Wānana Pū – Recollect
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or the characters.
A/N: Sorry guys it took a little longer than usual, but real life came in between. So thanks for waiting and I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter a little more.
The story is set somewhere in season 7. Thank you julieb716 for being the beta reader on this story. You really rock! Even within everything you were still able to an amazing job! As always I'm grateful for the collaboration! If there are still some grammar of spellings issues left, they're all mine.
Well with the previous chapter I raised some questions, about Steve being able to donate his liver or not. (After his own transplant) And after a very loooong search I still couldn't find a conclusive answer. But with the kind help of Elise Deschat, I can tell you, medically speaking, it would not be possible to do such thing.
Chapter Seventeen
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Steve felt the panic tighten inside him. Fear gripped his heart and alongside his guilt, it was enough to leave him feeling completely unsettled. He tried to absorb the doctor's meaning. All he could think of was how he was not able to help Danny. "Can you even find a donor that quick?"
"I don't know. He'll be placed on the transplant list as a priority, but it's hard to say," the doctor sighed. Steve felt sick to his stomach and fear crossed his face. The doctor noticed the lack of color on Steve's face. "You feeling all right, Commander?"
"You have to do everything you can to save that damn liver!" Steve urged half-begging half-shouting.
"I promise you, I will," the doctor said.
"No, doc you don't get it." Steve said with a trace of impatience. "He donated half his liver to save my life and you just told me that he might need a new one. I can't do anything in return if he might need one!" His face reflected his incredulity.
"I understand. There's a higher chance that I'll be able to repair it than that he needs a liver transplant all right? Let's focus on repairing the liver instead of thinking about the worst-case scenario, okay?" The doctor touched Steve's arm to reassure him and nodded firmly. He started to take a few steps backwards. "I'll find you as soon as I'm done." He didn't wait for a response; the doctor turned and walked away.
Steve went back to the waiting area. He knew his way around the hospital pretty good by now. He wished he hadn't spent that much time here though. Running his hand over his face, he collapsed into a chair. There were more people sitting in the room, all with the same tense and helpless expression. He tried to suppress the horrifying feeling that was creeping up on him - the feeling that Danny was going to die this time. He pushed it away; he had to, not because he liked it. He couldn't allow the negative thoughts to occupy space in his head. He had to stay positive.
Lost in his thoughts; Steve sat with his hands on his neck, elbows resting on his knees, head down, staring to his feet. Suddenly he couldn't stand the confines of the waiting room any longer. The clean, but chemical smell, the bright lights. It was a repeat of a few weeks back. He couldn't deal with the helplessness, the fear. He couldn't handle it. He had to get out of here. He jumped up and fled down the hallway until he reached an exit.
He found a quiet area outside. With his hands on his hips and straightening his back, Steve drew a deep breath, making his mind numb with the cold and fresh air. He exhaled, trying to remind himself that it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help feeling some guilt every time he thought about his best friend. Danny might not make it and he was the one person who could save him. Only he wasn't able to do that any longer because Danny had to save his life first. It wasn't the first time that Danny had to pay for the consequences. It seemed that was more often the case than not.
Steve was beating himself up about it. Why did he have to make irresponsible decisions all the time? If he hadn't insisted on flying that stupid plane himself Danny wouldn't have been forced to donate half his liver and he would've been able to help Danny right now. Deep down Steve knew it was something out of his control. Out of anyone's control. Still he couldn't stop thinking about losing his best friend like that. The guilt was eating him alive.
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TUESDAY – WAITING AREA KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - DOWNTOWN HONOLULU.
Steve stayed outside for a while before he returned back to the waiting area. He had called Chin to update him on Danny's condition. Steve could hear Grace in the background begging to come to the hospital as well. Chin wanted to come anyway, so they agreed he would bring Grace and Charlie along. Chin would call Kono so she could pick them up and bring them over since Chin had his motorcycle.
It didn't take that long until they all arrived. Steve called Lou and he was on his way over as well. Sure they could all use their sleep, but someone in their family was in trouble and he could use the support. So the whole team waited together with Steve and Danny's children. They were all slouched in their chairs. They had said some comforting things to each other until every single one of them drifted off to their own terrifying thoughts. Grace had asked numerous questions before she went silent as well and Charlie was sound asleep in Kono's arms.
Restless, Steve found it hard to sit tight. He changed his position every few minutes. He went from leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees to slumping back into the chair. He ran his hand through his hair and crossed his arms multiple times, but the time seemed to pass by excruciatingly slowly.
After a few hours of waiting, Steve felt numb - mentally, emotionally and physically drained. He had felt a surge of guilt every time he thought about the possibility that Danny might need a transplant. The fact that they were still working on him was good though. At least he was still alive. After another hour, the doctor finally walked into the waiting room still wearing his scrub cap.
Unable to speak, Steve just stared at the doctor, hoping he would give them good news. "The surgery went fine. I was able to control the hemorrhage and repair his liver, he's going to be all right," the doctor went on as he detected an unanimous relief. "Detective Williams will stay in the ICU overnight and if there aren't any complications, we'll move him to the recovery floor at the end of the day." Everyone sighed comforted with the news.
Steve was incredibly relieved, but somehow he felt sick to his stomach. He didn't understand why though. Danny was going to be okay. He made it through surgery. Steve tried to swallow the nauseous feeling away, only he couldn't. He had to find some fresh air. He tried to say something, but his throat wasn't working. "Excuse me." He croaked out and jogged away searching for the nearest exit. He pulled the door open and rushed outside.
His stomach contracted violently and he emptied his stomach contents just around the corner of the building and out of sight from everybody. He leaned with his left hand against the wall while his right arm was wrapped around his abdomen. His chin rested on his chest as he tried to slow down his breathing. Steve swallowed hard, in an attempt to remove the disgusting lump that had formed in his throat. He spit a few times to get rid of it when he suddenly felt a warm hand on his back. Steve looked over his shoulder.
Chin stood behind him. "Everything okay?" He asked as he squeezed Steve's shoulder in sympathy.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I probably ate something wrong, I don't know," Steve lied and forced a smile. He took another deep breath of fresh air to settle his nausea. The weight fell off his shoulders after receiving the good news and somehow his body reacted this way to cope with the stress and tension.
"You barely ate anything today, so I bet it had more to do with Danny," Chin remarked as he had been observing Steve.
"No, it..." Steve tried to deny it at first. He looked at Chin, grief and relief written all over his face. "Yeah..." Steve sighed.
"You just spent hours waiting, awfully quiet. Or at least in silence, I could almost hear the wheels turning in your mind." Chin raised one brow, knowing he was right and Steve knew he was. Steve rolled his eyes and Chin tried to ease. "It's just been a long night that's all I'm saying."
Steve sighed and stared down at his feet. "I would've given it to him without even thinking about it, you know." Chin frowned, as he didn't understand what Steve was saying.
"My liver." Steve looked back up and locked eyes with Chin. "That stupid bullet had to ruin mine. I had to sit in that chair, praying he wouldn't need one, because I wouldn't be able to live with the fact that I couldn't save his life, just because he had to save mine first."
"You have been sitting with this all night? It's not on you, Steve, you know that? You don't have to carry that weight on your own, we're 'ohana." Chin stared concerned at his friend.
"I know we are 'ohana, Chin, but it is on me. I can't be there for him anymore, not like before. I'm not able to save him any longer. He has children, I don't. I didn't ask him to save my life months ago."
"Save him? He didn't ask you to save his life either. This happened out of your control, it didn't happen because of a decision you made. You're not here to save each other. You are here to be by each other's side, to be family. There's a big difference between being family and sacrificing your own life for one another." Sadness crossed Chin's features.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Steve put his hand on Chin's shoulder. He knew what Chin meant when he said it wasn't because of a decision he made. He remembered it like yesterday when he heard Malia got killed. Chin had been living with the regret ever since.
Chin nodded. He gazed at the ground briefly before he looked at Steve and the corner of his mouth lifted. Reassuring him it was fine. He was glad Steve got it off his chest. "Let's go back inside." He jerked his head towards the entrance. "The doc said he would be back shortly to bring us up to see Danny."
"I'll be there in a minute." Steve promised. Chin went ahead and Steve visited the bathroom before he went back. He splashed cold water on his cheeks and neck, trying to freshen himself up. He left the bathroom after two minutes and retraced his way to the waiting area.
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TUESDAY – 5:18 AM – ICU KING'S MEDICAL CENTER - DOWNTOWN HONOLULU.
The team visited Danny first. Steve told them they should go home after that. He would let them know when Danny woke up or if something changed. Steve had carried Charlie with him. Grace wanted to stay and Steve didn't want to split them up. Charlie was sleeping, so he figured it wouldn't be much of a deal to bring him along to Danny's room.
Grace had fallen asleep shortly after they entered the ICU. She was exhausted. She had made herself comfortable and was now curled up in her chair. A nurse offered two blankets after she checked on Danny. She carefully tucked Grace under one and handed Steve the second one, so he could wrap Charlie in it. Charlie was sound asleep on Steve's lap and with his head against Steve's chest. Steve had wrapped his arm around the little guy. It actually comforted him, the calm heartbeat and the slow breathing. The boy didn't move an inch as he placed the light blue blanket over him.
Even though Steve was comforted with Charlie sleeping on his chest, he was still worried about Danny. The surgery went well, but he hadn't woken up yet. Steve had been counting the minutes ever since he took place in the chair next to Danny's bed, facing him. He let his hand rest on Danny's right forearm and squeezed lightly. There was no response, no movement, nothing.
Danny was ghostly pale and his cheeks were hollowed out. His bruised cheek seemed even darker than before, but that was probably because his skin matched the color of the white sheets he was laying on. IV lines were snaking out of his arm. Steve watched as Danny's chest rose and fell. He sat at his friend's bedside for the next few hours, listening to the digital beeps of the heart monitor and watched the moisture appear inside the oxygen mask every time Danny exhaled. He grew sleepy, lulled by the steady, rhythmic sound of the equipment. Eventually Steve had fallen asleep as well, with Charlie on his lap.
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TUESDAY – 6:16 AM – ICU KING'S MEDICAL CENTER- DOWNTOWN HONOLULU.
After another hour Steve woke up as he could feel movement coming from Danny's right arm. Danny let out a small groan as he shifted. His left hand went automatically up to the incision on his abdomen. He didn't open his eyes though.
"Danny?" Steve asked at the sudden movement. He squeezed Danny's arm gently. Danny opened his eyes. He rolled his head to the side, as a brief smile crossed his face and he peered at Steve through glassy baby blue eyes.
"Hey." Danny grunted. His voice was weak and muffled by the oxygen mask that covered his mouth. He blinked a few times to get his sight focused and he looked around the room. Danny quickly recognized his surroundings. He pulled the oxygen mask off so could speak a little easier. He held onto it with his left hand and dropped his hand on his chest.
"Why am I not dead?" Danny sounded hoarse; he swallowed a few times before he continued. His throat was dry, he'd like to cough but his entire body was against any movement, so he tried to swallow instead.
"Who says you aren't?" Steve teased, grinning at Danny who was clearly under the influence of the pain medication.
"I'm looking at you and I wouldn't be if I were dead, because I made a deal," Danny sassed.
"You made a deal?" Steve tried to suppress the urge to laugh.
"A deal, you know, that if I die you won't be around me, to make my after life just as miserable as my earth life." Danny gazed peaceful at Steve.
"With whom exactly?" Steve sounded joyful. The drug was doing its thing and he was definitely taking advantage of the situation.
"The universe. She owes me." His words were fuzzy with the remnants of the pain meds.
"She owes you? And why's that?" Steve asked humorously as he raised his eyebrows.
"She let us cross paths. She forced me to work with you," Danny sounded taunting. He might be on drugs, but he sure knew what he was saying.
"She did? In that case she doesn't owe you anything. It's been a dream the past seven years, right?" Steve shrugged his shoulder, still trying not to burst.
"Keep on dreaming. I'm sure it will escalate very quickly into a nightmare, like everything does for us," Danny mocked.
"It probably will." Steve couldn't keep his face straight any longer, he snorted. "She also prescribed you some strong pain meds, man."
"She sounds amazing, right? Maybe I should marry her," Danny chuckled. His laugh was contagious because Steve started to laugh as well. Only Danny's chuckle turned into an unpleasant coughing spell. He tried to resist every cough, because he couldn't handle the movement.
A jolt of pain rushed through his abdomen, he squeezed his eyes shut to deal with the pain. Pain flashed across his features. The grin on Steve's face disappeared instantly when he saw his friend dealing with the discomfort. So when Danny stopped coughing Steve gently grabbed his left hand and placed the oxygen mask back on his mouth.
Danny took some deep breaths of pure oxygen before he pulled it off again. "What the hell happened?"
"What'd you remember?" Steve asked as he checked both kids if they had woken up or not.
Danny's brow furrowed as he was trying to figure out exactly what had happened. He definitely remembered the pain. It was the same after the liver transplant. He could feel the strain on the incision. What did they do? Open him up again? For what? He couldn't recall any reason why they would do so. The last thing he remembered before waking up in the hospital was that he had woken up in the middle of the night with unbearable pain in his chest. He had gone to his kitchen to take some pain meds, but somehow he could tell something was wrong and he called Steve, after that, it went black. "My chest. I called you, right?"
"Yes, you did." Steve explained quickly what happened. "The CT scan showed a tear in your liver. They had to open you back up to repair it. You have been lucky, pal."
"My head okay?" Danny asked as he pushed himself up, only he didn't have the strength to use the muscles in his abdomen. He winced as the movement placed a strain on his surgical wound.
"Your head's fine buddy, don't worry." Steve patted his shoulder to reassure his friend. Even with the pain he was in, he was still concerned about his head.
"Are you practicing for something?" Danny pointed at his son who was still asleep on Steve's lap.
"What this? Oh no... Well maybe one day." Steve carefully placed his hand on Charlie's back. He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.
"Oh that's good!" Danny bobbed his head, staring with disbelief at his friend. "Let's just forget you said that, okay? I'm not ready for that. I mean I've got my hands full already with you, you know. Let alone a miniature Neanderthal animal." Danny sounded sarcastic.
"You really think I shouldn't have kids?" Steve asked unsure if Danny was serious or not.
"If you get the chance you should. It's the best life has to offer." A smile appeared on Danny's face as he watched both of his kids. "Except for the parts where they terrify you, theoretically it should be a perfect match," Danny teased. Steve rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh. He didn't want to cause another coughing spell.
Danny let out a big sigh. He paused to let the pressure on the incision ease. "You should stop using my kids as practice mannequins though, because you'll wreck them within two minutes."
"Does this look wrecked to you?" Steve stared down, looking at the little guy sleeping in his arms.
"No, it does not." Danny's eyes lit up as he looked at his boy. He was really thankful that Steve and the rest of his 'ohana had taken care of his kids. It meant a lot to him. "Thank you for that, but can I have my son back?" Danny patted on the bed, wanting Steve to place Charlie next to him.
Danny scooted over to make some space. He grimaced as he could feel the sutures pull when he moved. He gripped the sheet on the bed. Even with the medication, it still felt pretty tender and sore. It had already taken some months after the transplant to finally not feel the surgical incision with every movement. He had to go through the whole process again, now that they had opened him back up. It felt worse than the first time, maybe because he knew what his recovery was going to be like.
Steve lifted Charlie carefully off his lap, trying not to wake the little boy. Charlie luckily slept through most of everything that had happened tonight. Steve placed him next to Danny with a proper distance, so he wouldn't be able to hurt Danny. Only somehow Charlie noticed the gap and he snuggled up against his father while he continued to sleep. He rested his tiny hand on Danny's chest. Danny pulled him tight and leaned with his head against Charlie's. Sure the pain medication was nice and all, but having his son curled up against his side was way better than any drug. Danny's eyes fluttered as he tried to fight the sleep. He couldn't keep up the fight though. He was exhausted. Steve slid the oxygen mask back on him before Danny closed his eyes and dozed off with his son in his arms.
-H50-
Thanks to everyone that has read and reviewed this story. I am totally amazed with the wonderful response with this story! You guys are amazing, you guys make my day! Wait no, my week... my month... my year... if that's even a thing, but I'm thrilled with the response! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this story. How's the bromance? Or the characters at all…
Also it's freaking awesome there are some dutch readers as well. Good to know I'm not the only fan of H50 in this small, cold and rainy country... and thanks for the reviews. I couldn't answer them since they were guest reviews, but I did read them and I appreciate them :)