(Originally posted 28/05/14)
A/N Please fasten your seatbelts and place your trays in an upright position.
CHAPTER 18.
-OOO-
Ianto may not have been able to put much trust in his eyesight today, but he absolutely trusted his hearing.
He looked at Jack suspiciously and frowned. The subsequent lines on his forehead added years to his frame.
He cleared his throat.
"Who's John Hart sir?"
The room filled up with silence. Jack Harkness stood stock still, caught between several time-zones and several layers of conscience.
"Well?"
Ianto Jones grew impatient, his eyes blazed with the raging inferno of misplaced trust. His inner core started a round of I told you so that his recent experiences tried not to hear.
The seconds slowed down.
All of Jack's hearts skipped the same beat.
The silence grew louder.
"If you hadn't noticed Jack I'm still waiting."
Jack Harkness swayed on his feet. His mind was busy calculating which words would soothe Ianto's soul right now. The lies queued up at his lips. The most worn put on his coat to leave.
Ianto had seen enough. Clearly Jack was hiding a parallel paramour and he, a lowly employee, was merely a plaything.
A toy.
How stupid and naïve of him to think he actually mattered to the great Captain.
How pathetic to think that actual feelings had been involved. He was simply a spring project.
The Welshman turned to leave.
"No Ianto wait!"
Jack was standing between the door opening and Ianto, before the Welshman had even registered movement.
"Don't go. I can explain."
"Spare me Jack. Please don't degrade us both by saying that your wife doesn't understand you, because I do. I understand you perfectly."
Taking a step around the American, Ianto Jones was rudely reacquainted with the frosted glass partition of the door.
Which was locked.
The den had taken matters into her own hands.
Unwilling to accept reality Ianto rattled the doorknob vigorously.
Jack seized his chance. He stepped in close. Closer than he had been all day. He whispered one word that wormed its way through Ianto's apple to his core.
"Stay."
Floored, Ianto Jones allowed himself to be turned around. He was now facing Jack. However he stubbornly refused to raise his head to make eye contact, so the base of Jack's increasingly sweaty throat became his focal point.
Jack stepped forward to take his lover in his arms.
Ianto stepped back the inch that he was able, forgiveness still needed to be bought.
"No Jack," Ianto's voice shook, "tell me who he is and what he is to you. I want the truth or sohelpmegod I will tunnel my way out of here if I have to."
Jack knew a promise when he heard it. As unexpected as this seemed, he knew he needed to step into the witness box and give a good account of himself, with immediate effect. The end was nigh.
He consulted his hearts. They all struck the same rhythm.
It was time.
-OOO-
Sighing deeply Jack Harkness took hold of Ianto's hand, (Ianto allowed the touch) and pulled him into the centre of the den.
"You may need to sit down for this." Jack's voice was the most serious Ianto had ever heard it.
Did this bode well?
"We may need to sit down for this." Jack guided Ianto's lower back towards the floor, encouraging him to sit cross-legged, he did the same. He captured the Welshman's eyeline.
"Yan in order to understand John Hart you have to understand me."
Ianto groaned involuntarily, he knew it, he knew it, he knew it. Ianto's soul crossed its arms in order to protect itself.
"I need you to do something for me." This was softly spoken.
"You're about to break my heart and you're making demands of me - how does that work?" Ianto located his backbone.
Shaking his head through his new smile Jack continued.
"Lift your hands up Yan, like this." Jack demonstrated a spread-eagled claw-like position in mid-air.
Bemused Ianto copied, like the Year 9 drama-school student that he currently felt like.
Jack immediately pressed his splayed fingertips to Ianto's puzzled pulse points.
"What ever you do Yan, don't let go."
A spike of alarm went through the Welshman, should he be worried?
Jack began.
-O-
"This is me Yan - this is my Jackanory.
First things first, John Hart is my partner. My business partner. We've been together for years now. Centuries in fact.
No don't pull away Yan, I'm telling you the truth. I really did mean to say centuries.
John is a tricky dish to digest, he's an acquired taste. Unlike the Curate's egg all his parts are bad. His bite is as worse as his bark.
Centuries? What did I mean by that? Oh, yes well… I thought you'd pick up on that.
The thing is Yan; I'm not what I appear to be. You're right, you're right; I fully deserve that eye-roll.
I never meant to deceive you. I only ever wanted to, want to protect you.
You see, my name is Jack Harkness and I'm what you would call in the twenty-first century - an alien life form.
IANTO PLEASE!
I swear to you I'm telling the truth. I cross all three of my hearts and hope to die.
Yes three.
Ianto please, please stop screaming. I just need to explain. I need you to listen.
Ianto.
Yan!
-O-
There. Better? Are you alright? I really didn't want to do that, but I want you to listen.
I need you to listen.
I've wanted you to meet me for a long time; but the timing was never right. Today isn't perfect either, but it'll have to do.
Your needs must.
How are you feeling? Numb? Don't worry that'll wear off soon. I would never deliberately hurt you Yan.
Please believe me.
Huh, that should be today's theme song.
Are you comfortable? Ish? Good.
As I was saying I'm not exactly human, just human compatible. I'm missing an upgrade, but I'm fairly fit for purpose. I'm one of a kind….well one of only a few. We don't meet up, hold reunions or anything.
I'm essentially a lone star.
I've never told anyone this before. Not the whole story anyway. I can't believe how nervous I am….see I'm rambling. I never ramble. Rambling is for….well ramblers.
Don't look at me like that Yan; I'm doing this without notes remember.
Okay, here goes.
I was born on planet Sensetre; it's not in this galaxy. I'm not even sure it can be detected from here.
No worries. I ought to look into that. Find out. For future reference. What? Oh yes, back to me.
Mine was your average nuclear family, mom, pop, me and eventually Gray my younger brother. We were handsome looking I don't mind telling you. We could have appeared in commercials.
We were peachy.
Wholesome.
We were what everyone else aspired to be.
Perfect to the outside eye.
I had a fabulous childhood. Everybody loved me. Everybody praised me, especially my appearance.
My eyes of blue. My complexion. I had love in my beautiful, youthful heart for everyone.
If there were fleeting moments where I felt someone looked at me strangely, I ignored it.
Green doesn't suit most people.
If there were conversations that magically changed course when I entered a room. So what? Not everything is meant for the ears of a child.
If I had bi-monthly doctors' appointments, well that was just my parents being conscientious about my well-being.
I was loved and lauded, that was the most important thing.
I've never been backwards in coming forwards, (plus ca change) I threw myself into everything. Drama. Sports. Public-speaking. Pageants. Community-events. Everything except academia, what was the point? The sun would always shine on me, life was set to be golden, the social graces were all I needed.
My social life was one long blur. I was in demand. A staple of every guest list. I added a certain cache to proceedings.
It wasn't unusual for me to be the invited speaker. The voice of my generation. I felt it was my right.
My due.
All good things…
It happened out of the blue…..and suddenly.
One minute I was king of my castle, the next I was King of a new castle.
I was shocked. Struck embarrassingly dumb. Traumatised really.
My so-called life flashed before my eyes, then pulled up short, confused.
You see I had climbed the podium of my school's prize-giving day, looking my best, feeling confident, blessed. I had pulled my socks up - so to speak. I wanted to give of my best. I know what you're thinking, Captain Confident doesn't make an obvious effort, well I did back then.
I had the floor. I was on a roll, then mid-way through my praise-worthy speech, my voice broke.
So what?
No of course you don't understand.
Let me explain.
My voice broke. I grew five inches in less than a minute. Hair appeared on my arms, chin and legs. My shoulders broadened alarmingly. My clothing ripped in inappropriate places.
All this in public.
A sudden growth spurt? I'll say, because up until that moment I had been a girl.
My name was Jacqueline.
-O-
Everything immediately after this is sketchy. Patchy. Disconnected.
There was screaming.
There was running.
There was panic, capture, fighting.
There was sedation.
I don't think I experienced the next week without medical intervention.
My head was pounding. So many questions were fighting each other trying to get my attention.
The smallest one won - why?
-O-
I wasn't stable for a further week, then my family and our doctor began to visit. Always in pairs.
As if they were afraid of me.
I wasn't at my best. I'd scream, shout and hurl abuse at them, and then I'd get even madder because I didn't even recognise my own voice anymore.
I swore all the time, why should I follow social etiquette when the rules had changed dramatically?
Who was I being an example to now?
I was seen by specialists, clinicians, experts. The top of their fields. The pioneers of their subjects. They offered counselling, therapy, cognitive and behavioural adjustment exercises.
They offered me everything but the truth.
My inner ears shut up shop.
Why listen when I could fight?
The time for being demure had passed.
I lashed out.
Viciously.
-O-
I stayed entombed for another month.
-O-
Finally the hermetic seal was broken
A cortège of verite visited me.
Dr Hughes took the solitary seat beside my bed. My mother hovered behind. The doctor spoke at great length. I tried to take notes.
It would seem that my immediate audience was shocked but not surprised at what had happened.
They had been expecting it or something similar to occur.
Fourteen years earlier I had been born a Rosebud baby. A baby of indeterminate gender. Despite much prodding no-one could ascertain whether I was a boy or girl and so because I looked "cute", it was decided that I would be raised as a female.
(My mother had the decency to look embarrassed at this point.)
I was monitored. Closely. Throughout my childhood. No-one could be really sure what I would be until puberty hit.
Which it did.
With a bang.
A tear landed on my cheek. My mother was leaking.
I twisted away, but there was more.
Apparently there was a kink, a big one, in our family tree.
The bow that wrapped this package wasn't pretty.
I'm getting to that part Yan, be patient.
My Rosebuddiness greatly enhanced my chance of being "other". I didn't want to ask, I didn't, but I was told anyway. "Other" meant that I would have certain traits and attributes that only displayed themselves once every seven generations in our family. Like Great-great-great-great-Edward (nee Edwina) I would develop two additional hearts, (eventually having one governing the past, present and future). I would be able to read people's and place's minds, vibrations and chakras; dispense healing and non-healing attributes to others, (I would also have a great capacity for destruction). I'd be able to travel inter-galaxtically, shape-shift and oh never die.
Ta dah!
Ianto are you ok? Would you like a drink of water? You look a bit pale.
I don't mean to be flippant; it was actually quite a shock for me at the time. I can only image what you're feeling.
Take your time. I'll wait.
-O-
How are you feeling now? A little less queasy? Ready for some more? Great.
I didn't believe him of course. Why should I? He had been lying to me my whole life, why start telling the truth now?
Only deep down I knew it was true.
My "otherness" sensed it.
A tear landed on my cheek. It was mine.
-O-
I spent the next day crying. My last act of femininity.
-O-
Another week crawled by before I was pronounced fit for society. I went home.
In boy's clothes.
-O-
I was a nightmare. My teenage angst and confusion magnified to the power of 100.
I had a ball of fire where my hearts should be.
I was set to explode.
I did.
My final straw came sibling shaped. My own Gray day.
I walked in on a conversation that didn't stop as I entered. A row really. My mother and Gray were communicating at the tops of their voices. Their topic of choice - me. Gray was stating loudly how he had always known that my freak-status would cause him problems, that he had spent years dreading that this would happen, and now it had. I was his worst nightmare writ large.
What? Wait? He had spent years dreading this?
He'd known?
About me?
Before me?
They held their breaths.
You could hear a match strike.
I let rip with a roar.
I didn't know then how to access my powers, but they found me.
I set the room alight.
The house alight.
My family - alight.
I stood in the centre of a vortex and watched all that was most precious to me, turn to cinder.
I wasn't done.
I left the house, walked up hill and down dale, through the town to the market square, cremating everything I walked passed.
I couldn't stop.
I had to be stopped.
I was.
-O-
Incarcerated I was processed quickly. There was only one plea to enter - guilty. There was only one judgement to pronounce - banishment.
I was thrown out.
Of my planet.
Forever.
-O-
I didn't know where to go, or what to do. I couldn't believe I could be so evil. That my hands had wrought such destruction. Choosing a more mature frame I roamed the galaxy, squatting in various planets and solar systems. Hiding away, ashamed.
Soon though, too soon I saw the advantage of my situation.
I was free.
I was invincible.
Immortal.
It was time to play.
And play I did.
I quickly established a rhythm, I would inveigle myself into a world, a country, a life, I would mess with the natives that I encountered there, with their notions, beliefs, hearts. I would take what I wanted and then dissipate as though I never was.
It worked too.
I had fun.
Or so I thought.
-O-
Then I met John Hart.
We clicked.
He saw right through me instantly. We teamed up, became lovers. His heart was as hard as a diamond and as black as coal.
We matched.
He was my shadow.
He thought he had found his coal-mate.
Yan look at me. He hadn't I promise you that.
We ripped it up. Led dissolute lives. Tried every vice at least twice. Stepped over every moral presented to us.
You might be surprised to hear John wanted more. He wanted danger. I could take it or leave it, but I didn't say no.
I never said no - then.
We found ourselves work. I won't mention our employer, suffice to say we were, are guns for hire.
Mercenaries.
No job ever refused.
We have different skills. We complimented one another. For a while.
It made us feel alive, even though I'm on this hamster wheel for eternity and John is an elastic band that might snap.
How are you holding up Yan? Still feeling dizzy? It will pass. Trust me.
It wasn't ideal, this existence, but it gave me a reason to get up in the morning. This insanity kept me sane.
All good things Part Two.
After more centuries than I can accurately remember, things started to pall. Our antics left a sour taste in my mouth. I broke up with John on a personal level, although we still connected on a professional one.
I needed some space.
I chose a different galaxy.
On my travels I had spotted a tiny planet. It looked simple, cosy. It reminded me of home. One day I told John I was going out for a paper and left, permanently.
No forwarding address.
I had moved to Earth.
It was a Sabbatical that became a fresh start. I turned over a new leaf - so to speak.
-O-
Earth was pretty and small. It was just starting out, all gases and sulphurs. It had so much potential.
I felt like I was buying a home straight off the architect's plan. It amused me to watch how things slowly knitted together. My past skills were hard to ignore, I helped with a few projects, (building the Pyramids was tougher that it looked) I joined in the odd war; (the Crusades were fab).
Discovering America was a real treat, but I felt a pull towards Europe, London in particular. As soon as it improved its sanitation I relocated there in 1899.
There was fun to be had; but man cannot live on canapés alone so I moved to Cardiff, for a more settled life.
Determined to make genuine friends, I met the Williams clan and established roots. However it was another countryman that made me feel as though I might have a future here.
-O-
All good things Part Three.
I must admit I became complacent, relaxed, happy.
I had stopped looking over my shoulder and that always leads to trouble.
John Hart found me - again.
Recently.
He vented (of course) and railed against me. It was all about him naturally, he didn't once ask how I was.
He managed to talk me into doing another job; he played on my newly acquired guilt reflex.
I was away a week.
I'm so sorry Yan. I raced back as soon as I was able to. Please forgive me.
What you heard today was another light discussion. John has another mission for us, but I've told him no.
I don't want to lie to you Yan. I don't want to jeopardise what we have…what we had.
Are we still a we Ianto?
Are we?"
-OOO-
Comments are always appreciated
A/N There you have it. Jack Harkness unpeeled, I hope it was worth the wait. I really enjoyed revealing him to you.
A/N 2 Yes I really did mean to say "his bite is as worse as his bark."
See you on screen - soon, (smiley-face).