Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
She could smell the chemicals, the bleach and cleaners that Simon used every day to keep the room spotless. She knew it was more for his sanity, the reason he spent so much time here is this place she thought of as a prison. For him is was the only thing that he had left of his old life, of what he gave up all those years ago to break her out and keep her safe. He's done his job well, almost too well; it was his fault that she had to run away so that she could get what she had needed.
Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
The foggy haze of the drugs was still holding her in place, both in her mind and body. She couldn't tell where the rest of the crew was. Mal was shouting about something, and over his loud noise she could barely hear Jayne and Simon as they headed back down to the infirmary. As she went to try and sit up Simon walked through the door.
"Mei mei no, just lay back. You have four broken ribs and one of them almost punctured your right lung, your ankle is also broken. I don't want you to move." While explaining everything that she already knew, he checked the bandages on her chest and ankle, making sure that she had not inadvertently hurt anything when she has tried to get up.
"Jayne?" rasped out River, feeling like her voice was that of another person's.
"He is waiting outside, but you shou…" as he was speaking Jayne came walking into the room, a look of concern on his face for River and a glare of death aimed at Simon.
"I'ma right 'ere beo bao, your han dan brother weren't letin' me in 'ere 'til ya woke up." The whole while he was saying this, his hands where moving up her sides. Simon just gave him a confused glance which River caught out of the corner of her eye sight.
"He's just checking to assure the albatross can yet fly."
On hearing this out of his sister's mouth Simon just rolled his eyes to the infirmary celling, gave a loud sigh and left the room.
River the whole time watched his reaction with a small smile on her face, glad that her brother was giving them the space that they so terribly needed after this last misadventure.
As Simon's silhouette moved deeper into Serenity, River leaned her head back and looked at Jayne. His ice blue eyes had still not gone back to the calm waters that they were the majority of the time, she could still see the worry and poorly controlled rage simmering right below the surface. He may put forward a persona for the rest of the crew, but he could never hide from his witch, even before they were together. She had broken down the walls brick by brick, without him even knowing that she had been slowly worming her way into his head, and his heart. It wasn't until the events of Miranda that he realized that anything was off.
Even four years after the fact the memory of watching her jump through the blast doors would still haunt his dreams at night, and she knew that they would reappear for the next couple nights. They always manifested after one or both of them got hurt. As she drifted off back to sleep she thought of the first time he ever had the dreams…
Flashback
Serenity was quietly humming as she lay down on the catwalks above the cargo hold. The cool chill of the metal under her cheek helped her to come to focus and push the still lingering memories from Miranda down in her mind. In the three months since the battle the crew had slowly been on the mend. Two weeks prior, the hospital released Wash, the last one to still be physically healing. Now that he was back on board, the rest of the crew could breathe easier, Mal and Zoe both walked and moved a bit freely, Zoe still looked haunted whenever she would see Wash's chair and remember the harpoon coming through the window. Wash himself had changed very little to most around him, but she knew. River could see the hardness in his eyes when she would look at him and he thought no one was watching him. She knew that there was nothing for it but time that would help heal him, to heal the crew.
Jayne, there was another enigma. It almost seemed as if Miranda had no effect on him what so ever the only indication that it bothered him was the shadows under his eyes and all the time that he put into his work outs. She could not break down his mental walls enough to see how he was truly fairing. Before the fight she had been able to get into his thoughts at will, and often did when she knew that her grip on reality was slipping. But now she was blocked, again, she had to start at square one.
As she stretched out her body on the floor she let her mind wander over the crew as they slept. Zoe and Wash were sound asleep in each other's arms, both dreaming about a little red haired, mocha skinned child. Book was still up praying in his bunk so she quickly left him alone with his thoughts. Mal was sleeping fitfully, his dreams carrying him from the war torn images of Serenity Valley to the gruesome sight of the mummified remains on Miranda- then suddenly switching to the soft silks and warm colors of Inara's shuttle. Inara herself was peacefully asleep after many nights of being unable to rest properly without the whole crew on board. Kaylee and Simon were passed out in the hammock in the engine room from a combination of Kaylee's engine wine and a bottle of whiskey Simon had stashed away.
That left Jayne, all she could tell was that he was asleep, but when she tried to pry deeper she was met with a solid wall. There were no flaws or marks on the surface for her to grab ahold of so she could worm her way in again. This whole thing was driving her to the breaking point, the most infuriation thing about it was she could See his mind working a mile a minute, like water moving underground, you could sense it, knew it was there, but could not reach it.
Without consciously realizing what she was doing she had moved off the catwalks and into the corridor between the crew's bunks, she came to a stop outside of his door and leaned her ear up against the cool metal of the ship. With her eyes closed and breathing slow she strained her ears to hear any noise inside his bunk. After a few minutes she heard what she was waiting for, it was faint at first, but once she located it, it filled her senses and became all that she could hear.
Jayne was breathing hard, the heavy breath of someone scared for their life. She focused back on his mind, hoping to see if in his dreams he would let her in. he was still closed off, but she could See more movement, like the thrashing of a fish below the water's surface. Pushing against his barriers while simultaneously going down the ladder into his bunk she felt a tear form, and little by little she was able to wriggle her way back into is mind.
Once in, her body froze; the images that she was seeing from his dreams had her standing in shock and no small amount of fear. Jayne was reliving Miranda, but in his dream things were not going like they really had. All of Jayne's fears about Reavers were coming to pass. He was standing paralyzed in the middle of a hundred of the savages, unable to even look away. Forced into watching as the crew was slowly ripped to pieces in front of his eyes while he could do nothing but stand and witness his family be tortured and killed.
Zoe, Mal and River where the only ones still alive enough to fight, although life was quickly draining from each as he watched the blood run down their bodies like streams, pooling on the floor beneath them causing the footing to become even more unstable. In the semi darkness of the room, Jayne could see the bodies of the others lay strewn throughout; shredded to the point that Jayne could not tell who they were but for the clothes still shrouding them.
As he looked on Zoe succumbed to the on slot and fell to the cold concrete; never once did a scream of fear pass her lips as she heaved her final breath, a glare of death on her face as she fired her mare's leg for the last time. Mal watched as his first mate fell, letting out a bellow that rang through the place like a thunder clap seeming to cause half the remaining lights overhead flickered and die. Charging towards the thickest pack of reavers, he flung himself in and fought with what he had left, finishing off as many as he could before their number became too much and he disappeared under the screaming, roiling mass of flesh.
River was the only one left. He was powerless to help her, he couldn't even release the scream building in his throat to call her to him. She was fighting like the demons around her, slashing with the ax and sword that she had picked up in the battle. As she danced in and out of the enemy around her, Jayne saw the tears streaming down her face whenever her eyes would happen to land on one of the fallen crew. With a ferociousness that clashed with just how slim her dancer's body was she tore through the reavers like a farmer's scythe, not paying mind to the wounds that she herself was collecting as she went. Jayne was able to see her in all her dangerous glory, as the Alliance's weapon. Gone was the air of a scared broken little girl who was lost in the world, in her place was the cold, calculating killer who gave no quarter.
She was forged from the endless hours of brain probes and surgeries that stripped away and fractured her mind. She was programed with different fighting styles so that she could defeat all those around her. Her natural ability to read people honed to find the deepest faults. They twisted her into something from another world, bent and molded their perfect little assassin.
Jayne never let his eyes leave her as she twirled and sprang her way through the hordes pouring in the room. She never slowed, even when he watched one reaver get in a lucky shot to her right elbow, causing her to lose the grip on the sword in her hand. He knew that she never even felt it, her face was just a blank mask showing no emotion. Wounds started showing on her legs and torso as the number of reavers began to dwindle. With a final sickening crunch, her ax caved in the head of her final opponent.
She stood in the middle of a pile of bodies, gore dripping off of the ax still in her hand and her blood running down her body to mix with the rest on the floor. River looked up and at him and he felt as though she was looking into his soul so deep did her gaze go. A small smile formed on her pale tear streaked face, and as the final light started flickering out- she clasped to the floor.
Seeing everything as Jayne saw it, River had to struggle to keep from screaming over what she saw. Ripping herself out of his mind, she stood shaking in the middle of his bunk. Breathing deeply to calm down her racing pulse, she stood there looking at the still sleeping merc stretched out under the bulkhead.
As she stared, his movement became more pronounced, and with each jerk of his body she felt like a knife was being twisted into her heart. River had known for a while now that she loved the man, she hadn't wanted to be the reason that he was dreaming the things that he was, but in the end there was very little that she could do about that. This was the life that they had all chosen to live; they chose to help her face the demons from her past. And while they were safe for the time being, she knew that there was going to be more trouble and hardships to come.
With tears in her eyes, she slowly moved towards him, silent as the grave she reached out her hand and rested it against his arm in hopes of calming him down, if only a little bit. Soon as her hand made contact with his skin his other arm shot out and grabbed her wrist his eyes snapping open. Frozen yet again, River looked him dead in the eye. Although they were open, she could see it was just a physical reaction and that he was still asleep. Remaining as still as possible she waited for him to relax and close his eyes.
When the pressure of his hand left her arm she slowly moved her hand to his head, holding her breath that he would stay under this time. She got no reaction but a heavy sigh out of him as she slowly ran her hand across his brow and down the sides of his face. Bringing her other hand up she put one on either cheek and with her mind reached out to him again.
This time she was prepared for what she would see, ignoring everything that was going on around them she went straight for Jayne and grabbed his hand. River knew when he acknowledged her due to the shift in his breathing- it evened out to a more normal pace. As his mind calmed and his dreams shifted to his guns and knives, she retreated from his mind and started to draw back her hands from his face; but before she could remove them all the way, his arms came up and reached out for her in the dark. She knew he didn't know what he was doing, again it was just a physical reaction to reach out for comfort after such an ordeal, but even so it gave her a feeling of acceptance to know that he would reach out for her. She let him gather her in his arms and draw her up onto his chest. Curling up on him like a cat she let herself relax into sleep, if only for a little bit. It wouldn't do to let Captain Daddy or Simon to find her here with him; she didn't want him getting spaced before she even had a chance with him.
End Flashback
As the memory faded out in her mind, Jayne had moved to grab her up and sat behind her on the infirmary bed, resting her between his legs and draping her across his chest as she softly sighed. Feeling his arms come around her and his lips against her hair, River smiled and let her mind and body slip back into rest knowing that Jayne would go through hell, again, to keep her safe.
Just as she had passed out, Jayne gripped her harder and let the panic that he had been hiding flood his mind and features as he thought about what had happened that day. Watching River fall had caused him to feel like someone had taken Binky and shoved the blade through his gut. The fear that gripped him when he thought of losing her was enough to buckle his knees if he allowed himself to think on it for too long. He would throw himself into his weights or into his guns, working his body to the point where he could not think, anything to keep from thinking about the possibility of losing one of the few good thing still in his life.