Thanks for your feedback and reviews! Next update will probably be before or on July 13th. With the end of arc 1 coming up, I am going to be publishing one of the other stories I've been working on. I have posted a poll on my profile to see what you guys would like to read next so PLEASE GO VOTE. I will leave the poll up until the current arc in SW is complete. Thanks for your input and see you next time!
PS-Be prepared for some rocky sailing these next few chapters. If I lack the finesse to do the upcoming events justice writing it the first time around, I have faith that I will be able to fix it when I edit everything over before arc 2. Thanks for your patience.
Chapter 19:
Chihiro moved mechanically through the bathhouse as her mind raced. She couldn't even remember how she found Lin or knew that she had been searching for her, until she spotted the weasel amongst the busy hallway. Greeting her warmly, Lin asked if she was skipping practice with Yui today. Without breaking eye contact with the floor, Chihiro asked the question that kept repeating through her head.
"Yeah, Yubaba only ever had one apprentice and that was Haku. Why the question?" Nodding her head solemnly, Chihiro turned on her heel and began to walk away. If the records were true then that meant this whole thing could be a set up. How far did it go? Was Lin involved in this plan like Yui was? Was everything a lie to get her to cooperate? "Hey! Wait, why?"
Lin gaped at Chihiro's retreating form completely flabbergasted. Following her, she called out to her again to no response. Reaching out to gently stop her, Lin nearly cowered from her abrupt response.
"Don't touch me," Chihiro snapped loudly as she turned to glare at Lin. Instantly Chihiro felt regret as Lin backed away from her with a look of hurt and confusion. Lin had never seen Chihiro look at anyone with such disgust or anger as she had seen when the girl had first turned to face her. Her reaction had jarred Lin to the core.
"Stay away from me," Chihiro quietly stated before walking away. Lin stared after her as she disappeared into the bowels of the bathhouse, muttering something beneath her breath.
Lin kept checking Haku's office between chores for most of the morning, hoping to demand some answers from the elusive dragon. Realizing that he was probably avoiding the bathhouse like the coward she believed him to be, she stomped her way down to the infirmary to see if Watari-san knew anything about Chihiro's abnormal behavior. The infirmary was quiet when she entered, but two heads snapped up to look at her. Approaching them, Lin asked if they knew where the matron was. The tanuki spirit answered her as the fox spirit openly stared at her.
"She will not be in today. Is there something I might help you with?"
"Nothing unless you know what's going on with Chihiro," Lin muttered as she turned to leave. She doubted the patients of the infirmary would know the girl since Haku had openly forbid her from entering the area. Hikaru's ears distinctively twitched in Lin's direction as if listening attentively.
"No she hasn't visited us today. She seemed distracted the other day when she stopped by with Yui. Is something the matter with her?"
"I'm not sure what's going on. She seemed upset and yelled at me for touching her. Last I saw her she was heading down here and was muttering something about spirits. I thought maybe she came to talk with the crane. I guess I should go hunt for her," Lin replied.
"Leave her alone," Hikaru spoke up instantly silencing both of them, "whatever she is dealing with she needs time alone to process it."
"As much as I hate to agree with grumpy fox over here, he's probably right. Give her time and I'm sure she will seek you out when she is ready to talk. She is that kind of girl." Frowning at them both Lin silently agreed and excused herself to return to work halfheartedly.
"I had to do things…things I don't like to talk about." Haku's words echoed around her head as she sat on the dock. The docks looked seemingly harmless without the blood stains and corpses lying about. Chihiro found herself questioning every moment, every decision she had made since arriving in the Spirit World. She had agreed to stay after he explained the situation so simply, but what if he was just using her to send the Tainted away? Were Lin, Yui, Kamaji…heck all of her friends here at the bathhouse involved in the plan to sacrifice her? Part of her was screaming to run upstairs, get into her old clothes, and haul ass for the portal at first light, but the other half whispered that there could be more behind this than the obvious. The looks Haku gave her when they passed by each other in the bathhouse, the dates they shared, everything about it screamed to her of a blooming romance. Could she have really been so stupid to fall for him when he was just planning on using her and throwing her away? Rocking her head in her hands, she tried to keep in the tears that were threatening to form.
Hikaru waited until he was sure the tanuki was asleep for his afternoon nap before slipping out of the infirmary. He had a haunting suspicion he knew where Chihiro might have gone to be alone, because it was the place he would go if he wanted to be alone in the bathhouse. Pushing open the door to the docks, he spotted her form curled up at the end of the dock. Her bare feet clutched at the wood below it as she scrunched herself even tighter. Closing the door behind him, Hikaru walked silently towards her already firmly decided in the risk he was about to take. It was the only way he could think of to reach her.
Chihiro heard the quiet footsteps coming closer and braced herself for the impact. Whoever they were she was going to give them a piece of her mind for following her out here.
"Chihiro," a familiar tenor voice sounded. Instantly recognizing the voice as Hikaru's, she felt a bit of solace in his presence. There was no way he could have known about the ceremony, especially being from a different region of the Spirit World altogether.
"Go away, Hikaru. I don't want to see anyone right now."
"You don't have to see me. I will sit back here until you are ready." The sound of moving fabric and the dull thud of flesh hitting the dock told her that he had seated himself nearby. He continued to stare at her as she unfolded slightly. Hikaru found it ironic how the water closest to her position on the dock seemed to be choppy and murky while the rest of the river outside of her five foot radius bubble was calm. It was as if the water itself was sensing her mood and reacting on her behalf. They sat together in silence for quite some time.
"Are you longing to return to your world, Chihiro?" His question startled her and she wondered if he could see the way her eyes were looking over the water towards the portal home.
"I just…I just don't understand spirits." Her statement was met with silence before he spoke bluntly.
"Neither do I most of the times." She felt a sliver of regret for complaining. He was sitting here trying to help her and all she was doing was whining about what he was. It's not like he could understand her viewpoint.
"Do you know why kitsune are so rare now in the Spirit World?" His question seemed out of the blue and she didn't know the answer for it. The sound of rustling cloth distracted her and she wondered if he was moving closer, but without turning around to look at him she had no way of knowing. When she stayed silent, Hikaru continued. "It's because so many of us have chosen to live as humans in your world. Kitsune are born with no bindings to either side, which allows us to remove our magic at will and should we destroy it… become human."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Look at me Chihiro." The sound of Hikaru's voice became clearer and his usual slight nasal accent was gone. Curiosity getting the better of her, Chihiro turned around and felt her jaw drop in surprise. Two feet away from her sitting primly on crossed legs was the most striking man she had ever seen. His skin was so pale that she was surprised to not see the lean muscle moving underneath it and his eyes were a startling dark blue like that of a newly born child. As he stood up she noted the way his tradition purple tobi trousers and ivory shirt had shrunk down to fit his new tall form. If his eyes weren't a dead giveaway as to his identity, the pure white shaggy hair that resembled his white fur and the bandages peeking out from beneath his shirt were clear reminders. A painted red and white fox mask was held tightly in his hand and he fingered it nervously, suddenly unsure if he had made the right decision to reveal himself. Taking a shaky breath, he walked forward slowly and sat beside her, hanging his large bare feet off the edge of the dock. Closing her gaping jaw, Chihiro turned her attention back to the river water in front of them.
"Well I didn't see that coming."
"I didn't think you would," he chuckled quietly. Swinging his feet and flicking water up with his toes, he smirked. "It's actually quite funny. I don't remember my past, what magic I wield, or why I am here, but I remember how to become human." Looking up at him, she saw the honest sincerity in his eyes. Looking closer at him it was easier to see how his prominent facial features could morph into the long snout of a fox. Averting her eyes again, she unfolded her legs to swing them through the surf as well. Hikaru smiled at her and kicked a little water her way trying to break the tension surrounding them. Squealing in surprise, she kicked a wave towards him and tried to dodge the next splash. Within moments an all-out splash war was underway and their laughter ringing out. Trying to get away, Chihiro stood up to leave, but was stopped as Hikaru got up to make chase. Seeing the moment of opportunity, Chihiro shoved Hikaru towards the water only to have him grab her hands on the way out. Together, they fell into the water.
Breaking the surface moments later, Chihiro paddled to keep afloat and began to panic when he hadn't resurfaced. She had just shoved a sick man into a river! What had she been thinking? Before she could dive down to search for him, he came up a few feet away.
"Swimming is a lot harder than I thought it'd be," he said with a wolfish smirk, "Though I'm not sure if that was the best move on your part since now we're both soaked. Does that mean I win?" Rolling her eyes, Chihiro grasped onto the dock and pulled herself back onto it. She offered her hand to Hikaru and helped him pull his body up beside her. Lying flat on their backs, they both panted in the summer air.
"Do you mind telling me what's on your mind now that we have both cooled off a bit?" After a moment of hesitancy, Chihiro let out a sigh and turned her head away from him to stare at the sky.
"I think Haku and Yui are planning on sacrificing me at the cleansing ceremony." Looking over at her, Hikaru lifted an eyebrow in skepticism. That wasn't the problem he was expecting for her to have. He had been expecting for her to pining away for humans and the technology of her world. Hence revealing himself…
"What makes you think that?"
"I found some old records over at Yui's place that talked about the use of a human sacrifice to push back the Tainted. The spirit that convinced the human to do the ritual was the apprentice of Yubaba. Haku has been her only apprentice." Hikaru stopped and thought it over for a moment. He could see how she could reach that conclusion easily with the given information. However from what he could see, Yui cared deeply for the girl and would not stand for anything bad happening to her. Heck he would not allow it either.
"Have you tried confronting either of them?"
"No. If it is true and they know that I know, I'm not sure what they would do…" Scoffing at her, Hikaru rolled his eyes.
"Well I don't know about Master Haku, but Watari-san loves you like a daughter. I don't think she would ever purposefully hurt you or allow anyone else to do so. Perhaps you should talk to one of them about it." Chihiro thought about it for a second and the risks involved with revealing that she knew. If her guess was correct, then they could prevent her from ever going home, but at least she would still be alive right? They couldn't force her to do the ceremony without wasting precious magic that they need for protection and the ritual itself. A wet cough from Hikaru that had him curling inward slightly stole Chihiro's attention.
"Come on let's get you inside. We should change those bandages before your wounds get infected. You never know what is in that river water." Helping him stand up, Chihiro felt the lean muscle of his arms. When she touched him, he felt completely human unlike the rare moments she touched Haku. There was always some sort of edge to Haku as if his inner dragon was never completely hidden within his human form. Grabbing his mask from the dock, he gave her a smile that made her heart thump loudly in her chest. What she wouldn't give for Haku to look at her like that…
"Whenever you need someone to talk to, come to me. Let me be here for you, whether in this form or the other." Returning his smile with her own and a nod, Chihiro watched as he slipped the mask back over his face. Within seconds his body morphed back into the fox that she had always seen. Grasping him under an arm, they headed back to the infirmary. Beneath her calm exterior, Chihiro's determination to find out the truth prevailed with a plan. She was going to try and take down the master of the bathhouse in an all or nothing fight.
Haku laid out on the enchanted grass and watched as the sun traveled higher overhead. Any moment now Chihiro would be here to challenge him, but he was already prepared. He had already taken precautions to enchant the grass to soften any landings and removed any sharp stones from the area. She had already come so far in her self-defense lessons. Hearing her approaching footsteps, he stood up to face her. Her lips were drawn in a firm line and she looked to him as if she carried the world on her shoulders.
"Good evening Chihiro," Haku started but was brought up short as she threw the first punch right at his face. Blocking it, he felt shock coil through him as he avoided a kick. Raising an eyebrow, he stared at the way she went on with the attack. Catching the next punch, he held it tightly in his hand and moved it close to his chest. "You know I believe I am supposed to be the one attacking you so you can practice."
"I want answers Haku," Chihiro stated. He could feel the underlying anxiety and confusion beneath her tension. Whatever was bothering her was seriously causing a whirlwind of emotions.
"Ask away then," he replied as he continued to stay on the defensive.
"Are you planning on sacrificing me at the cleansing ceremony?" Haku caught both of her hands and held her tight at an arm's distance. Memories flashed behind his eyes of the different humans he had helped to sacrifice at ceremonies around the Eastern Wetlands when he was Yubaba's apprentice. Shoving her locked arms away, she fell at his feet. Chihiro registered how the grass seemed to be softer than the mats they usually practiced on, but didn't linger on it.
"I would never sacrifice you for any cause. The entire Spirit World could be burning to the ground, and I would not lift a finger to save it if it would cost you your life." His words made her heart soar with feeling, but she couldn't help question their truth. It seemed like the perfect kind of romantic line to put more cotton over her eyes. As she scrambled back onto her feet, Haku went on the offensive. Carefully measuring his power out to not overwhelm or hurt her, he began with simple strikes to see if she would block them properly. Chihiro kept up with ease and he pressured her more as he sped up slightly, causing her to retreat a few steps.
"How am I supposed to believe that when you sent a girl to her death to push away the Tainted? I saw some of the old records Haku. You are a liar and a murderer." Panic raced through his veins as he wished to deny her accusations, but knew they were true. He had long accepted what he had done as Yubaba's assistant, but that didn't mean he wanted everyone, especially Chihiro, to know. Haku could see the fear in her eyes now and the tears fighting to break free. Despite everything, her heart still beat for him whether she cared to acknowledge it or not.
"I told you before that I did things under Yubaba's control that I did not want to do. Those actions were not by choice. I was under orders." Haku felt the words grit out against his better judgement. He really did not want her knowing about the kind of man he was under Yubaba or how sometimes he was tempted to use the old ways to accomplish his goals. Oftentimes, he had to remind himself that the outcome did not usually outweigh the means. He stood by his morals now to keep the bathhouse safe and bring peace to the wetlands, even if it wasn't necessarily the choices he preferred to make. His admission struck terror into her heart, but even more so it brought sadness. She admitted that she liked him, liked him more than she had ever liked someone before, but it was likely that he was going to kill her. A small part inside of her admitted that it would be a worthwhile sacrifice to save the many spirits suffering under the war, but the more logical half argued that perhaps this was the real reason he didn't want to be with her. If he was going to sacrifice her then of course their relationship was complicated, but his vagueness on the matter made her angry. Why couldn't he have just been upfront about it? It was easier to be angry with him than to show him how torn she was between wanting him and saving herself from whatever fate he was bringing her into.
"Let me guess, now you are under orders from who knows where to see me killed for the better good. Why Haku? Why do you even bother lying to me? I only want the truth." Haku could see a tear rolling down her cheek and smell the distress coming off of her. He was making her this way. Taking her attacks in stride he struggled with his own aching heart. It had been throbbing so much for her and what they could be over the past few days. "You don't have to admit that you will kill me then. Just- Why can't I just be with you for the little time we have left? Why do you have to push me away?"
Feeling tears prick at his own eyes, he brushed her attack aside and swept her into his arms. Holding her struggling form against him, he hid his face in her hair. He didn't want her to see how much her words hurt him. He was honestly trying his best to keep her safe and nearby, even when she pushed him in directions he knew weren't appropriate for the friendship he was trying to maintain. Even if she didn't believe in anything else, she should know that her welfare was his top priority. Haku nuzzled deeper into her neck, savoring her sweet scent that was lying just beneath the smell of confusion and anger. Her open admission of liking him tempted him to make the move he knew he should not. Haku understood that her feelings didn't match the depth of his love for her, a love that ran deep within him, but it was enough to bring him a desperate sense of hope. Within moments she gave up struggling and he felt her tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt.
"Chihiro," his voice was rough with emotion as he tried to keep himself in check, "I may not be completely honest with you at times, but know that I will protect you at all costs. I…I… cherish you more than anything else."
"Then why do you keep me at arm's length? You like me, why can't we find a way to make this work-"
"Because I have no choice!" His loud confession hung between them as tears came down from Chihiro's eyes. Clutching her tighter to him, he fought back his own tears. This was not how he had seen this encounter going. He had seen them having a nice sparring match before heading back to the bathhouse for a cup of tea. Instead they stood at the precipice as to how to move forward. "There are spirits who would hunt you down and kill you if they knew how close you are to me. There are spirits at the Capital who would use you to get me to fight at the fronts. The moment the world knows that I love you or that we have something together, is the moment that you will no longer be able to live. I can't do it, Chihiro, I won't destroy you!"
Chihiro felt the trembling in his bones as he held her. Despite the way it felt so right to be within his arms, her heart seemed to break harder than it had when he had denied her the first time. Each step forward felt like two steps back. He was grasping at her as if she were the air itself and he, a drowning man. Suddenly, he held her away from him and she could finally see the redness in his watery eyes.
"Do you know why spirits aren't allowed to take humans for partners anymore? Because we are naturally greedy and selfish! It isn't enough to share ourselves with you and take you into us. Your short lifespan of a hundred years doesn't give us enough memories to live on for the rest of eternity. So we become desperate as time runs out and beg you to give up your life and become a spirit as well. It seems like a small price to pay to spend eternity together, except spirits have no afterlife. If something happens to us and we pass the barrier into death, there is no rebirth or continuation. It is the end of existence. When humans die you return to rest with your people in the Ocean of Souls and eventually are reborn into a new life. In this way, humans live forever in an unending circle while we spirits live only the length of time we can manage to keep ourselves clean of impurities. So no Chihiro, no matter how deeply I desire you or how badly I wish to act on my feelings, I will not give into your demands." Releasing her completely as if all of the power in him had slipped away, he let his head drop to look down at his toes. He couldn't bear to look at the heartbreak on her face that matched his own. Haku had to keep reminding himself that this was for the better good. "Your life is much too important to me."
Haku and Chihiro stood only a step apart, but the distance between their weeping hearts was miles further. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She felt like she was finally understanding him for the first time since she had arrived in the Spirit World. His green eyes were downturned away from her and she looked at them with pity as an old saying came to mind. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you will get to spend the rest of your life with them. This seemed to be one of those cases and though her heart ached, she smiled weakly at him. She had cried enough today to raise the river a solid inch. Her tears would not make his decision any easier and she had to respect him for the choice he had made for the better good. Nodding her head, Chihiro took a few steps back from him slowly. Her heart throbbed for her to fight, fight for what could be between them, even if it was costly, but her mind understood.
"Thank you for the lessons, Master Kohaku, but I think it would be best if I not continue for a while so I can focus on preparing for the ceremony," she said with a deep bow to him. Stopping himself from begging her to not call him so formally, he gave her a curt reply back.
"It was pleasure teaching such an eager student Ogino-san. I know you will do well in the upcoming days." Chihiro turned her back on Haku and walked stiffly back to the bathhouse. From the window of his room above End of the Line, Taka watched them separate. He could feel pain in his heart for them and the decision they had made. The dragon had waited so long to be with her…he was sure of it. Yet he was letting her walk away. Taka wanted to berate the man for his decision, but he knew he wasn't much better. How long had he pined over the same weasel that always seemed out of reach?
As soon as Chihiro was well out of sight, Haku dropped to his knees and let his last mask drop. Silently tears rolled down his cheeks as he felt the magnitude of what he had done deep within him. There was no future for them together unless he broke the rules, he knew that from the start, but that didn't make the pain any less real. Changing forms, Haku took to the sky and headed straight for his river. Tonight he would sleep curled in the depths of its silt.