Chapter 2: Blessings

While they were waiting at Baggage Claim, Dan pulled out his phone and started texting. Luckily, Phil was used to this antisocial behavior on Dan's part and just seemed to amuse himself with people-watching while they waited for the machine to start whirring and spitting out bags.

To: Phil's Mum

Hello, Kathryn. We've arrived at the airport and will be on our way shortly. I have a favor to ask, though. I would really like to speak to all of you for a bit without Phil there. Is there any way we could find some time alone, maybe today or tomorrow?

Dan always used capital letters, punctuation, and relatively correct grammar when texting either of Phil's parents, as a gesture of respect. He'd only just put his phone back in his pocket when it dinged.

From: Phil's Mum

So happy you boys have arrived safely and we look forward to seeing you! Martyn and Cornelia are already here. I'm quite intrigued by your mysterious request, but of course we can find a way. When you arrive, after you've settled in, I'll send Phil out for leeks.

Leeks? Dan's brow furrowed as he pondered the eccentricities of Kathryn Lester. Where had she come up with leeks, of all things, as the manufactured distraction to get Phil out of the house? But, sure enough, after he and Phil arrived at the Lesters' residence and had greeted everyone and settled into their room, Kathryn asked Phil to run to the shops, because she'd forgotten to get the leeks she needed for the soup for dinner.

"You want me to drive your car to the shops?" Phil asked incredulously.

"Yes, dear. It won't take but a moment." Kathryn smiled, all innocence.

Phil eyed her in confusion, knowing that his parents were well aware of his lack of driving expertise, but then shrugged. "Okay I guess. Let's go," he said, turning to Dan.

Dan looked in dismay to Phil's parents and saw them exchange a look as well. "Oh no, Phil, leave Dan with us!" Phil's dad exclaimed. "We'd love to catch up a bit!"

Phil frowned, looking even more puzzled, and glanced at Dan, who gently shooed him out the door. "I'll be fine. See you when you get back." They didn't often kiss in front of Phil's parents, but Dan kissed him on the cheek to reassure him and Phil left.

"So what's this all about?" Phil's mum asked Dan almost immediately after the door had closed behind Phil's retreating back.

Dan cleared his throat. "Um. Could we all sit down?" He gestured awkwardly toward the lounge. Not only Phil's parents but also Martyn and Cornelia seated themselves and Dan perched on the edge of one of the chairs.

"Okay. So. You've all been really nice to me for so many years. And Phil has made me so happy. And I think I've made Phil happy, too. And you've made me feel almost like a part of your family…"

Phil's mum interrupted him. "Dan, love, you've been a member of this family since the first time you walked through that door." Dan refrained from pointing out that the first time he'd come through that door, the rest of the family had been out of town, and he and Phil had gotten up to some antics his parents probably would not have approved of at the time.

Instead, Dan smiled at her in thanks, then continued, "Well, I would sort of … well … I'd like to make it official. Be officially a part of your family." He looked from face to face, feeling a bit nervous even as he knew how much they cared about him. "I know it might seem kind of old-fashioned, but I really respect and love you all and I was hoping to get your blessing…"

"You're getting married!" Cornelia squealed and jumped out of her seat to run over and hug Dan tightly. He returned the hug with a huff of relieved laughter.

Dan's parents were beaming at him and Martyn came to give him a hug with an affectionate slap on the back.

"Oh sweetheart!" Dan's mum gushed, tears in her eyes. "I couldn't be more happy for you and my sweet Philly. I'm sure you'll be so happy together. Of course, you already are, but … oh, my baby getting married! I knew you two would eventually!"

Both Phil's parents came to hug Dan as he explained quickly, "I haven't actually said anything to Phil yet. I wanted to get your blessing first."

Phil's father's gaze was fond as he said, "We've been hoping for this for years, Dan. We've seen the two of you together and seen how happy you make our boy, and we just … knew." He shook Dan's hand, which felt a bit formal after they'd already hugged, but it also felt officially fatherly in an old-fashioned way and Dan found he liked it. "You're the right one for our Phil," Phil's father said firmly. "You had our blessing long before you asked for it."

Now it was Dan who was tearing up, but he looked around at Phil's family and felt the love and acceptance they were all radiating toward him, and he couldn't help but smile through the tears. He laughed a little. "I guess now I just have to get him alone at some point. I was hoping to ask him down by the beach…"

"Don't you worry," Kathryn assured him. "We'll all go for one of our walks tomorrow, and the rest of us will find some excuse to come home and give you two your privacy."

Kathryn was true to her word. The six of them took a walk together along the shore the next afternoon, until Phil's dad said his back was hurting and he wanted to head back. Everyone agreed, but Kathryn shooed Dan and Phil to continue on. "No reason you boys can't enjoy a romantic walk on the beach alone!" She winked at Dan.

Phil rolled his eyes, laughing. "You ship us more than our fans do!"

Kathryn replied pertly, "That's because I know it's all true, dear."

Dan pulled at Phil's hand. "Come on. Let's walk just a bit more, then we can head back."

They walked in companionable silence for a while, as they had so many times before. But this time was different. Phil just didn't know it yet.

"You're my best friend, you know." Dan began after a while.

Phil's laugh was like wind chimes with the sound of the ocean. "I think the entire internet knows that, Dan." He turned to grin, and Dan returned the bright smile.

They continued walking hand-in-hand for a while before Dan continued, "I think being best friends is the best foundation for a relationship. I think that's why things have been so good for us for so long." Phil just nodded amiably, looking out at the gray sea that stretched to the pale blue horizon.

"I know you, all the good and bad, and you know me just as well. You accept me the way I am, and I accept you exactly the way you are. We respect each other, and I think that's key to a good relationship, too." Dan wasn't watching his feet as they walked. He was watching Phil's face, and Phil was beginning to look a little uncomfortable, but maybe it was just that he was starting to realize where this was going and maybe he'd been planning to propose soon, too. Dan felt just the tiniest bit smug that he'd gotten here first.

He stopped walking, and the clasp of their hands forced Phil to a stop, too. Dan reached out his other hand to cradle Phil's cheek and turned his face so that they were looking into each other's eyes. Phil's eyes were somehow the same color as both the sky and sea right now, but still with that magical circle of yellow in the center. Like the sun couldn't help but always shine a little from within him, showing that tiny bit through his eyes.

"I am in love with you, Philip Lester. And I know in the depths of my heart, I know for sure that I will never say those words to another person for the rest of my life. You are it for me." Dan smiled, but those butterflies were going crazy in his stomach now. This was the start of the proper speech he'd been practicing in the bathroom mirror so many times. These were the words he would always remember, and that would hopefully mean as much to Phil.

"I trust you with everything that I am," Dan continued earnestly, "and I am infinitely honored every time you show me that you trust me the same way. I believe in our bond, that it's been forged through years of partnership and respect and love, that it is stronger than anything that can possibly be thrown our way." Phil's eyes had widened. He clearly did know what was happening now, and Dan knew that the dawning smile of joy would emerge soon.

Dan dropped his hand from Phil's face to take both Phil's hands in his, facing him and still looking into his eyes, wanting Phil to see the wholeness of the love sufficing every molecule of his body. "But listen to this part, Phil, because this is important. You also make me laugh. That may not sound so important, but you have made me laugh every single day that we've been together. Every single day." Dan marveled at that thought alone, as he always did when he thought about it. How could one person have that much power to bring brightness and light to the darkness he'd always thought was his only possible fate? He swallowed, a little overwhelmed, and continued, "Even during my darkest times, times when I wasn't sure I even wanted to keep going, when I was on the verge of giving up, you always found some way of making me see something funny and could always make me laugh. And laughter is healing. You healed me, Phil. You heal me a little more every day, every time you make me laugh. You make me a little more whole." He thought of those times at university and immediately after, the many times he had doubted himself or lost faith, the times the darkness had crept insidiously to take him over, and Phil had still always managed to make him see some good in the world. Dan's heart felt tight in his chest. He loved this man so much!

"You have been there for me, you have trusted in me, you have believed in me, and you have made me so very happy … and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make you as happy as you can possibly be, every day for the rest of our lives." The sheer emotion of the moment made Dan's eyes sting, but he wasn't going to cry. He had sort of hoped, just a little, that Phil might cry, but Phil was just staring into his eyes as if frozen.

"So … what do you say?" He released Phil's hands to reach into his pocket and take out the small velvet box, opening it to show Phil the two rings lying together inside. "Want to spend the rest of our lives making each other happy?" He smiled and looked into Phil's eyes again.

But Phil just stared at him in apparent disbelief. The silence stretched and began to grow uncomfortable. Sure, Phil could be pretty awkward and might not know what to say in an emotionally intense situation, but this was getting ridiculous. Dan started to ramble nervously, "I know most people get down on one knee, but this beach is pretty rocky and I thought it might hurt. And, anyway, I wanted us to be both standing up, face-to-face, as equals, just like we are every day in our lives together." He smiled again, hoping. Waiting. Starting to feel a little afraid.

Phil still hadn't said anything. His mouth was slightly open and white showed all around the sky-ocean irises of his eyes. Dan waited. Nothing. Phil was breathing fast. Dan looked down at his black zippered shoes on the gray stones of the beach, then back up at Phil's pale pace. His skin was so pale it looked almost white. Or maybe even gray. Dan was getting pretty nervous now. Not the good kind of nervous with the butterflies in his stomach, but the bad kind of nervous with the knot in his stomach. He didn't understand what was happening. Phil wasn't supposed to look like that. He was supposed to be smiling his sunniest, happiest smile, whooping for joy and swinging Dan into his arms for a kiss that promised forever. Dan didn't understand the expression on Phil's face, an expression he'd never seen in the many years they'd been together, and so he couldn't seem to stop his mouth, as if he could still perhaps salvage this situation.

"These are just the engagement rings, of course. I thought we could both wear one, to show that we're equal, that we're equally committed. The other rings match, but they're simpler. No stones. I left them at home. For the ceremony, you know?" But Dan was beginning to realize that maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe there wasn't going to be a ceremony. Because it was becoming increasingly apparent that Phil's expression was not shocked happiness. It was something Dan thought maybe he was starting to understand and wished he wasn't seeing.

He'd never considered this possible outcome. Phil was going to say no.

Phil wasn't meeting his gaze anymore, instead staring down at the rocky beach beneath their feet. Or maybe his shoes. Dan didn't know, but found himself wondering. It was a silly thing to be thinking about right now. He thought maybe he was literally in shock. Maybe he should go to A&E. He'd ask Kathryn her opinion when they got back to the house. What were the signs of shock? You were supposed to wrap the person in blankets, right?

"Can I think about it?" The words were slightly hoarse, not sounding like Phil at all, but they jerked Dan out of the A&E and back to the beach. He looked into Phil's eyes, which looked troubled.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Yeah, sure, of course, I mean, obviously, of course," Dan babbled automatically, nodding in a rapid, jerky motion like a marionette having a seizure. Phil wasn't supposed to need to think about it. Hadn't they both been building toward this moment for years? Hadn't they discussed their future ad nauseum? Hadn't they both been thinking about this for a while now? What did Phil still need to think about?

"We should head back," Phil said, turning away to look down the beach, and his voice sounded as blank and dead as Dan was feeling. "You're shaking from the cold." Dan knew it wasn't the cold, but he didn't contradict Phil's words. He just nodded again, stiff and uncoordinated, not meeting Phil's gaze. Doubting Phil was even looking at him.

They walked back down the beach toward the house in silence, not holding hands this time … like two total strangers who just happened to have wandered into walking side-by-side purely by accident. Not two people who had been growing closer and closer over the course of years. As if they didn't know each other at all.

Dan realized Phil was right. He was shaking.

His entire world was shaking.