AN: I know, I know, it's late again. But considering as of ten minutes ago I wasn't planning to update today, I don't want to hear it. Also, I only just finished writing, so no proof. I'll go back over later, please forgive horrible writing mistakes.

LXXIII.

Ben stirred at the rattle of the medic van door opening then softly thwacking shut. He glanced his father climbing into the small space, fixed his gaze on Jimmy, the other boy's hand limp in his own. Tom took a stance close to Ben's shoulder, examined Jimmy in silence.

"I'm sorry for earlier," Tom said, after several seconds passed.

"Which earlier?" Ben wondered, though he doubted Tom felt need to be apologetic for the 'earlier' Ben really cared about.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you, about the hunting," Tom explained, cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably, "Not that I'm saying I agree with it, I just…realize now that…it wasn't a good time."

"No, it wasn't," Ben agreed. He finally looked up at his father, straightening slightly in the chair and swallowing down his turbulent emotions. He wanted to feel angry but all he felt was sad, he wanted to hate his father, yet all he could do was hate the circumstances that led them to that moment, sitting in that van, only inches between them and still unable to reach one other.

Tom met Ben's eyes, their expressions the same, drenched in melancholy. There wasn't even an ounce of apology in Tom's features, not as far as Ben could see, all that stood there was man afraid of losing hold on his son. Jimmy lay not two feet in front of them, fading from the world, slipping from existence, and Tom still couldn't see him. The only thing Tom cared about in that room was gaining back his son's affection, meanwhile ignoring the one thing that could ever make that happen.

"What did Dr. Glass say?" Tom prompted, clearing his throat, and darting a few anxious looks Jimmy's direction. Remembering, it seemed, that the other boy should be their reason for being there.

"Not much," Ben said, slumping in his seat and biting back fresh tears, "She doesn't need to say much. I can tell, she doesn't think he's going to make it."

A small sob shuddered involuntarily through Ben.

"I should be the one lying here."

"Don't think like that," Tom quietly remanded, "You can't blame yourself for this."

"I was the one who wanted to go out there looking for fights. Jimmy didn't want to do it, not really," Ben said, leaning forward and gripping Jimmy's hand between his palms, absently brushing kisses across Jimmy's fingertips, "He only came because…because he didn't want me out there alone. I put him in the position to get hurt. This is my fault."

"Ben," Tom said, but faltered. He couldn't figure out where to go from there, what words of comfort to offer. Nothing he said would mean much to Ben. Tom didn't care about Jimmy so his words were worthless, empty sentiments.

"I wish I could switch places with him," Ben whispered, turned his eyes up on his father once more, "I would give anything, make deals with whatever devil, to change places with him."

Tom pressed his lips together into a fine line, tipped his head down and folded his arms over his chest, perplexed.

"I know, son," Tom said, after a moment's deliberation.

Jimmy gasped on the bed. He seized, his breath coming in sharp and fast. Ben squirmed in his seat, squeezing Jimmy's hand and soothingly brushing the hair from Jimmy's forehead until the boy calmed again. Dr. Glass wouldn't spare anymore precious painkillers on Jimmy and the meaning was clear to Ben. It's not wise to waste resources on a dead boy.

"It worried me, is all," Tom murmured, closed his eyes and wiped a hand over his face, "Earlier. I was thinking of you out there, it reminded me how easy it would be for me to lose one of you boys and I…I lost my head a moment."

Ben said nothing. Tom took a step back and shrugged, tipped his chin down to study the floor. He looked slight abashed. Either he realized the mistake in his words, or saw that his sentiment wasn't getting through. It didn't matter which, Ben couldn't find the words to kick his father out.

"I suddenly glimpsed how far away we'd gotten from each other. Ever since I left there's been this gap growing between us, and I don't know how to begin closing it. I don't know where you are anymore, what you're doing," Tom continued, trailed off, turning thoughts over in his head before carefully adding, "Who you're with."

"Do we have to talk about this right here? Right now?" Ben demanded.

"I think that we should," Tom quietly said.

Ben grit his teeth, shook his head, "If you were really honest with yourself, dad, you'd realize we weren't that close to begin with."

"That's your anger talking, son."

"No that's reality," Ben snapped, turning on his father, "All my life I've been the weak son that you needed to take care of, but you've never really seen me, dad, you've never really known who I am. How can you talk about a time when you knew where I was, what I was doing, when you've never known me?"

"I don't know how to answer that," Tom said, "I'm sorry that you believe that's how things were before."

"I know it was," Ben muttered.

"Ben, please listen…"

"No. Why should I listen to you, when you have never listened to anything I have ever had to say?" Ben dropped his voice into a low growl, "You know, as it turns out, you're the weak one, dad. You're so weak that you can't face the truth. You still want to cling to this delusion you have that you can protect me. Protect me from the people in camp, from the aliens, from this boy lying right here in front of you that you can't even look at, this boy whose only real crime was that he trusted me, but you don't get it, do you? I am the monster that you are trying so hard to protect me from and you need to stop and start protecting people from me."

Tom closed his eyes, and sucked in a long breath, let it out slow.

"I don't know what else to do," Tom whispered, turned, and left.

…

Light dimmed on the horizon. There was no sun, but regardless it was setting. The air was growing cold, although Jimmy couldn't really feel it, he sensed it.

"Are you afraid at all?" Kelsey wondered. She sat at the edge of the water again. Jimmy was sure she'd given up on him.

"No."

"Not even a little bit?" Kelsey prodded.

"What's there to be afraid of?" Jimmy asked, "Once I'm dead, there won't be anything else. Nothing else can happen to me. All that left is eternity, right?"

"Unless there isn't."

"Even better," Jimmy turned his attention skyward. Overhead was a polished slate gray. He noted, "This is such a strange place."

"It isn't a place," Kelsey absently remarked.

"My imagination. Right," Jimmy muttered.

"It's not a place because it's a map," Kelsey said.

Jimmy frowned at that, a strange pulsating thrumming in his chest. He glanced around, tried to understand what she meant. If the surrounding area were a map of some kind, he didn't see what it could be a map of. All he saw was the sprawling ocean of liquid silver, and the rolling hills of green. A whole lot of nothing stretching into oblivion.

"Map of what?" he prompted.

"The world," Kelsey responded.

"What world?"

"Your world," Kelsey easily answered.

Jimmy took a long look at the area again, searching for a familiar landmark, or some distinguishing characteristic of the landscape that would remind him firmly of home. If it were possible, the area felt increasingly alien the more he scoured for something, anything, recognizable. He glanced at the bushy haired girl next to him. He couldn't feel his heart, he couldn't feel any part of himself, but he was aware of it hammering away in his chest.

"If you weren't really Kelsey, who would you be?" Jimmy questioned.

Kelsey wrinkled her brow. She set herself back on her palms and stared at Jimmy sidelong.

"Now there's an interesting question. If I weren't Kelsey, who could I be. I could be anyone. No one. I could even be a representation of you," Kelsey teased, grinning lopsided, and noting, "Your inner woman, desperate to come out and put on a dress. I think Ben would like that."

Jimmy ignored the jab, glared out at the horizon, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

"The others, you, Ben, Rick, Roman, all of you have been talking about a signal. Is that the signal I'm supposed to be listening for?"

Kelsey pursed her lips, smiled coyly.

"Why would I be listening for a signal that only kids who were harnessed have ever heard? It's something to do with the aliens, right? They're trying to send out a message to the kids that had their harness removed, trying to control them," Jimmy said, "So why the hell should I be able to hear it? The aliens don't even know I exist. They don't care about me."

"What makes you think that the signal is for the unharnessed kids?" Kelsey wondered.

"Ben's blackouts. His rages. They have to do with the signal," Jimmy explained.

"You're sure about that?"

"What else could it be?" Jimmy challenged.

…

Jeanne climbed the steps of the medic van, and Ben watched her enter, brow raised in surprise. Her eyes passed over him, lingered on his hand clutching Jimmy's own. She smiled slightly.

"Sitting vigil," she said.

"Why are you here?" Ben asked, carefully letting go of Jimmy's hand and leaning back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. Jeanne gestured to Jimmy, coming to stand at his bedside, her gaze sweeping over the unconscious boy.

"I heard what happened, wanted to pay him a visit," she explained softly. Her features were drawn, mouth pursed into a straight line, eyes narrowed as she studied Jimmy's bandages.

"I wasn't aware you knew each other," Ben said.

Jeanne smirked, "I wasn't aware he had a friend. Considering how often I saw him alone around camp, he didn't seem to have anyone. I guess that explains why he was so hesitant when I asked him to join us."

Ben straightened, eyed Jeanne warily.

"Join you?" he prodded.

"Yeah. Diego, me, and the others. When we left, I asked him if he would come with us," Jeanne said. She cleared her throat, dropped her eyes as though ashamed, "It's dangerous for kids like him in units like this. No one looking out for him, not really, no family and few kids his own age in the same predicament. People are nice enough, I'm sure, but at the end of the day they care more about themselves and their own than some lost orphan. He didn't answer me, though. I thought it was his loyalty to my dad."

Ben sat silent a long time, staring somberly at Jimmy and mulling over Jeanne's words. Jimmy never mentioned her offer, but Ben knew being alone was hard on the other boy sometimes. To say no one looked out for Jimmy, on the other hand, felt like a backhanded slap to the face. Jimmy did make an effort not to rely on too many people, isolating himself as much as he could, trying to unburden the group. Ben frowned, maybe Jimmy hadn't said anything because he was seriously considering taking Jeanne's offer, but that didn't seem characteristic. Jeanne and Diego's group weren't interested in fighting the aliens, they wanted to hide.

"It was his loyalty to the war," Ben finally determined.

Jeanne glanced curiously at Ben.

"He's committed to the fight," Ben explained, "He wants to see this war to its end, or his end, whichever. He wouldn't leave with you unless you could promise him a better chance to kill aliens than your father has, and you can't."

"Martyr to the cause?" Jeanne mused.

"No. He doesn't see it like that," Ben said, sighed, "He just doesn't see his life as having much value. He thinks it's his punishment."

"Punishment?" Jeanne turned to gape at Ben.

Ben took a deep breath and leaned over his knees. He ran a hand over his face, knocked away the weariness etched there. A weighed bore down on his shoulders, drove him into the ground, and he didn't think he could shake it off or have the strength to lift himself back up.

"Let's just say he has reasons to want death," Ben whispered, slumped, and silently replayed the moments before the hunt. Jimmy had finally decided he had a better reason to want life.

"Kid's tough on himself," Jeanne said.

"You have no idea," Ben muttered.

…

"The way I figure it," Jimmy started, staring at Kelsey, noting that she didn't really seem solid, nothing in that world did, or maybe it was solid before, and it was becoming less so, "If this were just me imagining things, then you wouldn't even be here."

Kelsey stretched, smiled.

"I would imagine someone that meant more to me, like my family, or friends, or…" Jimmy faltered, and Kelsey rolled her eyes.

"Or Ben," she teased.

"Shut up."

"Tetchy," Kelsey stood and walked towards the waters edged, leaned over it as though looking for its bottom, "I agree. Even you're not so masochistic as to think of me in your dying moments."

"Which means either you are…well, you," Jimmy continued, "Or you're someone…something…that sent a vision of Kelsey to me."

Kelsey laughed, "Is that it?"

"It's all I've got so far, yeah."

"You'd better hurry up if you plan on figuring out all the answers now. You don't have much time left."

…

It wasn't long after Jeanne left that Matt entered. He paused on the steps of the medic van, so that he could see Ben but not Jimmy. Ben merely glanced at Matt, kept his attention focused on Jimmy.

"You can't see anything," Ben said.

Matt hesitated only a moment then finished climbing the steps. He went to stand at Ben's shoulder, stared blank at Jimmy. For a long time the boys were quiet. Ben could sense his brother, as if he were the only thing that felt real in the room. Ben himself, Jimmy lying on the bed, everything around them, it was all just a dream and somewhere they lay sleeping together, tangled up in one another, sharing it.

"What did it look like? Before they took it?" Matt quietly wondered.

Ben shook his head, didn't answer.

"What happens if he dies?" Matt asked.

Ben leaned forward on his knees and put his head in his hands.

"Sorry," Matt murmured, placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, said uncertainly, "It'll be okay."

"I don't know if it will," Ben admitted, closed his eyes and focused on breathing, listened to Jimmy breathing, tried to keep locked on that one sound like a whispered message of hope. Matt fidgeted beside Ben, and Ben swallowed back the tears forming, took a steadying breath.

"I do," Matt whispered, "Because it has to be. Things are always okay in the end. That's what mom used to say, right? We have to believe everything will turn out okay, otherwise, what else is there?"

"Yeah," Ben sniffled, leaned back and fixed his brother with a hard look, "Except mom is dead and nothing she ever said means anything anymore."

Matt lowered his eyes.

"And if he dies," Ben mumbled, voice trembling under the weight of his emotions, "Nothing in the world means anything anymore."

"He won't die," Matt said decidedly.

Ben hung his head again, reached out a hand for Jimmy's, and smiled thinly at the floor, "What makes you so sure of that?"

"Because he's Jimmy," Matt explained.

"That's never really kept him safe before," Ben said.

"No. But he gets out of bad things like this all the time," Matt continued, "And it wouldn't be fair, either. A lot of bad things have happened, but it's been worse for you than anyone else. You being with Jimmy kind of made things even, I think, and if you lose him, it won't be fair."

"World doesn't operate on fair," Ben muttered.

"Maybe not. But there's more than one way to kill a person. Even if he goes away, he won't die. You'll still have him. Like mom. She's gone, but she's not dead. We still remember her, and think about her, and talk about her, and everything she taught us, we still remember and use."

"It's not the same thing," Ben sighed.

"Everyone goes away, eventually. Doesn't mean they die. They're only dead if we forget about them, and stop missing them," Matt argued, glared down at Ben and set his jaw, "And you won't ever forget him, even he does go."

"No, I won't," Ben agreed.

"And you'll figure out a way to be with him again," Matt determined.

Ben swiped away tears that had cascaded unbidden down his cheeks and looked up at Matt, startled by the obvious meaning in his younger brother's words. Matt shrugged, glanced away. His eyes were rimmed in red, but his face was dry.

"It's okay if you choose him over us," Matt said, his voice shaky, "I won't be mad at you. Hal and dad might…but I won't."

Ben looked back to Jimmy. The other boy didn't stir, and his stillness struck Ben, a disorienting pain. What happens if he never wakes up? What happens if he leaves? Ben leaned close to Jimmy, brushed the hair from Jimmy's face and smoothed away the wrinkles at the corners of his face, a grimace. Ben glanced back up at his brother, features softened.

"Thank you," he said.

…

The world, or map, whatever, was getting darker, it's landscape morphing. Flatness gone, hills rose up and rolled away into the distance, woodland – not trees but something else, something different and strange and entirely alien, stretching up into the sky. The silver water surface bent and gave way to islands, little dots of black and blue and red rock.

"I thought about dying a lot," Jimmy confessed, "Before the aliens came. And after, of course, but you know, everyone was thinking about dying because it was all around and it could happen at any minute. Sort of inevitable that I'm dying right now, right. I used to wonder what it would be like to die. Would it hurt? Would there be something on the other side?"

"Suicidal," Kelsey surmised.

"No. Not really," Jimmy said, "I never really started thinking about taking my own life until after the aliens came. I just thought about dying. I wondered if it would be nicer to be dead."

"Nicer than what?"

"Than where I was at, living life, my family, school, just everything in general."

"Okay. So you've always been a depressing loser," Kelsey jeered.

Jimmy sighed, "You weren't much better, though, were you?"

"You think I wanted to die?" Kelsey quipped.

"What other reason would you have for wanting to go out to that alien structure against 2nd Mass orders? Then taking off on your own the way that you did?" Jimmy replied, examined Kelsey's reaction. She put her hands on her hips, stared out at the ocean with a heavy expression.

"It's getting late," Kelsey mumbled, made a face at Jimmy, "Soon it'll be too late."

"You're talking about the signal again," Jimmy easily realized, "Let it go. Even if I could hear it, I wouldn't listen to it. It's from the aliens."

"And none of that matters to you anymore, because you're ready to go," Kelsey concluded.

Jimmy said nothing, stared out at the horizon.

…

The door opened and thwacked shut, Anthony climbing up the stairs. He glanced at Matt, who'd taken to sitting on a cot nearby, watching over his brother as his brother watched over Jimmy. Ben didn't stir; he was tired of acknowledging the visitors. Part of him wished they'd stop coming and just leave him alone with Jimmy. He had laid his head down, cheek resting Jimmy's side, eyes locked on Jimmy's face, hand clenching Jimmy's own. Ben wanted to stay there, in that exact moment, for the rest of eternity if it meant that he never had to let Jimmy go, but everyone kept interrupting.

"How's he doing?" Anthony asked, kept his voice respectfully somber.

Ben didn't answer. Matt glanced concernedly at his brother, straightened and took over the conversation.

"Dr. Glass said he's stable right now, but she doesn't know."

Anthony nodded, slowly wandered close to Jimmy's bedside. He placed a hand on the boy's forehead for a second, pulled away and sighed. He looked to Ben.

"You alright?" he asked.

Ben glanced darkly up at Anthony, resettled himself deeper against Jimmy, closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk to any more people.

"He's not good," Matt answered, frowned a little, "But he'll be okay."

"Okay," Anthony conceded, dropped his attention to Jimmy again, and said in a low voice, "A lot of people are counting on you to pull through, kid. You stay with us, alright? Losing you, it would hurt a lot of people. The captain, Dai, Maggie, Hal, me…these boys here, you understand? You got to fight, kid, because your unit needs you."

Anthony straightened, cleared his throat, wiped at his eyes, and looked to Ben.

"I know it's hard right now to think positive, but I learned a long time ago not to bet against Jimmy. He's one tough, and he knows how to survive," Anthony said.

Ben squeezed Jimmy's hand, nodded slightly but said nothing.

Anthony looked at Matt, "Hold down the fort, huh?"

"I will," Matt agreed, and Anthony strode from the room.

…

It was hard to hold a thought. The world, map, who knew – who cared, was hard to see straight anymore. There was pain but it felt distant. Kelsey spoke, but Jimmy couldn't make sense of her words.

"I guess this is it," Jimmy realized, his chest felt heavy and his vision blurred. He thought momentarily of everyone back at the 2nd Mass, "They'll be okay."

"Probably," Kelsey agreed.

Ben flashed into the forefront of Jimmy's mind. Every moment, every second, every touch, look, words spoken and left unspoken, beating through Jimmy's thoughts.

I love you.

"He'll be okay," Jimmy decided.

"Probably not," Kelsey muttered.

Inky black seeped into Jimmy's vision until he could see and sense no more. Only pain registered. And somewhere in the distance, buzzing in the back of his skull, was a far off ringing, a crackling sound like thunder.

…

Minutes turned into hours, and hours passed endless, until Ben lost awareness of whether it was day or night, and how much time had gone by. At some point, he knew Matt left mentioning something about dinner. He said he'd bring back food, and maybe he did, but Ben wasn't sure. The medic van faded to the back of Ben's mind, the world beyond didn't even exist, all that remained was a boy, laying on a bed, still and silent as death.

Ben wrinkled his brow, realization striking his heart like finely pointed nail. He brought in a slow, steady breath. Body trembling, calming himself, trying to listen, trying not to let his fears cloud reality. He stood, lowered his ear close to Jimmy's mouth, tears gathering in his eyes, a lump forming in his throat.

"No," he whispered, "No, no…"

Taking another breath and another, he barked command his mind, stand, walk. In the front of the medic van, Dr. Glass sat talking quietly with Tom. They both froze at Ben's entrance, eyes on him, their faces reflections of his own.

"Jimmy's not breathing."

.

.

.

AN: And don't kill me.

There's about three more chapters left. So, you know, all I ask is you stick with me through those chapters before tossing your hands in the air and give up on the story. Actually, I'm wrong, I think there's only two chapters left. I kind of wanted to draw this out, have more members of the 2nd Mass paying Jimmy a visit, but I didn't think it befitting of their characters. I know Weaver couldn't continue his leader role if he stopped by the van, Maggie would lose her tough-girl exterior for a minute, Hal probably understands that Ben needs the time alone with Jimmy, Dai wouldn't think it necessary, Anthony kind of just swung by to get a status update for everyone. That, and Dr. G is probably keeping people clear of the van, give Ben time with Jimmy too. I don't know. Also, big thing to look forward to, next part of the story we will be seeing Ryan! Yay, I know some people have been very (im)patiently awaiting his intro to Fire Light.

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought.

Reviewers: NOxONE, bwaahahaha, I know, I'm evil. Just keep telling yourself, 3 chapters, 3 chapters, and then you can decide how much you want to hate me. Glad you liked the chat with Kelsey, cause this chapter had more to it. It definitely is setting the tone for the entire next part of the story though, bear that in mind. LuckyDreamer91, well, I hope you're feeling better. Yay, brownies! I ate a brownie for breakfast, actually, so maybe not. Yes, I love sweets, what can I say. I plan to make Hal a better brother than he was in the show, but Ben's also got Matt too, see. Chapter's slightly longer. When the semesters over, hopefully, I can get a lot more writing done. I may have just cursed myself. Eh, we'll see. Dee, yup, the chapter was really meant to be confusing. Things are going to get a little more confused too, because we're moving into more of what's going on with Jimmy and Ben and that whole signal in the distance that's been with us since chapter 1. Kelsey was really just voicing all of Jimmy's fears, trying to get him to face how absurd they were, but he didn't register. She (and I'm not saying it's actually Kelsey) kind of has a big reason to not want Jimmy to give up. Of course, that reason isn't necessarily going to be a good one, but it will be pretty much encompass the entire plotline for the next part of the story. Not much to say, really, besides I kind of hope I make you cry. My, that sounds terrible, but...you know, I want to pull at your heartstrings and junk.

Off I go to do school work and help my father move. See you guys, probably next Sunday. Except maybe not...shit, I have to write three papers this coming week. I will have absolutely no time to write the next chapter for this story. Um...yeah, probably not going to be an update next week. Then the following week I'll try to finish writing the last chapters for this part, and start writing the first chapter of the next part, and possibly try and post them all on the 8th of December. Yup, that's my plan. So, yeah, no update next week, and then three chapters on Sunday of the following week.