Chapter 86 Forward On Faith

As Dee's voice over the ship's intercom heralded the fifteen minute mark until launch, Apollo gathered the pilots in a circle on the flight deck for their final briefing.

Stepping forward, "Last run, people," he said. "Speed's going to be important this time, so the Admiral's ordered us to not wait for the general signal. Just get in, tag your target and jump out." Lee's gaze swept the assembled group and Kara saw a bleak look come and go in his expression before he continued. "We're too close to the radiation exposure limit, so make it fast and clean." Heads nodded in acknowledgment.

After Apollo gave each their civilian ship assignments, he dismissed them with a 'Good hunting' and Starbuck immediately strode off to her Raptor. She could feel the previous pull to be out in space coming back double-fold now and her hands literally ached to be at the helm and on the way.

Frakkin' stims, she muttered below her breath as she donned the flight gloves, neck and wrist collars, dismissing the edgy need as just drug-enhanced pre-mission nerves. Finally, they were ready to finish off these jumps into hell and maybe get some food. Giving the still itchy scar above her eyebrow a last rub, Kara decided it couldn't be soon enough for her. She secured her helmet and ran through a last flight checklist while listening to the comm chatter. As orders were given to the deck crew to maneuver the shuttles into their positions to be raised onto the landing pads, Starbuck confirmed that the coordinates of the algae planet and the ship transponder for the Faru Sadin were both locked into the Raptor's computer.

Minutes later and she was easing her shuttle out the tunnel of Galactica's landing bay and into the familiar black of space. It only took moments to find her assigned sheep and swing into place off its metal flank.

Opening the comm to the boxey cargo ship, "Faru Sadin, Starbuck. Confirm communications and coordinates," she ordered.

"Starbuck, Faru Sadin. Comm clear and first set of coordinates confirmed," a steady female voice responded and Kara was relieved that the captain of the civilian ship at least sounded competent and calm.

Though no one had said anything, Kara believed they'd lost the two previous ships because their personnel had probably panicked when faced with the fierce reality of the radiation storm. She was guessing that they had risked a blind jump when the field's chaos had wiped their NAV computers and they hadn't been able to immediately contact the escorting Raptor. Grimacing, she just hoped her own metal lamb showed more sense.

"Copy, Faru Sadin. Hold ready for jump on my mark." Starbuck smoothly switched to the pilots' designated channel. "Galactica, Starbuck. Good to go," she reported, eyes constantly monitoring the control panel and surrounding space.

After the last pilot confirmed his ready status, Kara heard the familiar firm voice of the Admiral.

"All Raptors, Galactica Actual. Last run, people, so let's make it a fast and clean one." Kara quirked a smile as the senior Adama repeated Lee's earlier words. Father and son were more alike than either was willing to admit. "Initiate jump at will. Actual out." At his order, Starbuck's focus narrowed to the NAV display and she toggled the switch, spinning up the shuttle's FTL drive.

"Faru Sadin, Starbuck. Go for jump. Mark!" she called out, waiting only the barest instant to confirm the other ship's jump before following.

As the fury of the radiation storm hit, "Frakkin' hell!" Kara cursed, fighting to steady the small craft as it was violently buffeted. Her shoulders hurt as the straps dug into the already bruised areas, but she ignored the familiar pressure. Squinting though the harsh light, she rapidly blinked, trying to clear eyes that had immediately teared up from the intense glare. A check of her rad badge showed it slowly darkening.

"Faru Sadin, Starbuck. Do you copy?" a pause, "Faru Sadin… Where the hell are you!" Craning her neck, "Godsdamnit," she muttered, trying to catch sight of the larger ship as she twisted the other way.

Another heave pushed the Raptor to the side and Kara thought she glimpsed something just beyond the haze. Wishing for the thousandth time that she were in her Viper instead of trying to wrestle this cow of a craft into submission, she managed to swing the shuttle around

…and froze in shocked recognition.

Despite the searing brightness, Kara's eyes widened as she took in the whorls of color. Massed billows swirled in shades of yellow and red into a purpled-hued black center. Visions of a myriad of mandalas were pulled forth in flashes from all the past daydreams and nightmares that had haunted her mind's eye for as long as she could remember. This was what she'd tried to paint and draw—what drew her now. And Kara suddenly knew that the jangling need that had strung her nerves taut over the last hours had had nothing to do with the stims…and everything to do with the reality before her.

A rightness settled upon her as the shuttle drifted ever nearer the sweep of clouds. Circles had always figured prominently in Kara's art; they reflected a contradiction of completeness and infinity at once.

And circles had no sharp edges.

Mesmerized, she admired the mandala's beauty and power.

"…ck, Faru…" Static crackled. "…repeat, this…Fara Sadin…do you copy?"

The voice of the cargo ship's officer broke her reverie with a disorienting jolt and Kara squinted about the Raptor, briefly unsure what had happened.

Then, "Frak, frak, frak," she cursed out loud at herself for losing focus on the mission.

A quick glance at her wrist showed hardly any additional darkening of the badge. She couldn't have been distracted for more than an instant…and yet it had felt so much longer? Biting her lip, Starbuck forced the Raptor—and her gaze away—from the enthralling formation.

"Faru Sadin, Starbuck copies. Keep transmitting," she called out to the other vessel, eyes straining through the canopy.

Nothing! Where the frak was—

Her thoughts broke off as something flickered in the glare beyond. Risking taking one hand from the controls, she partially shielded her eyes.

Yes!

"Faru Sadin, Starbuck. Got visual. Hold steady. Say again, hold steady," she practically shouted over the comm. Again wishing for the responsiveness of her fighter, Starbuck worked against the turbulence to steer the Raptor towards the emerging outline of her straying steel sheep.

"Copy, Starbuck. Good to hear you." And if the other woman's voice wavered a little, Kara ignored it, just thankful that they'd managed to find each other in the heaving sea of radiation.

As Kara maneuvered closer, her gaze was again drawn to the right when the edge of the mandela teased at her peripheral vision. Blinking against the stinging combination of tears and sweat, she resolutely shifted her attention forward once more. She was almost close enough. Nearly there.

With the civilian vessel's NAV computer jinked by the radiation, it was necessary for the escorting Raptor to align beside its target, compute the coordinates for the second jump and then relay those numbers to be input manually by the civilian pilot. So, as Starbuck came up on Faru Sadin's flank, she tapped the query into her console then called the results out to her waiting charge. They didn't waste any time; the blocky vessel snapped away seconds later after acknowledging receipt.

Kara reached to engage her own FTL, but paused. Her eyes shifted to her wrist then to the right again where the outer circle of color was still visible, impossibly seeming to have followed along beside her.

With the distraction of the Faru Sadin gone, the compulsive pull of the mandala was back full force now and Kara instinctively swung the nose of her craft around to face it full on. She hitched in a breath, the artist in her ensnared by the splendor of the phenomenon. Then a particularly violent heave shook the Raptor and she grasped the controls tighter, steadying the shuttle but never taking her eyes from the sight before her.

It beckoned.

A pragmatic part of her whispered that it was just a side effect of the combination of stims, adrenalin, lack of sleep and radiation sickness. Nothing more than a hallucination. But in her gut Kara knew that it was more than that. Her entire life had been driving her to this exact point in time and space.

This was her destiny…or at least in part.

Kara's brow furrowed as she looked down at her radiation badge. The white was quickly giving way before the encroaching black and she knew that the time for a decision had come. She could still make the jump to join Galactica. Her hand automatically moved toward the FTL panel in response to her thought, but she stilled it and closed her eyes, shutting out the hypnotic manifestation.

In the past, she had never associated fear with swirling image. It had always brought a calm to her soul as she'd recreated its likeness. Only in her recent dreams with Leoben had she come to view it as something sinister. Was its connection with the Cylon distorting her feelings?

Kara swallowed the unease and opened her eyes. She gripped the controls more firmly and boosted straight towards the center of the mandala.

Faith.

A belief not based on proof.

Kara believed that there were powers at work beyond what could be seen: the Lords of Kobol from the Pythia scriptures, Leoben's one true God, the cycle of time and destinies. At that moment the labels and differences meant little to her. She was being drawn to the cloud formation just as she had her entire life. A destiny. Something she—and only she—was meant to do. Maybe it would make things better, and anything would be an improvement over the growing sense of helplessness that had been seeding her nights with fear and her days with despair. There had to be a reason why she had survived while some many others hadn't. Kara refused to believe that she'd simply got lucky time after time. There had to be a purpose for all she'd endured.

And, despite any prattle about roles to play, this was still her choice.

Kara Thrace chose to act.

She boosted the Raptor into the heart of the phenomenon. Feeling the small craft shudder under the increasing pressure, hearing the groans of stressed metal, she held the shuttle in line. Once sure that its course was set, Kara settled further into her seat and marveled at the majesty of the sight.

Then world about her heaved once more…and was gone.

[ I I I I I ]

Kara came to slowly, aware first of the throb behind her temples then gradually the ache across her chest and shoulders. Then conscious thought snapped her head up and she sucked in a deep breath of canned air, her eyes blinking reflexively at the memory of the radiation field's harsh light. Still dazed, it took longer for her to recall the moments before she passed out; and when she did, Kara straightened in her seat, her gaze sweeping the spacescape beyond the nose of the Raptor. It showed the deepest black synonymous with space broken by a star field.

"Where the…"

Her eyes dropped to the panel and she reached forward, punching demands into the NAV computer with increasing speed. Her hands shook slightly as she grasped the Raptor's controls and swung the shuttle about. Even though she'd seen the planet's signature on the display, the view of the blue-white marble made her gasp in awed wonder.

"Lords of Kobol," she reverently murmured, marveling at the simple beauty of a single planet. Justified in her faith, joy stretched a grin across her face. As her elation grew, she started to laugh, the physical discomforts forgotten, and she let loose a triumphant whoop of success. Automatically keying her comm, she started to hail Lee, "Apollo, Starb—" she broke off, remembering that she was alone, and that Lee didn't—that no one knew—that she had jumped...elsewhere.

A glance at her wrist showed that the badge was nearly all black and her expression changed to a grimace as she next checked the mission clock. By Kara's calculations, she'd been unconscious close to two hours. Hours in which everyone back in the fleet probably thought she was lost in the radiation storm. Her mouth was suddenly dry when she considered the ramifications.

She had to get back.

Craning her neck, she searched for the mandala. But there was nothing to be seen except constellations, ones which perfectly matched those from the Tomb of Athena. The star patterns further confirmed what she'd found, though they weren't going to help her situation and her chances of getting back. She pushed down a surge of panic and reminded herself that it was faith that had brought her this far. Now wasn't the time to become a disbeliever. The gods might have shown a ruthless side in the past in regards to one Kara Thrace, yet she refused to accept that she had been led to Earth only to be stranded alone and now unable to return to the fleet with the location.

There had to be a way.

She just needed to find it.

First things first, though. Kara lowered the shuttle's surveillance gear and began snapping pictures of the planet and the surrounding constellations. She took her time. It was more important that she had convincing proof of her find then that she try to hurry back to join Galactica at the algae planet. They'd be there for days gathering enough food stores for the whole fleet. Carefully she confirmed the coordinates in the computer, triple checking that she had the way to Earth correctly recorded, determined not to screw up this mission. There was too much at stake.

Three hours and as many passes around the planet later, Kara was finally satisfied that she had all the necessary data. She then took a breath to consider the instance of awareness she'd noticed on both the second and then again more powerfully on the third circuit…a teasing just at the limit of her peripheral vision…just like what she'd experienced in the radiation field. The mandala—wormhole?—was out there. She was certain of it. It was waiting for her to just as it had before. Now all she had to do was find a way to pinpoint its actual location and zip back through. Kara assumed that it would exit back in approximately the same spot she had entered. If so, she knew that with her badge so near full black, that she'd have to make the next jump pretty damned fast if she wanted to live.

Problem was…the frakking thing was still playing hide and seek.

Halfway around again and still nothing. Not a tingle, itch or tickle. Nothing to indicate that the blasted thing even existed. Other than her own presence here, of course.

As the minutes slipped by, fatigue slinked in. Letting the Raptor drift for a moment, Kara removed her helmet and ran hands through hair gone stiff with sweat. She didn't need Cottle to tell her that she was rapidly coming down from the stims and, as her stomach abruptly tightened, the other meds the doctor had given her were wearing off, too. Resting her eyes, she massaged her sweat-sticky forehead just above the still itchy scar and considered whether it was worth the effort to rummage through the first aid kit to find some analgesic tabs. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed, reluctantly deciding that a headache didn't qualify as serious enough to warrant using what little they had left of the medical supplies.

When she opened her eyes again, it was there.

The mandala in all its compelling glory.

Kara blinked several times to make sure of the vision before her.

"About frakkin' time," she muttered. A growing sense of urgency shortening her temper as she fumbled to don the helmet with hands that were starting to tremble with the coming of a post-stim crash. "Come on!" she growled as the latch refused to catch. With a reluctant snap, the helmet's airtight seal closed and she drew in a shaky inhale of recycled air.

Licking lips gone dry, Starbuck surveyed her board, making sure with one last check that she was as prepared as she could be for the return passage through the phenomenon and then the immediate jump to the algae planet afterwards.

She engaged the engines with less finesse than usual and boosted straight for the darkness of the center. Exhaustion dulled the edge of awe she'd felt before as the swirls of color filled the shuttle's windscreen. All Kara wanted now was to get the hell back to Galactica and show the Old Man what she'd found.

Releasing the thruster lever briefly, she gave a yank on the shoulder straps, notching them tighter against the expected turbulence. As her grip returned to the Raptor controls the first shudder shook the small craft as it was drawn into the gravity well. Kara's breathing quickened and she welcomed the spurt of adrenalin as her hands steadied again.

As the black center grew larger, now filling her vision, something worried at her thoughts. She was forgetting something. Something important...

A glance down at her badge then up again at the gapping maw finally gave her disquiet a form. Her gut cramped tight as Kara abruptly realized the flaw in her plan.

She had arrived in Earth's orbit unconscious. The ship's clock had put her out for some two hours.

A second look at her wrist only confirmed that she probably had bare minutes left before it was completely black.

Starbuck instinctively started to swing the Raptor aside in an attempt to break free of the mandala's pull, but then shifted it back onto her original heading. There was no choice. She had to get back to Galactica before the battlestar jumped from the algae planet or she'd likely never locate the fleet before running out of supplies. Getting the coordinates for Earth back to the Admiral was worth anything, even if it meant taking a fatal dose of radiation.

Kara unclamped her grip, one finger at a time. Then, settling her hands in her lap, she let the forces carry her forward into the eye once more.