This is my first time ever posting, so any tips would be cool, please review!

I do not own white collar, just in love with Matt Bomer... all characters, quotes, etc. belong to USA network

This follows the show's story just as a baseline

Warning for suicide in this chapter, not a death fic though

Enjoy!

Neal sat on his bed in his empty cell. He had only been back in prison for three days now, and despite that being only a fraction of the time he had previously served, he had never felt so alone, both physically and emotionally. The girl he would have risked everything for, tried to risk everything for, was gone from his life for good. He had been willing to break out of prison, risk four more years tacked onto his sentence, just to be with her again, because nothing was worth losing Kate, not even his freedom.

Only now, he had neither. He did not think he would ever be in as much pain as he was the second time Peter arrested him, sitting alone in Kate's apartment with the empty bottle of wine, missing Kate by just two days. But this pain that he felt now did not even compare. Back then, he still had the hope that one day they would be together again. Now he had nothing. Sure, he could go back to his deal, but for what purpose?

Neal pondered Peter's offer, but he could not really find it in him to care at all. Even if he went back to his old deal, there was nothing there for him. He only wanted the deal in the first place to find Kate; without her, his life had no point, whether he was in prison or not. Assisting the FBI in cases was fun and rewarding, and running cons with Mozzie was always exhilarating, but without Kate in his life neither of those things mattered. None of it mattered if there was no one to fall back on, no one to look forward to spending the rest of his life with; he would just be wasting time until it was all over anyway.

No, taking Peter's deal would offer him no comfort, no release. Being out of prison would mean nothing, not if he were without Kate. He could almost feel his heart break as he cried silent tears, sitting alone his bed. He would give anything to be with her again, but that possibility lay dead next to her body. How did it come to this?

Neal remembered back to the tarmac again, talking to Peter before the plane exploded. He remembered Peter trying to convince him to stay, and despite Neal's love for Kate, Neal did have some doubts in his mind about leaving. He remembered the uncertainty and hesitation he felt when Peter had asked him if he changed his mind, and he remembered how close he came to choosing Peter and that new life over Kate. How could he have thought that?

Guilt overwhelmed him as he sat there, thinking about how he had almost betrayed Kate. He should have been on that plane with her, not standing there on the air strip a couple hundred feet away, considering abandoning her. Kate did not deserve to be dead, Neal did. But his innocent Kate had to face the consequences of his risky life, yet again. Neal wishes he had been on that plane with her. He should be dead and resting peacefully with Kate right now, finding an ending with her, even if it was not the one he had imagined. This pain is what he deserves for questioning his loyalty to her, for coming so close to betraying her.

The pain and guilt became too much, overwhelming his senses; Neal stood up, pacing his small 10x10 cell. He could not do this anymore. He could not live in the same world where Kate was dead. It might have hurt like hell when she left him, but back then at least he knew it was not the end; he knew they would be together someday soon. But now he knew he would never see her again. There was nothing he could do, nothing could make this better ever again.

Neal knew what he had to do. He looked around, searching for something, anything, that might help end his pain. Through his tear-filled eyes, he caught a glimpse of a screw in the bed frame, and despite the uncontrollable shaking in his hands, managed to remove it from its setting. The point of the screw was not ideal, but it was sharp enough; all he needed was for it to break skin, and time would finish the rest of the job.

As he moved the screw towards his wrist, Peter suddenly popped into his mind,, followed by Mozzie, and Elizabeth, and June. The few other people in this world for whom he cared about. He wondered how this would affect them, how they would feel when the prison called to inform them of the news, when they realized how weak he was. Yes, they would be hurt, but they would get over it. The FBI would lose a valued resource and a few of people would lose a friendly ex-con. He knew he was loved, but that was not enough to stop him from doing what he thought was the only possible decision. He did not want to hurt them, but they would survive; he was nobody's Kate. He had caused them enough trouble as it was; in fact, they would probably be better off in the end without him in their lives. Just thinking about the trouble he has caused them all, even from just knowing them this short amount of time, sealed the deal. He knew what he must do.

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Peter stepped off the elevator back at the office after his disappointing discussion with Neal. His gut was churning, something not sitting quite right. If Neal valued anything above all else, it would be his freedom, yet there he was with the option open, and he ignored it.

Jones approached him, noticing Peter by himself, "Hey boss, thought you would be dragging an ex-con around with you right about now. Where's Neal?" he asked casually.

Too distracted on his qualms about Neal, it took Peter a moment to comprehend what Jones was asking. Finally, Peter looked at his agent, worry evident in face and voice, "He's still at Sing-Sing" he announced dejectedly.

"What? I thought you just went to pick him up, was there a problem with the paperwork?"

"No, no, the paperwork was fine, the problem was with Neal. I tried to get him to come back, thought he would be happy that option was still available after everything that happened these past few days, but he denied the old deal, says he doesn't want out right now, he only wants to be 'alone'."

"The Neal Caffrey doesn't want out of prison? That sure as hell doesn't sound like the CI I've been working with for the past year."

"I know, me either. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about him. He's clearly not thinking straight right now, I'm just scared he might try to do something stupid."

"You mean something more stupid than he usually does?" Jones said, unintentionally making light of the situation.

"You didn't see him in there Clinton, it was like a part of him died on that tarmac with Kate, and it doesn't seem like the rest of him wants to be here either. I just can't stand thinking about him spending another night in that prison alone, going through everything by himself. All I want to do is help him, but I just don't know how."

Jones finally detected the seriousness in Peter's words upon hearing the use of his first name; Peter was talking to him as a friend, not as his boss. This caused worry to creep into Jones' as well; he and Neal were not nearly as close as Peter and Neal, but he still liked and cared for the man as a coworker.

Wanting to ease Peter's fears, (as well as some of his own,) Jones supposed, "The higher ups won't keep his deal open forever, why don't we go back and try to talk some sense into him. We'll drag him out if we have to, but at least the option for the deal will still be open for him. I just don't want him making a decision he's going to regret and be stuck rotting in there for the next few years because he was to grief-stricken to accept the deal."

Although Jones was talking about regretting the decision of passing on the deal, Peter's concern tugged at him, thinking of another regretful decision Neal might make, hoping against all hope that he may be wrong. A sense of urgency overcame him as the men sped back to the prison, Peter desperate to help his hurting friend, wondering why he ever left Neal in the first place after their conversation, not when he was in such a poor state of mind.

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Lying back on his bed, Neal finally brought the screw to his arm; steadying his still shaking hand, he broke skin and quickly dragged the tool from the inside of his elbow down to his wrist. He did the same on the other arm, letting the physical pain momentarily block out the emotional pain. He felt relief wash over him as he finished and let the screw drop to the ground, its task complete. Neal lay back on the bed, dried tears sitting on his cheek as he closed his eyes, hoping for a speedy death as the blood dripped slowly from the wounds on his arms. Neal was not sure if he believed in heaven, but he hoped that the next time he woke, he would be with Kate again, and free from this pain of life without her.

"I'm sorry, Kate" were the last words he mumbled before he succumbed to sleep.

Sorry to end on a cliff-hanger, and I promise this is not a death fic!