AN: Thank you to the reviewers! You guys rock!
LXX.
By the time Ben returned to camp, it was late in the evening and pitch black out. Jimmy had spent most of the day wandering the surrounding woodland area of the hangar. Though he told himself he was out there looking for Ben, he knew it was futile, and was mostly just trying to sort out his thoughts and meanwhile stay far outside of camp. The list of people he needed to avoid kept growing. Not to mention, it didn't take long for Ben's choke hold to form a nasty bruise, which couldn't easily be explained away to any nosy members of the 2nd Mass.
Jimmy sighed, watched from a distance as Ben slunk back to camp and slipped into one of the public restroom buildings that dotted the airfield. He flashed only momentarily on the scene hours before, stumbling upon Ben viciously attacking Roman, a twisted look in Ben's features all at once inhuman and far removed from the face of that sweet, gentle boy that Jimmy knew, as Gia and Doug nearby struggled to break things up. Jimmy rushed in, it took only a touch to Ben's shoulder, and Ben spun round, caught Jimmy round the neck, his hand cold and gripped like iron, ready, willing, and wanting to kill, his eyes shadowed over and wiped blank of all humanness.
Jimmy knew he should've been afraid in that moment. Ben was ready to crush the life from him; air couldn't squeeze through those tightly laced fingers into Jimmy's lungs. Seconds ticked into minutes, and his chest burned, acid seeping from his heart through his veins, but he wasn't scared. He knew that Ben, his Ben, wouldn't let it happen. His Ben would save him.
His Ben would always save him.
Jimmy opened the door to the bathroom only a crack and squeezed in, letting the door softly shut behind him. He leaned back against it and looked expectant at Ben. Ben froze, standing over a sink, water dripping from his face. He'd been washing away sweat and grime, evidence of his day spent tormenting himself for actions not his own. Blaming himself for the things he didn't actually do.
"You shouldn't be here," Ben whispered.
"Where did you go?" Jimmy returned. His voice was a painful croak, partially because of a full day's disuse, and partially because of the incident. It didn't escape Ben, and he flinched noticeably, shook his head, trembling with anger maybe, disgust probably.
"You shouldn't be here," Ben repeated more firmly, turned slightly, rubbing his face dry with his forearm, eying Jimmy askance, shame shivering in his haunted expression, "You shouldn't be near me. You should never be near me again."
"Don't say stupid things like that," Jimmy muttered, rolling his eyes and stepping towards Ben, "I'm fine. Nothing happened."
Ben stumbled back a step, eyes widening on the bruises at Jimmy's neck.
"Nothing happened?" he spat incredulous, "Goddammit, Jimmy, you stubborn jackass, you need to get out. Get out now. Get out and get away from me. Stay far away from me because, fuck, because…because Roman is right."
"There you go, saying more stupid things. Roman is never right," Jimmy attempted lightly, and Ben growled frustration, opting to forgo argument and striding hastily for the door. Jimmy hurried back several steps, falling into place in front of the exit once more, effectively blocking it.
"He is right though," Ben said, "I'm holding onto you for my own selfish reasons, it doesn't matter how it's hurting you, and I can't do it anymore. I need to let you go."
Jimmy startled, swallowed down the hard rush of emotions that declaration brought.
"It's not like I'm here against my will."
"Then why are you here?" Ben challenged, dropped his gaze, "You don't want me. I know that. I keep pretending like you do, like it's not obvious that you don't, but we both know it."
"That's not true," Jimmy whispered, taken aback. He wasn't sure how to respond. After everything they'd been through together, this was where they stood, locked in a bathroom trying to find their way back to a place, a moment, a time that made sense. Jimmy could see the frustration trembling in Ben, feel it shaking through himself, turning sickness in his stomach. He'd been screaming at the top of his lungs for these past few months, only to learn that no one had ever been able to hear him.
"You're always making excuses, there's always a reason, but you go looking for him or you just happen to be near him. You talk to him about - I don't know what - behind my back. Why should we keep walking around the subject? Let's just put it out in the open and face the facts. He's the one that you want to be with, not me. You're…" Ben faltered, his tone taking that of one with a terrible realization dawning on him, "You're in love with him. You're in love with him, and you're not in love with me. He's the one that you want, not me."
"You're wrong. I'm not….he's not…I don't want him, Ben…"
"You kissed him."
"What? No, I didn't. Is that what he told you?" Jimmy cried, flushing with his rage and embarrassment, he straightened, stammered, "He…he's the one that kissed me, and I didn't…I tried to stop him, I tried but I couldn't get him off. Ben, please believe me."
"It doesn't matter," Ben murmured, "Because he's right. I keep holding on, trying to keep you here with me, and I shouldn't have to, right? It shouldn't be a fight. You should want to be here, and you don't. And you shouldn't be with me anyway. All I do lately is hurt you. And all you do lately is break my heart. And it's only going to get worse."
Jimmy frowned, lowered his head. It hammered into him, the reality of their situation, that the burden he posed was now too much for Ben to bear.
"You didn't hurt me. Nothing happened, you stopped," Jimmy fidgeted with his shirt sleeve and whimpered, "And I don't mean to hurt you."
"What happens next time when I don't stop? Jimmy, what happens when I…" Ben faltered, scowled, "What if next time I don't just hurt you? What if I kill you?"
"You won't, we'll figure it out," Jimmy said, pushed the hair from his face as he spoke, his body hot and cold all at once, "We're going to figure it out."
"You're right, I won't. Because you won't be near enough for me to kill," Ben argued, closed his eyes, "I'm ending things now. I'm done. I'm done trying to force you into something you don't want. We're done."
"Shut up," Jimmy whispered, each word a bullet in his chest. He slumped against the door, glared up at Ben.
"You know, go, go and be safe," Ben continued, his voice caught in his throat, and he said, "I'm okay with it. I thought I might not be, when I was out thinking about it, that I'd beg you to just not…but you know, it's fine. All I've ever wanted was to make you happy, to make you forget all the bad things that have happened, that are happening, and for you to be happy. I can't make you happy, I have to face that now, but if he can, then I'm okay with it. I'm okay with you being with him. Can I just ask one thing…just one thing…that you please…don't ever…please don't let me see you happy with him. Please. I couldn't take that. Be happy with him, just do it far away from me."
"Have you completely lost it?" Jimmy demanded heatedly, "We're not breaking up and I'm not, for Christ's sake, I'm not going to leave here and hook up with Roman. Will you just calm down and talk to me."
"There's nothing else to talk about. I've made up my mind," Ben determined, "Move out of the way."
"No." Jimmy planted himself more firmly in front of the door. Were it not somewhat heartwrenching in its sincerity, Ben's speech would've been comical, and Jimmy let the ridiculousness of it settle into him and steel his resolve.
"You really think you can stop me from leaving this room?" Ben challenged.
"Yes. Maybe," Jimmy pouted briefly, "No. But you said that we'd only end things if you wanted to or I wanted to. You don't want to, and I don't want to. We're not done."
"I do want to."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do. I cannot take this anymore. I can't hurt you again, and I can't deal with this feeling, this knowing, that you don't want me. And maybe, I don't know, maybe this is it. This is the answer. I started changing, the black outs, the rage, started after we got together, and this anger, this dark feeling, I only started feeling it when he showed up and you…and, so maybe this, this anger and black out rages, is just me dealing with you wanting someone else."
"But I don't. We've been through this before. I already told you I don't," Jimmy said, closed his eyes and whispered, "I want you."
Ben rolled his eyes, "No, you don't."
"How are we still stuck here, fighting about this? I don't know what else to say. How do I prove to you that you're wrong? That you don't have to worry? I don't care about him. I care about you," Jimmy cried.
Ben sighed, shook his head. He reached forward to move Jimmy aside, gripping Jimmy by the shoulder. Jimmy struggled, pushing back at the guiding hand.
"You don't want to hurt me, Ben, then don't do this, don't walk out of here like this, because this is the way you hurt me."
"I don't know what else to do," Ben whispered, pausing in his attempts to exit. He cupped Jimmy's cheek in a palm, brushed the hair away to search Jimmy's eyes imploringly, "I don't know how else to keep you safe from me."
"I'm safer with you," Jimmy returned plaintively, desperately leaning forward to dot dainty kisses along Ben's jawline. He pressed a firm kiss to Ben's mouth, rest their foreheads together, and pleaded, "Stop this. Please."
"Why are you making this so much harder than it already is?" Ben murmured, Jimmy's arms slipped round his waist as he dove his tongue into Jimmy's mouth. They parted breathless and he tried half-heartedly to persist in his departure, "Jimmy, I can't…"
"Stop it, okay," Jimmy said, guiding Ben backwards a few steps farther into the restroom, murmuring against Ben's lips more to himself than Ben, "We're getting nowhere like this."
Jimmy could feel Ben's resolve crumbling beneath his touch and he smiled slightly, peered up at the sheepish Ben. He fluttered several insistent kisses across Ben's mouth and jaw for good measure, and as his heart thundered ache in his chest, he drew Ben into another heated kiss. Desperation trickled in, and his mind spun with emotion. He could see the despair in Ben's features, the uncertainty, and knew he wasn't getting through.
"I made a mistake," Jimmy admitted, taking Ben's hands in his own and lacing their fingers, he kissed Ben gently on the side of the mouth and murmured, "I'm sorry. I never should've tried reasoning with Roman. It's my fault. All of this is my fault."
Jimmy took a deep breath and glanced up at Ben, heat rushing his features as he made a sudden and brash decision. Though he wasn't entirely sure he could survive the embarrassment of going through with it, he couldn't think of another way. He poured his heart and soul into every kiss and it wasn't enough, it didn't leave much left for him to give. He placed his mouth on Ben's own, nervousness making him forget the next move, and he felt relieved when Ben eagerly took over, as his fingers slid to Ben's trouser buttons, fiddled momentarily with them, then undid them. Ben's hands absently roamed Jimmy's body, seeking flesh beneath his shirt, and decidedly Jimmy snatched them away, and pressed them to Ben's sides. Ben drew back, stared down at Jimmy in puzzlement, and Jimmy darted him up a reassuring look. He struggled to breathe, his heart racing in his chest and head on fire, he started to lower himself.
Ben's eyes widened in surprise, he caught Jimmy's elbow, "Whoa, wait, what are you…?"
"It's okay. I want to," Jimmy said, squirming out of Ben's hold, even as realization just then dawned on Ben as to Jimmy's intentions.
"What are you doing? Get up, you don't have to…"
"It's okay. Let me do this," Jimmy whispered, dropping to his knees. He curled his fingers in the fabric of Ben's trouser waistband, his eyes rolling up to meet the speechless expression on Ben's face, "I want to do this."
Relenting, Ben tensed up in his stance, closed his eyes and leaned his head back, running a hand over his features. In a way he seemed more nervous than Jimmy, which was sort of strange, after all, he wasn't the one on his knees. A bit too hastily, Jimmy carefully peeled away the clothing and removed Ben's cock from his undergarments. It was already beginning to harden, from their earlier kissing and possibly the thought behind Jimmy's position on the ground.
Briefly, Jimmy realized he'd never been so up close and personal to that particular part of Ben's, or any other boys' body before, and the nearness of it wasn't so bad as he'd sort of imagined it to be. It was almost, kind of, pleasant and vaguely he mused that Ben kind of had a nice looking cock, then he worried it was an odd thought to have and put it from mind, only to wonder how it compared to that of other boys. That line of thinking was causing him to blush, and he felt his nerve fleeing, so he put the thoughts aside, and drew in a shaky breath, tried to recollect everything he'd read in that book about exactly how to do what he was planning on doing, but every bit of information he had on the subject suddenly flew from his mind. He chewed his bottom lip momentarily, eying the ever increasing erection in front of him, and darted another look to Ben.
Ben wore a sheepish expression, his mouth slightly agape, and breath bated. He watched Jimmy concernedly, eyes widened and brow furrowed. Jimmy could back out now, and for Ben, it would be all the necessary proof. Jimmy's willingness to attempt it would be enough for the other boy, Jimmy knew, and for that alone, Jimmy realized he wanted to go through with it. He wanted Ben to, for a moment, feel entirely the center of Jimmy's focus. To feel as though there was no one or anything else in the world for Jimmy.
Jimmy swallowed hard and dropped his eyes down once more. He steeled himself and started forward, mouth parting. His lip brushed against the head, the skin surprisingly soft, and he hesitated, pulled back. He sensed Ben's growing restlessness, after all, it was an awkward position for both of them, and the strain of waiting, and wondering will he-won't he, scorching unbearable need for release through him. Jimmy squeezed his eyes closed, took one quick breath, darted forward and gathered as much of Ben's cock into his mouth as he could.
Overhead, Ben gasped, surprised at the sudden move. Jimmy flinched, uncertain of what to do from there. Instantly, a niggling voice slinging insults entered his mind, it sounded vaguely like different boys he'd gone to school with before the aliens, and for a moment, there was a strange shame in him. This wasn't okay, was it? This was disgusting and only a revolting person did this kind of thing.
Except, this was for Ben. And how could anything involving that boy be anything but right? Perfect, even? As breathtakingly beautiful as the boy himself?
Sucking seemed the thing to do, that's what everyone called it. But it didn't feel exactly correct, and he wasn't getting much of a reaction from it beyond the rush of blood to Ben's hard on from Jimmy initially taking it into his mouth. Then a bit of the passage from the book came to Jimmy, and he thought of himself, and what typically felt good to him. He pulled back a bit, let the shaft of Ben's cock slide between his teeth and tongue. Ben made noise of approval, so Jimmy attempted reversing the motion, making his jaw lax, using his teeth and lips to create a pressure, trying to figure out when and exactly how to breathe. He felt somewhat like he was drowning at first until he figured out he could pace his breath with the back-and-forth motion of his head. He gripped the cloth of Ben's pants in his fingers, holding it away from the area as he tried to bring more of Ben into his mouth and nearly gagged when the hardened cock, growing more engorged by Jimmy's actions, jabbed the back of his throat.
Ben's breathing was getting noticeably heavier with each stroke of Jimmy's mouth, and for every small noise of obvious pleasure Ben made a strange triumph pounded ecstatic through Jimmy's chest. He increased his ministrations, searching for a balance between breath and massage. Ben absently reached a hand down, brushed the hair away from Jimmy's face. He moaned Jimmy's name, and murmured several incoherent things.
When Ben came, Jimmy jerked back, surprised by the sudden warmth and unfamiliar taste in his mouth. The rest of the ejaculate spilled on the ground, and Jimmy fell aside, brought a hand to his mouth, choking on air, eyes downcast, and cheeks blistering heat. His heart pounded at a breakneck pace, as he shocked back into reality, and realized exactly what he had done. He felt he might cry from the embarrassment of it all and he couldn't look at Ben, for fear of what the reaction might be. Maybe he'd done it wrong, or maybe he shouldn't have done it all, and Ben would only think less of him. Or worse, it wouldn't change a thing. Ben would walk from that room, from his life, convinced the sentence he'd passed on their relationship the right one.
Ben knelt beside Jimmy, dragging him by the ears up into a fierce kiss. They broke apart, and rest their foreheads together. Ben studied Jimmy, and Jimmy peeked up through thick lashes. Ben looked renewed, as if their earlier troubles had never occurred, and Jimmy smiled slightly, it should be a crime how easy it was to erase Ben's worries. He pecked Ben on the lips, and then lifted himself to his feet, wandered to the sink and ran the water, splashing some on his face and rinsing his mouth out. He heard Ben shuffling about, beginning to clean and straighten up.
Jimmy glared at his reflection, pushed the loose strands of hair back from his pale face, and scoured his own eyes. He tried to remember who he'd been before the war. Would his family, his friends, even recognize him now? He tried to understand who he was in that moment. A child? A soldier? A ghost with no attachments, floating listless through life and waiting to complete his unfinished business so he could simply move on? But he couldn't see himself in any terms, not without Ben. A terrible pressure built in his chest, and he felt he couldn't breathe, it was crushing him.
Ben came up from behind, looped his arms round Jimmy's waist and cradled Jimmy back against his chest, nestling his chin atop Jimmy's shoulder. Snug, it felt a perfect fit. Was there any place in the world that Jimmy could feel more at home than right there, wrapped inside that other boy? They met each other's eyes in the mirror.
"We look good together," Ben decided. Jimmy smirked, rolled his eyes. Ben's gaze fell on the bruises at Jimmy's neck again, and he loosened his hold somewhat, pulled himself up to examine the skin. Sadness touched his expression again, and Jimmy frowned, nibbled his inner cheek. Sex could only distract for so long it seemed, and the bullet weighed heavy around his neck.
"Me too," Jimmy blurted out, barely audible.
"Hm?" Ben murmured.
"I want it too."
"Want what?" Ben absently wondered, and Jimmy pulled away, turned himself slightly so he could look up at Ben, even as he quaked and tears spilled from his eyes.
"That future. The one you promised me. I want it. And you. I want to know you. Years from now. I want that too," Jimmy stammered, visibly trembling now, "I just don't know if I can…if I'm allowed to...to want…to want…can I have it? Can someone like me…is it okay for me to…?"
Ben grinned broadly, wrapping Jimmy up in the type of embrace that refused to let go and drowning him in kisses.
"Yes, it's okay. It's more than okay," Ben laughed, touching their foreheads together and declaring, elated, "And you're going to have it. Because you want it, I'm going to give it to you. I promise."
Jimmy smiled, and he believed it. He believed anything possible. Because if anyone could give him the moon and the stars, it was this boy. Unstoppable, insatiable, Ben Mason would be the one to defeat the aliens, he would be the one to save them all. He would be mankind's hero. Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe they'd die tomorrow. Did it matter? So long as they were together, Jimmy couldn't be bothered to care. He looped a hand around Ben's neck, laced his fingers through the spikes, and grinned cheekily. He could see the energy racing through and dripping off Ben in droves, feel it seeping into himself, a sudden rush of adrenaline he hadn't experienced in what seemed a hundred years or more. In that moment, in that singular snippet of time, he'd given Ben his future, and now the bullet no longer held him down, instead it lifted him up.
Jimmy quirked a brow and smirked knowingly, "You want to go hunting?"
"Yes, and then tear off all your clothes and ravish your body senseless in the open woods. Absolutely," Ben quipped eagerly.
"You're such a dork," Jimmy chuckled, stretching and heading for the door.
Ben fell in step behind Jimmy and Jimmy took a deep breath, smiled inwardly, reached back and slipped his hand into Ben's, twining their fingers. Ben gave Jimmy's hand a squeeze, and in that small action, everything faded to nothing: Professor Mason's return, Roman, Ben's rages, and Jimmy's mysterious illness. It was all gone, and the only thing that remained was their future.
…
It was a bit of a trek before the boys found a target. They'd hiked nearly three miles out of camp, taking their time and reveling in one another's company. Little was more perfect than the quiet moments like this, Jimmy's hand in Ben's own, the sound of Jimmy's heartbeat, and soft breath, the exhilaration of their early encounter still hot in their veins, as exchanged looks spoke louder and clearer than any words or actions ever could. Things got too complicated when other people were involved. When it was just Jimmy with Ben, everything felt right and simple, and Ben couldn't help thinking that if this is what it came to, if this was the life they had to choose, to damn the father and fight their own wars, it wouldn't be too terrible.
A few Skitters gathered in a clearing of the woods seemed an easy enough hit. Ben could use the rush of the kill to satiate his restless energy, brought on both by the day's events and Jimmy's sweet mouth, and then afterwards wrap himself up in Jimmy for the remainder of the evening. They could head back to the 2nd Mass in the morning. Or not at all. Who cared? Definitely not Ben.
The boys ducked behind a line of trees and bushes, huddled together with Jimmy's rifles between them.
"You want to hang back here and just watch me work?" Ben grinned, quirked a suggestive brow. Jimmy sighed, rolled his eyes.
"I've seen enough of your masculinity for the day," he commented, Ben flinched involuntarily, lowered his eyes, and Jimmy scrambled to amend, stammering and trailing off, "That wasn't…I meant…at the bathroom..."
Ben rose a brow at that, and Jimmy cleared his throat, anxiously checked the clip of his rifle. He gave Ben a look, as he shouldered the gun, and Ben smiled, unsheathing the knife at his hip. Jimmy dropped the first Skitter easy, one bullet to the head, and Ben rose, rushed forward to take on the second Skitter, advancing towards them. A foreign sickness spilled into Ben's gut, and rushed his spine, even as he sliced open the Skitter's throat, and jabbed forward. The third and final Skitter stood in the background, watching distantly, its head tilted to one side. The world spun uncontrollably around Ben, his desperation to move forward overwhelmed by a strange desire to stay in one place.
Go back now, the words rang in Ben's head, and he wished he'd heeded them. He felt as though simply going through the motions, as if watching himself from afar struggling with the third Skitter. He saw more than heard Jimmy call his name, spring to his defense. He fell to his knees, incapable of making any strike against the beast. White splashed over the world and Ben sank into it.
Late evening, Friday night, Ben sat in the basement with his friends playing a game of "Spaceships & Overlords". Their unit was caught in a community center, under assault from an army of aliens and mechanical beasts. Ben's character was pinned down in the building, unable to provide support to the rest of the group. Useless, worthless, weak little wannabe hero. His stomach turned in disgust. He could see the bodies strewn across the map, blood and guts; smell the stench of decay, hear the screams for sweet, dark release.
"I don't know where I am," Ben murmured, wondered vaguely, "How do I go back?"
But where was back? And where was here?
"You don't want to go back, that whole area is blanketed in Mechanical Spiders, and you don't have the fire to fight them off. Better to stay where you are," Artie recommended, "We'll try to get to you, if we can ever get these Goliath's off our backs."
Hatchet rolled the dice, and he, Crumb, and Artie groaned in unison. Ben glared at the dice, but they looked like spent bullets and he couldn't read the numbers etched into their shells. Marty wasn't there, neither was Lindsey, but a blonde woman sat next to Ben, chin perched in her hand, eyes surveying the map.
"I don't know you," Ben said in a soft voice to the girl.
"Yes, you do," the girl laughed, eyes lighting on him, "I wouldn't be here if you didn't."
"I'm not supposed to be here, though, am I?" Ben pressed. He just didn't know, or maybe didn't want to know, where he was supposed to be.
"Well, you are in a terrible predicament at the moment, but I think 'supposed to be' is a strong assumption," the girl returned. She turned herself more towards Ben, smiled coyly, "And where do you think you're supposed to be, if not here?"
"I don't…" Ben felt queasy, closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he and the girl sat in a meadow, overgrown with fauna unlike any he'd ever before seen. In the distance, large beetle like creatures shuffled across the landscape in a small herd. The girl folded her hands in her lap, watched Ben expectantly. "There's something I'm supposed to do…"
"You keep doing this to yourself. When will you learn?" the girl taunted, "This is where you belong. There is nothing left for you to do. There is no one…"
Ben darted his eyes up to the girl, and she fell silent, turned away, as though she'd never began that comment. A slight breeze picked up, tousled her hair, and she daintily plucked the wild strands from her face and placed them behind an ear. Terrible feelings unrelenting pounded into Ben's chest, and deep red spilled across his eyes.
"You keep fighting. It would be easier to just give in," the girl whispered, lowered her eyes, and sighed, "You'll know soon enough. You can't save them. You can't him. You can't even save yourself."
Two dead Skitters lay in the clearing, the third long since gone. Ben shuddered, as a chill wind rippled his spine, and suddenly died out, left him numb. He took a few calming breaths, let the world shift into focus once more. His heart thumped a few times, squeezed something painful. A sound of shallow breathing and soft, gurgled noises flitted into his ears. Shaken, he searched out the source, even as his mind told him he didn't want to know, and his body felt leaden, unwilling to move, tears unbidden rising from his throat into his eyes, stomach bottoming out.
Jimmy moved his lips but no words came out, his skin glistened a paler white than usual, and his eyes were barely open, wandering aimless, as though they weren't really seeing the world. He hovered not too high off the ground, held in place against a thick bellied tree by one short, wickedly pointed branch. Its tip coated in blackening red and caught on a bit of torn fabric from Jimmy's blue shirt, it jutted straight through his abdomen, looking a part of him, he and the tree merged forever as one.
.
.
.
AN: Please don't kill me.
So, I see this chapter as, Ben fucked up, and Jimmy gave him a blow job as punishment. No? Okay, fine. Uh, yeah, I didn't like this chapter. The oral scene really kind of felt distant, and I think a lot of it had to do with the emotions behind it for Jimmy were built more off desperation, and pressure to make a bold move or lose Ben entirely. Anyhow, the incident in last chapter tied in with this little incident, you might have realized by now, are really going to color the tone of the next part of this series (since we're winding down to the last chapters of this story).
Let me know what you thought.
Reviewers: SassySavanna190, lol, I swear, I'm not trying to give you a feel heart attack...okay, maybe I am, but what doesn't kill you will totally make you stronger. Babbling is perfectly fine, I understand at least two/thirds of everything you write, and that's what's important. Yes, a lot of people care about Jimmy, if only he would take notice. But then, he would find a way to twist knowing they care about him into a self-deprecating excuse for why he shouldn't be there. Whose side Doug and Gia eventually fall on may surprise people (or not). Also, yes, Lourdes has appeared in the story several times. She was looking after Matt after the initial attack on the community center (following Ben/Jimmy's date), she was also in the house when Ben returned to the 2nd Mass after blowing up the alien structure, and she was in the medic van when Jimmy rushed in looking for Dr. G a few chapters back. She hasn't had a hugely significant role, though. NOxONE, don't be so certain. And yes, that conversation was not very well written. Ugh, another great failure in my life. If only I had the time to do what I wanted, and the money to support it, then maybe that dialogue wouldn't have felt like a slap in the face. Oh well. No Walking Dead fics on the horizon, I'm afraid. I write fanfics for stories I felt needed more, and the seasons I watched of Walking Dead felt very complete. Even though I'm pissed at them for killing off Andrea, and refuse to watch the show anymore (no matter how amazing and hot Norman Reedus is - that's what repeat viewings of Boondock Saints is for), they're writing to me was always superb. I don't think I'll find a decent paying job, but one that doesn't make me want to take a long walk off a short bridge would be nice. typhoonboom08, you've been missing for a few chapters, I was afraid I lost you. Wouldn't be too surprised, the chapters haven't been my best work lately. School does that, I guess. You did a great job not cursing, and in doing so, managed to express your feelings in a much better way. I think, anyhow. I do want to put in that the way that dialogue unfolded is not at all how I wanted it to go. It was actually meant to be more shades of gray area, where Ben kind of pushes Rome into saying something to set Ben off, such that if you weren't a rabid Ben fan (like all the readers) you would feel a little torn on whose side to take, but I didn't have time to rewrite and work it out better. I will say that Roman fully intended to follow through with his and Jimmy's deal, because part of him at this point very much wants to win Jimmy over, and he's starting to see he needs to change his approach a little. Eventually a point is going to come when winning Jimmy is more important to Roman than taking Jimmy from Ben, but we're not there yet. Obviously, I'm not that creative, I just pinned Jimmy to a tree. Eh, we'll see how creative you think I am, I guess. LuckyDreamer91, no, you're right, it is missing something. This one I think was missing something too. I'm feeling kind of distant from the story lately, that's what happens when I don't have time to work on it every day, and I've already mentally plotted out three follow up stories, and something like five other Ben/Jimmy fanfics, and of course, the other FS fanfic that I started posting. Need to get my head back in the game, but with real life in the way, prob not happening anytime too soon. Hm...you know, I always found it weird they gave him such a fully fleshed out character that way. It makes me think they had grander plans for him at first, but then changed their minds in season 2 because of feedback from critics that it wasn't pushing the envelope enough, and they wanted to get across that they were a darker, edgier sci-fi. Unfortunately, all their nonchalant killing off of characters has actually gotten across is that they don't care about their characters, so why should we? Jimmy got kind of close to expressing his feelings for Ben, all that was missing of course was that pesky little L-word that people make such a fuss over. Thanks for the well wishes on the job hunt! You know, I don't think I could stop writing if I tried. It's too much a part of me. Dee, I'm sorry that I almost ruined your shopping trip. Aw...you know, this review really was a good one, I don't know why you were so concerned. I'm a little worried about how you'll be responding to this chapter, because of how it ends...yes, you are so right about Jimmy. You know, I don't think I got it across right in the scene, but even as Ben was rattling off about feeling that Jimmy didn't want him, Jimmy is sitting there thinking this is it, this is the moment where he becomes too much a burden for Ben to love anymore, and thinking about how his love isn't enough to keep the other boy. Self-fulfilling prophecy, and all, you know. Yeah, I hate to say it, but Maggie definitely shed a few tears in private after that encounter. You know, I've already told you about my misgivings when it comes to portrayals of people in post-apocalyptic worlds, that it would be every-person-for-themselves, because at our nature, we are cooperators. That is our greatest adaptation to the world, we are highly social beasts. Which I'll say is one of the few things I think FS got right, at least as far as the 2nd Mass is concerned. Anyhow, for Maggie, she's trying to build new bonds like everyone else, and one of those bonds is Jimmy. She's come to rely on him for her own emotional stability as much as he's come to rely on her. Jeanne's motives are pretty simple, she sees Jimmy's potential and worries he'll be overcome by the needs of the 2nd Mass, which far out weight his own, but that in a small group like her own, he could blossom into a vital member of the group and receive a more equal reward for his sacrifice to their cause. So yeah, I think you hit her motive pretty hard on the head. Sadly, she doesn't see that in taking Jimmy from the 2nd Mass and exiting herself, she would inadvertently destroy her father. Yeah, I already said this, but Roman actually didn't set out to break his deal with Jimmy. I didn't write that scene how I wanted...but that's fine, I'll roll with it. He did goad Ben into that fight tho, maybe not intentionally, but it happened because of the things he said. He underestimated Ben's strength, and overestimated his own, however, which got him his ass handed to him. Calling it a fight is a misnomer, really, it was a beating. Okay, very good assessment of the circumstances around the fight. Now take that realization, that the whole camp is going to know what went down and that Ben turned his fists on Jimmy (who everyone also, sort of, knows Ben is in love with), and couple it with this final scene here. Now picture the fall out. :D
Thanks for reading people. See you all next Sunday!