AN: Here you go! A little more to our story. This one is a Merle/Andrea chapter.
In other news, we have hit 150 chapters…wow. We don't have too terribly much left to go in this one though…so I doubt we'll make it to the next 50 mark. (Although every time I think it's close, I make a liar out of myself…)
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111
Merle stood in the hallway and waited for Michonne to come out of Andrea's room. She'd gone before him, more or less paving the way, so that she could speak to the doctors and nurses and anyone else who had important information to give because Merle didn't feel like he was in any condition to comprehend it all, even if he could understand all of their chatter.
Merle felt like he'd just taken a quick trip to hell and back. Daryl was off wherever they had Carol stuck and had been gone for what felt like damn near a day to Merle. He knew from Michonne, who had been running back and forth with reports, that Carol was going to be fine. The baby they didn't know so much about, but apparently they were keeping her drugged up so she didn't try to evict the little alien life form before its time.
But Merle felt like information on Andrea was harder to get. He'd heard she was in surgery so many times that he thought he might never hear anything else…and then they hadn't even come to keep repeating that. Finally, they'd come and said she was in recovery…that she had some trouble when they were waking her up…but she was awake and they'd tell them when she was set up in a room.
And then they'd waited even longer. Now Merle was waiting outside in the hallway and he wondered how long Michonne had been in there, chattering with some doctor that he'd spoken to a few moments before, and coming out to prepare him.
She was going to prepare him, but Merle didn't feel like he could be prepared or even like he knew what he was being prepared for.
When Michonne came out, pulling the door almost closed behind her, Merle looked at her and waited. She didn't look as sad as she had looked earlier, when she was pretending that her eyes weren't leaking tears…and Merle hadn't pointed it out because he was pretending that his own didn't need to be brushed at from time to time.
Michonne put a hand on each of Merle's shoulders and leaned into him, keeping her voice low and her eyes on his…it was probably the longest he'd ever held the woman's gaze.
"She's awake," Michonne said. "She's Andrea…but she's not quite Andrea. She's a little moody and she can't help it. It's the drugs…so try not to be so…"
Michonne hesitated.
"What?" Merle asked.
"Harsh," Michonne responded with some hesitation.
Merle chuckled at the irony of the thought. The last thing he wanted to be right this moment was harsh. Harsh hadn't been a word to describe anything that he'd felt since he'd held down a chair, a little off from Michonne and Tyreese, and waited to find out what was happening to Andrea.
He just shook his head at Michonne, though, hoping that was enough to let her know that he didn't want to do anything that would cause problems.
"She gon' be alright?" Merle asked.
Michonne nodded.
"Her left arm, right now, is bandaged in place so she won't move any of those muscles…but you can touch her and she can move her right if she wants to," Michonne said. "She's going to need rest and she's going to have to recover…but they said she should be fine."
"She hurtin'?" Merle asked.
Michonne shook her head.
"Not right now, I don't think," she said. "I'm sure she doesn't feel great, but the meds will keep it at bay a little."
Merle nodded, not entirely sure he believed her. He wasn't sure in this moment that he would have believed anything they told him.
"Wanta see her," he said, starting to push past Michonne.
"You should," Michonne said. "I'm going to update Daryl…but I'll come back and check on you later."
Merle grunted his thanks, appreciation, and understanding all in the same breath and hoped the woman was capable of figuring out what it meant. He went into the room and saw Andrea in the bed. Michonne had pulled a chair to the side that he was allowed to touch.
Merle sat down in the chair. Andrea looked like she was sleeping, but after a moment her hand moved and went directly for the oxygen tube. Merle reached and caught her hand before she could tug at it.
"Don't pull on ya damn tubes," Merle said, keeping his voice low. He didn't know if she needed it or not, but he knew he wasn't authorized to pull anything off or out of her, so he figured she sure as shit wasn't authorized to do it either.
Merle kept Andrea's hand in his and she opened her eyes, turning them in his direction. They had a neck brace on her, and he assumed that it, much like Michonne had explained about her arm, might be just to keep her from moving anything that might not need to be moved at the moment.
Andrea didn't say anything at first. She just looked at Merle and he looked at her. He wasn't really sure what he should say and he was afraid that anything he tried to say might not come out quite as clearly as it had while he was rehearsing it to himself in the waiting room under the pretext of "if he ever got to say it" that's what he would say.
"I can't move…" Andrea said.
Merle almost chuckled to himself, surprised almost to hear her voice.
"Ya can move some stuff, just not all of it," he said. "Ya do know ya was shot, don't'cha?"
Merle honestly didn't know if something might have happened to affect her memory.
Andrea swallowed, her eyes still turned toward him and he raised up, standing over her so that she didn't have to strain them so much.
"Yeah…" she said. "I think I got that."
She smiled weakly and Merle chuckled again, rolling his eyes at her.
"Ya been shot an' ya tried to fuckin' check out on my ass…an' now ya bein' a smart ass?" Merle asked, smiling at her.
Andrea smiled softly in response.
"Carol?" She asked.
Merle nodded.
"She's just fine, sugah," Merle said. "Just fine…"
"Baby?" Andrea asked.
Merle cleared his throat.
"Just fine too," he said. "They watchin' her…keepin' her all drugged up an' happy."
Andrea smiled at him again, rolling her eyes around and looking around her before she brought them back to rest on him.
"Axel?" She asked.
Merle hadn't realized she would know Axel had been there, but then again he wasn't sure exactly how everything had gone down. They'd heard a story that was pieced together by Rick Grimes speaking through Michonne about what he heard from Axel…but that was a lot of filters for something to get through.
"He's fine," Merle grunted. The truth was he didn't know much about the man. He hadn't been hurt, but he'd shot Ed. He was in custody. That's all the hell they knew. "He's talkin' ta Rick 'bout Ed shootin' ya."
"You gotta get his dog," Andrea said after a moment of silence.
Merle raised an eyebrow at her furrowed brows.
"What?" Merle asked.
Andrea deepened the furrow in her brow.
"You have to get his dog, Merle," Andrea said. "Put her with Linc…she's alone…"
Merle chuckled and shook his head.
"Yeah…alright…I'll tell Michonne ta make sure the lil' rat's alright," Merle said.
He paused a moment, still turning over everything that remained in his head. There was so much that he'd promised God…or whoever had been listening to him…that he'd say when he got the chance, but his tongue was failing him now. Now he couldn't bring himself to say any of it. Now all he could do was stand there and look at her looking at him, her hand caught up in his.
"They gon' put this shit on the news," Merle said. "I asked 'em not ta let 'em put'cha name on it."
Andrea just blinked at him in response.
"They asked me 'bout callin' ya folks an' I told 'em ya didn't wanta talk ta 'em, but if ya want I can call 'em," Merle said.
Andrea closed her eyes for a second.
"No," she said. "I don't want to see them…"
"Didn't figure ya would," Merle said.
He paused a moment, glancing around the room. He wished he knew how the hell to do this stuff, but he'd never been in a position quite like this before and there wasn't any manual about what to say or how to act.
"Michonne…she's here," Merle said. "An' Tyreese is here…well, he went ta check on her girls…but he's been here…an' Daryl's with Carol."
Andrea smiled softly and closed her eyes again for a second before opening them.
"Ya want me ta get'cha someone?" Merle asked.
"No," Andrea said softly. "I don't need to see anyone…not right now."
Merle nodded.
"Ya tired?" He asked.
"Yeah," Andrea said.
Merle didn't know how chatty he should expect her to be, or how long he should talk. He didn't know if he should keep pressing her or just let things die down.
Part of him wanted to talk, though, simply because it felt like he was saying something, even if he couldn't bring himself to say what he wanted to say.
"Ya need somethin'?" He asked. "Anythin'?"
Andrea looked at him a moment.
"My feet are cold," she said.
Merle worried for a moment that there might be something wrong, but Andrea's feet were frequently cold, so that might not be that odd. He let go of her hand and moved the cover enough to slide his hand under there, finding her ankle and running his hand across her foot, squeezing it.
"Gotta get'cha damn socks," Merle said. "It's cold in here anyway."
Merle walked around, to the foot of the bed, and ran both his hands up under the cover, rubbing one foot and then the other with his hands.
He had to remember to tell Michonne that the little rat dog needed to have a slumber party with Lincoln…he was sure she'd be going to the house to check things out anyway. He didn't even know what had happened there, really.
And now he needed to tell her that Andrea needed some socks because her feet would turn into ice blocks without them and he wasn't in the bed for her to run them up the backs of his legs like the bitch normally did when he was trying to sleep.
Merle chuckled to himself and kept his rubbing up until he was sure that he'd at least rubbed her feet to a point where they weren't as frozen as normal. He dropped the blanket over them again and tucked it under her heels.
When he walked back up where he could see her well, her eyes were closed and he guessed that maybe she was trying to take a nap…maybe she needed to sleep after everything that she'd been through.
He sat down in the chair and looked around for a moment, wondering how it was that people passed a lot of time in rooms like this when there was really nothing to do and really nothing he would feel like doing if the activity were available to him.
Merle picked up Andrea's hand and kissed her fingers, letting his lips linger there for just a moment. Then he pulled away from it and held her hand in his, looking at it and studying her fingers laid across his. He had realized, during all the time that he spent waiting, that there were a lot of things that he'd never noticed about her…things that he'd never taken the time to notice…and he couldn't remember, suddenly, if he'd ever looked at her hands before.
He'd seen them, of course, but he wasn't sure if he ever looked at them. Now he was looking at one of them. And he never realized how little her fingers were in comparison to his or how white her hand was next to the somewhat darker shade of his own.
"Andrea…" he said.
But she didn't make any move to look at him and she didn't wiggle her hand at all. She was asleep.
But maybe with her asleep would be the only way that he'd ever say what he wanted to say.
"They told me ya didn't wanta wake up earlier…an' hell…can't say as I can't understand that. This ole world don't always give us good damn reasons ta wake up if we got other damn choices…" Merle hesitated. "An' I know I ain't never give ya no damn reason ta come back…"
Merle glanced at her again, but she wasn't listening to him. She wasn't going to hear what he had to say. She wouldn't really hear it, at least…but maybe she'd just somehow know it, because he wasn't any damn good at saying this shit anyway. But Andrea always seemed to know…whenever he pressed her about it…whether or not he ever got shit out…Andrea just seemed to know.
"I just want'cha ta not be doin' that shit no more…" Merle said. "An' if, sometime, ya in that position again…I don't want'cha ta think I ain't give ya nothin' ta come back to or that I don't want'cha ta come back, 'cause I do."
Merle sighed. Even talking to himself out loud he wasn't getting shit out the way he wanted it to come out. No matter how damn much he wanted it to be like the inside of one of those damn greeting cards, it just wasn't going to work out that way.
"Maybe Daryl's been right…an' I ain't been man enough for it…but just 'cause I don't fuckin' say shit…well that don't mean I don't mean it. I just ain't been real good at sayin' it, but I'm get better…OK? I'ma start tellin' ya things I oughta say sometimes…"
Merle was shocked when Andrea moved her hand out of his suddenly.
"Don't," she said.
Merle looked at her, but her eyes still weren't open. He raised himself up from the chair so that he could look at her better.
"What's wrong?" He asked, worried that he might have done something by tugging on her hand while he talked.
"Don't say it," Andrea said.
She opened her eyes then and looked at him. He frowned at her.
"What'cha mean?" He asked.
Andrea looked at him for a moment and then smiled softly.
"Just don't say it, Merle, OK?" Andrea said. "I don't want you to say it…not now."
"I was just gonna say…" Merle started.
"Don't," Andrea said, cutting him off again.
"Damn it, Andrea," Merle growled, amazed that she was interrupting him when he was trying to tell her things that he hadn't told her…things that he needed to tell her.
She just smiled softly again.
"I don't want you to say it now, Merle," Andrea said. "Because if you say it now, then I'll always think that the only reason you ever said it was because of all this…don't say it…please."
Merle sighed, but he finally nodded at her.
Andrea moved her hand then, going directly for the oxygen tube again. Merle reached and caught her hand, growling at her.
"Ya can't go yankin' ya damn tubes out," Merle growled.
Andrea sighed.
"I really hate it…" she said.
Merle chuckled.
"Hate that shit or not, ya can't go yankin' on shit," Merle said.
When he let go of her hand again, though, she went directly for the tube once more and he caught her hand, chuckling. She was smiling, a little broader than before, her eyes on him.
"Don't make me laugh," she said softly.
"Don't yank on ya fuckin' tubes," Merle repeated.
"Please?" Andrea asked. "I really hate it. I can't breathe."
Merle chuckled softly.
"Shit's ta help ya breath, not stop it," Merle said.
Andrea frowned at him and he sighed.
"I'll go see if I can't find ya fuckin' nurse ta see if ya can take it off," he said. "An' I'ma see if I can't run Michonne down some damn where an' tell her everythin' ya got for her ta do. You one damn bossy bitch."
Andrea smiled softly at him.
"Don't yank on that fuckin' tube 'fore I get back, or I'ma have 'em tie this damn hand down ta match the other sos ya gotta fuckin' pair," Merle said.
"I won't," Andrea said. "Are you coming back?"
Merle frowned at her and leaned over, kissing her lips gently. She responded.
"I'ma be right back, sugah…just goin' ta run ya damn errands," Merle said. "But I ain't leavin'."
Andrea smiled softly at him again.
"Take a nap," Merle said, hoping to make the choking feeling that was seizing up his throat go away. "And don't'cha yank that fuckin' tube no more."
He patted Andrea's hand and then stepped out into the hall hoping that it wouldn't take him too long to hunt down Michonne with his laundry list of demands and it wouldn't take him too long to find a nurse about the tube that Andrea hated, because he didn't really like the idea of leaving her there, alone, for too damn long.