AN: Thanks for the reviews you guys.

And thanks to Greg for beta-ing.

LXIII.

The day hadn't turned out well for Jimmy, and the night wasn't looking any better. He'd reached the tent only seconds before Ben, but the only attempt he made to get inside was roughly rebuked with a barked command from Captain Weaver to 'get out'. He would've felt more injured if not for the glance he'd gotten inside, and the menagerie of people he spotted. Every authority in camp was gathered at the captain's tent, Hal and Maggie's grim faces, and the captain's behavior, voice and facial expression confirmed everything Jimmy needed to know: something bad was happening.

Ben and Professor Mason arrived shortly after. Jimmy hung out nearby the tent, watching it anxiously, and he caught Ben's eye when the father and son passed by, never pausing in their rushed gait. Ben's face looked carved from hard stone, and his gaze burned agony. Ben mentioned hearing the words 'harnessing facility', and Jimmy grimaced at the sour feeling bursting through him. They never talked about the harness, it was sort of a rule between them, and as an extension of that, they never talked about the harnessing facility where Ben had been harnessed. It vividly ripped into Jimmy's thoughts, as he realized, Ben had lived through every child's fear in their dark apocalyptic world and never once through their entire relationship had it ever occurred to Jimmy that there were residual emotions from that experience; not until that very moment, not until he saw that look on Ben's face.

For too long, Jimmy waited outside, pacing frantic, rolling his bullet charm in his fingers and gnawing his inner cheek raw. He thought of his conversation with Ben, eight hours gone in the blink of an eye. What the hell had Ben been doing in that time? More importantly, what the hell was happening to Ben? He flashed momentarily on the Ben that snatched him off patrol, the things that boy rattled off, nonsensical gibberish, about signals piercing through the air and alien flowers sprouting from the ground.

Jimmy carefully rolled up his sleeve, traced the blackish-green bruise forming on his wrist in the shape of a hand and lowered his eyes. He couldn't tell Ben the truth of what happened when he attempted to calm the other boy; it sickened him too much to ever speak out loud. Little rougher than usual, Jimmy scowled, tugged the sleeve back in place, hid the bruise away with the others once more and grimaced. He was with someone that night in the back of that truck, but it wasn't Ben, of that much he was certain. It was Ben's body, sure, but Ben wasn't home. There were no affectionate kisses, no gentle caresses, no warmth; it was a cold and callous act, and when it was over, Jimmy felt as though he'd betrayed Ben in some way.

The tent flap opened, men and women filed out with purposeful strides, and Jimmy glued himself to one spot, wide eyes on the tent, unable to breathe until Ben appeared, following Hal. Roman, Gia, and Doug were with them as well, but Jimmy barely noticed, as he took a few steps forward and called out to Ben. The group slowed to a stop.

"We have to move now, Ben," Hal said in a low voice, jaw set and expression as cold granite as Ben's own.

"I know, give me a minute, I'll catch up," Ben muttered reply, walking over to Jimmy and hurriedly rattling off explanations as the others continued trudging off into the night, "Skitters hit Diego's camp not long after we'd left, took the kids. Only one made it; hid himself in the back. Diego and the rest rushed off thinking they were going to rescue the kids, they've probably been captured by now."

"Idiots," Jimmy grumbled, "What did Weaver say? We can't be planning on rescuing them. We only just got a bead on this facility as it is…"

"Matt went with Diego," Ben said tersely. The words caught in Jimmy's throat. He dropped his eyes to the ground, searched the troubled dirt for something to say, something comforting or helpful.

"Fuck."

"Yeah," Ben agreed.

"What the hell was he thinking?" Jimmy bemoaned.

"I don't know. That he had one shooting lesson and now he's going to be a sniper," Ben hissed, "I don't care. They cannot put that thing on my brother. I won't let it happen."

"What's the plan?" Jimmy asked, straightening to attention and folding his arms over his chest.

"Small group sneaks into the building, finds the kids and then an assault team outside secures the escape," Ben answered, "Hal, me, and Rome are going out ahead to case the place…"

"I'm coming too," Jimmy decided, "I'll tell Weaver…"

"No," Ben interrupted, "Don't do that. You stay away from Weaver, hell, disappear right now. Anyone finds you to ask if you'll join on the mission, you tell them 'no'."

"What? Why? What are you talking about?" Jimmy gaped, "Weaver knows I'm a good sniper, I get him to put me on…"

"I don't want you out there," Ben bit out.

"Fuck you. I care about Matt. I can help and I want to," Jimmy argued.

"He'll be fine. I'm going in, I'll get him out safe," Ben said.

"You're going in?" Jimmy cried, a severe and sudden panic gripping him, one he couldn't explain but couldn't shake, "Why? How the hell could they justify sending you into that place after everything you went through."

"You don't know the first goddamn thing about what I've been through," Ben snapped, and the force of his words caused Jimmy to fall back a step, until Ben grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and seethed, "Promise me that you'll stay here. No matter what happens, promise me that you will stay at camp and you won't go near that facility. Promise me, right now."

"I can't do that," Jimmy protested.

"Don't you get that I cannot have you anywhere near that place," Ben whispered harshly, "I never want you anywhere near one of those places. Ever. Understand me?"

Tentative, Jimmy absently reached out his hand, daintily curled his fingers in the hem of Ben's shirt front, as he searched Ben's eyes and wondered in a gentle voice, "What happened to you?"

"I have to go," Ben said, loosening his grasp on Jimmy and softening his features, "I love you, okay?"

"Okay," Jimmy mumbled, "Be careful."

Ben released Jimmy, stalking off into the darkness towards the vehicles where Hal and the three other unharnessed teens had gone. Jimmy watched Ben's retreat a few minutes, continuing to gape through the night until long after Ben's afterimage faded from his eyes. He blinked a few times and took a couple steadying breaths. He hadn't liked the look in Ben's eye; it wasn't a going to battle face, but a twisted perversion of fear and defeat. Ben was in an inner turmoil, as if trapped in the same nightmare he had every night but there was no waking up this time.

Jimmy touched the bullet around his neck, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, reminded himself he didn't actually promise Ben anything. He spun on heel and burst into Captain Weaver's tent.

"…that your son lost his childhood the day those six legged creeps dragged him away from home," Weaver was saying, mouth clamping shut at Jimmy's sudden arrival.

Both Professor Mason and Weaver turned on Jimmy, rage churning in both their expressions. Jimmy knew those twin looks, he'd seen them before. They'd been arguing. When Weaver had first taken over the unit, he and Professor Mason argued about everything. They had started to find common ground right before Professor Mason left with the enemy, but it seemed they'd lost their footing in his return, resuming butting heads instead. From the sounds of things, Weaver's heavy use of Ben in dangerous situations finally came up. Jimmy had wondered when that shit would hit the fan.

At their severely unwelcoming glares, Jimmy faltered a moment, doubted himself and his presence there, only to flash on Ben's face seconds ago, and refortify his determination.

"Jimmy, now's not the time," Weaver began.

"I'm going on the mission," Jimmy boldly declared.

"Which mission?" Weaver demanded, brow dropping into a heavy furrow, though he obviously knew exactly which mission Jimmy was talking about, from the way his shoulders slumped haggardly.

"I'm going with the group that's going into that facility," Jimmy continued.

"It's late, Jimmy, you should think about turning in for bed. We might be packing up and running soon, you'll need the rest," Professor Mason suggested, heaving a weary sigh. If anyone looked ready for bed, it was him.

"All due respect, Professor Mason, I'm not your son, you can't get away with treating me like I'm five," Jimmy bit out angrily, too lit with restless energy and anxiety to care about the impression his boyfriend's father had of him.

"Can't actually get away with it with my sons either," Professor Mason noted glibly.

"I know about the mission," Jimmy pressed on, "I know Ben is going in there, so I'm going too."

"This isn't a game, Jimmy," Professor Mason groaned, "Ben is going because he's needed, much as I hate it."

"No shit, it's not a game? I didn't pick up on that when my friends and family were dying around me," Jimmy growled, "I'm not throwing a tantrum because Ben gets to do something I don't. If Ben's going in there, then I'm going too."

Tom quirked a curious brow at that and Weaver cut in, "I'll deal with my fighter, thank you, Tom. You got no commanding rank, remember? Jimmy, I take it you spoke with Ben."

"He says he's going into the facility to retrieve the others, and that an assault group is covering their escape," Jimmy confirmed, persisting, "You know that I can help with getting into the facility. I'm good at getting into places unnoticed."

"That's true, you are, but Ben is our expert on this run," Weaver returned, "What did Ben say about you going?"

Jimmy dropped his eyes, stammered, "What difference does that make?"

"Not much, I suppose," Weaver replied, ran a hand across his forehead, Tom glanced between the two, placed his hands on his hips and tilted his head to one side, wore the look of someone trying to solve a puzzle that was missing several pieces, "I understand why you feel like you need to be out there, Jimmy."

"Do you really?" Jimmy challenged.

"I've a pretty good idea," Weaver answered coyly, "I know you're concerned about Ben, I can't say I blame you, I'm none too thrilled about this turn of events, myself. It's a dark place in his mind we're asking him to go to, and I know you're familiar with dark places, I'm familiar with them myself, so we've both got a clear idea how unkind this situation is to him."

"He's scared of this place, Weaver, I don't want him to go in there alone," Jimmy whispered.

"He won't be alone. His father will be with him."

Jimmy frowned, thought to mention that lately it didn't seem like Ben would be too comforted by his father's presence, but the look on Professor Mason's face told Jimmy that they shared the same hunch, and voicing it aloud would probably break the poor man's heart.

"Something tells me this place would only be a whole lot scarier for Ben if you were in there with him," Weaver continued, "Besides, you've done more than your fair share in recent battles; I think you need to sit this one out."

"I'm fine, sir, I can handle it," Jimmy pleaded.

"I can't," Weaver said sharply, bowed his head and whispered, "They have my daughter," he trailed off, shook his head, looked up at Jimmy from beneath the brim of his hat; too old, too tired, too many days running without a breath or a moment's rest, burden after burden sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down, and Jimmy was just the top of the stack, "Can you do your captain this one favor? Stay in camp, help me out with arrangements here? It would go a long ways to give me peace of mind to, for once, not have to wonder about your status in the middle of a fight."

Jimmy touched the bullet at his neck, studied the captain across from him, chewed his inner cheek ragged. He pictured Ben's expression, Ben's words tearing into his heart again. Ben and his fucking promises. Exactly which promises did Ben ever have to keep? And then there hung Captain Weaver's simple request, that Jimmy for once not be the usual burden on that old man's shoulders. Captain Weaver never asked much of Jimmy, yet Jimmy always demanded for more than he deserved.

"Okay," Jimmy relented, took a step, two back, reluctantly decided, "I'll stay at camp."

"Good. I'll need you here," Weaver conceded.

"He'll be safe, Jimmy," Tom spoke up, carefully thinking out his words, "I won't let anything happen to him."

"I know that, Professor Mason," Jimmy murmured, half-heartedly offering an encouraging smile to the older man, "Ben doesn't always seem to, but I do."

"Right, son, I got a few errands for you," Weaver bellowed, and Jimmy stood at attention, "First I need you to visit Dr. Glass, give her a heads up of the situation, let her know to prep for possible injuries and, God help us, it might be too late for some of those kids, so she needs to be ready for harness removals on the fly."

"Yes, sir."

"Then I need you to pass on to Cheryl that we'll be moving soon, and she needs to get all the civilians packed and ready to leave by morning, five at the latest."

"Got it, sir."

"After that, I need you to spread word to the patrol units about the new mission. Keep it need to know, enemy base nearby, we're going to strike it hard and fast. I don't want any unnecessary concerns about the fact it's a harnessing facility."

"Right sir."

"When you're done with that, report back here," Weaver finished.

"Yes, sir."

"You're dismissed, fighter, get a move on," Weaver barked.

Jimmy hurried from the tent and as it fluttered closed behind him, he heard Tom note, "Ben and him, they've gotten close."

"They have," Weaver confirmed, and almost as an afterthought, added, "Boy would die for Ben; hell, he's certainly tried to on more than one occasion."

Jimmy curled his hand over the bullet around his neck, and smirked inwardly. He would die for Ben, but that's not what Ben wanted. Ben wanted Jimmy to live for him; which was infinitely harder, and Jimmy wasn't entirely sure he could do.

…

They took the bikes partway to where Diego marked the location of the harnessing facility, walked the rest of the way. It wasn't long in their trek that they came across Diego and his people's abandoned vehicles. Ben frowned, stood aside, as Hal and Roman inspected the jeep and bikes.

"Engine's cold, they've been here a while," Hal noted.

"There's no signs that the aliens took them here, though," Roman pointed out.

"They must have made it to the facility then and been taken there. We figured that was the case. We need to move," Ben said, pacing impatiently away.

Hal motioned Roman forward and they hiked the rest of the way to the facility in silence. Much of the area around the facility was ransacked, torn or burned down. It didn't allow for a lot of cover on both sides. They spotted a Mech almost immediately on their arrival, splitting up and darting out of sight. They waited for the Mech to move past before continuing their scout, but found themselves hiding seconds later as another Mech thundered into sight.

"Anthony might be right about the pairs," Hal whispered, "We need to get a look on every side of the building and draw up a perimeter."

"This is insanity," Roman complained, as another Mech appeared and they were forced to fall back and hurry into new hiding or risk being discovered, "Those idiots got themselves into this mess, why are we putting ourselves at risk to get them out?"

"I seem to recall putting myself at risk to get you out," Hal hissed.

"Two things; one, I didn't run into a harnessing facility and ask the aliens to strap one on my back like the kids we're stupidly attempting to rescue did, and two, you didn't risk yourself to get me out, you risked yourself to get him out," Roman shot back, sending a harsh glare Ben's direction.

"You wanted to be a fighter," Ben growled, "This is what fighters do. We fight the enemy. This is no different than any other battle you'd be expected to help with."

"Isn't it, though?" Roman challenged, "How many harnessing facilities, how many harnessed children have we ignored or overlooked, marched right past, just shaking our heads in pity and moving on because we didn't have the manpower, the guns, the opportunity, the capability to help them out?"

"They have our brother," Hal hissed, twitching with his rage.

"Exactly," Roman muttered, "And if they didn't, then those others kids would be screwed, wouldn't they?"

"That's not true," Hal argued.

"Really? Because I know how things went down getting him out," Roman returned easily, almost gleefully, "Plan was just to save him, rest of us be damned, right?"

"We were going to try to save as many as we could once we were sure the procedure worked," Hal grit out.

"That include your girlfriend, what was her name again? 'Who the fuck cares'? Too bad her daddy wasn't second-in-command, or better yet, captain, she'd of never got left behind" Roman challenged.

Hal sputtered, mouth opening, closing, eyes wide with directionless rage. Ben lowered his head, balled his hands into tightening fists.

"Let it go, Hal," Ben warned, "We have to finish up here, and get back to camp to help with the raid. Why don't you try acting like a fighter for five minutes, Roman, and put your petty bullshit aside?"

"You got no idea how spoiled you are," Roman seethed, glaring out at Ben, dangerous threat glinting in his eyes, "Everything comes so easy, so effortlessly to you. That's why you'll never understand."

"Understand what?" Ben spat.

"Forget it, Ben, let's go," Hal said.

"Why he can't love you."

Ben froze, heart clenching hard in his chest. Roman smirked something awful, and Hal positioned himself between the two, though he didn't think either was stupid enough to start a fight so close to an enemy base, he couldn't exactly put it past them, especially not with Ben's erratic behavior of late.

"Go to hell," Ben whispered haggardly.

"But you already figured that out, didn't you?" Roman persisted, knowing he'd struck a nerve and intended to keep striking it hard, "And that's what really gets to you, isn't it? That you don't understand, and, you know what really bothers you, why you really can't stand me…"

"You're an arrogant, obnoxious jerk," Ben quietly supplied.

"Is that you know, deep down inside, you know he could, he really could," Roman continued.

Ben shook his head, quaking with his increasing rage.

"Could what?"

"Love me," Roman said flatly.

Hal, taken aback by Roman's statement, barely had a chance to react when Ben lunged for Roman, getting a half-punch in before Hal tackled him. Roman spat out a clot of blood, his lip split. The one hit seemed to satiate, or at the very least, knock Ben into his senses once more. He didn't put up much of a struggle against his brother; if he had, Hal wouldn't have been able to hold Ben back.

"This is neither the time nor the place for this," Hal hissed at them, "If you two want to tear each other apart over Jimmy, you can do it when we get back to camp, but for right now, we need to quickly finish this scout. Those kids, goddammit Ben, Matt doesn't have much time until they bolt that slug to his back. You want the same thing for him that you got? Roman, you have a problem with this mission, you take it up with Weaver. Right now, right here, you do not question your orders; you follow them; that is what a fighter does. We clear?"

Roman shifted from one foot to the other and Ben flexed his hand, stared Roman down, thought about how much noise choking Roman out would make. Hal lightly smacked Ben's cheek to gain his attention.

"We're clear," Ben grunted.

Hal sent Roman an expectant look.

"Yeah," Roman muttered.

"Then let's move," Hal growled.

Wordlessly, they shuffled back to work, but Ben couldn't shake Roman's words from his mind. Although he'd told Jimmy it was alright not to say those words back, it hung over Ben an endless cloud of gray, why wouldn't Jimmy say it back? Did he not love Ben in return? And if not now, after everything they'd been through together, could he ever?

Or was Roman right and something, someone, was holding Jimmy back?

.

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AN: Soooo...there's that. Also, big news, I got the Adobe Creative Cloud on my computer now, so guess what that means? I can design a cover for this story instead of using random images I find through Google! Maybe I shouldn't admit to doing that...oh well. Yup. I might do one for this story and I'll definitely do one for the future fic. I'm thinking it'll involve me finding a good pic of the actor who plays Ben and doing an age progression. I doubt anyone really cares, but I'm super excited.

Um...thoughts? Let me know.

Reviewers: bLurCookie, cool. I love new shippers. Ben/Jimmy is fantastic, isn't it? Glad to have you onboard! LuckyDreamer91, you're awesome. I've been working on the future fic when I need breaks from this story, and I will probably be introducing Deni soon into that story. As soon as possible would be nice, probably within the next couple months. I kind of need a good overview of her mannerisms, speech, behavior, any history that's been revealed, is she quiet or louder, more reserved or overzealous, those kinds of things. You can PM me the info whenever you have the chance. Beyond that, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Dee, sorry about harassing you...I get anxious sometimes and take it out on innocent reviewers when I'm bored at work. As always, loved your take on the chapter. I'm sorry you don't like the flashback/vision/dream things, especially since they're about to become a bigger part of the story, but I promise there will be a big explanation for them near the end of the story. Somewhere. I will give this spoiler right now though, the "dreams" are not memories. But yes, Hal is an ass. I think I've established I hate him too...Yeah...I am a cruel person. I can't write every sex scene between the boys though! Got to leave some things to your imagination. Also, you got a little confirmation on your fear in this chapter, Jimmy really didn't enjoy the encounter. Ben's fears are pretty sound, and your probably right, he would do something self-destructive were he to go so far as to rape Jimmy, or hurt him in any severe way, but fortunately, or maybe not so much, I don't think Jimmy would ever tell Ben if something like that happened. It's interesting you should refer to Ben's loss of control as "feral"...hm...yup, Jimmy is such a softy sometimes, wanting to watch his lover sleep once in awhile. Glad you liked the Weaver/Ben moment, they rarely get to have those in this story, I think. And as you can see, you were right, Roman's a conniving dick. Rest assured, you will hate him more in a few chapters.

Thanks for stopping in you guys. See you next Sunday!