AN: So I tried to get into Kurt's head while watching Rachel's audition during "Choke". I tried not to let my own feelings of happiness interfere with what I thought Kurt would feel in that moment. This was inspired by lyrics from "Collide" by Howie Day
As the NYADA Scout walked out, I could still see her down on stage. I didn't need to see the devastation to know how she felt. I knew what she was feeling because it was my worst fear come to life - to be standing on the edge of a dream and choke. Though I had never really experienced it, throwing the "Defying Gravity" audition didn't count, the scenario had woken me in the middle of the night more than once.
I thought about the last few days leading up to this - how confident Rachel had been and how full of doubt I had. I had lost count of how many pep talks Blaine had given me. How many times he had been the only thing keeping me grounded. I don't think the idea of Rachel being the one to choke had ever crossed our minds.
This year had been a series of up and downs for me and Rachel Berry. The two of us exploring our dream of going to New York together. Finding NYADA together and our initial doubt. Both of us trying to find things to bolster our resume. The fallout when she first decided to run against me for presidency, throwing her support behind me, and in the end being the reason that I didn't win. Worrying together as we waited for our letters and then celebrating when we had both made the final cut.
For so long Rachel and my paths had intertwined. We pushed each other and supporting one another in turn and right now, at this moment, it felt as though those paths had finally collided, and only one of us could go on.