Chapter 97 Catharsis

The next day, Cottle released Kara from sickbay with the admonishment to take it easy and return every other day to have the new, smaller bandage changed and sutures checked.

Her steps unconsciously turned towards the CAG's office, but when she saw a woman with platinum-blonde hair step into the corridor a little distance ahead, her stride faltered to a halt and Kara found herself frozen in the middle of the passage. After blinking several times, she was able to discern the obvious differences between this woman and her Cylon tormentor. The figure walking towards her now was at least a foot shorter and significantly plumper than the one that had made Kara's existence a hell on New Caprica. Really, the only true similarity was the striking color of her hair.

As the woman passed by, she gave Kara an odd look, probably because Kara had been staring and was nearly white from the initial shock.

"Frak, frak, frak," she muttered to herself as she stepped to the side and leaned back against the supporting structure of Galactica's wall. The low hum and rumble of the ship's engines came through the contact and loosened tensed muscles. She took a deep, cleansing breath and made a decision. Reversing her direction, Kara headed towards the secured section of the ship. It was time she faced this fear, and maybe tame some of the lingering doubts.

[ I I I I I ]

Kara's steps faltered at the threshold of the Cylon holding cell. Then, thumbs tucked into the waistband of her cargos, and elbows wide, she aggressively lifted her chin and entered the cell. After exchanging silent stares with the Cylon prisoner for a few seconds, she ordered the guards to leave her alone with the Six. The two young Marines reluctantly backed out, keeping their guns trained on the captive as they warily exited and locked the door behind them.

With arms crossed in front and face set in a repressive scowl, Starbuck began to pace back and forth before the still silent prisoner. The statuesque blonde gave her a slow once over through eyes narrowed with speculation and caution.

"What do you want, Captain?" Caprica finally asked, breaking the tense silence.

"Other than to watch you die?"

The platinum head ducked in acknowledgment.

"Yes, other than that."

Kara's hands fell to her side as she stopped her restless strides and turned to face the prisoner directly. What did she want from the Six? Did she think the Cylon could somehow just erase the past for her? Did she want to torture this alternate version of her tormentor, make screams come from her this time?

Or maybe…she just wanted to understand.

"Why me?"

Her question held the weight of her anguish. What did the Cylons want with her. What was this special destiny they were determined to force upon her? Leoben couldn't—or wouldn't—tell Kara any specifics that made sense. Maybe she'd have better luck with this Cylon.

The Six moved a step closer, and Kara instinctively tensed, hands raising defensively before her. The Cylon woman froze, then slowly brought her own hands up, palms forward and stepped back the same distance, casting a wary glance towards the guards that stood just beyond the door.

Kara let her fists unclench and arms drop again as the Cylon retreated, but her hard gaze still demanded an answer.

"Many of my brethren say that you'll lead the way to a new future."

"What frakkin' 'new future'?"

"I don't see God's plan. I just know that there is one, and you have a significant role in it. But only the Twos see the currents of unfolding events and the way you shape their flow." Then, at Kara's harsh laugh, "I'm sorry. I expect you've had enough of Leoben's sermons and certainly don't need me to reiterate them."

"So you know about Leoben, about what happened to me in your 'detention center'?" The Cylon gave a reluctant nod.

One hand rising to the bandage on her head, Kara felt her headache abruptly worsen. The room started to tip and she saw the Six start to reach out. Automatically recoiling, Kara stepped back and caught her balance on the cell wall.

No! Not now. Not frakkin' here.

Taking slow breaths, she held herself in the present, shoving the flashback down.

"Are you…ok, Captain?" Kara's eyes snapped to the Cylon's, looking for the familiar mocking, startled to see only real concern instead. She was surprised again as the Cylon gave a rueful grimace and said, "Of course you're not. Not after what you were subjected to by my brothers and sisters. I am sorry."

The apology appeared genuine and, "Why?" leapt from Kara's lips before she'd even realized she was going to speak.

"It was too like what was done to my sister aboard your Pegasus."

"I would've expected you to be happy, then. Got some of your own back as it were," Kara snapped out.

"Some of my line do feel as you say…" the Six visibly faltered, appearing queasy as she swallowed several times before taking a deep breath and continuing. "But I don't. Vengeance is a human trait. And not one I wish to acquire. Look where it's brought both our races. Yours to the brink of extinction, and mine to the point where we're indulging in the very behaviors for which we condemned your people." The classic features of the woman's face twisted in distaste. "Do you know that the Centurions no longer have free will? Cavil took that from them—and the rest of us let him do it. Where is our superiority now? For those reasons I helped Sharon. Why I'm here now. And why I'm sorry for what was done to you."

"So, we're suppose to believe that you're just a peace loving Cylon?" Kara gave a bitter laugh. "And here I thought all you Sixes liked causing pain. You certainly seemed to enjoy it on New Caprica."

"That was not me. My name's Caprica, and that Six… Well, she choose not to have another designation, claimed it made her too human."

"Caprica? You've got to be frakkin' kidding me, right?" Kara incredulously demanded.

"It's just my name."

"So, what? Should I be expecting to hear about a Cylon named Virgon? How about Miss Geminon?" Kara mocked, voice rising as she stepped forward. Her arms were pressed to her side now, fists opening and closing in time with her heartbeats as Kara glared at the figure before her.

"No. In that, I'm unique."

Abruptly it was more than Kara could stand. She rushed the Cylon, using her momentum to slam the prisoner against the cell wall, a hand holding the slim shoulder while she thrust her forearm against the vulnerable throat and leaning into it. "You are not unique. You're a copy, just another frakkin' Six," she hissed up at the face inches from her own.

"You're wrong, Starbuck." At the tall blonde's use of her call sign, Kara pulled away from the wall just enough to give her space to slam the Cylon back again. The face before her looked more sorrowful than concerned, though, and she heard the same concern fill the hated voice as the Cylon said, "I can't let you kill me. And I don't want to hurt you. So, let me help instead.

"Help? I don't need your help now, I needed it then," Kara yelled, shifting more of her weight forward. "You could have helped me escape. Or…you could've killed me," she rasped out the extremity of her remembered anguish at the tense face before her.

"Starbuck…" Caprica wheezed, now barely able to force words past the arm pressing on her windpipe but she still didn't fight back. "I didn't even know…not until later…not until Boomer told me," she panted. "And the others…didn't trust me." She then forced the last out in one quick breath, "And you didn't want to die."

Kara's face was contorted with conflicting emotions as she fought an inner battle. Her clenched jaw ached, and her head was pounding. She shifted back, easing the pressure on Caprica's throat.

"How would you know?"

"Because you're here." Caprica took a deep breath. "You had four months; someone as resourceful as you would've found a way. Yet you endured. My sister Six never understood why she failed to break you—"

"She didn't…didn't fail," Kara bitterly said as she released her hold and stepped back. "She did break me," Kara forced out her shame.

Under the intensity of Caprica's searching look, Kara managed to hold herself still, though her mind was telling her to get away before she revealed any more to this…woman. She was wound up so tight, that she jerked when the Six finally spoke.

"The Six that…did those things was killed when the Resistance raided the detention center during the rescue." Kara blinked, she hadn't known that. Not that it mattered she told herself as Caprica continued. "I know, because I accessed her memories during her download. I know what she did to you. More importantly, I felt her frustration." The blonde coif tilted as she said, "You may have broken for a time, but you fought back. You refused to stay broken," Caprica emphatically stated. "And it—I believe the term is—'pissed' her off. She couldn't understand how you carried on."

Kara turned away, scrubbing at the side of her face with a hand that shook. Taking a steadying breath, she turned to the Cylon again. She still didn't understand this Cylon—this Caprica. The reasons she'd given so far for her defection made an abstract kind of sense, but Kara couldn't see what really drove the Cylon to risk everything by coming to Galactica. There had to be something in it for her personally. There always was.

"Why do you care?"

After a long pause, "What we did to you was wrong," Caprica finally said, and Kara knew the simple statement was meant to cover everything from the attempted genocide of the human race to Kara's torture.

Searching the eyes of the tall blonde, Kara finallyunderstood.

Guilt was a familiar face to her. She recognized the deep shame that lurked in the gaze of the Cylon woman. At that moment, Kara fully accepted the validity of the Cylons' claims that their emotions were real. What fool would program guilt into a machine that was meant to destroy its enemies. Penance was what Caprica sought. Absolution for the part she'd played in the war between their peoples and the billions of deaths that resulted.

As Kara perceived all the meanings of Caprica's words, a knot in her gut slowly unwound. Understanding the truth of the Six's words let Starbuck believe the other woman's assertion that Leoben—and the Six—hadn't succeeded in beating her.

"Right. Ok," she said curtly, knowing that she'd gotten what she'd come for. Giving Caprica a last nod, Kara turned and strode to the door, knocking for it to be opened. As she left the holding area, she lifted her head and her stride took on some of the swagger of the cocky Viper Jock of old.

[ I I I I I ]

Standing in his quarters and staring at the oil painting over the couch, Bill Adama considered what he'd witnessed just a short time ago. He'd been in the observation cubicle outside of the Cylon holding cell when Kara had entered. Alarmed, he'd nearly sent in the guards but decided, instead, to give her an opportunity to confront her enemy face to face.

It had been one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do.

He'd been concerned for her physical safety, the Cylon hadn't been restrained, but more than that, he'd been afraid that Kara was about to retreat into the raged-consumed shell that she had hidden within upon her rescue from New Caprica. Unseen, Adama had watched the interaction between the two. The byplay had certainly been informative and, though there had been a few moments when he'd almost intervened, he was glad he hadn't. The renewed confidence evident in his Kara's firm stride when she'd left the brig afterwards had been reward enough for his restraint.

The tall blonde—Caprica—he reminded himself, had also been a revelation, reminding him of Sharon in more ways than the obvious. He wasn't ready to fully trust the Cylon, but he was willing to start, if for no other reason than that she had helped give his Kara something she'd obviously had needed.

Adama's gaze lowered from the artwork to the couch—and the piled blanket and pillow set aside at one end. Was it time? Before going to the brig, he had swung by sickbay and had had a lengthy discussion with Cottle. The physician had been guardedly positive since Kara's nightmares were only occurring a few times a week now, and it had been sometime since she'd had one of the violent night-terrors. Laura also had seemed satisfied with her progress when he'd seen her earlier in the day. In fact, it was she that had suggested that it was time for Kara to test her own balance—and moving back to crews' quarters was the next logical step.

Wandering over to the table, Bill tapped the surface as he probed his own feelings. He admitted on one level, he didn't want Kara to move out. He ruefully shook his head. Who would've thought he'd be faced with the empty-nest syndrome at this late stage on his life, he wondered, pinpointing the source of his conflicted emotions. Having been gone by the time the boys had been ready to leave home, he hadn't dealt with this before. And it felt decidedly strange and uncomfortable, now.

With a grimace, he straightened. This was about Kara and her needs, not his.

Crossing to the ship phone, the Admiral gave the command to have Captain Thrace report to his cabin. This was not a decision for him to make alone; he couldn't risk that she might misinterpret this reasons.

Returning again to the painting, Adama clasped his hands behind his back and waited.

[ I I I I I ]

Turning a corner on the way from the Admiral's quarters back to Pilot Country, Kara had to quickly sidestep to avoid colliding with Lee as he came from an intersecting hallway.

"Who set your feet on fire, Apollo?" she teased, giving him a bump with the bag slung over her shoulder.

"Well now, Starbuck, that would be you." He grinned back at her. "Not the first time either as I recall," he said as he gave her a mock scowl.

"My duty to keep you on your toes, Sir." She gave an impudent salute as she turned to resume walking.

"And you do it so well, Captain," Lee lightly said, falling into stride at her side. His grin was back, and if there was more warmth in his eyes than appropriate between a CAG and his Lead Pilot, neither cared anymore.

Nudging her dufflebag, "Have a big night at the triad table?" he asked.

"Nah. The Old Man kicked me out." At Lee's startled look and obvious concern, she added, "We talked. Agreed it's time for me to go back to the lowly accommodations appropriate to my rank." Kara could see that he still wasn't reassured by the way his eyes dodged away, and he looked about to turn and head off to confront his dad. Reaching out to touch his arm, she halted them both. "It's fine, Lee. Really. It's time and I need to get back to my rack. Back to being normal again." At his quirked eyebrow and upturned lips, "You know what I mean," she repressively said, all but daring him to make some comment on her ever being 'normal'.

"Ok, I get it," he said. "But my rack's open when you're ready to upgrade."

Kara stiffened, and she could see Lee mental smack himself as he realized what he'd said. Despite their return to the easy friendship of before, and despite their finally opening up to each other, it was too soon to take it to the next level. At least until they got better at relating and restraining themselves from pushing each other's buttons.

Forcing her legs to unlock, Kara resumed walking. Then, knowing that Lee would continue to guiltily gnaw on this if she didn't find a way of defusing it, she willed her voice back to a teasing lightness and said, "Propositioning a subordinate, You finally removing that stick you've been sitting on there, Apollo?" and gave him the brightest Starbuck smirk she could polish off.

His chuckle was worth the effort and they relaxed again.

As they entered the corridor of the pilots' barracks, Starbuck was greeted with enthusiastic claps on the back—so at odds from the prior times when everyone appeared afraid to touch her. And, significantly different than before, she didn't flinched nor feel the need to strike out at the physical contact anymore, either.

Her sharp gaze also didn't miss the mischievous gleam in several of her crewmates' eyes, especially HotDog's, as they welcomed her back. They were definitely 'up to something', and it had to do with her. In times past, Starbuck would've suspected a new round of practical jokes were in the works, with her the likely target. But now…

Ah, well. It was good to be back, and she had a feeling she'd find out soon enough what hair-brained scheme the others were plotting. And besides, it felt right, like a bone finally reset in place, the knowledge that whatever was coming, she could handle it again, be it good or bad.

Laura had given her that…with the help of so many others.

Kara decided that she was going to have to give some thought on how to pay them back. She hated having debts hanging over her. But, as she stowed her gear back in her locker, she realized that no number of socks or cigars or whatever were going to be adequate this time. Kara swallowed against the lump in her throat as she accepted that some debts just couldn't be repaid.

She let it drop then, turning instead to watch the antics of the other pilots as they joked and razzed each other. Finally, after so many weeks off New Caprica, it finally felt like she was home again.