Chapter 105 Good To Go
Kara found the CAG on the flight deck with the Chief.
At her approach, both men looked up. A vaguely sick look passed across Lee's face as he saw her and Kara wondered if he was still suffering from nausea, but a quick glance down confirmed the strip of tape where he'd had the IV. The Doc's special cocktail had definitely eased the worst of her own queasiness, so if Lee had gotten the same, why did he suddenly appear in need of finding the nearest head?
The clatter of a dropped tool—and muffled curse—drew all their gazes to the nearby Raptor and Kara watched as one of the orange-clad crewmen reached to retrieve the fallen probe only to unbalance and have to catch himself against the ship's fuselage. As the fellow straightened and noticed them watching, a flush stained his pale cheeks.
She returned her attention to Chief Tyrol as he waved the knuckledragger to get on with his task, before giving Kara an acknowledging nod as he tapped a pen on the clipboard he held.
"I'll have Stephens check the NAV subroutine one last time, but it looks good to go, Sir," Tyrol said, continuing the discussion her arrival had interrupted.
Lee's brows were furrowed now. "We've less than an hour. Just make sure he's on it."
"My people are exhausted like everyone else," Tyrol defensively stated, then a bit more sharply, "But they do their job, Major."
With hands half-raised, "I know, Chief," Lee placatingly said, then sighed. "Look. Everyone's doing the best they can. I know that. We just have to stay sharp for one more trip, is all." He gave the other man a tense nod of dismissal and turned fully to face Kara.
Suddenly uncomfortable under his scrutiny, "Lords, Apollo, you sure know how to improve morale and rally the troops," she quipped. Then barely held back an undignified yelp as he snagged her elbow and hauled her into the shadow of the shuttle.
"What the hell, Lee?" she hissed, yanking her arm free.
"I don't need you telling me how to handle the crew."
"Sure. Ok, then," Her hands on her hips as she added, "you wanna be a superior asshole, Apollo, you just go right ahead." Kara saw his jaw tighten and her anger defensively rose, ready to retaliate.
"Kara, I—" he started to snap back, but broke off as he rubbed a hand across his face and the anger visibly drained away. "We're all running on fumes here. I shouldn't have…"
Her own temper receded beneath a wave of concern as she studied Lee. There was a coiled tension in his shoulders and over-brightness in his eyes as they met hers. He was obviously as hyped-up on stims as she and, just as obvious, finding it hard to keep on an even keel as he rode the crest of the stimulant.
Then again, it had never taken drugs to ignite things between them.
"Frak, Lee, I didn't come down here to fight." She held her hand out and saw that he understood she meant her words to be an apology of sorts. At least the only sort she usually gave. For a reason other than the stims, her pulse thrummed faster as his warm grasp enfolded her hand and Lee's lips came up in the half-chagrined smile that always made him look so much younger.
His gaze dropped to their clasped hands and she watched, bewildered, as his grin give way before a surge of guilt. Lee quickly released his grip and Kara tried to catch his eyes, confused by the sudden withdrawal. Then she noticed that he was still staring at her radiation badge. Her eyes widened slightly as she thought she understood what was bothering him.
Lifting her arm, "I'm good," she insisted, then tapped the wristband. "See, still mostly white, so stop worrying. I'll be just fine."
"Fine. Right," he muttered as he shifted away and glared at two deckhands that were headed in their general directions. The pair took the none-to-subtle hint and hastily altered their course, though glanced back with barely concealed curiosity. Lee's attention snapped back around as Kara stepped into the space he'd created between them.
"Yes, fine. Good to go. Ready to rumble or whatever," she irritably said as she invaded his personal space, annoyance at his continuing attitude vying with her resolve to keep her cool.
What was his frakkin' problem anyway? It's one run, for gods-sake!
When his hands rose to grip her biceps, she was tempted to shake him off. Instead, she took a breath and tamped down her exasperation.
"I can do this."
"It's not that, Kara. I just wish…" he trailed off, then grimaced before his expression closed down and he stepped back.
Watching Lee retreat from what he'd been about to say, she realized that she wasn't the only one that shutdown when it came to sharing. A flicker of movement drew her gaze over his shoulder. The newest Viper pilot, Sunshine, came around the tail of the Raptor and jerk to a halt on seeing them. With a twitch of her head, she sent the young man back the way he'd come, but the interruption reminded her that this wasn't the time or place for this type of discussion.
Her eyes came back to meet his.
"You heard the Chief. We all do our job, so let me do mine, Apollo."
Regardless of whatever had Lee all knotted up this time, Kara knew she had to make this last run. She needed this. The feeling of being helpless, of not being allowed to do her part in making sure that they survived another day had been more upsetting then she'd been willing to admit to herself before. The memory of those weeks grounded, forced to listen to the pilot chatter over the wireless while being stuck on maintenance in the hanger bay stirred bile in her stomach again despite Cottle's medication.
She hated it!
This what she did!
Flying gave her the feeling of having a purpose.
So, why the hell couldn't Lee see that?
His sigh was one of defeat and made Kara feel unaccountably guilty. It wasn't like she was trying to screw things up this time! She held her tongue, there wasn't really a choice in the matter. They needed every medically-cleared pilot capable of driving a Raptor. Despite Lee's misgivings, she was going out and it was that simple.
He finally conceded the point with poor grace as he said, "Wheels up in forty minutes. Get your ass down to see Cottle and—" Kara interrupted him by pointing to the barely discernible needle mark and circular bruise on her arm. He started to frown, but then shook his head, dispelling his ill humor. "Guess I won't have to smack you in the mouth and drag your ass to sickbay after all," he said instead.
"Nope, I'm one-hundred percent stimulated, Sir," she replied with a smirk and a wink. The look in his eyes in response caused her breath to hitch and Kara licked her lips, only to see Lee's gaze microshift to her mouth. Her flightsuit abruptly was warmer than a moment ago. She twisted towards the Raptor, breaking their connection.
"Which bird am I on, Apollo?" She heard him clear his throat before answering.
"Chief's got you on the same one as before." He waved vaguely down the row of Raptors and Kara spotted the familiar tail number. "Pilot briefing in twenty," he said, then turned and headed off towards where Kara could see Tyrol inspecting the underside of one of the shuttles.
Kara's gaze dropped as Lee walked away. Before her on the deck plating was a small patch of oil some careless crewman had spilled and hadn't yet gotten around to thoroughly cleaning up. She stilled, held frozen by the way the smear swirled in concentrical rings so like that of her recent dreams. A shiver sent a cold wave along her skin that a minute ago had been overly warm and she jerked her gaze away, eyes skittering over the nearest figures, unconsciously searching for him.
Still unsettled, Kara made her way down the line of Raptor to her assigned one. The power of the urge to just climb inside and take off was such that she had her foot poised on the wing step before she consciously registered it. Lowering her leg, she tried to identify the compulsion. Kara knew she'd given into the pressure to run before, but this felt difference. Less like she was fleeing from something and more that she was hurrying towards a goal.
A growl from her stomach noisily reminded her of the whole purpose behind these grueling trips. Food would not literally be spread out and waiting for her at the other side, but it was that much closer. With a hand to her abdomen, she sent it a mental admonition to shut the frak up and it would get fed eventually. At least the nausea had eased, and Kara sent a reluctant thanks off in the crotchety doctor's direction.
Her experienced eyes lifted to scrutinize the shuttle. The deck crew had cleaned it up, scouring the surface free of the ionized particles that had defaced the stubby craft. It still looked worse for wear, she decided as she slowly circled it, eyes alertly checking for any missed damage. Finishing her circuit, Kara was about to step up again when her body sent her another reminder. She checked the deck clock and decided that there was still plenty of time to make a quick trip to the head. The Doc's fluids were making their presence uncomfortably known.
Starbuck quickened her stride, but resolutely refused to actually run as she left the flight deck.