Having had their fill of mocking the foreigners, the insult and profanity-laden conversation of the dungeon guards drifted into bored grumblings. Still lying back-to-back, Hiccup and Astrid had barely moved for half an hour, only now daring to stir. Though subtle and hesitant at first, the need to shift became too great, eventually attracting the attention of the same man that had taunted them earlier, who, incidentally, seemed to be the one in charge.
An irritated sigh was heaved as a bench again scraped across stone, then the muttering and the boot-steps…
"Aw, lookee here," the guard sneered. "The happy couple all cuddled up together. How precious."
When the man stopped beside them, Hiccup felt his wife's body tighten and he took a firm grip on her hand before she could make another, more obvious move.
Not yet, Astrid. Not yet, not yet…
Message received. She slackened, but only slightly.
"You two don't know when to call it quits, do you?" Leather creaked as the man dropped to a crouch, took a handful of the ropes around Hiccup's chest and yanked. "Guess we'll have to fix that."
The young man uttered a stifled noise of distress as he was dragged away from his wife's side. This wasn't supposed to happen. Their lives depended on staying together and working as one.
"How'd you like your own private room, kid?
Astrid was their only chance now. He could only hope…
"Got a nice, cozy cell one level down with your name—"
"AAAAAARGH!"
Much to Hiccup's relief, Astrid announced her freedom in her typical fashion. On the way back down to solid ground, Hiccup felt a breeze as her legs whooshed over him and collided with the startled man.
"AAGH! What in the—you little—"
The rest of the insult was lost in what sounded like a well-aimed punch to the face delivered by a fur-covered fist.
"It's a good thing you're not going to finish that," Astrid snarled.
Hiccup was more than confident that the man wouldn't be finishing anything for quite a while after they'd escaped, especially since he was more than likely to be short a few front teeth.
For the past half hour, he had painstakingly pulled apart the cords around Astrid's wrists, eventually allowing her enough leeway to slip out, reach down to untie her own legs and slip back in, maintaining the ruse of captivity. Now, fingers raw and smarting, his job was to get out of the way and wait for her to clean up a bit.
To the tune of whistling weapons and yelping guards, Hiccup scooted back as far as he could, hoping to avoid being trampled by the melee. All he needed right now was to be crushed under a bulky guard or two, which happened to be dropping like flies at the hands of his wife.
"Whoo!" she panted when at last the room was still, sounding as if she'd just had the time of her life. "That should give us a nice head start."
She then knelt beside him, hauling him upright and pulling the material down from his face. Gasping, Hiccup blinked in the dim light of the single lit torch like it was the noonday sun.
"That was too close," he coughed.
"I would've found you eventually," Astrid replied, holding him close.
"No…I meant you almost took off my head with that kick."
"I did not!" She stuck out her tongue before crawling around him to start on the knots. "You know I would never…ok, maybe I could've waited an extra two seconds or so, but I had to act fast. Seriously, though, are you ok?"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. Just, you know, enjoying the great view and fresh air before we check out of our lovely dungeon suite."
"Huh, this island will definitely be a big 'do not recommend' on my destination list."
"Agreed. The service here is terrible…"
The pair froze suddenly at the distant, but growing clatter of boots echoing through the narrow doorway across the room. There on the outside wall was a mass of shadows, indicating the arrival of another group of problems, another human wall standing between them and their way out. The young Vikings had one stroke of luck on their side, however. The newcomers showed every sign of being blissfully unaware of what had recently taken place just around the corner. Their steps were broad and relaxed, as was their bawdy conversation, their weapons undoubtedly sheathed or tucked away in belts and pouches.
"Ugh, we've got more company."
"Changing of the guard, I bet," Astrid muttered, failing to cover tinge of excitement in her voice. "Ok, time for a change of plans."
"We had a plan? Why wasn't I notified of—whoooa, what're you doing?" he said, finding himself being hefted up and over one of Astrid's metal-plated shoulders. Fortunately for his middle, he was wearing quite a bit of protective padding himself, which proved effective in preventing a stomachache to match the headache he already had. "Wait, hold it, what happened to the 'finish untying me so we can escape' thing?"
One of her arms circled his waist, anchoring him (hopefully) in place.
"This is gonna get a rough," was all she grunted through clenched jaws. "Hang on."
"What—no!" Hiccup squirmed. Whoever was in charge of the knot-tying around here had done their job and done it well. Too well. "Uhhhnot good! 'Human battering ram' isn't anywhere in the job description for Chief of Berk! Trust me, I've checked."
His concerns—which were, of course, very valid—were never addressed as the replacement guards rounded the corner. Their toothy smiles dropped to open-mouthed confusion, forcing the place into an awkward pause as each party, neither knowing what this situation called for, blinked at the other.
"Oh, for the love of Asgard," Hiccup huffed, trying to crane his neck around to see what was causing the stall, "what's going on back there? Somebody do something already!"
His request was like a sharp set of spurs to the flanks of those present, flinging them into a whirling frenzy. Weapons appeared, a few impressive curses were hurled, and Hiccup thought he caught one disgruntled individual mumbling something about deserving better wages. In response, Astrid let out her signature, remarkably Valkyrie-esque battle scream and burst into a full-tilt sprint at the oncoming men.
"Whoa, whoa, wait! I didn't mean—AstridASTRIDASTRIIIIID—"
The room wasn't very spacious (it was a dungeon, after all) and within three bounds she met their new opponents head-on.
Unfortunately, it wasn't quite enough time for Hiccup to prepare for the collision, merely leaving him grateful he'd gone in feet first instead of head as he was thrown suddenly and unwillingly into the action, bumping and swinging with every dizzying movement his wife executed.
"Aagh! Ow! Astrid—"
"Not now, Hiccup!"
Side-to-side, back-and-forth, swiping, ducking, lunging and everything in between. This hadn't been covered in hand-to-hand combat training, Hiccup mused, eyes shut tight, but there was no doubt it would be added to the list soon enough. Lucky him.
He was no stranger to speedy midair stunts, but balancing on your wife's shoulder without the use of your hands while she took out an entire guard unit was a far cry from flying with a dragon. The speed and the stunts were mutually agreed on in the latter scenario, for one. And normally, he wouldn't be flying with his hands tied…
"Astrid!" he ventured again in a half-second lull between adversaries, "I think we might need a different plan!"
She twisted, newly acquired weapon in hand, tripping a couple men along the way.
"Little late for that…"
"Right, right, no worries, just thought I'd—BEHIND YOU!"
Astrid whipped around, finding a rogue, one-man onslaught coming in from the back. Hiccup's legs sprang outward with the force of the spin, clobbering the unlucky guard and sending him reeling.
"Nice one, babe!" Astrid cheered.
"Eheh, least I could do," he replied as she faced the main group again. The move was completely involuntary, but as long as it kept them both out of more trouble, he would take what he could get.
"Oooh, sorry about that." Hiccup winced when he could see the groaning, limp recipient of his accidental hit. "Metal leg…"
Astrid threw herself sideways, narrowly dodging a chopping axe, then parried another blow on the other side before shoving the last flailing guard over the solid wood table to join his stunned comrades sprawled across the stone floor.
"Ha! I could do this all day!" She laughed, lowering Hiccup to the ground and slicing through his ropes with the sword.
"Mmmmlet's not," Hiccup grumbled, clutching his spinning head while she freed his legs. "I really want to live."
"Aw, c'mon," she chirped, jogging in place once or twice and popping her neck. "Aren't you totally pumped now?"
"Uh, no."
"I haven't had this much fun in ages!"
"This is your idea of—wait, what am I saying? Of course it is."
"Ok, maybe not the whole getting knocked out and waking up in a dungeon…" she drifted off at the look he shot her. "It's a warrior thing," she sighed, helping him up. "Hard to explain to someone who hasn't been throwing around dangerous, pointy objects since he could walk."
Hiccup raised an eyebrow.
"C'mon, let's just get out of this hole and find our dragons."
"Aha, now you're starting to make sense—" he ducked, narrowly avoiding a swift whack to the shoulder.
"Hey, that's some serious improvement in the reflex department."
"Thank you, M'lady, I owe it all to you."
"What's that supposed to…"
"Aaahaha, whaaat? Never mind, not important. Anyway, as I was saying, we should probably make sure these guys won't catch up to us."
"Hm, I like the way you think, dragon boy." Without skipping a beat, Astrid produced from her belt pouch a heavy, jingling set of keys. Smiling mischievously, she let them dangle from a finger while the other hand perched on a hip. "Would these help?"
Grinning, Hiccup drew her in for a quick smooch on the lips and muttered, "I knew I married you for a reason," before stepping past her toward the head guard on the ground.
The brute was much uglier and much bigger than Hiccup had imagined, thickset and muscular with a scar-covered bald head set on a beefy neck. The swelling purple bruise on the right side of his face—courtesy of Astrid—did little to improve the looks. Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Hiccup placed his prosthetic in the center of the man's leather-plated chest and leaned in for a closer look. The dazed man mumbled incoherently.
"Well, you were right about one thing," the young Viking said, snatching Inferno from a chunky fist, "I won't get very far without this...soooo I'll be taking it off your hands, if you don't mind. Permanently." He straightened, making for the door before another thought brought him back around. "Oh, and before I go, let's get one thing cleared up. She's not my girlfriend. She's my wife."