AN: Hi every one! Hope your evening is going well!
We've got a week to go before Season 4! Yay! No worries, though, I'm not giving up on writing just because a new season is coming on. Just don't expect updates on Sunday evenings because I'm sure I'll be busy! LOL
This chapter is a Merle/Andrea one, but have no fear, our favorite couple hasn't gone anywhere! I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!
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Andrea pulled the car into the driveway and could see Merle working at the bike that had been parked, abandoned essentially, under the carport since the two of them had called it quits. She got out of her car, slamming the door shut so it wouldn't pop back open and went around to the passenger side to open the door and get out the laundry basket full of clothes she'd brought from Axel's house.
She picked up the basket, with Juniper riding in it like some kind of dog princess, and bumped the door shut with her hip, starting toward the carport.
She heard Merle growl a little as she walked up and she glanced in his direction. He chuckled at her.
"Look like damn Cinderelly…gotcha a damn rat an' all," he said.
Andrea sighed at him and put the basket down on the ground near the step that led to the door. There was no need to be in a hurry, after all. It would be some time before she had to get ready to work at the Watering Hole and she didn't have much else to do with her day. She sat on the step and reached over, stroking the head of the old dog that was content to stay in the pile of clothes for as long as she'd let her.
"Juny is not a rat," Andrea replied. "She's a very sweet dog."
"Yeah…what'cha doin' with it anyway?" Merle asked, tinkering still with the bike.
"Axel's at work," Andrea said. "I told him I'd do some laundry for him since he can't afford machines yet. It's a bitch to use the Laundromat…you should know that by now…or do you just not wash your clothes?"
Merle chuckled again.
"Don't'cha worry ya ass about me," Merle said. "My shit gets clean when it needs ta be."
"Anyway," Andrea said, partially ignoring him, "I decided to bring Juny over to hang out with me and Lincoln until Axel gets home. There's no need in her being alone in that house."
"Ain't you just a sweet one?" Merle asked.
"What about your bike?" Andrea asked. "You ever going to get that thing running or is it just going to sit here indefinitely like some kind of redneck lawn ornament?"
"Shit runs already," Merle said. "Fucker just don't sound quite like it should. Oughta have her goin' in a couple a' days, though…if I really get a mind ta get her done."
Andrea put her elbows on her legs and leaned her head into her hands. She watched, a little bored, as Merle continued to work.
"So ya like livin' here? All crammed up under my brothah?" Merle asked after a few minutes.
Andrea snickered.
"Where the hell else am I gonna go, Merle? Spend money to rent another shit hole over in the dumb you're living in? Not a single damn person in this town wants to live with my ass unless I'm already living with them...or unless there's some reason I don't want to be up under them…like Michonne and her kids."
Merle was quiet for a moment again, getting up and circling around the bike, his back to Andrea. She watched him, now, more for the chance to look at him without him knowing that she was getting an eyeful. She missed him…more than she cared to admit…but she was holding onto her pride, whether it was foolish or not.
"Ya could come back with me, ya know," Merle said, his back conveniently to her so that she couldn't see his facial expression.
"Why would I do that?" Andrea asked. "You told me to get the fuck out, Merle. I got the fuck out."
"Shit Andrea," Merle growled. "How many fuckin' times I said the same damn thing ta ya ass? Ya just up an' one day decide ya gonna be a cunt about it? How damn long ya gonna keep ya shit up…huh? Playin' house with my brothah…stringin' along ya lil' runt of a boyfriend?"
"Doesn't sound like much of an apology," Andrea said, raising up to sit erect.
"Weren't apologizin'," Merle responded. "Was askin' a fuckin' question."
"Maybe the answer to your question is that it's going to last as long as it takes me to get an apology," Andrea replied.
Merle turned around and walked over to the brick column that separated the two halves of the carport. He leaned against it, like a bear, scratching his back by rocking side to side and he studied her. Andrea didn't drop her gaze from him.
"What the hell ya want me ta say?" Merle asked after a minute. "Ya want me ta apologize for what? For fuckin' actin' the same damn way ya knowed all along I was? Want me ta say I'm sorry for bein' an asshole…somethin' if 'member correctly ya said ya liked?"
Andrea stood up and picked the little dog up out of the clothes basket. She yanked open the glass door and then pushed the wooden door beyond open just far enough to push the dog inside to entertain Lincoln. Then she turned around and walked toward Merle, putting her hands on her hips.
"Things change, Merle…people change. Maybe I'm one of those people," Andrea said.
Merle sucked his teeth, standing up now from his bear like position.
"So ya changed huh? Not the same Andrea ya used ta be? What's so damn different 'bout'cha?" Merle asked.
Andrea hated when Merle looked at her like he was looking at her right now. When he wanted to, Merle had a very deep and intense stare…it was usually only around when he abandoned his bullshit antics for the time being, making it a rather rare occurrence. Still, when he looked at you with that expression, it was hard not to think that Merle was so much more intelligent, so much better at reading you, than you ever thought possible before. Andrea always found the stare unnerving. She did her best, though to hold her own against it.
"Maybe I grew up a little, Merle," Andrea said. "Maybe I realized I've been wrong about a lot of things in my life…maybe it was time for me to stop letting others dictate anything about me."
Merle raised his eyebrows at her, a half smile crossing his face.
"An' part a' ya new found self is one that thinks I oughta go tellin' ya I'm sorry for not changin'?" Merle asked.
Andrea shook her head.
"No…not really. I don't want your halfhearted apology Merle. Maybe I've realized I want a little more out of life than what you want out of it," Andrea replied.
She sighed and shrugged a little.
"Maybe I don't want an apology at all, Merle," Andrea said. "I think…at this point what I want is you to be different…and now that I say it out loud, that really isn't fair for me to ask."
"I reckon ya done caught'cha yaself some kinda fever, huh? Think I oughta be one a' these damn pussies runnin' 'round?" Merle asked.
Andrea shook her head, smiling softly at him.
"No Merle…a pussy isn't what I'm looking for either," Andrea said. "What I'm looking for is a real man. And now that I've seen what one of those looks like…what a couple look like…I just don't think I can go back to playing with little boys."
Merle narrowed his eyes at her, a little irritation evident there.
"A real man, huh? Like ya boyfriend?" Merle growled.
"Axel's a man, yes…" Andrea said. "He's not afraid…not like you are. Tyreese…he's a real man too. They're different kinds of men…but men just the same. Daryl…he's done a lot of growing up too. You should be proud of him."
Merle set his jaw.
"Who said I ain't proud a' Daryl?" Merle asked.
"Nobody said it," Andrea said. "And if you are then that's good. Daryl's in love…he's got a baby on the way that he's every bit as excited about as Carol is…he knows what he wants out of life."
Merle chuckled.
"An' he's willin' ta be a pussy ta keep it?" Merle responded.
Andrea got the feeling, though, from his tone of voice, that he didn't fully mean what he was saying.
"There's nothing about Daryl that's anything to frown at," Andrea said. "He's still the same old Daryl…he's just not afraid to admit what he wants and how he feels about it. There's no shame in that."
Merle cleared his throat and moved like he was going to walk away from her, but he stopped and turned back. Something in his eyes was different for the moment and all signs of a smile were gone from his face.
"Thought'cha didn't believe in love…" Merle said. "Ain't'cha always fuckin' said it weren't real? Was just some damn shit that people made up ta say they was hot for someone an' it was gonna fade away soon as they quenched their fuckin' thirst?"
Andrea shrugged.
"I guess I don't believe that anymore either," Andrea said. "Maybe I thought I did…or maybe I was just scared."
She snickered just to think about it. She really had changed, and honestly much of the change had taken place without her even knowing that it was happening or even really having a clear moment where she could point at it and say there's where it happened.
"Maybe I was the pussy," Andrea said.
"So ya lookin' for love now, is it?" Merle asked. "Ya lookin' for ya damn white dress an' ya snotty ass kids? That what'cha after?"
Andrea smiled at him, reaching up and trailing a finger along his jaw line. He flinched for a second, but then he stopped, staring directly at her again with the same intense look he'd worn before.
"I think my days of wearing white without being run out of Sweet Junction by people with pitchforks have passed," Andrea said. "And I can't say that I'd ever want kids…but the love…yeah, Merle. I think I'm looking for it."
Merle bobbed his head a little. He chuckled after a second.
"Fuck, Andrea," he said. "Ya think ya gon' get that shit from me?"
Andrea almost felt saddened by it. The truth was that she knew he was capable of love, but she doubted he even believed it. She wanted it from him…if it was coming from anyone she would have liked it to be from him…but she feared it was something that he'd never be able to offer her.
Andrea shook her head softly.
"No, Merle, I don't think I'm going to get it from you. Some people change…others never do," Andrea said. "Maybe you and me…well maybe you were right all along. Maybe there's never going to be anything there."
Andrea sighed, realizing that she probably needed to let Merle get back to his bike and she should get a load of laundry going. She shrugged and offered Merle another smile.
"It was fun while it lasted, though, right? That's what matters," she said.
Andrea reached up and patted Merle's chest a moment before she turned around to go and get the laundry and haul it to the small laundry room tucked in the back of the carport.
"Andrea…" Merle said just as she reached the step and bent down to pick up the basket. Andrea stopped and turned back, raising her eyebrows in response but not saying anything.
Merle ran his tongue over his teeth, pushing his lips out for a second. He walked over to her and reached a hand out, catching her by the arm and pulling her closer to him. He held her, then, by the upper part of both of her arms.
"I ain't my brother," Merle said. "An' I ain't never gon' be Daryl…hell, I don't even think we really related half the damn time."
Andrea looked up at him, wondering if he was going where his tone of voice told her he might be going, or if it was just wishful thinking and the strange intoxication that the upcoming family holidays held in the air.
Merle dipped his head and before Andrea could protest, he had his lips pressed firmly on hers. She leaned into him a little, wanting to fight the kiss on the one hand and not daring to on the other. She had missed him, and even there was only a kiss, at least it could be one last one. She gave herself over to it, determined to make it the best one she had if it was going to be the one that stayed with her.
Merle pulled away after a moment and Andrea realized she was panting a little. She could almost kick herself for the natural way that she responded to him. Unfortunately there was no switch for turning it off, no matter how much her brain argued with her body about it.
"Why don't'cha fuckin' come back?" Merle asked. "Ya knew when I said it that I didn't a damn bit more mean ya should get the fuck out than I ever meant before that. Fuck…just somethin' ta say."
Andrea swallowed.
"There are other things that are just things to say," she said.
Merle chuckled, still holding her there.
"Like what, princess? What pretty words ya reckon ya gotta fuckin' hear?" Merle asked.
Andrea tried to still her breathing, but the intensity with which Merle was holding her eyes at the moment made it difficult.
"I love you," she said, her voice faltering. "That's a nice one. I'm happy to see you…I'm glad you're here…Hell…even thank you…there are a lot of things that are just things to say, and they sound a lot nicer than fuck you, I don't care a damn thing about you, and get the fuck out."
Merle chuckled, breaking the stare for a moment to look toward the floor but still not releasing his grip on her arms. In fact, it tightened a little and Andrea wondered if there might be bruises there the next day.
"I do got a way with words, don't I?" Merle asked. He let his eyes come back to look at hers again.
"Not with the ones someone wants to hear," Andrea said. "Not with the ones that I need to hear."
"If I was ta say these words…these damn pretty words that'cha need so fuckin' much since ya's a changed woman an' all," Merle said. "Would'ja stop washin' this fuckin' assholes underbritches an' come back ta the apartment with me?"
Andrea felt her heart almost stop and she struggled to make sure that nothing going on inside of her was daring to even peek out the slightest bit.
"If you said them," she said, hesitating a little, "and if you meant them…I would come back. But I'd have to be sure that I knew you meant them."
Merle chuckled again.
"I ain't carryin' ya fuckin' purse an' I ain't paintin' ya fuckin' toenails," Merle said.
Andrea shook her head softly.
"I wouldn't think you would," Andrea said. "Although…holding my purse for me sometimes…well it isn't exactly a sin against nature…but we could talk about it."
"I ain't jumpin' through no fuckin' hoops like a damn circus poodle neither," Merle said.
Andrea narrowed her eyes, almost disbelieving what she was hearing and what she saw in his face.
"Maybe little hoops?" Andrea asked. "Low to the ground? Not too much jumping involved?"
Merle chuckled and Andrea smiled at him.
"Fuck!" He spat. "Ya a damn hell cat an' a half. Ya know that? Fuckin' bitch!"
Andrea chuckled in response. She realized that even the idea of doing anything like this…anything that she might request of him…was almost certainly causing physical and mental pain to Merle.
Andrea swallowed and licked her lips, the taste of his…the taste of his mouth and the taste of stale smoke…still there.
"I'm not asking for a lot," Andrea said.
"The hell'd ya have in mind?" Merle asked.
"A few nice dinners," Andrea said. "You admitting to me…and at least a little to everyone else…that you asked me to come back."
Merle growled low in his throat.
"You don't even have to say you love me," Andrea offered. "At least not to anyone else. Just that you give a fuck."
Merle chewed at his lip, his grip loosening on her arms but his hands still not dropping.
"And then ya comin' back?" Merle asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.
Andrea smiled.
"And then I'll come back…and when I do come back…I'll make it worth your wild," Andrea said.
Merle brought his lips back to hers and she leaned into him, feeling as she pressed her body against him that he had become, throughout the length of the conversation, though she wasn't sure at what point exactly, aroused by the entire thing.
When they broke apart, Andrea could tell that Merle's breathing had changed speeds as well.
"Well?" Andrea asked. "Do we have a deal? Because if not, I've got things to do…and I already said I'm washing this load of laundry, so I have to keep good on my word."
Merle nodded his head slightly.
"I give a damn, OK?" He said.
Andrea smiled at him. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't a Shakespearean sonnet by any means, but it was something.
"I give a damn about you too, Merle," Andrea said. She laughed. "Even if you are an asshole."
Merle dropped his hands then.
"Fuck you!" He responded, smiling. Andrea didn't take it to heart, though. She knew that she might get Merle to change some, but some things never changed…and for Merle a "fuck you" was almost as good as a quick "I love you" from most people if the tone was right.
"Fuck yourself," Andrea said. She turned away and heaved up the basket to take it and dump it in the machine. She glanced over and saw Merle adjusting himself, pretending to be paying attention to the bike again.
"When we goin' ta dinner?" Merle asked.
"I'm free tomorrow night," Andrea offered, pulling open the door to the little laundry room.
Merle smiled and visibly ran his tongue across his teeth.
"Dessert afterwards?" He asked, smirking.
"Mmm…" Andrea responded. "That depends."
"On what?" Merle asked, the smile dropping for a second in genuine curiosity.
"On the caliber of the gentleman that takes me out to dinner," Andrea said. She winked at him and slipped into the laundry room to start the clothes. When she passed back out, a few moments later, to head into the house and take care of a few things, Merle was back to tinkering at his bike. She didn't miss, though, that he winked at her when she looked at him and shot her a quick smile which she returned before slipping inside.