Author's Note: Hello lovely readers. Thanks as always to everyone who takes time out of their day to read, review, follow and all that fun stuff. It is a big part of why I write and it's great to feel like the effort is appreciated.
I only have a handful of chapters left pre-written of this fic but I would like to keep going with one new chapter every week or so. I am working on two other stories, one of which I may start posting soon to test the waters so keep an eye out for that! Lastly, a big thanks to everyone who also went to read my new one shot. :D
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter franchise.
When he awoke Draco felt as if something had changed and it unnerved him. Granger was already up, taking a shower by the sound of it, and he felt cold.
By the time they were ready to return back to London she had hardly spoken two words to Draco and his heart sank. She had closed up once more, the way she had after the night of his party. As if she regretted opening up to him again.
"Are you set to go?" she asked briskly, avoiding his eyes.
"Yes," he replied stiffly.
Without another word she walked into the Floo and vanished, Draco following after her, frustrated.
After passing through a great number of fireplaces, Draco emerged back into his office in London. Granger was standing on the hearth, biting her lip.
"Thanks for coming with me," she murmured softly, still not looking directly at him.
"It's alright," he grunted. It was still the middle of the night in England. "Did you want to come over for a bit?"
"I think I'll go home," she said politely. "Try to get some more sleep."
"Right," he nodded. "See you at work later."
Before she could respond he apparated home, feeling an intense headache coming on. He would never understand her.
Granger didn't show up to work that day. She owled herself in sick to Hambone. Not to him, though he was her direct boss.
He thought she probably wasn't sick, but it sure made him feel sick knowing she was now seemingly avoiding him. After he had admitted he was in love with her, nonetheless.
It wasn't as if he had tried to force her into anything. He had come all the way to Australia just for her and if she hadn't wanted to know the answer to that question she shouldn't have asked.
She owled in sick Tuesday as well and Wednesday. Draco knew it probably wasn't to do with what he had told her, at least not entirely. He knew she was distressed about the situation with her parents and was probably trying to locate them somewhere in England.
He wished she would remember that he was there and willing to help her out but knew she wouldn't ask him for any more help.
Regardless, it was very unlike her to miss work. In all the time he had worked with her, he thought she had missed work only a small handful of times and only when she was truly sick or injured.
Beyond that, he had grown accustomed to her helping him out with the second half of his team and it put a lot of added strain on him trying to coordinate two teams working on two different jobs when he was trying to get his own tasks done. He felt like he was doing the work of three people and his stress level had shot through the roof in just three days.
Draco could tell Hambone was annoyed that she had missed three days in a row, and though he assumed she wasn't actually sick, there was no way he was going to tell his boss that. This was up to him.
He had owled Granger several times and received no reply. As far as he knew, she was still in London but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know where she lived and even if he did, he did not want to drop to that level and go to her house.
She very obviously didn't want to talk to him.
He was starting to get irritated.
That night Blaise came over and he and Draco polished off a bottle of whisky, got thoroughly out of hand and stayed up far too late.
"How's Lila?" Draco had asked, having lost track of how much he'd had.
"She's great," Blaise grinned, misty-eyed. Draco realized right then that this was different for Blaise, who had never been in a serious relationship. "How's Granger?"
"I'm starting to believe she's crazy," Draco said with a resigned sigh. "Or else she's come to her senses and wants nothing to do with me."
"If you want it to work, don't give up, mate," Blaise said, tossing back the contents of his glass.
"I suppose," Draco said, thoughtfully. "Sure as hell doing a good job of avoiding me right now."
"I find it's better not to try and understand them," Blaise murmured with a grin.
"Cheers to that," Draco responded, shaking his head.
Draco barely peeled himself out of bed the next morning, hungover, sleep-deprived and irritable and raced to work so he wouldn't be late.
He was expecting to have received another owl from Granger and so he was shocked to see her at her desk already, diligently working away.
He was so frustrated with her being gone he practically growled out "my office" as he walked past her, clutching his mug of coffee tightly.
"Where the fuck have you been?" he hissed, turning on her as she followed him to his office.
"It doesn't matter," she said, looking taken aback at his attitude.
"Like hell it doesn't," he scoffed, eyes narrowed. "I'm your boss. I know you haven't been sick."
"I've been looking around," she said ambiguously. He could tell his tone had offended her and softened slightly. "I'm sorry, I thought you would have understood."
He caught the subtle jab and wasn't in the mood.
"I might have understood if you hadn't been ignoring my owls," he said, still frowning.
"I didn't want to talk about it. You're apparently in a bad mood and taking it out on me." She was glaring at him distastefully.
Draco sighed, turning to his desk. His head was pounding.
"Sol and Adrian will fill you in on what you've missed," he said shortly. He liked Granger but sometimes she drove him up the wall.
Without another word she spun on her heel and left the office. Draco turned after she had slammed the door, already wishing he was back in bed. It was nice to have her back to help with the workload but he didn't want to be fighting with her. Now he'd gone and made her mad at him again, which wasn't going to gain him any points.
He didn't want to admit that he really wanted to get Granger in bed, but he was starting to feel sexually deprived and suspected that was part of the reason he was so irritable with her. He couldn't remember the last time he had gone this long without sex.
Trying not to think about it, he set about trying to focus on his work, knowing he would be meeting with Lila and Baxter after lunch.
Cursing his whisky habit, Draco struggled through the morning until he could drop his head and sleep through lunch.
"So Draco, were you with Blaise last night?" Lila asked when they met up in the board room after lunch.
"Might have been," he grinned, "why?"
"Because I was supposed to meet him for lunch and he owled me that he is too sick, and I thought you might have something to do with that."
"What Blaise chooses to do with his spare time, Lila, is his own decision." Draco teased and she rolled her eyes.
"You two are such children sometimes," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Please, you love us," Draco grinned.
"You're right," she smiled in return, "and you know, Draco, saying as a friend, if you want Hermione you really need to get your head out of your arse."
"Noted," he replied, sheepishly, as Baxter walked into the room and the three of them got to work.
Draco spent most of the weekend at Blaise's house, feeling increasingly bitter about Granger. On Friday Sally-Anne, Daphne, Astoria and her boyfriend Matthew joined them. Draco was surprised that he was still bothered by Astoria's new relationship though he thought it was because he was getting nowhere with Granger, despite his best efforts.
As a result, he spent most of Saturday in a state of total inebriation, along with Blaise, his ever faithful wingman and best friend.
"You know, Draco," Blaise was saying with a slight slur, "maybe you just need to meet someone else while you wait for Granger to come around. We could go out and easily find you someone for tonight. She would never know, and you could break your dry spell."
Draco didn't immediately reject the idea and Lila snorted in disgust.
"That is not what you should do, Draco," she said, shaking her head. "If you did that, you wouldn't deserve her."
"Maybe I don't deserve her anyway," he said matter-of-factly. "Granger deserves the world, and I don't think I can give that to her."
"Of course you can," Lila said. "You aren't the prat you were in school and she knows that. She just needs to realize what a great catch you are."
"Hey," Blaise said, disgruntled. "Quit hitting on my best friend."
Lila grinned, mussing Blaise's hair.
"Don't be jealous, Blaisey," she murmured, kissing him on the cheek. Draco's eyebrows flew into his hair. Blaisey.
"You're so fucking whipped," he said to his former schoolmate.
"Least I've got a woman," Blaise retorted.
Draco stared at his mate, unimpressed, his eyelids heavy.
"Okay, this is getting uncomfortable," Lila said brightly, "we should go out, get out of this house for a while."
"Fine," Draco shrugged, "so long as Blaise doesn't try to hook me up with anyone."
"Whatever you say, boss," Blaise grinned, finishing his own drink. "Let's go."
After allowing Lila ten minutes to "put her face on" they apparated to a bar in the heart of downtown London, lights flashing and music pumping, packed to capacity.
The three purchased a round of drinks and found a table though it wasn't long before Blaise and Lila left Draco on his own to dance inappropriately with one another on the dance floor. Draco suddenly felt extremely out of place and more than a little drunk.
"Are you Draco Malfoy?" a woman asked, taking a seat across from him.
"Yes," he replied hesitantly. He was used to this question although it usually generated one of two entirely different reactions when he answered in the affirmative.
"I thought so," the girl said, biting her lip. She had leaned in visibly towards him. So this girl didn't wish he had been thrown in Azkaban. She was probably too young – he guessed she was around Lila's age.
She was quite pretty, Draco couldn't help but notice, and in a very revealing dress. She was gazing at him in a very appreciative and familiar way. The way most women, excepting one particular brunette, usually looked at him. The girl introduced herself but Draco instantly forgot her name. It didn't really matter.
"Let me buy you a drink?" he asked in a low voice, giving the girl his most winning smile. Fuck it, Granger wasn't here and she didn't need to stop him from sharing a drink. Besides, Blaise and Lila weren't coming back anytime soon and he didn't particularly want to sit around drinking by himself.
"I'd like that," she responded, looking flustered.
Draco waved over a passing waitress who also looked him over quickly. It reminded him that he didn't need to be rejected every time he talked to a girl.
"I'll have a firewhisky," he said briskly, "and for the lady –"
He didn't look away from the girl across from him the entire time. She squirmed in an almost uncomfortable manner.
"Make it two," she said, giving a quick smile to the waitress. Draco smirked, eyes sparkling.
Their drinks quickly arrived and after the initial small talk Draco realized that old habits die hard, and he was flirting heavily with this girl, leaning towards her across the table and using his best moves. The poor girl was defenceless, he could tell by the look on her face and he knew he could have charmed her out of that dress if he wanted.
Which he didn't want. He just wanted to have a little fun – was that so much to ask?
Granger made him so exhausted on a daily basis. He was drunk and damnit there was no harm in a bit of conversation.
"So you're like this posh business executive," the girl was saying, gazing at him through heavy eyelashes.
"Something like that," he responded, grinning.
"Do you like it?" she asked, seeming genuinely interested.
"Most of the time," he responded. "Sometimes it's difficult to be in charge of so many people and such important jobs. There's a lot at stake."
He was laying it on pretty thick – his job really wasn't all that exciting.
There was something about this girl though, something real about her. Most women, who he had initially categorized her with, were simply interested in his money, or his body or something equally shallow.
She reminded him of Lila, and Draco suspected if he had met her anywhere but this club he might have wanted to be her friend.
Maybe not – maybe he was just too far into the firewhisky as usual.
"Do you want to dance?" she asked, biting her lip. He laughed, swirling the last contents of his drink. Draco hated dancing. Not because he wasn't good at it. Because it usually got him into trouble.
Fuck it.
"Sure, let's dance."
After finishing their drinks, Draco led her to the dance floor and soon found that another of his dormant skills – dancing – was perfectly intact.
He knew he was drunk and he figured she was as well the way she was pressing against him, he pulled her close and though he knew he ought to pull himself together, he liked the freedom this girl, whom he barely knew, offered to him.
He was so frustrated with Granger and her mood swings, she made him dizzy and this girl was far more predictable and easy to get along with.
Damn Gryffindor. Even when he was provocatively dancing with a beautiful girl, damn Granger came unwelcome to his mind. So unwelcome.
With Draco's hands on her hips, her back to his chest, the way she was pressed up against him; for a moment he almost wasn't sure he wasn't interested in taking her home.
No, wrong. This was not the woman he was in love with. This was the type of woman he didn't want anymore. If he wanted to sleep with this girl, then Lila was right, he didn't deserve Granger, not even close.
He turned the girl to face him. She bit her lip and her eyes were sparkling with excitement and lust.
Draco looked away and just then met Lila's gaze across the dance floor and she was staring at him with disapproval and shock.
He needed to get out of this situation, and fast.
Making sure the girl didn't see him, he mouthed to Lila for help. Her expression dropped and she instantly came over.
"Hi, I'm Lila," she said, introducing herself to the girl. "Draco's friend." The two girls smiled at one another.
"Natalie," the girl said.
"Draco, I hate to break this up but Blaise is just so drunk, he is in the loo vomiting," she said, with a sense of urgency that Draco would have believed did he not know Lila better. "I think we ought to take him home."
"I'll go get him," Draco responded, turning to the girl who was looking put out. "It was great to meet you doll, maybe another time."
He shot her a consolatory wink and the girl perked up. Before she could offer him any way to contact her Draco and Lila went off in the direction of the door, where Blaise was waiting for them.
"Can we please forget about that?" Draco asked Lila, his most persuasive smile on.
"Oh fine," Lila replied. "Not your brightest moment, but I'll blame it on the whisky."
Blaise was staring at Draco with one eyebrow raised, smirking. He shook his head.
"You really need to get laid, mate."
"You have no idea," Draco replied, grimacing. They apparated back to Blaise's and Draco passed out on the couch before he could give it any more thought.
When Draco awoke the next morning his stomach felt nauseous though he could hardly tell if it was from the drinking or the self-loathing. What had he been thinking, flirting with that girl like that, touching her. It made him sick to his stomach.
If nothing else, the night had reminded him that he was ready to be done with the easy, shallow girls he met in bars. He wanted more than that, and he knew who he wanted it with. Now if only she would snap to her senses and accept him into her life.
But he knew that wouldn't happen until she had sorted out her own problems with her parents. He had been selfish that week, giving her a hard time for missing work when he knew how important to her it was. He had been trying to offer support and assistance, yet he had turned on her instead, pushing her away with his anger and frustration.
Maybe he hadn't changed as much as he had hoped.
Monday morning, he vowed to make it up to her. He would walk straight up to her, offer his understanding and patience and make her see how much she meant to him.
When he arrived at work, however, things changed.
"Draco," Lila came up to him on the ground floor as he was waiting for a lift. As if she had been waiting for him. "You might want to read this."
Her eyes were wide as she thrust a copy of Witch Weekly into his hand. Draco nearly crumpled the rag in disgust until he saw his own face on the cover. Instantly he was filled with dread; this wasn't a good thing. Witch Weekly only put someone on the cover if it was a big story.
His hand tightened on the magazine but he wanted to wait and read it once he got to his office.
"Again, Malfoy." Hambone was waiting outside of his office with a sheet of parchment. Draco knew instinctively that this was bad, too. "You really ought to talk to her and find out what's wrong."
Hambone hurried off and Lila followed after him quickly.
It was another letter from Granger, owling herself in sick. It referenced the bug she had "picked up" the week prior and it wasn't any better.
Bullshit.
"I'll definitely talk to her, sir," he responded, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. He grit his teeth and walked into his office with a quick nod to Lila.
Once at his desk, he tossed both the letter and the magazine down in disgust, running his hands anxiously through his hair. This was not a good start to the day. He didn't even have coffee.
Surreptitiously glancing at the magazine, he nearly groaned aloud as he read the headline.
"Draco Malfoy - Millionaire Playboy Derailed?"
It was a generic stock photo of him, taken from some event or other. But the article inside made him sick to his stomach. Citing his weekend excursion to the bar in London over the weekend, the article spoke of his drinking, his womanizing, his unwillingness to settle down.
There were photos and as far as Draco was concerned, that was the worst. He was used to this damn rag making assumptions about his life, but the photos of him with that girl, Nadia or Natalie or whatever the fuck her name was. Sharing a drink, leaning in across the table, touching her. It was just too much.
He had no doubt whatsoever that Granger would have seen this, and that this would be the last straw. She already had concerns about whether or not his feelings for her were legitimate and what the bloody fuck had he been thinking!
He wasn't, of course, he had been drunk. As usual.
The self-hatred was extreme. He had been right, he didn't deserve Granger. Seeing it so plainly now, he believed it with all his being.
"Draco, it's Lila," he heard through the door, accompanied by a soft knock.
"Come in," he said after a brief hesitation. She walked in, closed the door softly behind her and sat down in the chair at his desk, her eyes wide.
Draco eyed her warily, but was pretty sure she wasn't here in a work capacity. He sighed, allowing himself to let his guard down.
"What do I do, Lil?" he asked, softly. "I fucked up, big."
"I don't know," she replied, shaking her head. "I would say talk to her, but..."
She trailed off. Draco knew she didn't have to finish the sentence. Granger would not have any interest in listening to him. Besides, what could he say that would justify this? He had told her he was in love with her and now this. He wouldn't believe it if he were her.
Lila reached across the desk, taking his hand gently in hers. He appreciated her friendship and support more than anything.
He had allowed himself to have hope that just maybe, he wasn't destined to spend his life alone, and just maybe this girl that he was so enamored with might actually want him back. But now this. Could she forgive him? He wasn't sure. Was he ready to give up?
Hell no.
He sat up straighter, looked Lila in the eye.
"I need Granger's address," he said quickly. A smile crept onto the girl's face. "And I'll need you to cover for me today."
"Of course," she replied softly, "I'm sure it's in the files somewhere."
As Lila left his office, Draco exhaled heavily. He didn't suspect Granger would be interested in hearing him out, but he couldn't very well just sit here and he most definitely wasn't ready to give her up.
Granger wasn't home. Draco had spent the last 3 hours lurking on her block, wondering how long was too long to wait but he sure as hell wasn't interested in going back to work.
The thought of work made him feel sick. The thought of Granger made him feel sick. He had no idea how he was going to deal with this.
Suddenly Granger appeared across the street and walked towards the small house that he had determined to be hers. Not noticing him, she unlocked the door and went inside.
Deciding to give it a few minutes, Draco hesitated before crossing the street and knocking on the door. He was suddenly terrified to see her and found himself intensely interested in the front walk.
The door swung open and Draco had just enough time to register Granger standing there, staring at him with narrowing eyes, before it slammed again.
Not entirely surprising. He knocked again. No answer.
"Granger, I'd like to talk to you," he said through the wooden door. Somehow he was sure she was just on the other side. The door swung open again.
"I don't want to talk to you," she said briskly, folding her arms. "In fact, please get off my property."
He sighed, running a hand through his already tousled hair. He met her eyes; they were cold and bloodshot.
"It meant nothing. She meant nothing and nothing happened," he muttered softly, not really expecting her to believe him and not putting up any pretense that she may not have read the article.
"It didn't seem that way," she said flippantly, but Draco could tell how hurt she was in her tone. He hated that he had made her feel that way, despite the fact that they weren't actually together. For all Draco had said to her, she had the right to be hurt.
"Well, that's Witch Weekly for you," Draco responded darkly, shaking his head. "I have no excuse. I was drunk." It was the worst excuse ever but the only one he had.
"What a surprise," Hermione responded sarcastically. "Maybe, Malfoy, if you really want to clean up your life a bit, you don't need to be drunk all the time."
He stared at her, blankly. How could he tell her that he drank so much because he was so damn lonely. She was right, though, and they both knew it.
"I know." He stared at her for a long while, hands shoved in his pockets. He wasn't used to feeling so vulnerable. "What can I do?"
"You can leave me alone," she finally said after a pause, her voice small.
Draco simply stared at her, his brow furrowed. So this was it.
"I'll come into work tomorrow to submit my formal resignation. I'm sorry, but I don't feel right continuing to work for you." She looked away from him, refusing to meet his gaze.
"Please don't," Draco said in a low voice, trying to ignore the sickening crack of his heart. He took her hand and she didn't immediately pull it away. "I will do anything to make this up to you. You mean so much to me."
He didn't care if it sounded like he was pleading. He couldn't just let her walk out of his life.
"I don't think there's anything you can do," she said finally, withdrawing her hand from his. "Bye, Draco."
She turned, angrily wiping away tears and walked into the house without another glance at him. Draco took a deep breath. So this was how heartbreak felt. It was made all the worse by the fact that it was entirely his fault.
He apparated straight to Blaise's, not able to stand the thought of being alone.
He was met with a knowing frown and a glass of whisky, which he downed without a second thought.