Dangerous Journey

Disclaimer: Don't own iCarly

A/N:

Chapter 22 (Reunited: A New Journey)

Her long blond hair flowed gently in the breeze of the wind, her trembling hands clenched tight and her heart pounded like drums of war within her. "Do you want me to go in with you?" Freddie's voice beckoned to calm the storm within.

She turned around, seeing him watching over her with a concerned look. Behind him stood her mother and sister, both clutching their purses and gazing on protectively. "No," Sam answered with a heavy breath, "I have to do this myself."

David had shown her that there existed a grey area everywhere. There were evil men and women out there, but the ones that were truly vile without a hint of humanity were far and few.

As she was led inside the prison, every muscle in her body was tense, and every impulse she had told her to turn and run. Still, she followed the guard in front of her and kept practicing her deep breathing to keep her calm.

The guard led her into a room with a bulletproof glass window positioned on a small desk-like countertop that had two walls on each end. There was a red phone on the wall to the right, on either end. As she took her seat in the cold metal chair, she peered across the glass and felt her heart stop for a moment.

There he sat, much older and frailer than she remembered him. He'd lost the hair atop his head and had a grey goatee. His eyes were a pale blue, creating an ocean of the moisture glistening from them.

She reached for the phone, her fingers trembling on the surface. Her breathing grew shallow and flashes of the ancient memories struck her cold. The man positioned a hand on the glass and picked up his phone with his other hand. Sam furrowed her brow, watching the tears drip down his face.

Boldly she picked up her receiver. "Sammy," spoke the man. His voice quaked and was full of pain. It was hoarse and weak. "Little Sammy, you've grown into a beautiful young woman…" Tears welled up in her eyes and she drew in a trembling breath. "Why…I never thought I'd see your face again."

She was impressed he didn't mistake her for Melanie, but then when prisoners were told they had a visitor, they were told the name. "Dad." Her voice broke and she closed her eyes. "I had to come, I had to see you. I had to know what kind of man you were, I had to know if the man in my nightmares was who you were…"

He pulled his hand away and raised it over his face, his body trembling and voice shattering. "It's not. That's not who I was."

"They said the murder was premeditated. Why did they say it was premeditated?"

"I made a mistake Sammy. You were too young to understand back then." She sniffled and looked away, unsure if she wanted the explanation. Looking back, she saw the pain in his eyes and nodded, remembering what David had once told her. "That woman was more than a prostitute. I-I had been arguing with your mother, so I went out one night and met that woman. We had an affair…"

"You cheated on mom because of a fight? How long did that last? If that woman wasn't a prostitute, why did they say she was?"

"Because she was. I paid for services the first three times." The man shook his head and sighed heavily. His shoulders fell and he leaned his head forward, sliding his hand over his balding head. "After that, I didn't. I had to end it though, and I told her it was over…but she wouldn't let go."

"Hard to let go when you're in her situation, I guess." She could picture it, a prostitute getting into a relationship with a married man that had a good amount of money. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "What happened then?" There was truth in his eyes, honesty in his voice.

It was a perspective she'd never considered, something she'd never truly thought about. "She threatened to tell my wife, but I already told Pam. She threatened to 'send her john' on me." Back in that day it was worse than it was now, society automatically gave women the benefit of the doubt in these matters, so it wouldn't be surprising that claims of stalking and harassment would fall short. "But I too became angry and frustrated, I wanted her to leave me alone. Leave my family alone."

"Where's the premeditated part?"

"I lost it in a conversation with her once." Anger was always her father's greatest vice. He was never abusive, but he had a temper that could be like a bomb once set off. Sam cupped her hand over her lower face and started to shake. "I=I told her she'd regret it if she didn't leave me or my family alone."

"Oh dad…"

"Then a week later she showed up." She shut her eyes, remembering the night. It was horrifying, so much she hid in the closet. She could remember the yelling like it was yesterday, her father threatening the woman and demanding she leave the house; but the woman was yelling just as ferociously. The woman threatened him just as much, said she'd kill his wife for him if it meant he would stay with her.

In his anger, he gunned her down. "I was full of anger, full of rage." Then he noticed Sam was there, scared and alone. He hadn't calmed down yet and yelled at her, telling her to stop crying and that she shouldn't mention this to anybody. "I said things I know I shouldn't have, things that have haunted me for years…I never meant to scare you, never meant to frighten you. I-I was trying to protect you, trying to protect my family, but my anger…"

"I remember. I remember trying so hard not to let myself cry while you cleaned up that mess." She started to tremble, her heart breaking as she recalled the memory at it's fullest, like the pieces of a puzzle coming together. "It changed me, made me a difficult person to be around. I just…I can't tell you how messed up that whole thing made me."

"I know, and I wish I could go back. I wish things could be different." The man wept, dropping his forearm to the counter. "I can't. I won't talk about change either, I won't ask you to forgive me."

"I do…" She took a deep breath and her father froze, looking as though his very next breath would shatter him to pieces like glass. "I forgive you, and I'm going to move on with my life." She pressed her lips together and slowly wiped the tears from her eyes with her thumb. "I won't focus on the past anymore."

She remembered the prostitute. The police and investigators ignored that the woman broke into the home. They ignored the fact that the woman grabbed a kitchen knife, and that her father had been in the shower at the time. Her mother had been out shopping with Melanie, Sam had been asleep in her bed.

Sam herself remembered how the woman slid into her bedroom with the knife in hand. She could recall fleeing from the bed, screaming as she ran into her father's room and hid in the closet.

These were memories that she'd locked away, never wanted to think about. Her dad was only trying to protect, and his anger created the image of a monster within seconds.

"Thank you, Dad." Her father's eyes widened and he moved his hand to the glass. "For trying to protect your daughter. I'm sorry…" She whimpered and rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry the investigators and police didn't pay more attention. I'm sorry they focused only on your mistake, the affair."

"I love you, Sammy. Always have." His words crushed her, broke her heart to pieces. She knew by the time he'd be up for parole, she'd be much older. Regardless of circumstance, he was still her father.

"Dad, I've got a boyfriend now." He smiled gently and gazed at her with eagerness and interest. "I'm thinking of a career in criminal justice. Maybe as a criminologist. I'm not sure exactly where I want to go, but at least I have an idea."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"I'm thankful. Thankful for my friends, thankful for those around me…I don't know, without them I think I'd be a different person today." She leaned her shoulder against the wall, gazing at her father and laughing through her tears. "My best friend's sister had been missing for years. I-I helped reunite them." Her father raised his eyebrows and flashed a grin.

"Really? That's amazing. How'd that come about?"

"Oh, it's a long story. I'll have to tell you all about it sometime." They were almost out of time. She felt a sense of closure that she'd been longing for, and felt more confident that maybe she and her father could have a genuine connection.

Indeed David had been right, the grey area was far different than she could ever have fathomed. "I'd be very interested to hear it," he said with a tender smile. "I hope you've had a good time throughout your school years."

"I have. One day, if I ever can, I should show you iCarly."

"iCarly?"

"Yeah, that's this webshow that my best friend, my boyfriend and I were all involved in. Saved my life, I think. I think Carly and I are even." She chuckled and raised her head up. She still had trust issues, but at the very least, this was a good place to start working on what was broken between the two of them. "I think I'll be back to see you…"

"I'll look forward to those visits from you."

"Goodbye for now." She put her hand to the glass where his was on the other side. As the tears ran down her face, she watched the stream of rivers down his. She gasped softly as he slowly nodded his head.

"Goodbye for now."

Leaving the prison, she recalled a memory far more ancient than her last memory of him. She was a young girl, four or five at the time, playing with a doll while sitting on a park bench with her father. He had one arm around her shoulders and threw bread crumbs to the birds in the park while sharing with her a story from his childhood.

She could recall cookouts where he would prepare hamburgers on the grill. Happier times long forgotten, memories erased by one single instance where his anger and desire to protect his family due to a mistake he made created a violent concoction.

Perhaps now was the time to lay to rest the past and focus on the future. Carly and her family were doing just that, Holly and Tori were going to work on it; so Sam knew in her heart she could do the same. It was time. Where one door closed, one journey ends, another opens and a new journey begins. Now she could step forward with a stronger sense of confidence in her heart. Things would be okay.'

I hope you enjoyed this. Thank you for those who were patient, those who made it through. Tell me your thoughts of this chapter. I've enjoyed writing it and bringing it to you.