I realize that I am a terrible updater but thank you reading and reviewing anyway. I got some reviews that made me want to get them tattooed on my arms so that I can read them when I'm having a bad day. Thank you guys so much. You have no idea how many times I read the reviews in the middle of writing just so I can have motivation. It is a pleasure being able to write for you.
"It's not too late to go to your parents' place. Your dad seemed really disappointed." I try pleading with him once more as the wheels of the plane touch the ground at LAX.
"I'm not changing my mind, Liv." He replies sternly. "Plus, we wouldn't want to disappoint your parents, now, would we?"
I roll my eyes at the sarcasm in his voice. I don't know if I'm so irritated because I didn't think Edison was serious about being in California for Christmas or if it's because he's so damned happy about it but whatever the reason, he's picked up on my mood and is quiet as we exit the aircraft, collect our luggage, and sign for the rental car. The first time that he speaks is when we're an hour and a half into our drive and about fifteen minutes from my parents' house.
"Olivia?" His voice is soft when he speaks, almost a whisper, and his eyes are locked directly on the road. "Are you really upset that we're here?"
I can feel my posture soften from the defensive, closed-off pose that I had adopted as soon as I entered the SUV. I almost feel bad as I hear the tenure of his voice. Edison has always been very careful about doing exactly what I want, essentially following orders, so I'm sure he's worried about my attitude towards him right now. I sigh softly, gathering my thoughts.
"No…I'm not upset." I assure him. "I'm more or less confused about why you're so adamant about being here. I just don't know what you're expecting to happen."
He nods his head in a pensive manner with his eyes still locked directly on the road. I can tell that he's purposely avoiding looking at my face.
"Edison…"
"It was just a question, Liv." He finally looks at me. "Don't overthink it."
There's no time to reply before we're pulling into the driveway and he's exiting the car hastily. As I get out of the car I can see a curtain flutter and I know we've been detected.
"Leave the bags. They already know that we're here and if we take too long they'll just come out."
He promptly closes the trunk and grabs my hand, gesturing for me to lead the way. I know that they've already seen us so I don't bother knocking or ringing the doorbell, instead, opting to walk right in to the chaos. As soon as my left foot steps in to the foyer there's yelling and squealing and hugging and I almost can't handle all of the contact.
"Let me see the ring, let me see the ring." I can hear my little brother shout as he pushes Edison out of the way.
I give him a look, knowing that the roughness of the push was very deliberate. He grabs my left hand and looks up unimpressed.
"It's alright."
Edison's face drops, my father bursts in to laughter and my mother looks extremely embarrassed.
"I happen to like my ring, okay, Ri." I spit out as quickly as I can, taking up for Edison. Then I lean in to his ear. "Be nice, please."
He shrugs noncommittally and rolls his eyes. That has to be a family trait. My mom moves us all from in front of the door and leads us in to the kitchen.
"So, how's it being an only child?" I tease, reaching up to run my hand through my brother's tight curls.
"I love it." He says with a smirk. "I'm just glad that I don't have a toddler bothering me at this age and it was quite obvious when Jordan left who the favorite was."
"Oh, you mean me. After they were stuck with you they realized how great I am."
My mother cuts in on the bickering before it can even begin.
"Riley, Olivia, stop."
We smile at each other, rolling our eyes at my mother. Suddenly I'm incredibly happy that I'm here. Jordan and I see each other every once and a while because of her job but there hasn't been a time since I graduated from college where I could just sit around and joke with my little brother.
"Where are Jordan and Elliott?" I ask, taking a quick surveillance of the room although I know that they're not here.
"They're in Vegas. They'll be back late tonight so you'll see them tomorrow. Jordan had a meeting so Elliott took the day to drive her up there." My mother answers without looking up from her phone. "Okay, Riley, if you and Gerry are still getting together then you need to go get your things now. I don't want you out too late."
My brother nods and walks around the island and kisses the top of my head.
"I'm glad you're back." He whispers in my ear with a smile before making his way up the side staircase in the kitchen.
My dad takes that as his cue to leave as well, moving across the kitchen to give Edison one of those weird man hugs where they fold in one arm and do whatever guys do then he moves over to me and hugs me tightly.
"I love you, baby girl. It's good to have you home." He confesses to me before kissing my cheek and then heads up down the hall to his in-home office.
"So…what's the plan for today?" I ask my mother before Edison and I are left alone.
"Well, I'm picking up Gerry Grant and taking the boys to Starbucks so they can get some studying done or at least that's what they're telling me but the mall is across the street so I know that the chances of them actually studying is slim to none." She answers while throwing things in her purse. "Do either of you want to come?"
I knew that my brother was a friend to the youngest Grant but I had no clue that on my first day here I'd be thrown into a situation with any of them. Seeing Gerry might mean seeing his father and that was a possibility that I wasn't ready for just yet. I look at Edison to see if he has a preference for going or staying before I pass up the opportunity when he answers for me.
"We'd love to go. We've got nothing better to do."
"Alright, we'll leave as soon as Riley's ready to go. I'm going to head to the car."
When my mother finally exits the kitchen I throw Edison a look.
"We could've used this time to unpack not babysit."
"We're not babysitting." Edison mimics. "We're hanging out with your brother and your mom."
"We're not going to be 'hanging out' with my brother because he's a sixteen year old boy that could care less about our existence and as for my mom, she probably has errands to run after she drops off Riley. Really we're just riding in the car for another hour or two."
Edison gives me a look.
"The only reason you're against going is because we could run in to Grant."
I roll my eyes, ignoring him because he's exactly right and he knows it. Instead of responding I lean up to kiss him but as soon as my lips touch his we're interrupted.
"That's gross. Don't do that." Riley shouts, pushing our faces away from each other.
"Riley, what are you, five?" I ask, slightly annoyed. "Are you ready to go or what? We're tired of waiting."
"You're both going?"
"Yeah." Edison answers. "Liv and I figured it would be a good chance to spend a little time with you and your mom."
Riley stares at Edison for a moment and then looks back at me.
"You know what, I don't care." He quips before grabbing my forearm possessively. "Liv's riding in the back with me, Eddie, you take the front."
"Edison." He corrects.
"I know what your name is." Riley retorts and then proceeds to usher me from the house, leaving Edison trailing behind us. Once we're all settled in our spots in the car my mother looks a bit confused at our seating arrangements but doesn't question it.
"So, Edison, you happy to be in L.A.? I know that Miss. Olivia back there prefers to be on the east coast so much that she doesn't even want to visit her own family." My mother questions sarcastically.
I roll my eyes at her trying to guilt trip me but I'm secretly appreciative of the fact that she's trying to break the awkward silence that is hovering prevalently in the small space.
"I've actually been trying to get out here for a while but you know how Olivia is with her work."
"Wait." I speak up from the backseat as the car comes to a stop for clearance outside of a large guarded gate. "This is the house?"
My mother looks confused at the question.
"Fitz didn't tell you that he bought this house?" My mom queries, mostly to herself. "I know he values your opinion when it comes to real estate, you guys spent forever looking at places in New York when he was thinking about going up there. I'm surprised he didn't tell you."
Edison's head whips around so quickly at the mention of real estate that I'm slightly shocked that he didn't pull a muscle. I ignore his eyes piercing through my skull, my eyes locked on my mother.
"Why would he buy this house when the ranch is twenty minutes away?"
Riley answers for me.
"If they stayed at the ranch full time, Ger would have to go to another school, plus, because it's so isolated he wouldn't get to hang out with us as much because no one's parents want to drive up there so they stay at this house during the week and the ranch is kind of like their getaway when Karen is home or our super-secret man location as Gerry calls it."
I shake my head at that. Of course he would think of it as his secret little clubhouse.
"Alright, enough talking, let's go." Riley bellows and jumps out of the car, running towards the front door to ring the doorbell.
The rest of us take our time climbing out of the car and shuffling to the door so that by the time we get there the door has been left open for us and Riley is already inside.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Val, I'm almost ready, promise." Gerry exclaims, digging around in a closet, without poking his head out.
When he locates what he was looking for he shouts 'Ah ha' and then backs out of the closet, slamming it shut and turns around, immediately facing me. I can see the astonishment wash over his face as he takes me in.
"Liv, I didn't know you were here." He rejoices, pulling me in to a tight hug. "I haven't seen you in forever."
This was not the reaction I was expecting but I hug him back with as much zeal as he's hugging me. He lets me go after a lengthy hug and looks me up and down, I'm assuming, taking in the differences in my appearance since he's last seen me.
"Did you get the gift I sent for your birthday?"
" Of course, you always send the best gifts. You look great, by the way." He compliments with a crooked grin much like his father's.
Riley's hand comes out of nowhere and slaps Gerry hard enough to emit a sound that echoes.
"Watch it, that's my sister and she was almost your mom at one point." He warns with a low growl.
"I know, man, I'm just saying." He whimpers, ducking away from him. "Liv doesn't mind, right Liv?"
I chuckle at the boys but before I can answer a voice comes from above us and startles me in to silence.
"Livi?" Fitz' voice booms across the foyer from the top of the staircase. "I didn't know you were in town."
He bounds down the steps, taking them two at a time, ignoring everyone else with his eyes trained on me. I'm simultaneously hoping for the ground to swallow me whole and for me to be in his strong arms, which are bulging from underneath the fitted white t-shirt showing exactly how toned he is. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he b-lines straight for me and my second wish is granted when he pulls me into his arms, lifting me from the ground. With no hesitation, my arms find themselves wrapped around his shoulders, my fingers grazing the curly hairs at the nape of his hairline, begging to delve deeper as my face burrows into his neck, breathing in the scent that is uniquely Fitz. I can tell that he's doing the same, his nose is right above my left ear and I can hear him deeply inhale, like he's trying to get high off of my smell alone. He finally exhales, his breath tickling the side of my face before he whispers in my ear.
"God, Livi, I missed you."
I nod softly.
"Me, too."
I don't know how long we've been locked in an embrace but it's long enough for Edison to clear his throat. Fitz chuckles softly into my hair and gives me one more squeeze before gently settling me back on my feet; however, he doesn't back away like I expected him to and instead chooses to stand directly behind me as Edison begins to speak.
"My President." Edison sneers and sticks his hand out. "Edison Davis. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting out of a professional setting."
Fitz sticks his hand out as well and I can tell by how long their handshake is that the strong dislike that Edison has for Fitz is mutual.
"You're right, I don't think we've seen each other past meetings in the White House." Fitz agrees but still does not adjust his proximity to me. "So, Livi, you two are dating?"
I turn around to face Fitz, using the opportunity to move farther away from him.
"Actually, we're…um...we recently-"
"We're engaged." Edison finishes for me.
The bewilderment on Fitz' face is apparent.
"Wow…I guess congratulations are in order." He mumbles.
I nod my head awkwardly and then the foyer is void of sound as we all marinate in the awkwardness of the situation.
"I guess it's time to go then, huh?" Gerry offers, trying to ease the tension.
We all nod in agreement and make our way back out of the front door. As we head to the car I try my hardest not to turn around, exerting all of my energy into looking straight ahead but I can't help it. Right before climbing into the car I turn to take a quick peek behind me and our eyes lock and it's almost like meeting him all over again.
"Olivia, we don't have all day." Riley whines from the other side of the car, breaking me out of the trance that I seemed to be stuck in.
So, I jump into the car as quickly as possible, consciously deciding to stare at the upholstery as we leave to avoid looking back at Fitz, however, when I finally look up, the disapproving look on Edison's face is enough encouragement to keep my eyes down for the rest of the ride.
The sun coming through the open curtains is what wakes me up the next morning. Edison isn't beside me and I can hear Jordan's loud voice floating up the stairs so I don't worry about him, instead opting to take my time getting ready alone. Once I'm ready, I make my way down the stairs that lead to the front door, taking extra precaution to be quiet so that I can eavesdrop. I hear the tv going but I can't tell exactly what they're watching.
"Let's pick a different one. This one's boring."
I hear Jordan complain. Someone gets up and I can hear the tapes in the cabinet being shuffled around.
"This one says 'WH'…what does that mean?" Riley asks.
"'WH' stands for White House, you loser. Put it in."
It's Jordan again. She's so rude to my brother. I'm clearly the better sister.
"What do you think is on that tape?" Elliott asks. "National security secrets or Olivia's twisted sex tape?"
I hear Edison join Elliott and Jordan in laughter and then I hear the tape start and Jordan gasps.
"Babe, you remember this?" Jordan questions softly.
The sad part is that she really thinks that she's whispering. I never hear the answer but I can hear that the tape is still going. Then I hear my father's voice on the recording and I instantly know which tape this is. I instantly want it stopped.
"Liv, how does it feel to be Mrs. Fitzgerald Grant, First Lady of the United States of America?"
I hear Edison take a deep breath as my girlish giggle plays.
"Daddy." My voice is filled with faux astonishment. "I'm not Mrs. Grant quite yet. I'll still be a Pope for a little while before I'm the official first lady."
I hear myself giggle again and I know that without looking that this is the part where I looped my arm through my father's and lead him in to the living room of the residence.
"Edison, we can change the tape if you'd like." Elliott offers.
Edison's voice is gruff when it comes and I know that he has no idea that I'm here but it still serves its purpose in making me feel terrible about my entire existence.
"No. I want to watch this." His voice gets lower. "I've never seen her smile like that before."
That's when my heart cracks in half as the tape keeps playing in the background.
"Hey!" Riley's, then squeaky, voice shouts from behind the camera. "I wanna see the ring."
I remember holding my left hand up proudly with a huge smile on my face.
"Isn't it gorgeous, Ri?" My awed voice plays through the living room.
"It's big!" Eight year old Riley was incredibly impressed.
"Now that's what I call an engagement ring."
Apparently sixteen year old Riley is just as impressed. I hear skin slapping together and a small 'ow'. I silently thank Jordan for smacking him. He thinks he's slick with his pointed comments and he's really not. The tape continues to play and I can hear my mother start to speak on the recording.
"It's beautiful, Olivia. It looks like it belongs on your finger. Fitz has great taste."
"Where is Fitz?" Jordan's recorded voice booms right after my mother's.
"Yeah, that's who I came for." Elliott cosigns. "I know what you look like. What's the point of having a sister-in-law that's dating the president if I never get to meet him."
"He's working." My voice is high pitched and defensive. "He's the leader of the free world, you know."
"Well, I guess he's forgiven but only because he's letting us stay here and it's absolutely beautiful o-"
"Who, Livi?" Fitz' voice interrupts Jordan's. This is the part where he crosses the room and gathers me in his arms. He then continues to punctuate each of his words with a small kiss to my face. "She is absolutely beautiful and brilliant and sexy-"
"Excuse me, Mr. President but that is my daughter that you're talking about."
Laughter breaks out on the tape and it makes me smile at how happy we all were.
"Alright, alright. I'm done." He jokes with my father and this is the part where I know he leans down to kiss me. It had started off as a small peck but in the moment I realized that I hadn't seen him all day and the room disappeared around us as I used my tongue to deepen the kiss.
"You guys are gross." Riley's voice whines from behind the camera.
I can hear Fitz and I laughing at him.
"Hey, Riley, what are you going to do with that camera, huh? Sell videos of me to the media? Tell them that I'm a terrible president?"
Riley's laughter is loud and childlike. He used to think that Fitz was the coolest person on Earth.
"No…" He giggles in response. "I'm making a vacation video."
"Well, isn't that smart." Fitz' voice gets louder as he gets closer to Riley.
I poke my head into the living room to see Fitz kneeling in front of eight year old Riley, or really Riley's camera, on the tv screen.
"What do you want to do while you're here? I'm the President; we can do whatever you want."
I chuckle softly at me and Jordan scoffing in the background.
"Can we go on Air Force One?!"
"Of course we can! We can go right now if you want."
My voice interjects, shill and mother-like.
"Fitz, you cannot just take him for a joyride on Air Force One."
"Of course I can. I'm the president, remember, Liv."
I see my face scrunch up at the ludicrousness of the situation.
"What other time can an eight year old boy ride in the official presidential aircraft?" He tries reasoning.
I see my shoulders drop in defeat.
"Fine, but Karen and Gerry are still in school and I don't want them to miss out so I'll go get them. It's a Friday so they get out early anyway. Plus, it's barely twelve, if I can catch them before lunch we can all eat together. Does that sound like a plan?"
Fitz pulls me in to his chest and kisses the top of my head.
"Like I said, brilliant. While you get the kids we'll freshen up and by the time you get back everything should be ready to go."
The camera starts to shake and wobble, probably from Riley's excitement.
"I don't need to do anything, Momma, can I go with Liv?"
I see my mother throw me a look. I smile slightly watching the video play. I'm still glad that he didn't leave me for Fitz. He always loved him.
"Of course you can come with me but you have to turn that stupid camera off."
The camera immediately focuses on the ground as he mumbles unintelligibly before the video cuts and the television fills with static.
"Well, that was interesting." Jordan says after a few moments of silence.
At that moment Riley turns around and spots me in the doorway.
"Hey, Liv. How long have you been standing there?"
"I just got here. I heard Jordan's loud mouth. Where's mom and dad?"
"I was not that loud and mom and dad left about an hour ago. They had an old people's meeting or something." Jordan answers.
I shake my head at her. What the hell is an old people's meeting?
"Okay, well, what are you doing here so early?"
"It's ten o'clock, Liv. Anyway I set up a brunch with a few of our friends. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone, y'know, eating and visiting at the same time."
"Who's we?" My face scrunches up in confusion as I question her.
"Me, you, Elliott, and special guests that you aren't allowed to know about because it's a surprise."
I turn to Edison immediately realizing that his name was not included on that list.
"Why isn't Edison going?"
The question is directed at Jordan but I look at Edison while I ask it. Instead of answering me, he proceeds to get up from the couch and exit the room.
"I've got a conference call."
He throws the comment over his shoulder, already starting up the steps. I can see the look on my siblings faces and I already know that this is something that I have to fix so instead of entering the room I about-face and head straight back up the stairs behind Edison. When I enter the room he is looking through his laptop bag taking out papers and highlighters.
"What's wrong?" I ask softly from the doorway. "I just woke up. How did I piss you off that fast?"
He chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head at me.
"In all of the years that we've been together, you didn't think that I should know that you and Grant were engaged or married or whatever you were?" His voice breaks while he speaks.
He's hurt and that's the worst part. He's not angry like I want him to be. I can deal with anger but I have a hard time answering to hurt and betrayal. I want to answer his question honestly, though. I want to tell him that I don't talk about it with anyone because I still feel like I'm being dragged over flaming coals anytime I think about it. How it's still fresh in my mind the very night that I threw the beautiful ring back in Fitz' face, kissed the kids, packed my bags and never looked back. I want to explain to him that bringing up that engagement isn't a topic that we could ever just breeze over. He would have questions. Questions that required old stories and memories that I wouldn't be able to get through without new pain and suffering. I want to tell him that if I had known back then that I wouldn't be able to think about my past with Fitz for longer than thirty seconds before the painful sobs wrecked through my body, that I wouldn't have done it at all. I don't though. I take the easier route and lie.
"It just never crossed my mind, I guess."
I know that my answer is incredibly lacking by the incredulous look that passes his face.
"We only told our families so it wasn't something that I was used to talking about. It's not something that I'm used to talking about. It was the first year of his presidency, he already had a lot to deal with coming from the media and he thought we needed privacy. I don't talk about it because I never got to talk about it. I wore my ring around my neck most days and the only wedding planning that ever got done was a little talk about where we'd spend our honeymoon. I just forget sometimes. It slipped my mind. I'm sorry."
He seems to except my second excuse a little better than the first and I'm more grateful than ever to move on from the subject.
"Have fun with your friends today. I'll see you later." Is what he leaves me with before exiting the room altogether.
I feel bad for all of ten seconds when I remember that he's the one that wanted to come on this stupid trip anyway. That thought alone tucks the guilt away nice and easy and I walk out of the room to join my sister without a thought of him or our previous discussion in my mind.
"Olivia. I don't think that this is funny. Give. It. Back."
I giggle hysterically holding the strawberry as far from my body as I can possibly get it. Everyone else at the table is red in the face from laughter at the little game that I've started.
"Tell me that I'm the smartest most brilliant and beautiful woman in the entire world." I demand, keeping the small fruit hostage for the compliments.
"Olivia Carolyn Pope you are the smartest most brilliant woman in the entire world. There? Can I have it back now?"
"Nope. You forgot beautiful." I tease, bringing the strawberry back into view and licking the surface area childishly before throwing it back on the empty plate of its owner. "Still want it?"
I am absolutely shocked when the berry is plucked from the plate and quickly chewed and swallowed. I try not to show any emotion but I can't get over the disgust that I feel over that one action.
"Ewww!" I squeal girlishly. "You're gross."
"Seriously, Olivia? Your tongue practically lived in his mouth for like five years. I'd rather see you guys lick each other's food than to watch you guys swap spit." Jordan interjects.
That comment sends the table into hysterics again; however, Fitz and I quiet down, staring holes into our prospective plates. I realize instantly just how close we're sitting, how I've allowed myself to become way too comfortable with him in the last hour that we've been in the restaurant. I should have known that something was up when Jordan refused to give me a guest list but I followed along and ended up walking into a private back room with Fitz, Steven, and Georgia and because Jordan obviously has Elliott and Steven and Georgia are together I was forced to sit next to Fitz. I knew that it wasn't a coincidence and neither was the choice of restaurant. The Harbor is cute little restaurant that sits on a dock in Santa Barbara with a beautiful view of the water from every seat in the restaurant and the particular room that we are in happens to be the exact room the Fitz and I frequently reserved whenever we were in California together. There are also bottomless mimosas for ten dollars with any brunch entree and I know for a fact, by the position that I have found myself in with Fitz, that I've had one or two or three too many.
"I really didn't find it that funny." The tone in my voice immediately stops the cacophony of laughter.
Jordan throws me an apologetic look and says nothing more, choosing to down what's left in her glass.
"I'm sorry, Liv, but we've got to get going." Stephen mutters, no doubt feeling guilty for laughing.
The bill has already been paid so we all stand to leave the restaurant, blocking the front door to say our last goodbyes. Georgia and Stephen leave promptly after a hug from me and a promise to see them before I leave. Elliott drove off after them, leaving Jordan with me since he had to go to his office to catch up on some work and Fitz lingered around my driver's door, ensuring that he would get to talk to me privately.
"It really is good to see you." He begins. "I know how tough things get in D.C. but you should try to make it back to this side of the world more often."
I nod my head, agreeing with him.
"You haven't been president for all two minutes and you're telling me to take a break?" I tease and he cocks his head to the side in laughter.
"I know, right? It's just so peaceful out here. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had never been president at all. If we'd be here…together." He murmurs wistfully. "I always thought that it'd be me and you but now you've got Davis."
I shake my head at him. Rejecting any idea of us being together.
"You don't get to say things like that anymore, Fitz." I chastise him. "Edison loves me."
He scoffs at me and grabs my left hand.
"Edison loves you? Livi, your ring doesn't even fit on your finger. It's practically a knuckle ring and I know that you have a hundred rings lying around, you love jewelry. Are you telling me that a United States senator couldn't afford to get you a better ring and a ring that wouldn't fly off if you flick your wrist too fast?"
I snatch my arm from his, maneuvering from around his body to get in the car.
"Let it go, Fitz. There is no more us. You don't have the right to be angry anymore."
With that I climb into the car and back out of the parking lot as fast as I can without looking at his devastated face in the rearview mirror. I'm halfway down the street when I notice Jordan leaning across the console to look at me.
"What the hell are you doing?" I bark, still reeling from my previous conversation.
"Nothing, I'm just observing you from a distance."
I reach over and smack her forehead with the palm of my hand, making her back up and settle into her own seat.
"There's not much of a distance when I can touch you, you idiot."
"Wow, someone's in a mood and I thought you'd be in a much better one after seeing Fitz." She observes sounding completely perplexed.
"Yeah, well…I'm not." I lament.
She doesn't speak again until I've pulled into her driveway and put the car in park, waiting for her to get out, however, instead of getting out she reaches over to turn my car off and then turns in her seat to look at me head on.
"Do you remember what I said to you when you convinced yourself that you were over Fitz, when you two broke up?"
I look at her quizzically. I don't remember much from the few months after that break up so I shake my head no.
"Well, as a refresher, you flew back here because you knew that Fitz wouldn't dare come to Mom and Dad's with the state that you were in and you stayed holed up in your bedroom and cried for a week straight. Then you got silent. Mom made me move back in until you were feeling better because she said that you needed family around but after the crying stopped you did nothing. You just sat and you stared. You didn't eat until I forced something down your throat and I thought for sure that if you didn't die from being so thin that you'd die from dehydration because getting you to drink anything was harder than I could have ever imagined. Then, on the fourth week Mom and Dad started getting worried and started talking about sending you for professional help because you hadn't said a word or showered in almost a month and when I told you that I found Mom crying about it one night, you instantly sobered up. You were talking and smiling and eating and Mom and Dad went off of high alert because they could tell that you were a little sad but you were better than you had been and that was enough for them. There were times, though, when you thought that no one was looking and you would drop the façade and you would start staring again. Staring at nothing I might add." She stops and sighs heavily in between her words. "You know, one thing that you are blessed with are those big, beautiful, expressive eyes."
I don't say anything about the link in her speech as my eyebrows furrow together in confusion but she continues anyway.
"They're a blessing and a curse that neither Riley or I got." She sighs again but this time she reaches her hand out to caress my cheek. "Liv, you talk and you smile and you sometimes eat but there are times when I look into your eyes and it seems like you've lived through an Armageddon. I've told you once before and I'll tell you again, as many times as I have to, the best feeling in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without the thing you thought you needed the most but if you wake up one morning and you're completely miserable without it then-"
"It's time to make the one decision that I know will make everything better…the hardest decision." I finish in a whisper.
My eyes are burning and I can feel the tears building but I refuse to let them fall as I look at my sister. She nods and drops her hand from my face and then leans over to kiss my cheek. She grabs her purse from under the dashboard and then quickly gets out of the car, making her way to the front door. Before she's even all the way in the house I'm slumped over the steering wheel, tears soaking my pants, my breath coming quick as loud sobs ring through the empty car, and every wrong choice I've made is lined up and concentrated in the forefront of my mind giving me a little time to regret and cry over all of them. I'm glad that Jordan turned off the car.
So, most of this chapter has been done for a while but I really didn't like it. It felt useless and cheesy and generic so I let it sit because I didn't want to upload something just for the sake of updating and then I went to a three day debate tournament at Morehouse, I didn't sleep all three days, and then when I got to my dorm room the ending just came to me. With that said, sorry for making you guys wait so long but the way that this chapter looked yesterday sucked way more than it does right now.
As always, I would love it if you would review. They make me happy and they motivate me so press that awesome little button below.