AN: Here's another little chapter for you guys!
As always, thank you for your comments and reviews. You guys overwhelm me with the thought that you've stuck with me so far and you're still so excited about what we've got coming. (I'm really glad, though, because I love the story and it's exciting to share it with other people who love it too!)
I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 111111
Carol came through the door and absentmindedly went through her routine of letting Lincoln out in the yard. As soon as she let him out, though, she turned around and walked back to the door, locking it. Daryl and Andrea both had keys. They could let themselves in, but she needed to start training herself to keep the doors locked and not assume that the next person to walk in unannounced would be someone that was welcome in her space.
Carol stripped out of her clothes, changing into her sweatpants and one of the oversized t-shirts that she was pretty sure Andrea had stolen from Merle and she'd later stolen from Andrea out of the wash. She let Lincoln back in and went directly to the couch after giving him his bone, collapsing down on it. Lincoln, seeing the opportunity for snuggles, immediately joined her, forcing her to scrunch as much against the back of the couch as she could to give him space to settle down with a sigh beside her.
So Ed was getting out of prison. It was done and just like that someone had decided that he didn't deserve to be behind bars…not for what he'd done.
And Carol wasn't sure how she felt about it. She felt like she had too many feelings about the whole thing to even begin to process them all. As Michonne had said, they weren't sure that Ed would come back to Sweet Junction. Rationally there was nothing for him in the quiet little town.
Irrationally, though, Carol knew that Ed felt like he owned her. He'd always felt like she was something he possessed and therefore could do with her as he pleased. He'd been furious when she left and that was part of the reason for his attack against her. She didn't pretend to believe that during his short stint in prison he had changed and just decided to let her go and let bygones be bygones. Ed wouldn't come back to Sweet Junction because he felt any connection or any softness for the town. Ed would come back for revenge against her.
And Philip Blake hadn't made things any better in the courtroom. In building a story that would make the jury feel sorry for Ed…would make them feel like anything he'd done could possibly be justified in any way…he'd reinforced all the things that made Ed furious with her.
She'd been painted as the scarlet woman by Blake. Her open and well-known affair with Daryl, even though it was something that happened during her separation from Ed, was painted as something that no one really knew if she was being honest about or not. Perhaps the affair had gone on before that and fueled Ed's suspicions…maybe she'd been the one to bring the Dixons to town even…and maybe there had been affairs before.
Philip Blake knew she was pregnant too…even though most of Sweet Junction still didn't know it for sure, after all she wasn't showing that clearly and she hadn't confirmed it for too many of the gossips, Blake had found out about it. He'd been sure to point it out too…that she was carrying the child conceived of her affair.
Carol shuddered to herself when she thought about the fact that Philip Blake had actually made a statement, one which she'd objected but was stricken, that she and Ed had lost a child together and it had been a difficult "spot" for Ed after that they had no children.
It was irrelevant to the case and she'd been relieved that the other lawyer had pointed out that he objected to the facts, given that the child she carried now would not have been in question at the time that Ed supposedly lost his judgment and attacked her and Andrea both…but Blake had kept the idea planted that Ed was grief stricken over the loss of his own possible family and that had only been one more little piece in the puzzle as to why he had so thoroughly "come undone" that night.
Carol had no doubt that Ed would be back. Philip Blake was right about one thing…Ed was crazy and his actions and his feelings toward her weren't those of a well man…but she didn't feel any longer that it was her fault. At one time, yes, she had shouldered the blame and swallowed up all the times that Ed told her that everything he did was because she was terrible and horrible and she drove him to act the way he did. She'd eaten up every single bite of criticism that he'd fed her and she'd learned to hate herself for it.
But Daryl let her know, each and every day in one way or another, that it just wasn't true. Ed was wrong. If it had been Carol all along…if she was so horrible and so much a bane to the existence of mankind, then Daryl wouldn't care for her the way that he did.
She knew that she drove Daryl crazy at times, and she got on his nerves and there were arguments between them, but they were just being human. Nothing between them was one sided. Nothing was purely his fault and it wasn't purely her fault. They were just two imperfect humans learning how to come together and live with each other.
And now there was another life to consider.
Carol reached down and tugged the tail of the t shirt up, examining the little evidence of a belly that she had. She often did this when she was alone so that no one would judge her for repeatedly looking at it and repeatedly searching for the visual evidence of her daughter. She still wasn't sure if she'd felt the little thing move or not…there were so many things that she felt regularly that she wasn't sure if it was the baby or not…and she was simply hungry for something to be there for her as a regular reminder and regular assurance that the little girl was there and she was happy and healthy in her little nest.
Carol ran her fingers across her own skin, over the belly that she knew was there, even if it wasn't impressive.
"I don't know if you can hear me or not," Carol said softly. "And I don't know if you're sleeping or if you're awake…or what you do in there…but I'm your Mommy."
Carol felt a little silly and she felt her cheeks burn a little, though there was no one there to judge her except for Lincoln and he was snoring softly, completely unaware that she was even awake beside him. Her book said that she could talk to the baby, and that she even should talk to it, but she hadn't as of yet, feeling silly every time she considered doing so.
She wanted to talk to her, though…she wanted to feel as connected to her as she possibly could, and now was as good a time as any if Daryl wouldn't be home for a bit, and neither would Andrea, and no one would be there asking her to explain why she was talking to her own stomach and acting insane.
Carol swallowed and continued with her little conversation, trying not to let herself feel too silly.
"Mommy has made some very bad decisions in her life…and she's met some bad people. You don't need to know about bad people, though…not yet. Because she's not going to let them hurt you. I love you and your Daddy loves you…and Lincoln loves you too, even though he doesn't know it yet. He's good with babies, though, and he's going to love you when he sees you. And you've got a great big family out here and they're going to be excited when you get here."
Carol leaned her head back now, on the arm of the chair, feeling a little more relaxed with the talking.
"You've got me and your Daddy. You've got your Grandpa Hershel and your Grandma Jo…you'll like them. They're sweet and they'll probably be the kind to give you cookies and candy and things when I tell you that it'll spoil your dinner," Carol said, continuing the methodical stroking on her stomach.
She yawned and turned just a little, settling into her space better and feeling Lincoln sag against her, groaning slightly at the disturbance.
"Your Aunt Michonne…well she's a little neurotic, but we don't tell her that. And by the time you get here she'll be married to your Uncle Tyreese and you've got two cousins that aren't too much older than you. They'll be able to show you the ropes. And there's your Aunt Andrea. She might still be living with us when you get here, but it's OK…she'll love you and you'll like having her here. She'll probably let you sleep in her room and stay up late watching movies with her. And your Uncle Merle…well…I don't know what to say about your Uncle Merle…but I'm sure he'll do great. Just never, ever repeat anything you hear him say."
Carol yawned again and snuggled her head against Lincoln's.
"You've got a lot of love waiting on you out here, Lil' Bit," she said, using the pet name that Daryl had adopted over the past few days to refer to the baby. "And none of us are going to let anything happen to you. Don't you worry about that. No one is going to bother you at all."
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111
Daryl got home a little earlier than he normally would have. Michonne had told him that Ed was getting out of prison in a week and she told him that she'd given the news to Carol.
Daryl didn't know how he expected Carol to react exactly, but he didn't expect her to take the news well. They'd only been married a couple of days…they had a baby on the way…the last thing they really needed was Ed Peletier at large in the small town they lived in and set on causing trouble.
Daryl hadn't even figured out how he felt about it now or what he was going to do about it. His gut made him want to do something crazy. It made him want to find the man the minute he was released from prison and kill him, point blank. It made him want to things he'd seen in the movies…things that real people didn't do…like find a place to hide the body and successfully get away with some murder that would assure that the asshole never touched his wife ever again…but the truth of the matter was that those things happened only on television and not in Sweet Junction.
He might not be able to kill Ed Peletier…not with his bare hands and not just as the man tasted freedom again…but he would kill him if he so much as touched Carol. Daryl would beat him to death with his bare hands if he had to…and let them try and say that it wasn't self-defense or, really, defense of Carol. That he might be able to get away with…but he didn't want the man even getting close enough to her for the whole even to merit Daryl testing his somewhat doubtful abilities to beat another human being literally to death.
He didn't want Ed anywhere near her. He wanted the man to just take his freedom and run with it. Michonne had said that it was possible that Ed wouldn't return to the town, and anything was a possibility perhaps, but it wasn't one that Daryl thought was too promising. He was a crazy man and crazy people rarely just up and lost their crazy one day.
Still, at the moment Daryl didn't feel like he had time to process all he felt or all he thought about Ed. He needed to find Carol and check on her. He needed to make sure that she was OK and that she knew that he would figure this out…they would figure this out…and she'd be safe. Ed wasn't going to hurt her and he wasn't going to take their baby away from them. The boogeyman might be back in the closet, but he wasn't going to ruin their lives.
When Daryl tried the handle on the wooden door, he found it locked. For a moment he stopped, confused, because the door was always unlocked when one of them was home and Carol's truck indicated that she was already home.
Michonne had called him when Carol left. She said that she seemed oddly fine, but Michonne suspected it might be shock or something that was keeping her from reacting. For that reason Daryl hadn't worked the extra hour that he'd intended to work and had chosen, instead, to request the chance to make sure that Carol was alright. Of course, Hershel had more than understood since everyone had been on high alert and was just waiting to hear the results of Ed's trial.
Daryl quickly realized, though, that Carol had probably locked the door for protection and he smiled to himself, pleased that she had her mind about her enough to think about things like locking the door as being important, even if they weren't part of her normal habits. Ed wouldn't get out for a week, but it was never too soon to start training yourself to expect his sorry ass to pop up somewhere like a fucking demented Jack in the Box.
Daryl dug around in his pocket and pulled his keys back out, finding the one to the door and letting himself in. Lincoln didn't greet him at the door and he closed it quickly, locking it, and glancing around to figure out where their ankle high welcome wagon was.
He found Lincoln quickly, though, dead to the world and snoring loudly on the couch beside Carol…who also happened to be snoring, though she didn't like to believe that it was something that she'd started doing as of late.
Daryl shook his head. He'd run home, almost in a panic, and sure that she was going to be losing her mind crying and screaming, and as Michonne had somewhat hinted, maybe even thinking of something more drastic. And here she was, curled up on the couch with the dog, fast asleep.
Daryl sighed.
At least she was asleep. Honestly he'd rather walk in to find that scene any day than walk in to find what he'd been creating for himself on the drive home. Daryl got out of his shoes quietly and went through the house to the bedroom to change his clothes and get comfortable. He slipped back down the hall to the living room afterwards and hovered over her.
Carol and Lincoln both were so crammed together that he knew they couldn't be comfortable, but if you wanted to sleep on the couch that was the price that you paid. Lincoln had a strict couch sleeping policy…nobody sleeps alone.
Carol was snoring softly, her mouth somewhat open. One of her hands was resting on her stomach and the other was hung, in an odd sort of way that he was sure was going to be uncomfortable later, over her face somehow. He didn't want to wake her up, but he didn't want to leave her where she was going to wake up with one arm dead and killing her.
Daryl leaned over and gently caught her wrist between his finger and thumb, trying to move the arm so that she could rest with it down.
Asleep like that Carol didn't even look to him to be old enough to be married to him. She looked like she was still a child when she slept. She looked so sweet and so innocent. Daryl smiled at her.
It made him even angrier when he thought about it, then, seeing her there like that. He knew what Ed had done to her all those years, but it was something that he tried to put out of his mind. If he didn't keep it out of his mind then it would surely drive him crazy. He was infuriated by the thought that anyone would ever put their hands on her to hurt her. It would never happen again, though, and he'd be sure of that.
As Daryl maneuvered Carol's arm around, bumping Lincoln in the head and soliciting a loud moan that the dog usually issued to let you know that whatever you were doing was disturbing his most important nap of the hour, Carol woke up, jerking a little and gasping.
"Easy woman," Daryl said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Just me…ya all tied up here an' when ya get up from this lil' siesta ya takin' ya gonna feel like ya lost the use of ya arm if ya don't at least lay it down somewhere."
Carol looked at him, blinking, and Daryl knew that she was only partially awake, but she was working on coming into consciousness and being fully aware of her surroundings.
"Daryl?" She said. Daryl knew it wasn't a sincere question, at least not really, it was more one of those first things you say when you're shocked into waking up.
He smiled and leaned over, kissing her forehead.
"Yeah, it's me," he said. "You can finish ya nap…I didn't mean ta wake ya up. I'ma make us somethin' for dinner."
"I can fix something," Carol offered, starting to wake up. She yawned.
"I bet'cha could," Daryl said. "'Cept I'm gonna do it an' you gonna stay right here an' finish out'cha nap. Now I ain't meant ta wake ya up so go back ta sleep."
Despite his protests, though, Carol sat up. She disturbed the dog and Daryl felt guilty for having disturbed her. He had thought he was doing the right thing, but now he knew that the next time he walked on her having a little impromptu nap he wasn't going to do anything more than cover her with the blanket from the back of the couch and leave her be until she decided to get up on her own.
"Lay back down," he commanded.
"Stop, Daryl," Carol protested. "It's fine. I don't need to take a nap right now anyway. I won't sleep as good tonight."
Carol sat on the couch and stretched and yawned.
"Fine," Daryl said. "But I'm still cookin'."
Carol chuckled.
"I think I can be convinced to let you do that," she responded.
Daryl turned then and went into the kitchen, burrowing through the refrigerator to see what they had defrosted. In victory he smiled at the pack of hamburger meat that was in there.
"Hamburger steaks good?" He asked.
"Can we have fries to?" Carol asked.
Daryl chuckled. Carol loved to eat more now than she'd ever loved to eat before. She always had some special request for food, but Daryl didn't mind.
"Depends on if there's potatoes," he admitted.
"There are," Carol said, yawning loudly again. "Andrea bought some."
"Then I reckon I can fry them suckers up," Daryl said. "Andrea'll just have ta buy some more."
Daryl got started cooking. He didn't know when and how they were going to talk about Ed and he was somewhat dreading the conversation. He figured, like Michonne said, that Carol was probably in some sort of shock and it hadn't sunk in for her yet. It wasn't real to her yet that Ed was going to be out from behind the bars that kept him securely locked in her nightmares.
And Daryl didn't know if it was going to sink in to her today or tomorrow, or even a week from now, but he was worried about when it did sink in. He knew they could get through it and it was just a thing that she was going to have to deal with, but he knew that she was going to be upset and it tore him apart to see her upset when there was nothing that he could do to fix it…and this wasn't something he was even responsible for.
Daryl turned a little as he was frying up the hamburger steaks and heard Carol shuffling into the kitchen, dragging her sock feet on the floor. She was tired. That much was evident. It wasn't just the residue sleepiness from the nap. Even if she wasn't reacting like she was emotionally incensed, it was written all over her face that she was exhausted and it was probably from what her mind was doing to her emotionally.
"Why don't'cha go lay down?" Daryl asked. "I'll even bring ya supper when it's ready an' we can watch somethin' on t.v. that'cha wanna watch."
Carol shook her head.
"I don't mind the t.v. and the dinner in the living room, but I'm fine standing up," Carol said.
She leaned against the counter near him and silently watched him as he worked. A few times he heard her breath puff out as though she was going to say something, but she didn't. Daryl didn't push it. This…none of this that had to do with Ed at the moment…was not going to be something that he pushed about at all. He was going to let her handle it her way…the way that was most suiting to her needs.
"Daryl," Carol said finally.
"Yea, baby?" Daryl asked.
"Don't think I'm crazy…but…" Carol started and hesitated.
"What's up?" Daryl asked.
"I think I felt the baby," Carol said. "Like I think I really felt her."
Daryl stopped what he was doing for a moment and then chuckled to himself. Carol immediately looked sore when he glanced at her, though, and he realized she thought he was laughing at her.
"I ain't laughin' at'cha," Daryl said, seeing her facial expression. "At least not really."
The truth was that he was laughing at the fact that he was waiting for her to have a nervous breakdown about Ed and it hadn't even sunk in deep enough for her that she was wanting to talk about it. She just wanted to talk about the baby.
Carol looked at him, but didn't respond. She frowned and Daryl chuckled again.
"Why would I think ya crazy, anyway?" Daryl asked, deciding to try to save his own ass after her chuckled when it was clearly not appropriate. "We know she's in there rollin' around…didn't'cha figure ya was gonna feel her soon?"
"What if I didn't though?" Carol asked. "What if I just wanted to…so I thought I did…and it's just my imagination? Then I could technically be kind of crazy…and I don't know if I made it up or not."
Daryl chuckled again, unable to help himself. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, ignoring the pout on her face.
"Carol…I don't think ya crazy an' I don't think it was ya imagination…so there. No matter what anyone else says ya felt her. Doc said she was a mover an' a shaker an' ya felt her. Plain an' simple," Daryl said.
He shook his head and stifled another chuckle as he continued cooking.
"What's so funny?" Carol asked. "Are you still laughing at me?"
"I weren't never laughin' at'cha," Daryl said. "I was just thinkin' ya was gonna be…well maybe a lil' bit upset…an' I weren't thinkin' it was gonna be 'cause ya thought ya psyched yaself out over whether or not ya can feel the baby move. I guess I just was expectin' somethin' bad."
Carol turned, leaning her back against the counter now and propping her elbows up. She sighed.
"You mean you thought I was going to be upset about Ed," Carol responded.
Daryl moved the pan off the eye of the stove, feeling satisfied that the patties were ready. He needed to go in search of the potatoes, but first he turned his attention to Carol. He stepped in front of her, reaching his arms out and pulling her toward him in a hug. Her arm wrapped around him and she rubbed her face against the t shirt he was wearing.
"Whenever ya decide ya wanna talk about it, it's fine," Daryl said. "I just don't want'cha thinkin' that'cha gotta be upset all on ya own, OK?"
Carol squeezed him in response and Daryl faked a choking sound that made her giggle and scrub her face against him again. She sighed but didn't let go of him.
"I might want to talk about it later," Carol said. "But right now there's not much to talk about."
Daryl rubbed his hands up and down her back.
"We in this together. I ain't gon' let him bother ya," Daryl said.
Carol chuckled a little.
"Whether or not he bothers me doesn't really matter too much," Carol said. "I'm not letting him hurt the baby, though."
Daryl squeezed her slightly.
"Don't'cha worry 'bout that neither," Daryl said. "Ed Peletier ain't gonna do a damn thing to a single fuckin' Dixon 'round these parts an' that's all the hell there is to it. Ya hear me, woman?"
Carol pulled away and looked up at Daryl, a soft smile on her face and her eyes obviously heavy lidded from whatever fatigue she was storing up. Daryl hoped she slept like the dead tonight. He'd call in sick for her to Michonne if he had to, but she looked like she needed it if she could get it.
"I love you," Carol said.
Daryl smiled and dipped his head, kissing her softly.
"Love ya too," Daryl said. He dropped his hand between them and gently rubbed her stomach. "Both of ya."
Carol hugged him again and he rubbed her back for a second before pulling away.
"Go back an' lay down," Daryl said. "See if ya can't get Lil' Bit wigglin' 'round for ya some more an' figure out what we gonna watch. I'ma get these fries done right up an' we gon' have us a good supper."
Carol nodded at him and started quietly out of the kitchen to go back into the living room.
Daryl went in search of the potatoes so that he could finish up dinner. At least on the outside Carol was holding this together, and Daryl knew that one way or another their little family would make it through this. Ed Peletier had done all the damage to them that he was going to do. They weren't going to let him ruin what they had.