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BPOV
"A woman in a corset is a lie, a falsehood, a fiction, but for us this fiction is better than the reality." Eugene Chapus, Manuel de l'homme et de la femme comme il faut, 1855
Suck in. Hold your breath. Squeeze.
Suck in. Hold your breath. Squeeze.
This is my morning mantra.
Every day my handmaid, whether it's Kate back home in Seattle or Alice, here at Cullen Manor, has to help me dress. Thanks to the strict rules of society, women must wear corsets underneath our clothing to create the illusion of a perfect form. It's bad enough that we must cover our bodies in layers from our necks to our ankles, but we also must wear a bone-crushing corset underneath those layers, making it difficult at times to move and breathe.
I try to keep my complaints to myself because I don't want to sound ungrateful for my blessings but I long for the day when I can wear what I want, not what a European fashion magazine dictates. The day I don't have to wear gloves and a hat and carry a parasol with me every time I'm in public will be a great day indeed.
"Miss Isabella, what has you so perplexed this morning?" Alice asks.
I smile at my new friend through the mirror before me. "Oh, nothing. I'm just daydreaming of a time when I'll never have to wear one of these confounded contraptions again," I say, tugging the corset higher upon my breasts.
Alice giggles sweetly, humoring me as she tightens the laces at my lower back.
I've become very fond of Alice and I'm thrilled she'll be my personal handmaid after I marry Carlisle, but she doesn't understand. She has no idea how a layer of the real me is hidden, with each pull of the lacings. She can't possibly see how this one undergarment not only changes my body, but also changes my spirit; squeezing and tightening until there's almost nothing natural about me anymore.
No one sees the real me. No one except for him.
Everyone here calls him Mr. Masen, but I'm the only one who gets to call him Edward, just like he's the only one to ever call me Bella.
These past two weeks at Cullen Manor have been the most exciting of my life, thanks to Edward. Ever since my first night here, he's done nothing but flood my thoughts and dreams, especially after I caught him staring at me while I was being undressed. Normally, I would've screamed bloody murder in that situation but there's just something . . . different about Edward. Of course, he's extremely handsome, but he's also kind and a hard worker. What kept me quiet that night, though, was the way he looked at me. No man had ever looked at me that way, not even the man I'm supposed to marry. Edward's gaze made me feel beautiful and desired and I instantly became addicted to his eyes on me.
"Okay, Miss Isabella, you're all dressed!" Alice declares as she spins me around, making sure everything is perfect. "You look a bit flushed. Dreaming about your wedding night?" she teases.
She means well, but her words make my stomach turn, as guilt floods my body.
Alice grabs my dirty linens and leaves me in the room alone, and I'm thankful for the few minutes of privacy.
I know what Edward and I are doing is wrong. Passing notes to each other and secretly meeting in various locations just to be alone with one another for a few minutes is not something an engaged woman should do, especially when the man she's meeting with works for her fiance'. I just can't seem to stop myself. I need him like I need my next breath.
Technically, we've done nothing immoral—meaning our relationship isn't physical other than the brief touching of our hands. But, I can't deny that Edward's the one I dream about every night. I want to be physical with him; I want everything with him.
I make my way to the dining room for breakfast, sitting down just as Carlisle is finishing his coffee.
"Good morning, Isabella. Sleep well?"
"Yes, I did, thank you. And yourself?"
"Fine, just fine. Do you have any plans today?" he asks.
"Not really. I thought I might take a walk around the grounds. The weather has been lovely, and it'd be nice to get some fresh air. Maybe I'll pick some flowers for the house."
What a pair we make! We're to be married in two weeks and we can barely hold a conversation, but I'm hopeful that we'll eventually find a common ground that will sustain us throughout our marriage.
I sense Edward's presence before I see him, which allows me to force the features on my face to remain neutral as he walks up to Carlisle's chair.
"Mr. Masen, Isabella would like to take a walk around the grounds today. I'd feel much better if you'd escort her. I know I can trust you to keep my future wife safe."
Only I notice the slight widening of Edward's eyes before he nods his head and calmly replies, "Yes, Mr. Cullen."
"Excellent! I'll be at my office in the city all day but I should be home in time for dinner. Isabella, have a wonderful day and Mr. Masen, take care of my girl." Carlisle pats Edward's shoulder twice before walking out of the room, leaving one of the maids to clear his dishes.
As soon as the room empties and it's just the two of us, the air gets impossibly thick. I'm still in shock that not only do we get to spend the afternoon together alone, but also it's with Carlisle's blessing. Hearing Edward's voice brings me out of my musings.
"What time would you like to go for your walk, Miss Isabella?"
"I can be ready in five minutes."
He smiles briefly before stating, "I'll be waiting for you at the back door."
Moments later, Edward and I are walking, talking about the weather and any other boring topic we can come up with just to keep up the appearance of being proper. As we start on a trail that leads into a thickly wooded area, our pace slows and we finally can speak freely.
It's exhilarating, especially when Edward takes my hand in his.
I'm caught off guard when Edward blurts out, "Bella, why are you marrying him?"
Of course, we've never discussed this—there's never been enough time—but I still wasn't prepared for his question. Edward deserves my honest answer, so I give it to him.
"It's my duty."
"I need more of an answer than that. Why him?"
"Edward, I'm the second of three daughters. My older sister, Angela, is married and my younger sister will be married next month. You don't understand the embarrassment it causes my family and me to be the last one left. I'm twenty years old. In our society, I should already be married with one child, at the very least. I'm lucky that Carlisle is settling for me at all."
He turns to me, then, eyes full of rage. "You say he's 'settling' for you and that you are the lucky one? Surely, you can't be serious!"
"I've always been the plain one, quiet and reserved, with only my ambition to speak of. Angela is the sweet one, Jessica is the pretty one, and I'm the dreamer. Carlisle is one of the wealthiest men in the country and I know he'll provide for me and any children we may have. It's the best I can hope for." Tears threaten to fall as I whisper those last words, not being able to look Edward in the eyes.
Suddenly, my back is against a large oak tree and Edward's body is pressed against mine, one hand cradling the back of my head while the other wraps around the back of my neck.
"You are not plain; you're exquisite! You're the one settling, not him. He has no idea what he has and he doesn't deserve you."
"Do you deserve me?"
"No, I don't." His face is so close to mine, his eyes piercing mine as he looks at me through his lashes. "You're too good for me and I'll never be able to take care of you financially like Mr. Cullen can but I would love you with more passion than all of Shakespeare's plays—love you until my dying breath, if you'd let me."
A/Ns:
So, there's a look into Bella's POV and I do believe she's going to have a decision on her hands! I doubt she ever imagined herself in this sort of predicament, seeing as though she agreed to marry Carlisle out of necessity and last resort. What will she do?
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