Chapter 89 Conspiracy Revealed

Hours later, feeling like she'd purged the tempest D'Anna had swirled to the surface, Kara debated returning to sickbay or checking in with CIC. Reluctantly, she turned her steps toward Cottle's domain.

Better at least check in with the old goat. Gotta stay on his good side—if I can find it.

She gave the Doc a smirk as he turned at hearing her steps enter Life Stations. Her grin slid off, though, as she read the distress in his eyes.

Frak. What now?

Whatever it was must be pretty major for it to rattle Cottle she realized as she cast anxious eyes around sickbay, looking for signs that they had injured personnel. The place looked just as she'd left it, so she turned her questioning gaze back on the physician.

"So, what's up Doc?" Seeing his eyes shift towards Sharon's empty bed, Kara inhaled sharply. "Where's Athena." The twist in her gut tightened as he again avoided her eyes by rubbing slowly at his brow. "Where the frak is Sharon!" she demanded, her voice rising.

"Keep it down, Captain. This is still a hospital." His sharp retort echoed in the quiet area. He still refused to meet her gaze, but waved her to follow him. Her steps hesitated, then she lengthened them to catch up. As she entered his office, he took a seat behind the desk and lifted haunted eyes to her green ones. A shudder passed through Kara and she took a step back from the physician.

"She dead, isn't she? That's why you won't tell me." She was surprised how calm her voice came out when it felt like she was shaking in dread, waiting for his confirmation.

"She's not dead. Cylons don't die. You know that, Thrace," Cottle gruffly answered. "She's probably downloading, or whatever the hell they call it, on that basestar of theirs."

Right. Not dead. Not dead. Just…

"How…" She cleared her throat and tried again, "What happened?"

She saw Cottle force the words into the air between them. "Hera's alive. Boomer told Athena that the Cylons have her on one of their basestars here. Captain Agathon shot his wife so she could go get their little girl," he said in a rush.

Kara jerked back as if slapped as she saw guilt and shame deepen the lines on the aged face before her. "That's not possible… Hera's dead. You told them she was dead." Her voice dropped to a disbelieving whisper, "She's dead. You said she died."

"The President…said it had to be done. For the child's sake. Couldn't allow her to be raised by a Cylon. Better if everyone thought she had died," Cottle's voice was heavy with regret and self-reproach.

Kara opened her mouth but there were no words for the betrayal. The President—Laura—and Cottle, someone she'd trusted nearly as much as the Old Man, had stolen her friends' child? Put them through hell and claimed it was for the greater good?

She refused to look at him when he cleared his throat and said, "You're released from sickbay. The Admiral said you're to continue to stay in his quarters until further notice."

Leaving him behind in the office, she gathered her few personal items and headed towards the Admiral's cabin. When her feet veered down a branching corridor, Kara let them carry her onward until she halted in front of Karl's closed hatch. A Marine guard stood outside and acknowledged her with a salute.

"Captain Agathon inside?" she asked, keeping her tone neutral and expression flat.

"Yes, Sir." The guard hesitated, he obviously knew Starbuck's reputation and probably didn't want to get her upset with him. His eyes strayed over her shoulder as she heard Sergeant Mathias halt behind her. Kara didn't even glance back, but she knew her shadow must have given the young man some signal, for she saw the relief enter his eyes and he carefully added, "Captain Agathon's confined to quarters, Sir… But, nothing was said about no visitors." The Marine undogged the hatch and swung it open. She stepped through, knowing Mathias would give her this privacy and wait outside.

Kara looked around the cabin, her eyes widening as she saw the blood- streaked wall…and then Karl where he sat slumped on his double-wide bunk. He hadn't changed yet, the red splatters making dark blots on the blue of his uniform. She swallowed as he raised eyes fraught with pain, shock and exhaustion to meet hers. Crossing the cabin, she sat beside her friend and took his blood-caked hand in hers, squeezing to let him know he wasn't alone in this.

When his voice finally came, it was quiet with a hollow quality she'd never heard before, "She begged me. Begged me to shoot her." His gazed dropped to stare at their clasped hands. "And I did." He turned to her again. "They took our baby girl and told us she was dead."

"I know, Karl. Cottle told me," she said softly, giving his hand another squeeze. Gods! Never seen him like this, not even after Hera's death. Supposed death, she corrected herself.

His large hand clamped around hers, nearly painful in the desperation of his grasp as slow tears tracked down his face. Kara gritted her teeth and hoped he didn't inadvertently break any of her fingers, yet refused to say anything to make him let go. Karl had always been there for her, and she wasn't going to deny any comfort she could provide now.

After awhile the tension within him eased and he released her hand to scrub at his face. Kara took the opportunity to rise and discretely rub feeling back into her sore hand. She searched cupboards until she found a towel. After wetting one end, she returned to the dazed man, lifting his chin and wiping away the speckles of crimson and the salty evidence of his pain. His bleary eyes acknowledged her care as she unbuttoned his stained dress jacket, sliding his arms free and cleaning the smear of red off his neck. She gave Karl the towel and watched as he jerkily rubbed at the blood on his hands. Letting the rag drop, he lay back on his bunk, feet still uncomfortably over the edge, and draped an arm over his eyes.

Kara eased to her knees, careful of her injured side, and unlaced his boots before swinging his long legs onto the bunk. Since he was on top of the blankets, she looked about for something to cover him with. Seeing nothing handy, she shrugged out of her own clean jacket and spread it over the still figure. Worrying her lip, she debated getting him something hot to drink…or some of the Chief's brew. As she watched her friend's chest settle into the even up and down rhythm of sleep, Kara decided to wait until he woke again to leave in search of medicinal remedies.

With hands on hips, she surveyed the room, then stooped and retrieved the smudged towel, her wound only giving a small stab as she straightened. Reluctant steps took her to the side of the cabin where the dried pattern of blood marked Sharon's desperation. With silent curses, Kara shoved aside the nausea and anger as she raised her arms and scrubbed at the cold metal surface, ignoring the pull of stitches as she worked her way down the wall. It took over half an hour to scour the area clean, and she was sweating from the unaccustomed exercise by the time she was finally done.

Sagging into the only padded chair in the room, Kara wadded the blood-stained towel into a ball before vehemently tossing it aside. Staring at Karl as he slept, her thoughts ricocheted from the doctor's confession to the situation with the Cylons, finally settling on Lee. Sitting in the room with only the hum of Galactica's engines and Karl's slow breathing in the background, she unfolded her feelings for Lee Adama and mapped them out in her mind.

Poor timing and misunderstandings. Fear and anger. Love and hate. Desire and need. Complicated was an understatement for what existed between Starbuck and Apollo, between Kara and Lee. As she traced their history back to their first meeting, Kara could see clearly for the first time how their relationship kept getting jolted off track by circumstances and their own foolish actions. How many times had they hurt each other, both intentionally and by accident? Why, despite all that pain, did they still find themselves orbiting each other, closer and closer until they came together again? Is this what it meant to be soulmates—to be irresistibly drawn to another to the point of obsession? It certainly felt like that.

And yet…there was Sam…and Dee. Kara knew she loved Sam. Her feelings for him so similar to how she felt for Zak. Remembering her husband's gentle caress and caring eyes, a single tear shook loose from her lashes. Taking a slow breath, she realized that thinking about him now wasn't the crippling mess it was before she'd spoken to Laura. The tangle of guilt had been unwoven, leaving behind a clean pattern of grief over his loss. Yes, she had loved Sam, and she missed his solid belief in her. Like Zak before him, he'd found a way of making her feel like she was good enough to love.

And that was where her relationship with Lee had always taken a hard right turn.

From their first meeting, she'd been in the wrong, flirting with her fianceé's brother over shots, drunkenly daring him to have sex with her. Her part in Zak's death had proved her unworthiness again. Sure, he and the Old Man had forgiven her, yet her weaknesses had been proven over and over since. Between frakkin' Baltar, shooting Lee and the mess she'd made of the Pegasus assignment under Garner, she'd come to believe that she'd never be good enough to deserve Lee Adama. And his angry words over the years—so closely echoing those of her mother's—just confirmed her inadequacies.

And of course, couldn't forget her crowning screw-up, making love to Lee on New Caprica, the planet's promise of a fresh start so clear and right in the dark of night. Waking beside him the next morning, her eyes had immediately been drawn to the scar on his chest, the too visible sign of how she'd hurt him without ever intending to. Her unworthiness had swept upwards from its place in her damaged core to remind her why she was with Sam. It was only a matter of time before she frakked-up again, and then Lee would finally see her for what she was.

And just like her father, Lee would leave.

Kara had survived many things in her life, but the one thing she knew would destroy her entirely was giving her heart to Lee Adama and then watching him walk away. So, she'd chosen the man whose expectations she could meet. She didn't have a load of baggage with Sam. He'd come to know Kara before he ever learned of the crazy, screwed-up Starbuck. And she'd kept her promise. Returned and rescued Sam, a success that had made her flush with a giddiness she hadn't felt since the end of the worlds. She hadn't frakked up.

With Sam, Kara Thrace was finally good enough.

Now as she sat in Karl and Sharon's little cabin, Kara forced herself to re-evaluate the core belief of her unworth. Was Sam less of a man than Lee? How could she be worthy of one and not the other? Was her mother right…or was Laura? She knew she wasn't good enough because she'd been repeatedly told so. She was a screw-up and a quitter. This is what she knew. But maybe…just maybe…it wasn't totally true.

But then there was Leoben…

She opened her eyes, focusing on Karl's still form to hold her in the present as she grappled with the memories of her time with the Cylon male. It was bad enough that so much of her time with Leoben was broken into fragmented images, but the complex swirl of emotions that accompanied them started Kara shaking.

She swallowed repeatedly and clenched her hands together, wanting to forget, yet knowing she had to face the unresolved conflict within herself.

Just like the streams Leoben had always prattled on about, beneath her hot rage and hate ran a river of another emotion for the Cylon. Kara tried to rationalize it. Hostage syndrome 101. Dependent and isolated, the captive becomes fixated on the captor, developing feelings akin to love. The explanation was obvious, it had been his entire plan from the beginning after all, yet knowing that did nothing to change the existence of her feelings.

The bastard had succeeded to that extent.

Shame and disgust flushed her as the shards of restored memory sliced a path of self-loathing. Nothing could change the fact that Leoben had touched her, 'made love' to her…and she'd allowed it. Should have known it wasn't Lee. Should've killed the frakker just like she had so many times before. Well, she might have been able to blame her confusion on her physical state then, but Kara knew she had no such excuse when she'd conceded to Leoben's demands later. Kissing him and saying the words had been a necessity at the time to distract him, gain hers and Kacey's escape, but what she couldn't shake was the truth that he'd forced her to acknowledge to them both. A part of her had come to love him.

How frakked-up can I get?

Kara hunched forward, arms wrapped across her mid-section. If this was love, then she didn't want anything more to do with it! Let Lee stay with his pseudo-wife. Be thankful Sam was gone. Stoke her hate until it consumed all other feelings. She sucked in a lung-full of air and forced herself upright, her eyes locking again on her friend as Karl shifted on the bunk.

Sliding her gaze from where Karl lay to the freshly cleaned wall, Kara thought about how much her two friends loved each other. They'd each fought their own people to be together, defying anyone to say their love was impossible. They'd created a life together on Galactica and they'd created life in the form of a little girl.

As Kara studied him, she wondered how Karl could have such trust in Sharon to risk all that he had? If the Cylon woman chose to betray the humans that had stolen her child, she certainly knew enough about the fleet's current defense to wreck her vengeance. Yet, he'd done it anyways. He believed in Sharon and the love they had. Was it possible that not all love was meant to lead to such pain? Kara shook her head. Karl's love hadn't spared him either. Yet…Kara knew instinctively that if she asked him, he'd say it was worth it all. Gods! How did he find the courage? The trust?

And was there anyway for Kara to find that same strength, level of trust, with Lee?

Surging to her feet, she began a slow pace around the cabin, taking care not to wake the exhausted man. Why was she even thinking like this? Lee was with Dee. It was that simple. Maybe…maybe she could rebuild the friendship they'd once had. He seemed still to care for her, at least a little. If they could find a middle ground where they didn't shred each other bloody, maybe a friendship between a CAG and his hotshot pilot was a possibility.

With that thought giving her a hope that she hadn't had before, Kara settled back in the chair and let her eyes close, exhaustion weighting her limbs.

Yeah, I can do this.

Friends with Lee like she was with Helo. Have to keep her physical distance, couldn't allow the attraction between them to spark into anything more—as if having Leoben's image superimpose over Lee's whenever they touched wasn't reason enough.

Right. Keep my pants on this time.

And if her smile was slightly bitter as she drifted off to sleep, there was no one to see it.

[ I I I I I ]

A knock on the hatch jerked Kara and Karl to their feet nearly in unison. The Marine guard opened the hatch and the Admiral stepped in. Kara saw his blue eyes scrutinize both of them before he gave a short nod and spoke, "I want you two in CIC. We've been able to get intermittent messages back and forth to our people on the surface despite the Cylons' jamming, and I need all hands on deck." He turned and strode away, leaving Kara to pass a concerned look with Karl, then shrugged and hurried to follow her commander.

The following hours passed in a kaleidoscope of anxiety and fear.

When the Cylons launched multiple heavy Raiders towards the planet surface, the Admiral had countered with the threat of nuclear strikes to destroy the temple. Watching the craggy face as he gave the order to prep for a barrage that would kill his son and those others still below, Kara's heart had twisted in sympathetic agony at his command decision. She understood. The Cylons could not be allowed to get their hands on the way to Earth, regardless of the cost.

Even if the price was Lee.

Recalling how the President had stood at the Admiral's side, she'd seen her own conflict reflected in the older woman's dark gaze. There had been nothing to do but stand with hands clasped behind her back and murmur prayers to the gods beneath her breath. Then it had happened. Five of the six Cylon heavy Raiders had turned back. She'd held her breath as the Admiral debated before finally giving the order to stand down Galactica's missiles. The Chief still had some time to find the Eye and return, if only the last Cylon ship didn't interfere.

An hour later, Kara's head jerk up as Gaeta's voice broke across the CIC. "Sir! The helium flash. The star's going nova!"

"The nova's going to obliterate the entire planet in less than half an hour," the Admiral said, eyes moving between the President and Starbuck.

With palms pressed to the tactical board and jaw clenched, Kara tilted her head back to glare up at the red icons on DRADIS. Time had just run out for the search for the Eye. The Admiral had no choice now. He was going to have to go to one of their contingency plans, and she prayed that they could hold off the four basestars long enough to recover their surface team. Her mind flinched away from the choice the Admiral should make, that he should abandon everyone below and jump now before Galactica sustained damage and lost more people in a probable vain attempt at rescue.

Her eyes dropped to meet his blue ones—so like his son's—and saw them harden in decision even as the muscles of his face sagged in grief. He opened his mouth to give the command that would rip both their hearts apart, "Mr. Gae—" he was interrupted as the Colonel suddenly pointed at the DRADIS display."

"The Cylons! They're bugging out!" Tigh shouted in triumph.

Kara's gaze shot back to the screen as the red blots disappeared, leaving the area around the planet free of the enemy menace for the first time in over thirty-six hours. She closed her eyes, releasing the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding as the Admiral's orders swepted across CIC. Three SAR Raptors were already on their way to the surface, and that's when they learned that they'd lost six of the civilians that had been helping protect the temple against the Centurion-loaded Raider and also the Raptor and pilot that had acted as lookout for the defenders.

Gaeta reported that the teams should be back on board in about ten minutes; it was cutting their time too frakkin' close, the initial wave-front from the nova would be right on their heels. She heard the Admiral give the order for the rest of the fleet to execute the jump and for Galactica to be prepared to go the moment the Raptors hit the pads.

As the Lieutenant swung towards the Admiral, Kara turned to hear him say, "Sir, we've another ship incoming from the last position of the basestars… It's one of ours," Gaeta reported, voice rising in surprise.

"Galactica, this is Athena," the familiar voice hummed from the speakers as the Raptor drew closer. "Requesting permission to dock." a slight pause, "I've got Hera."

Kara reached out a hand to grip Karl's shoulder, feeling the shaking beneath her touch. "She did it."

"Never doubted it," his voice was tight with emotion.

As the SAR Raptors made their return approach, Kara followed Karl out of CIC.