, and there were plenty of those…was a good man down deep inside, and she could see that. Down deep inside, Merle was a man that she knew she could care about deeply, though she wouldn't have dared to even think the word love.
The problem was, though, that Merle had decided long ago that he didn't need anyone. He thought that he tolerated Daryl, though that was obviously not the case, and he thought that's all he had to have in his life. Unlike Daryl, Merle never thought there was any beauty in finding "his other half" and living out the rest of his days with that person.
Or else he just didn't believe that anywhere out there was someone that would ever be his other half and be willing to live out the rest of his days with him, in which case it was easier just to keep everyone away and not deal with the disappointment each and every person may bring.
And somewhere along the line, Andrea had let herself think that maybe…just maybe…she was meant to be that other half. She'd thought that maybe if she showed Merle that someone out there could be just as alone as he thought he was…maybe he'd realize that he could drop the act and he could just accept the comfort of finding someone.
She liked the Merle that Merle was when he wasn't trying to be the persona that he created for himself…the problem really only came when he let himself get nervous about his situation.
When things started to go well for Merle, or he felt like they were going well, he sabotaged his own life. Better to hurt himself than to let anyone else hurt him. That was his motto.
That motto was what Andrea suspected had always kept Merle from admitting that he cared about her…because she believed that he did. If it felt easy, though…if it felt like they might be settling into something and it felt like forever might actually be a reality, then Merle got scared. The fear then, would make him bring out his persona, dust it off, parade it around, and allow it to run through his life and try to run off anyone or anything that frightened him.
And that was when Merle would remind her that she was nothing to him and that he didn't care about her at all. She could leave or she could stay and he wouldn't lose not one damn minute of sleep about it. He didn't care.
It was something that Andrea had heard time and time again, and not just from Merle. If there was a story of her life…that was the story of her life, and she knew it didn't exactly read like a bedtime story.
So she'd been able to ignore it for a while. She'd been able to swallow it when he threw it at her for no reason except his own insecurities showing their ugly faces. She'd tried to play his game and avoid ever saying she cared…avoid ever speaking about feelings…since those things would trigger the persona. And when the Merle that didn't care came out to play, she'd dealt with him.
But she'd finally left. She'd finally gotten tired of hearing it. Maybe it had been seeing Daryl and Carol together…maybe it was seeing Michonne and Tyreese…maybe it was just knowing that somewhere out there she wanted more than to spend the rest of her life trying to care for Merle while simultaneously trying to convince him that she didn't care so as to not startle him. She'd finally taken the offer when he said it was all the same to him if she left or if she stayed, and she left.
And now she was in the car with him, driving back toward Michonne's house where she'd spend the night so as to give the happy couple at least a little bit of privacy, and she was remembering exactly why it was that she cared for the Merle that most people never even got to see.
Seeing that Merle, though, had her concerned and had her battling with her own will. She wasn't going to roll over to Merle Dixon any longer. At some point he would have to either man up and accept that there was someone he cared about, someone who cared about him, and let them try to work toward finding something together, or she'd have to walk and see if she couldn't find something better.
Axel was something better…at least to some degree. He was a good man and he was kind to her. He was more than willing, if she gave him the notice, to admit any feelings that she needed to admit. He wanted a simple life and he wanted to spend it with someone, and he was just fine if it was her. For all intents and purposes, Andrea knew that she couldn't do much better than Axel. He was probably about as good a man as was ever going to cross her path…as good a man as she was ever going to find that was going to take her, baggage and all, and treat her like a princess.
Still, for as easy as it seemed…the whole idea of give up on Merle and take the prize she could find in Axel…there was something for Merle that she felt that she simply didn't feel for Axel. And she worried that whatever it was that she felt for him was going to always make her come back to the "what ifs" in life.
"What'cha so fuckin' quiet for?" Merle asked, snapping Andrea back into reality and away from her musings.
It wasn't like he'd exactly been a chatterbox himself, but she guessed that maybe she had been quieter than normal. How could she explain, though, especially to Merle, that she'd been sitting there the whole ride to the house, trying to decide what to do about him?
"Just been a long day," she offered. "I guess I'm tired."
Merle hummed something in the dark of the car. It was more a sound to fill the silence than anything that meant anything and Andrea knew it.
"Ya ready ta end this lil' night already?" Merle asked, after a moment.
"What did you have in mind?" Andrea asked. They'd closed down the Wagon Wheel and everything was closed by now. It was a week night and nine was pretty much closing time for everything except a couple of gas stations or convenience stores…unless of course they wanted to go and make a show at the Watering Hole.
Merle sucked his teeth and drummed his palms on the steering wheel. He snickered after a moment.
"Come back ta my place?" He asked. "Ya know ya miss me."
Andrea sighed.
She'd somehow felt that the entire evening was building up to this. She'd been building her resolved against it too. It wasn't that she had any problem with going back to his place…or that she couldn't just accept a night of random sex with someone if that's what she was in the mood for…but she didn't want that with Merle, not anymore.
She had missed him, though, and she'd be lying if she said she hadn't. She wouldn't so much as let Axel get to third base and he'd really only barely made it to second despite his best efforts in a moment of weakness that she had here or there. Looking back through her life this was the longest dry spell she'd had since she started really having sex…instead of just having it in people's rumors.
"I don't think so, Merle," Andrea said after a minute. "I think we'd better just go through with the plan. It's better if you take me to Michonne's."
"Come on, sugar tits," Merle said. "Ya used ta be all damn big talk about how ya did what the hell ya wanted when the hell ya wanted it. Don't reckon ya lil' boyfriend's done driven ya ass ta be soft has he?"
Andrea rolled her eyes, though there wasn't the bite in Merle's voice that there normally would be there when delivering such a line.
"I haven't gone soft, Merle," Andrea said. "And I do what the hell I want to do when I want to do it. It just so happens that I don't want to go back to your place right now."
Merle drummed his hands again on the steering wheel.
"Why do you want me to come back to your place, Merle?" Andrea asked after a minute, feeling bold. "You just hard up for some ass or what?"
Merle chuckled.
"You the one that called it," Merle said.
Andrea could see Michonne's house just a few blocks away. If he was going to change her mind then he had very little space in which to do so.
"I'm serious," Andrea said. "If I came back to your place…what would you be expecting to happen?"
Merle chuckled again.
"Reckon ya know what the fuck would happen, Andrea…" Merle said.
"Tonight, maybe…" Andrea said. "And tomorrow?"
"Who the fuck is worried 'bout tomorrow when we talkin' 'bout makin' sweet music tonight?" Merle responded.
He pulled into the driveway and Andrea reached around into the back seat and plucked out the plastic grocery bag full of clothes she'd tossed back there earlier. She opened the door and Merle caught her arm, tugging her back toward him.
"Sure ya ain't wantin' ta come on back with ole Merle?" Merle asked.
Andrea swallowed. The door wasn't open wide enough to trigger the interior lights of the car, but Michonne had left the walkway light on and it illuminated the car enough for Andrea to see Merle's face. If she hadn't already made up her mind about the least that she would settle for, she might have gotten lost looking at him then.
She shook her head softly, smiling and knowing he'd be able to see it.
"Not tonight, Merle…maybe we can talk about it tomorrow," Andrea said. "Because I think it's time to start worrying about tomorrow more than just tonight."
Merle growled a little and let go of her arm. Andrea pushed the door open and took her grocery bag. She leaned back into the door.
"I had a good time, Merle," she said. "I hope we can do it again sometime."
Merle sucked his teeth and then smiled at her.
"I aim ta please, sugah," Merle responded.
Andrea nodded her head a little at him and backed up, closing the car door and making her way as quickly to the house as possible before she lost her resolve and went back, asking him to take her to his place. When she was finally inside, and safe from herself and her own habit of making poor choices, she locked the door and waited a moment just in the entrance hall of the house.
She sighed and started quietly down the hallway toward the bedroom she was staying in, careful not to wake any of the already sleeping occupants of the house. Maybe one day Merle would change and maybe one day he'd be willing to admit that he might like more out of life than just "tonight," but Andrea knew that it wasn't something that was going to happen quickly. Still, any step in the right direction, no matter how a small a step and how faltering, was a step.
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Michonne hung up the phone and sighed to herself. She got up out of her chair and picked up her coffee mug, slipping into the break room and refreshing the coffee before she slipped into her father's empty office and dug through his file cabinet in search of something sweet.
At least if the news she was carrying around sucked she could try to numb the pain with chocolate.
Michonne slipped out to the reception area of the offices. Everything was still and empty and unless they had some walk ins it was likely to stay that way for the rest of the day. There wasn't anything on the books.
Carol was sitting in the rolling chair behind the desk, her head leaned back and her eyes closed. Her overall aura matching the quiet peace of the office. Michonne disturbed her when she put her coffee mug down on the desk beside her and Carol sat up, smiling at her.
"Almost nothing going on today," Carol said. "You're not booked for anything for the rest of the day."
Michonne nodded.
"I've got a few things that I need to take care of," Michonne replied. "There's really not much, though. If you're bored you could take half a day."
Carol shook her head.
"I told your father that I'd organize some files for him," Carol said. "I'm going to start that in a few minutes. I need all the hours that I can get."
Michonne nodded at her. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell Carol what she had to say. Carol looked so happy right now…or if not happy exactly, she just looked peaceful and content. Michonne hated to be the one to break that for her, and there was no one else around that could take the dirty job.
Carol smiled at her, the way she normally did when a comfortable silence fell between them.
"Carol," Michonne started, figuring it was now or never, "I need to talk to you but I want you to try to keep things in perspective."
The panicked look that hit Carol's face let Michonne know that Carol was already not keeping things in perspective and it also reminded her that she'd never been very good with giving bad news to anyone.
"What's wrong?" Carol asked.
"I just got off the phone with Rick Grimes," Michonne said. "He was just up at county and picking up…well the latest news or what have you. Ed's trial finished…he's out in a week…as soon as everything finishes processing."
Carol covered her mouth with her hand and stared at the desk, quiet. Michonne had thought that she might cry about it, but for the moment there weren't any tears. She was in shock, maybe, or processing things. It was hard to tell in this situation what the woman might be going through.
"We don't know that he's coming back to Sweet Junction," Michonne said. "There's really nothing here for him…his family isn't here. His business was liquidated…everything he owned was liquidated. There's no reason really for him to come back here."
Michonne had spent at least a half hour in her office after she got off the phone with Rick simply trying to make everything as fine and worry free for herself as she could. She wasn't sure she believed herself entirely, but she needed to believe herself, and right now she needed to convince Carol of that which she wasn't sure was even true.
Carol shook her head a little, her hand still covering her mouth, and then she finally dropped her hand. Her eyes were wide, but there were still no tears.
"He'll come back…" Carol said. "He'll come back for me."
Carol hit her feet after a moment and paced somewhat nervously away from Michonne and toward the back of the office area, her hand going back over her mouth and the other coming to rest on her hip.
"He'll kill me this time…" Carol said.
Michonne thought that the scariest thing about the phrase was how calmly Carol uttered it. She might as well have been saying that she was out of milk or the copy machine was jammed yet again.
"No…no…" Michonne answered. "He's not coming near you, Carol. Even if he does come back to Sweet Junction. He's not coming near you and he's not going to lay a hand on you. He'll still have a restraining order…"
Carol turned around quickly and chuckled a little.
"And that does so much good! It was amazing how hard it was for him to walk through the last one," Carol said. "It almost…it almost slowed him down a little."
"I know that things didn't turn out the best before," Michonne said, "but we're not going to let anything happen. Ed won't get to you. He'll be drummed out of town before that happens. Everyone here…they know now what kind of animal Ed was. It's no secret anymore. And you, and me, and Andrea…we're all going to take a weekend and we're all going to do concealed weapons training with Rick. You're not going to be Ed's victim anymore."
Carol nodded. She stopped pacing and stood still a moment. Michonne wasn't sure how to read her facial expression or the way that she was acting in the slightest. The best that she could guess that was going on was shock. At least that's what she suspected.
"I need to start on those files," Carol said. "I can probably finish them before closing time if I start now…"
Yep, Michonne thought, this had to be some kind of manifestation of shock. She considered, for a moment, telling Carol that she could go home or even that she should go home. Maybe she needed to be in her little nest…her carefully constructed safe haven. After a moment's thought, though, Michonne decided that sitting her father's office and mindlessly organizing files where Michonne could keep an eye out for her might be the best place for Carol.
"Why don't you do that?" Michonne asked. "I'll have lunch delivered. Anything in particular you think you'd like?"
Carol looked at her, her hand going back over her mouth, but making no other movements. After a second she shook her head slightly.
"Anything's fine," she said.
Michonne picked up her coffee cup and stepped out of the way, allowing a clear passage from Carol's little space into the hallway and her father's office beyond that.
"Then why don't you start on the files? I'll be in my office if you need anything…and I'll let you know when lunch is here," Michonne said.
Carol smiled slightly and awkwardly made her way through the space. Michonne stood back and watched until she knew that Carol was settled in the often unused office. Michonne started back to her own then, peeking through the door to see Carol settling into the mindless work, and then continuing back to her desk. She'd order lunch, just as she had said she would, but first she was getting ahold of Daryl and giving him a head's up on the situation. If anyone was going to be able to handle Carol…or if anyone was going to feel the aftermath of when the shock wore off…it was going to be Daryl, and Michonne figured he might, in true Daryl fashion, need the rest of the hours that the workday would offer him to prepare.