A/N- So...I've tried something a little different with the next few chapters. I hope you like it. If you don't...well normal service will be resumed shortly. ;)
I stole an idea from something I saw on Tumblr- the font of all knowledge- so some of you might recognise it. I think it's adorable and I hope you enjoy reading this.
Just a little bit of housekeeping- there will be three updates this weekend (that's fri, sat, sun for me) then I will update Weds and Fri again, but after that I am in Disneyland, so there will be a weeks break. So, on my time schedule I will update fri 25th and then not until fri 1st November. I'm in England so work that out according to where in the world you are! Thanks for reading and for all the lovely reviews.

My dearest Kurt,

I'm writing this as you're flying high over the Atlantic Ocean. You have just embarked on the adventure of a lifetime, and I've just bought milk on the way back from the airport. I'll bet you're envious.

Please apologize to Joe on my behalf; I didn't mean to hug him that tightly. I also didn't mean to burst into tears and soak the collar of his shirt, it's just I knew saying goodbye to you was next. I remember, when I was around five, I fell over in the park and scraped my knee. It was just a scrape, nothing more, but I howled for what seemed like hours. I can remember my mom cradling me on her lap, smoothing my hair and saying "oh Blaine, you're not a very brave boy." Actually, knowing my mom there was probably a 'darling' in there somewhere, but you get the gist.

And I'm not brave.

I tried to hold it together, I really did. And I feel somewhat bad because I wanted to be strong for you; to see you off with a cheery wave and a smile before turning around, coming home and breaking down completely. But I couldn't. I hope I didn't embarrass you too much. I fear the sight of a grown man fawning over a teenager while hysterically crying will come as alarming to many, and I sincerely hope the others on your trip don't spend the next six weeks thinking you're only engaged to me out of pity.

I can't wait to hear what London is like. I hope you get to room with Joe. That sounds terrible, hoping that my fiancé can spend six weeks sleeping with another man, but Joe doesn't count. He's far too into breasts. (I just typed the word 'breasts.')

I hope the weather is suitably early-fall like enough for you to get use of your new jacket. It feels nice to be able to buy you stuff again, even if Marc Jacobs prices are hideous. Remember to take photos of every damn monument, palace and royal person you see (I'm pretty sure the Queen is often wandering along the banks of the Thames) and send them to me.

If you happen to see Adam, walking through Camden town or whatever, feel free to tell him that we are still very much a thing, and shove your engagement ring happily in his face. Also tell him that we're using this time apart to become consummate professionals in the art of phone sex.

Kurt, turning serious for a second, I am so, so incredibly proud of you. I know the decision to go on this trip wasn't easy for you, and I know you've been wrestling with your conscience about it. But it will be good for you, I promise. And remember, my flight is booked, and in twenty two days, four hours and sixteen minutes time, I'll be in your arms. Maybe slightly longer if there's a delay in customs.

Be strong, my darling boy. I know we both feel that we are only strong with the other by our side, but that's not true. We are strong with the love of one another in our hearts. I am always with you Kurt. I am always loving you, holding you close and whispering words of encouragement in your ear. I am always holding your hand, smiling and kissing your soft hair. You can do this, I know you can. London will love you, and you will love London.

As for me...I'm going to use this time for multiple purposes. I have some songs I've been working on which I'd like to finish. I want to paint the second bedroom, I need to return the large stack of library books you left on the kitchen counter, and I need to make friends. I mean, I have friends (Santana is visiting next weekend, lord help me) but I don't actually have any friends in Chicago- except you and Joe and you've both gone away together, which is rather inconvenient. So I'm going to talk to some people at open mic night, and also maybe ask some of the guys at the studio if they want to grab a beer sometime. They've asked me before but I'm usually wanting to get home to you, so I decline.

Six weeks will fly by, and before we know it you'll be back here, and we can decide on a wedding venue and date. I know times will be tough, and I know we will both experience a wide range of emotions at various stages during the time we're apart, but if we can just keep our love at the center of it all, we'll be fine. In your suitcase (I'm assuming you haven't unpacked already) you'll find a stack of letters tied with a red ribbon. They have instructions on the front. Obey those instructions (I know, I know) and any letters left when you get back we can open together.

Okay, I need to go fold the laundry and collapse into uncontrollable sobs when I take your pajamas from the dryer. I love you, my gorgeous boy.

Always yours,
B. xxx

Kurt closes his iPad and dashes from the coffee shop. He runs the short distance back to his dorms, narrowly avoiding a bus when he remembers the traffic moves in the wrong direction, and takes the stairs to his and Joe's fourth floor room two at a time. He finds Joe on the stairs, somewhere between the second and third floor on his way down, but Kurt grabs his hand and spins him around.

"Come with me," he pants as he tugs him back to their room. Throwing open the door, he moves to his suitcase- still standing there from when he'd dumped it and set out in search of wifi. He throws open the lid and rummages through the piles of neatly pressed clothes until he finds the letters. Holding them tight to his chest, he looks up at a very confused Joe and explains.

"From Blaine. He says they have instructions on the front and I have to obey them- so I want you to see too, so that you can make sure I don't cheat."

He sits on his bed and tugs at the red ribbon, before laying each of the envelopes out. "Oh my gosh," he gasps, hand flying to cover his mouth in surprise. "Joe, look."

Joe walks over to the bed, eyes going wide when he takes in the handwritten envelopes. He counts quickly. "Fifty," he whispers softly. "He's written you fifty letters."

Written neatly on the front of each envelope is a different instruction. "Open this when you're feeling sad," is the first one Kurt sees, and he picks it up with a trembling hand, but then decides to look at some others. "Open this when you can't sleep." "Open this when you want to laugh." "Feel like reminiscing? Open this one." "Open this to be reminded of why you're my gorgeous boy." "Open this if you're feeling horny- make sure you are ALONE." "Open this when you need a confidence boost." "Open this if you have a hangover." "Had a good day? Open this one!"

And on and on, until Kurt can't see properly through his tears to decide which to go for.

"He did all this for me," he whispers brokenly as Joe kneels on the floor and hugs him tight.

"I'm just gonna...go marry Blaine for myself," he says over Kurt's shoulder, making him laugh. "Here, read this one. I'll wait downstairs for you and then we can go get coffee." He hands Kurt an envelope and retreats, closing the door softly behind him.

"Open this when you have just arrived in London, it's all a bit new and overwhelming and you're a little bit tearful."

Gorgeous boy,

So you're there safe. Probably, knowing you, you've not unpacked but rather have found a wifi spot to read the email I will have sent, and also to update your Facebook status because heaven forbid that the entire world is not alerted to your change of location ;)

There's a little coffee shop near your dorms. Walk out of your building, turn right and then take the second left. The coffee shop is halfway down that road, it's called "Franco's" and apparently (according to Jonathan) it serves really great Italian coffee. I hope so, anyway. Because they are in possession of a large amount of my money- enough for coffee and cake each day for six weeks for you and Joe. So do this, and think of me. (I sound like Jesus)

Jonathan works in the City Tuesday thru Friday. His studio card is in this envelope. Please call him. He wants to take you out for dinner, and he has also invited you and Joe to stay with him and Teresa one weekend in Hampshire.

So go, get coffee, eat cake and love me, my gorgeous boy, as I am loving you.

B xxx

Blaine,

Where to start? I guess I'll respond to your email first. You did disgrace yourself in the airport, but both Joe and I can find forgiveness in our hearts because you have kindly provided us with the most amazing coffee and cakes for the duration of our stay- and I'll come to that in a moment. To be honest, I was no better. The tears you witnessed were only the start. The flood gates really opened when we were in the departure lounge and they gave our boarding call. It was only made worse when the flight attendant asked Joe if his boyfriend was okay, and he answered that his boyfriend was sad because he had just said goodbye to his fiancé. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the look on her face. I chose to cry.

London is...different. Beautifully, wonderfully different. The buildings, the buses, the sense of history and great British pride...everything. Of course, it only makes me miss you more, even though it's only been twenty four hours, because everywhere I go I keep thinking 'I wish Blaine could see this.' And it's warm! Boo! The jacket is hanging in my closet looking all forlorn. Our campus guide, Helen, said September is often really nice weather. I shot her the evils. Doesn't she understand how offended Marc will be if I won't wear his jacket? We've had our orientation, and they talked us through what we're going to be studying while we're here. We also get to go on a tour of a west end theatre which- as you can imagine- I flailed over. The six weeks end with a performance showcase- each of us gets to perform two pieces and various managers and casting directors are invited to attend to see if they want to scout us for the future. To be honest, I'm hoping they don't. I have a wedding to plan.

Talking of which... Seeing as neither Illinois nor Ohio have legalized same sex marriage yet, I was thinking maybe... LA? As in... Cooper's house? We can talk about it over the phone of course, it's just something for you to think about.

Some more points from your email. If I return home and that second bedroom is painted in anything remotely pertaining to the color beige, you can consider us done. I know you, Blaine Anderson, and I know you like to play it safe. Don't.
Second point: If I see Adam I will be running in the opposite direction...after I've shoved my engagement ring in his face of course. Rumor has it that London is quite large though, so the likelihood of me running into him is slim.
Third point: You are thirty five (or you will be when I see you next) get over the word breasts.

So...here's where I get serious I guess. Don't ever tell me you're not brave. This is the man who has been fighting for me for four years. You fought for our friendship to survive. You fought against your feelings, giving me time to grow and become my own person before daring to have enough courage to ask me on a date. You fought to keep me, when my world was spiralling out of control around me, you were my constant. You fought to love me, when I was lashing out and hurting you. You gave up your life, your safety net that you had so carefully crafted around you, just to follow me to New York because you couldn't stand to be without me. If that isn't brave, I don't know what is.

And your letters, Blaine. Your letters. How? When? And I would ask why, but I know the answer would be 'because I wanted to.' You've done some pretty romantic stuff for one who claims to be so hopeless at it, but this...this is in another league. I have obeyed your instructions and so far have only opened the first one, but I can't wait to see the others. (I haven't felt horny yet, but that has my curiosity aroused.)

Really, you owe me an apology. You made me look a complete fool in public when I first arrived at Franco's and my mocha was set down in front of me with a little post it in your hand writing saying love from Blaine. I don't even know how you got that note to him, but thank you. I sobbed.

I have text Jonathan and we're meeting on Thursday. It will be good to see him again, and we will be arranging a weekend to go out to Hampshire with him (wherever the hell Hampshire is.)

So that's it, I guess. For now, anyway. I miss you, I miss your voice and your sparkly eyes. I miss your beautiful smile and I miss your touch. Everywhere. Sleeping with Joe is not the same. (Don't freak, we do have separate beds, but they're tiny!).

I love you so much, Blaine.

Always yours,
K xxx

My dearest Kurt,

There is nothing wrong with beige.

Always yours,
B xxx

"Open this when you can't sleep"

GO TO SLEEP!

Why can't you sleep? Is it because you're jet lagged? Does Joe snore really loudly? (He surely cannot rival you) Did you have a bad dream? Or, like me, is it because it just feels so weird to be apart?

Do something for me. When you've finished reading this letter, tuck it under your pillow. Hidden inside the pocket of your green tartan pajamas is a handkerchief which has been liberally doused with my aftershave. Change into the pajamas, take the handkerchief and hold it tight. It's not my arms around your waist, nor my head on your chest, but it's the best I can do.

Know that I am loving you always, and I would do anything to hold you right now. Sweet dreams, my gorgeous boy.

B xxx

Blaine,

I opened the 'can't sleep' letter last night. We had just spoken on the phone, I was over emotional and just lying there in the darkness when I remembered that I didn't have to feel so alone. Waking up this morning with that handkerchief still in my hand just made everything better. I felt ready to face the day- and what a day it has been. To be honest, I've been too busy today to miss you much and I hope that doesn't sound terrible, but I'm kinda glad because these last 72 hours have been quite hard. I know we've been parted before, but it feels so far away.

Anyway, we had a dance class which was just deadly. I'm surprised I can still walk. I've met a couple of British girls who seem nice, I think Joe and I are meeting them in a pub this evening- if my legs can still hold me upright by that time. I have to do tap dancing, Blaine. Tap. Yes, I know you're wiping away tears of laughter.

I would like to know one thing, did you supply Franco with six weeks worth of post-its? Because everyday there's one stuck to my drink. Franco is awesome. I can't wait for you to meet him, and you have to try his biscotti, it's to die for. Joe and I are heavily indebted to you.

I have to go, I have a class in Shakespeare. Overrated if you ask me, but the Brits seem to dig him.

Always yours,
K xxx

My dearest KUUUUUUUUUURT!

You have hidden post it notes EVERYWHERE! All different colored heart shaped ones!
The fact that I've only just found them, and you've been gone four days, will alert you to the fact that I've not done much since you left. But I had to work today, so I actually had to locate clean clothes. I opened my sock drawer and found the first one.

"Hey, old man! Kurt loves you."

Well, that, coupled with the one I found in the glove box when I went looking for gum- "looking for gum? Here it is! I love you xxx" just about finished me. It's hard, meeting advertising executives with red rimmed eyes while simultaneously grinning like a fool. Still, at least it was the Kendall's execs, and they know me pretty well by now.

Clearly you do too, because attached to the box of Cheerios I reached for when I got home was this: "Oh no you don't, Blaine. Just because it's been a long day doesn't mean cereal is the answer. Cook something healthy."
So I made pasta. I hope you're happy.

I'm tempted to ransack the whole apartment to search for the rest, but I rather like the thought of stumbling upon them unexpectedly. I realized I never got back to you on the whole getting married in LA thing. I'd love to, it sounds perfect, but we need to work out how we would organize getting all our family and friends there and where they would all stay (that pool house is OURS.)

Santana arrives on Friday- and guess what? Wes is coming up with Kathy! They're staying in a hotel though and just meeting us on Saturday afternoon and then again for dinner. I think Wes was fearful of Kathy spending too much time with Santana.

Anyway, I'm gonna go, and I'll look forward to our phone call later.

One more thing, I do believe that calling the greatest British playwright to have ever lived 'overrated'- especially while resident in that country- can have you sent to the tower.

Always yours,
B xxx

***
"Open this when you're hungover"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That is all.

"I hate you," Kurt moans into the phone.

"You're hungover, aren't you?"

"Yes, and I opened the note. I thought it would be cute and caring, and maybe contain Advil, but no."

"No. Sorry about that, I couldn't resist. I take it you had a good night?"

"I think I did. But I missed you terribly."

"I'll be there soon."

"Seventeen days," Kurt moans.

"Soon." Blaine repeats. "Are you okay? Other than the hangover, I mean."

"Yes and no " Kurt replies honestly. "I feel...I feel okay. And then I feel bad because I feel okay, like maybe I'm not missing you as much as I should do."

"Don't feel bad abouth that," Blaine reassures. "I'm happy you feel that way."

"But then, during class, I have these moments where I just want to run and run until I find your arms again."

"Why during class?"

"They're all so good, Blaine," Kurt whispers as if fearful of being overheard, even though his is alone in his room. "Seriously, amazingly good. And then there's me. And it's not just the ballet either. It's all of it. At the moment the boys are all working on Love Changes Everything and they're just incredible...and I can't hit the notes."

"I'm sure you can, I've never known you not."

"It's too low."

"Oh. Well tell them then," Blaine urges. "Ask to sing it in a different key."

"I can't, I'll feel so dumb," Kurt says, and there's a hint of tears in his voice.

Blaine feels his heart lurch, suddenly so keenly aware of the distance that separates them as he longs to take Kurt in his arms. "Letter," he chokes out, aware that he is moments away from crying. "I...I don't think I can be much use to you like this... I'm sorry, but it's just too hard for me to hear you getting upset and not be able to help. So there's a letter, that I wrote when I was feeling much stronger and I was in a better position to give you advice. It says about if you're feeling insecure. Just...read it. I'll call you back in twenty minutes, okay?"

"Feeling insecure? Don't. Read this instead."

Ten reasons why Kurt Hummel is wonderful, by Blaine Anderson.

1. Kurt, you can love like no other. Not just the way you love me, but the way you love your family and friends so completely. The way you have taken my rabble of a family on board and loved them as if they had always been in your life. You have no idea how much this means to me, or my parents.

2. You bake the best cookies ever. This cannot be rivaled. And bread. And chicken. Not pie- that's mom's domain. But your cookies are perfection. Now I'm hungry.

3. You don't give up. You had so much shit thrown at you during high school. At the end of your sophomore year I feared you may never graduate. When everything happened in junior year, I thought maybe the best thing for you would be to move schools- I even asked Wes if there were any places at Dalton, but you didn't give up. You graduated, and became stronger than ever because of your amazing ability to tackle adversity head on.

4. You do this thing, when you're blowing me. You know which thing I'm referring to. I need say no more, except that it just confirms your awesomeness. (I really hope you're alone!)

5. You talk me down. Whenever I'm stressed, or worked up about something, you're there. When we had no money you were just...wonderful. So matter of fact, so strong and you picked me up, dusted me off and we carried on. I would have sunk without you during that time.

6. Sometimes, if I'm really good, you handcuff me to the headboard and take me. (I'm a little bit horny if you hadn't noticed)

7. The future. The fact that, since we started dating when you were only sixteen, you have always been happy to discuss it. You only freaked out once, but then you were just about to meet my parents for the first time, so I'll let you off. But I can tell you this and know you'll smile: One day, we will hold our newborn baby in our arms, and it will be the best thing ever.

8. You buy me flowers. I just love that you buy me flowers. And, if you ever stop, I will have just cause to sing 'you don't bring me flowers anymore'

9. Kurt, YOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED. Don't ever, ever think otherwise. Where to even start with the wealth of talent you posess? You can dance like a gazelle. It really turns me on. But you know that already. You say your ballet is weak, but I don't buy it. When I came to see that end of year performance, you were in line with the others in your class, and when you did that number from cabaret, holy fucking hell! (But I think the sex that night conveyed my feelings adequately) Your singing is just phenomenal. Your voice does something to me, yes, but it's more than that. Remember who got the highest grade in their class? Who could it be? You, maybe? Oh yes, you. You hit every note, every time. I love our after dinner piano sessions. You can act too, a triple threat, and the others on your course should be running scared, cause no one can compete with you.

10. You proposed to me. And this alone, is the single, most awesome thing you have ever, ever done.

I love you.

"I should add that you hide little post it notes everywhere," Blaine sniffs when he calls Kurt back. "I opened the new pack of toilet roll earlier."

Kurt laughs loudly through his tears, and louder still when Blaine joins in. "Oh my god I'd forgotten about that one!" he cries. "Oh boy!"

"Would you like me to remind you what the note said?"

"I can remember!" Kurt laughs. "It said, 'have you really been jerking off that much, Anderson? Either that or you've been eating that ridiculously hot curry again, in which case, clean that bathroom thoroughly.'"

"Yes it did," Blaine laughs, "and that is another reason why you are awesome."

"So which was it?"

"The curry," Blaine says quietly as Kurt roars. "It's not funny! I wish it was the other."

"Oh Blaine," Kurt sighs happily. "You've made me feel so much better."

"Good, I'm glad."

"And I'd like to make you feel better..."

"Yes!" Blaine cries eagerly.

"But I can't. I have to go. I'm so sorry. I'm meeting Jonathan."

"Okay," Blaine says, trying not to let his disappointment show, "I have work to do anyway."

He works steadily that afternoon, trying to focus on his music and not on the stirrings of emotion Kurt had brought on with that phonecall, but by dinner time he gives up and makes his way to the back of the closet to find the box simply marked 'Kurt and Blaine's box.' He takes it from the shelf and carries it to the bed where he lifts the lid and laughs loudly when a post it flutters out.

"Don't even think about getting off on a dildo without calling me, you horny bastard."

He picks up his phone and dials, hoping against hope that given that it's nearly midnight in England, Kurt will be home but still awake.

"You went for the toys, didn't you?" comes the swift reply, and Blaine laughs, embarrassed.

"I did."

"Lucky for you, Joe is out somewhere and I am all alone and very, very horny. Lie back, old man, and let your fiancé take care of you."

They lie on their respective beds after, sated but unsatisfied. "It's not the same, is it?" Blaine whispers as tears roll down his cheeks.

"No. No it's not." Kurt sighs and rolls onto his front, pushing a pile of tissues to the floor. "But we needed a release, I guess."

"We did, and in the moment it feels great," Blaine agrees. "But I miss holding you so much. Phone sex is fun...but usually it's only a few days until I see you, and now..."

"It's not."

"No."

"I miss your hugs more than anything," Kurt whispers, unable to stop his own tears now they've started. "You make me feel so safe, so loved."

"My boy," Blaine says, voice cracking as a sob escapes.

"Will you sing me to sleep?"

"Anything for you, Kurt, anything."