Yolo my people! Yeah, something happened, something bad, that made me so mad (something rare in me) and so I couldn't stay with my friends. They didn't do anything it, it was a personal problem...yeah still mad about that surprisingly, I almost destroyed my room because I was that upset. I'm not a violent person, really I'm not, but sometimes...when those you trusted lied to you, it really hurts you know? But moving on, I'm here to update and I'm excited to give my friends, who are like my college sisters, their gifts later on! And don't worry, my frustration won't influence this chapter in a bad way. It's still written out the way I planned to write it out, so bring on the new chapter! Hope everyone enjoys this new chapter, and thank you so much for the support last chapter! I was worried about the action scenes turning out lame, but guess not! Heehee, enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just really, really, really love them! They are like brothers to me, I owe them for saving me from suicide with their kind personalities, sweet songs, funny as heck show and just being overall amazing guys both in the show and real life! I don't own them though, sadly, I just own this story's plot! Oh, and I listened to James' cover of 'Clarity' by Zedd while writing this chapter, and it worked amazingly! I just pictured James singing this to Kendall, and wow it helped a lot! Thank you James for an amazing cover! Also, italics alone in this chapter are flashbacks/memories; this chapter follows the same scheme as chapter eleven, which had Kendall remembering the good times the couple shared before breaking up! Since everyone seems to be Kames-deprived, here's a whole chapter to them! The action picks up again next chapter, but I thought it would be fair game to just have a angst/fluff chapter up this time around!
James rose to his feet and stumbled back, shaking and gripping at his head with both hands.
'I-I couldn't do it. I...why couldn't I?' He thought.
He was so confused; what has he been doing this whole time? Everything was just a blur...
All he could really remember, and this just happened too, was holding a knife, a dagger and close to plunging it into Kendall's chest.
Wait, Kendall...?!
The brunette's eyes met those big, wide and relieved-looking green eyes.
Those eyes.
Those beautiful eyes.
Those beautiful eyes that he once loved...no, he still loved them.
He didn't move on, he never got over those eyes.
And that face, everything about it.
"You know what I love most about you, beloved? More than your beautiful eyes and your pretty smile and your soft hair and your perfect face?"
A blush touches that gentle, perfect face but a smile pulls at those petal lips. "W-what, what do you love most about me, Jamie?"
James' smirk softened to a smile, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy's waist and pressing a kiss to his forehead.
"You, just you being you."
James flinched as he fell to his knees, tears streaming silently down his face.
'T-these memories, where were they when I was becoming a monster?' He thought, whole body violently trembling.
"James?" Kendall called out, forcing his aching body off the desk to walk slowly but confidently towards the other boy. James reacted badly to the dirty blonde's voice; he moaned and he gritted his teeth.
He wasn't trying to fight his feelings, though. He was trying to fight the monster inside him, wanting to kill this boy, this amazing and perfect boy.
'W-why don't I want to kill him?'
James was hissing in pain as Kendall had to rub disinfectant into a cloth and run it lightly over the cut above the brunette's right hazel-green eye.
"Damn, that stings." The fifteen year old mumbled, pouting like a child. Kendall, eleven at the time, fought back a smile as he pressed a band-aid over the cut.
"That's what happens when you get a cut; you need to keep it clean or it can get worse." He said, though a deep frown soon pulled at his lips. James took notice of this immediately and cupped the younger boy's face, ignoring how his heart skipped a beat when their skins brushed.
"What's wrong, Kenny Rabbit?" Said blonde blushed at the pet-name but sighed, tears in his eyes now.
"You didn't have to fight those guys for me...now y-you're hurt because of me."
Kendall's been getting bullied by some no-brain morons three grades above him. He's tried to keep it a secret from his mom, and especially James who was very protective of him, but there was no way he could get a black-eye to heal faster. Once James saw it, his eyes went pitch black with anger and he sought out the bastards and taught them a lesson. They all tried to gang jump him, five against one wasn't really fair, but James managed to take them down solo, coming out with just a cut above his eye.
Carlos, Kendall and Logan had been shocked into silence the whole fight; they had no idea just how good at martial arts the tall brunette pretty boy was. Logan was the most surprised, since before the four became friends James, Carlos, and Kendall use to bully him during summer camp and back when he was in third grade.
James broke the blonde out of his stupor by pressing a kiss to his forehead; another blush, though darker in color this time, took over Kendall's face again.
"You act as if I regret it; you know I would it do it again for you or for Carlos or for Logan. No one messes with those I love, Kenny. Besides those pricks needed to be taught a lesson, I mean who picks on kids like that?! Your teachers should have looked out for you better, there is no damn excuse for not doing their job!"
"You mean teaching?"
"Yes that too, but they are suppose to protect you as well. Kenny, it's their responsibility, the school's also, to provide a safe and sound learning environment. They aren't doing their job, which is why if those bastards try something again they're losing more than teeth." Kendall felt his heart leap, tears spilling down his cheeks when James kissed his forehead again and smiled as if what he said was simple.
"You're one overprotective guy, Jamie."
"I know, but that only really comes out with it's about you, Kenny. No one will ever hurt you while I'm around; they will get double black-eyes before they touch one hair on your pretty little head." James kissed Kendall again, this time on the lips to seal the promise.
The shorter boy trembled under the tender gesture, but smiled when the kiss was broken and hugged James tight around the neck.
"I love you, James."
Kendall was now a few feet away from the moaning James, said brunette backed into the wall he crashed into when they broke through the window. "J-James?"
"Kendall?" He asked, removing his hands from his face and looking up; the moon outside made Kendall's dirty blonde hair glow a silvery-white, his eyes glowing a brighter green too.
'S-so beautiful...my beloved? My beloved, Emerald...'
"Y-you mean, you don't care that...that I'm technically a little kid?" Kendall asked, voice a mixture of surprise and uncertainty.
James' hazel-green eyes softened as he sighed and pulled the young boy into his lap, stroking his cheek one with one hand while the other played with his dirty blonde hair all in a messy tangle.
"Beloved, I am aware there is a bit of an age difference between us. I am also aware that because of the age difference we will get nasty looks, people will treat us differently as if we are living tragedy just waiting to happen. But Emerald, age is but a number. I love you for you; I love your smile, your eyes and that cute little laugh you have but I also love you for your sweet and caring personality. I know our relationship will face more problems than others because of this, but I'm willing to stick it until the end. That is, if you want to as well." James said, smiling.
His voice wasn't demanding, it wasn't pressing or hard. It was light, gentle; he was making it clear that the future of their relationship, be it just close friendship or a growing intimacy, was all up to Kendall.
He would set the pace, when they would go out, everything.
And James was willing to wait for him. Kendall felt tears in his eyes and threw himself into the other's arms, claiming his lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. The brunette was taken back by this, evident by the girlish shriek he let out, but soon kissed back, rubbing Kendall's lower back.
"I want this relationship too, Jamie. A-and I don't care what people say or think of us, I love you and that's all that matters!"
"I love you too, beloved."
"K-Kendall, is that really...really you?" James asked. Kendall smiled, he smiled his beautiful smile.
He didn't answer but merely got on his knees and touched the brunette's face before cupping it between his hands, ignoring the blood in James' hair and pressing their foreheads together.
"I'm right here."
That made James break down completely.
He let out a sob and let the tears run hotter and faster down his cheeks, Kendall's arms soon tight around him as he stroked his hair and wiped those tears away.
"It's okay, James. It's okay, shhh...it's okay, I'm here." The dirty blonde's voice was soft and tender, nothing like the cold venom James expected.
'H-how he is so calm and collected after everything I've done?'
"B-beloved, why do you not hate me?" Kendall pulled to look at James as if he was insane.
"W-what are you talking about, James?! Why would I hate you?!" The dirty blonde asked, sounding offended as if James had just badly insulted him.
James reached out with a shaky hand to touch Kendall's face, Kendall moving one of his hands to lace their fingers together. "I-I've killed so many people, innocent people; you know the truth now, right? You know what I've done, and I-I...tried to kill you! I-I tried to hurt the love of my-" Kendall cut James' rant off with a kiss. It wasn't pressed or desperate; it was sweet and loving, and Kendall made sure to keep their lips connected until he felt the brunette go slack under him.
James' eyes were wide, not in surprise though.
'A-another memory...'
"I-I can't believe it! My mom knows Griffin is a fucking prick but insists on marrying him! Can't she see that she can't replace Dad?! HE'S MY DAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" James sobbed into his bed, door locked as he forced out all his hurt, frustration and confusion into his pillows and sheets.
He couldn't believe his mom! She was marrying Griffin after only TWO weeks of dating! What the hell was she thinking?! Sure, his dad Michael cheated on her and was planning on marrying his new girlfriend, a women fifteen years younger than Brooke, but he was planning to wait a year or two before getting into something so serious.
But not his mom; Brooke wanted to get back at her ex-husband so badly that she was willing to jump into another marriage. Without really talking to her son about it.
Yeah, good idea...not.
"I HATE MY LIFE! NOW I'M REALLY ALONE IN THIS FUCKING DAMN HOUSE!" James cried, rolling onto his side and clutching a pillow to his chest.
He heard someone picking the lock of his bedroom door and coming inside; he turned with a venomous glare only to see Kendall standing there, a look in his eyes.
It was a look that said, 'Don't try to push me away, just shut up and let me be here'.
James sighed and wiped at his tears, patting his bed. Kendall walked over and sat down, James soon losing it again.
Kendall just wrapped his arms around the sobbing brunette and held him close, stroking his hair and saying over and over, "It's okay, James. It's okay, shhh...it's okay, I'm here and I promise I'll take care of you. It's okay, it's okay..."
James broke the kiss with a gasp, hazel-green eyes wide and wet. "Y-you forgive me, beloved?"
Kendall smiled that smile of his again and nodded, arms still securely around the taller boy. "We all do things we regret, Jamie. I can see that you never wanted this, that Griffin forced you to do so many terrible things but that's just it: he forced you, you didn't do on purpose. You did it to k-keep your mom save, u-us being over...it's really my fault. I was being selfish; I didn't understand, nor tried to, that so much was at stake. James, being protective of others, it's who you are. I shouldn't have done that to you when you were already so confused and hurt. I'm sorry, James.
James wanted to say something, but Kendall gently shushed him. "Listen to me, please. None of this mercenary business is your fault. Griffin took advantage of you, and Lucy and Jett. You guys are merely victims, nothing more. Your mom was in danger, James, I would have done the same thing. You maybe overconfident, cocky, self-absorbed but you're also loving and caring and protective. Griffin knew how to exploit that, and the only sick criminal here is him. I still love you, James. I'm still very much in love you, and...deep down I knew you wouldn't have killed me.
James' eyes asked him how he knew that, when the brunette himself had no idea if he would have went through with it or not in the end. Kendall leaned forward until their foreheads were pressed together again, watery eyes locked with James'.
"I knew deep down you wouldn't have killed me because you're not a murderer, James. You're not a murderer, you're James: My Jamie, my knight in shining armor if I want to go cheesy with this." James let out a light chuckle, though his face went serious again in seconds.
"There is another reason why I wouldn't have killed you, even if...even if I had no idea at the moment if I would have go through with it or not."
"And what's that, sweetie?" James smiled. This smile was his, not that cruel smile Kendall saw when he was fighting Jett.
'I-it's him, my Jamie.'
"Because if I had killed you, I would have killed myself too to be with you. Without you, I-I can't live. You're the one in this world I would die without, Kenny Rabbit." James whispered, pulling off one his gloves. Kendall gasped as a shine of silver met his eyes.
"Y-your ring!"
"Even when we were apart, beloved...I-I never took it off. It was the only way for me to feel that, that you were still with me somehow. Though I can see now it didn't work as well as I had hoped, I still went crazy." Kendall kissed the ring and held James' hand to his chest, James smiling at hearing that soothing, beautiful heart beating; how he missed it...
"Well, i-if you will have me again, then we can both wear our rings." Kendall whispered, the brunette looking shocked.
"Y-you mean, you still want to marry me?"
Kendall nodded, smiling through his tears.
"I-I love you, James." James' face broke out in a large smile, a smile so bright that it glowed in the dark. He crushed Kendall tight to his chest, burying his face into his dirty blond hair; Kendall chuckled at the other's reaction but hugged him back just as tightly, burying his face into James' neck.
"I love you too, beloved!"
'And now, it is time for Griffin to pay me back; pay me back for everything he's done.' James asked with a mental sadistic smirk.
It's time to settle the score, and now with his sanity back Griffin better hope James doesn't tear him up too badly.