Chapter 90 Moments Together

Kara let the sweep of the paintbrush express the roiling feelings in her gut. A swish of soft green painted her relief on seeing a dust-coated Lee emerge from the SAR Raptor. She added a vertical cone of deep violet to the canvas to reflect his fatigue, like a spiritual bruise, so clearly visible as he'd slowly stepped down from the craft's wing. She swept the brush up until green and violet met in a swirl of confused darkness that so perfectly matched her own urges.

She recalled the moment when Lee had looked up and seen her standing on the catwalk, his gaze locking with hers across the distance. The compulsion to rush down and fling her arms about him had conflicted with the equally strong need to flee before he could ascend the ladder to her position. Transfixed by the discordant desires, she'd stood paralyzed in place and watched as he was hustled off in the opposite direction by the XO. With knuckles white from their grip on the railing, she'd clung to her spot until his form had left the flight deck through the far hatch.

Only then had her knees, hands and jaw unlocked enough to allow her to turn and stumble away. Her steps had gathered strength and speed until she was jogging, then running through the corridors, calling out to 'make a hole' when someone got in her way. Her legs had brought her to the daycare center once more, finally slowing to a stop before the entrance.

Now, staring at the smeared strokes, she wondered why everything had to be in so many conflicting colors. Sometimes the desire to switch to pencil and paper, and let the decisions of shade and hue be left to others, was nearly overwhelming. But even with a pencil, shades of gray could be achieved and texture added. Besides, life without vibrant splashes of red just lacked the bite she thrived on.

So immersed in her thoughts, she jumped when something bumped into her thigh.

Kara looked down at the arms clasped around her leg. Shining blue eyes that reminded her of Lee's met her startled gaze. Kacey's giggle abruptly bounced Lee from her mind as the girl tugged excitedly at her pant leg.

"Kawa! Kawa!" The cherubic face was turned up to her and Kara noticed the smudge of—peanut butter?—on her cheek. Kacey gave another tug and her other hand was pointing down now to where Kara saw a splatter of violet had dripped from her brush. Looking around, she spotted a roll of tissue on a nearby table.

"Hey, Kace," it didn't hurt as much to say her name this time, "can you bring me the tissue, honey," she asked, pointing to the roll. She watched as the child solemnly considered her request, then scampered to and back with the item, holding it up to Kara with a pleased grin.

"Thanks, kid."

She cleaned the spot off the metal floor and tossed the stained tissue in a nearby can. Resuming her place in front of the canvas, she tried to ignore the child at her side and all the poignant memories bubbling within her. Kara closed her eyes as she remembered what it felt like to hold her daughter in her arms and see such trust in the innocent wide eyes. It was bittersweet, recalling their time together, and Kara forced her eyes open again to look down at the beguiling pair staring up at her.

"So…do you paint?" Silence. Just the intensity of familiar blue eyes locked to hers. "No, huh. Well…wanna try?"

Kara wasn't sure the rugrat even understood her, yet there was something she couldn't deny in the little girl's expectant expression. So she snagged the nearest chair and sat before the easel and patted her knee. Now, that Kacey clearly understood as she as she held out her arms to be picked up. Settling the child on her lap, Kara sucked on her lip as she surveyed her choice of brushes, finally picking one that had seen better days and it's destruction would be least missed.

"Ok, you hold it like this," she instructed, trying to maneuver stubby fingers into a proper grip on the brush stem. After a few attempts, Kara gave up and let the miniature hand grasp the handle however it wanted. Then, holding the child's arm, she guided the brush towards the orange pigment.

"No," the girl blurted out and pulled her arm from Kara's light grip, promptly plunging the brush into the leaf green paint instead, and then lifting it with a triumphant smile to show Kara. "Gween."

"Right. Green it is," Kara said, hastily taking hold again of the little arm and tipping the brush downward so the color wouldn't run along the handle and stain the munchkin's shirt. Directing the tip at the canvas, Kara let the child mash the brush against the surface, watching the green overshade the colors already on the matting, forming explosions and flowers that surprisingly complimented the already existing hues. "Hey, not half bad for a nugget. You could go a long ways, kid." A giggle was the only response and the brush started back and forth swipes, mangling the previous images. "Ok, now you're just going all impressionist on me. Not that I mind, rather an expert at making messes myself," she said.

Time slipped away again, so Kara didn't know how long she and Kacey had been slinging paint together when someone spoke from just behind her shoulder.

"This I had to see for myself," the familiar male voice was teasingly incredulous. "When Helo said you painted. I bet him twenty cubits he was having me on. Though, now that I get a look at this," Lee pointed to the canvas, "I think I may still have won," he said. His obvious exhaustion vied with a grin that made his features look younger than Kara has seen in a long time as she twisted in her seat.

"Everyone's a critic," she said, shifting Kacey's weight and setting the child on her own two feet. At Lee's pointed stare, Kara made the introduction, "This is Kacey, my protégée. Kacey, this is Lee, a cad and CAG in one." She smirked at his expression, then in bemusement when Lee extended his hand, enveloping the smaller one to give a careful handshake.

"Good to meet you, Kacey."

"Hi," the little girl said, vigorously moving her arm up and down. She suddenly broke away with a shouted, "Mama," and streaked across the room to be scooped up by a woman with sandy hair. After giving Kacey a warm hug, the obviously tired woman set the child down, only to be grabbed by the hand and dragged over to where Kara and Lee watched.

"Paint. Paint. I paint," the blonde tyke said, bouncing in place and proudly pointing at the multi-colored splatters on the white background.

"I was just kinda teaching Kacey to paint. Hope that was ok?" Kara said, rising to her feet and feeling suddenly nervous and unsure how Kacey's mom would react to find her daughter with Kara.

She relaxed as the woman smiled and said, "Sure. Anything to keep this livewire busy for a few minutes." Julia Brynn ruffled her daughter's curls with one hand as she added, "Though, how you got her to sit still long enough to paint is a miracle to me. You must have a lot of patience."

"Kacey's a pretty easy kid," Kara said with a shrug. She glanced to the side, seeing Lee's inquisitive look. "This is Lee Ad—" she started to introduce him, but broke off at his slight headshake.

"Just Lee," he quickly put in, extending his hand in greeting.

"Well, it's good to meet you 'just Lee'." The woman smiled over the hand engulfing her own, obviously not immune to the handsome officer's substantial charm. "I'd better take my little tornado and go get into the dinner queue before it's all gone." Both pilots saw concern darken the mother's eyes before she gave them a parting nod and took hold of Kacey's hand to lead the little girl away. At the hatch, Kacey twisted and waved back at them and Kara found her own hand raised in return.

As the loss hit her again, Kara wondered how long it would be before she stopped feeling liked she'd had her feet kicked out from beneath her each time Kacey left her behind. She had tried to avoid the child, but it seemed that fate kept putting the little girl in her path to stumble over time and again. Kara stamped on the urge to race after the pair and pry Kacey away. How often did she have to remind herself that she wasn't fit to be anyone's mother?

Wrenching her heart and eyes away from the departing back of the mother and child, Kara swung around to face Lee. Something of her state must have been visible to him, for his eyes narrowed in speculation before taking on a subtle twinkle.

"Painting and kids," he said. "Not exactly what I expected when I told Helo I needed to find you." His voice was warm and tinged with something Kara couldn't quite name.

"Yeah, well there's lots you don't know about me, Apollo," Kara said, trying to figure out how to extricate herself from his disturbing presence. Despite Cottle's explanation, she still felt all twisted up about what had happened in sickbay and what Lee must think of her. "Look, you said you needed to find me. So, here I am. What do you need, Major," she asked, hoping to shift their encounter to a more professional tone.

"We need to talk, Kara," he said, stressing that he understood what she was trying to do, and had no intention of letting her. "Though I'd suggest a more private place."

"Lee…the other day…it was just a dream, a night-terror or something. Look, the Doc explained things, and I'm fine. Ok? It didn't mean anything and we don't need to talk." She turned her back on him, shrugging out of the color-smeared smock and began to clean and pack away the paints.

"Kara, we are going to talk. It doesn't have to be today. I've got to get some rack time." Then, firmly gripping her shoulder, he turned her to face him, "But I had to see you first, and we will talk. No more misunderstandings. No more running."

Kara saw the determination in the set of his jaw and furrowed brows and knew that he meant it. He was going to force the issue. And maybe he was right. Maybe there were things that needed to be said between them. Tweaking her neck to the left then right, she felt a slight pop and some of the tightness eased. With the loosening though, fatigue set in.

Damn, I'm tired of feeling tired.

She met his gaze, "Can we not do this tonight?" letting him see the settling weariness.

"Not tonight, Kara. But soon," he quietly said. Glancing around the bustling room, he added, "I had another reason for finding you. Dad's decided that you no longer need a Marine detail assigned to you. So, I dismissed Sergeant Mathias, and since the Doc said he's kicked you out of sickbay and back to my dad's quarters, I figured I'd make sure you got there Ok."

Kara's eyes flicked to the doorway at his words and she was surprisingly conflicted by the sight of the empty spot where she'd last see Mathias waiting patiently. Frak. Why did the Marine's absence feel like another loss? What was she, like five and needed a babysitter? Kara shoved the feeling aside and turned to give Lee a stony look.

"Lame, Apollo. Like I can't find my own way or handle my own gear. It's not like I moved into sickbay with a load of stuff that I need a big, strong man to haul around for me," she said sarcastically. "Besides, I've already dropped my kit at the Admiral's quarters."

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you were Ok. After everything lately—" he broke off, perhaps knowing that if he said more it would be difficult to stop. Kara was thankful because she really didn't feel up to that discussion right now. Catching the way he was suddenly fidgeting, she realized that there was something else he wanted to say, but was obviously unsure if he dared at the moment.

"For gods-sake, just say it, Lee," she snapped, deciding it was better to hear the bombshell he was holding back then to brood over what it might be.

"Dee and I are finished," he said in a rush. "She's moved out, and I'm petitioning for a divorce. She won't contest it."

Kara blinked at him, hearing the words yet not fully comprehending what they meant. Dee moved out? Dee moved out… Was their marriage going bust my fault? Don't be stupid, course it was, she thought, trying to grasp all the permutations of his announcement. She shut her eyes and held up her palm as she felt Lee move in closer.

"I need you to go. Just give me some time to think, Ok, Lee?" she whispered, hoping he wouldn't push her for more. Not tonight.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then," he reluctantly agreed, and she felt the presence that was distinctly Lee move away.

She gave it a ten count before opening her eyes, and he was gone. In a slight daze she finished putting away her things and walked out.