Day 6
Why didn't this damn wallpaper stay where it belonged?
This was the second time the strip of wallpaper came down when she turned around to paste the next one, but MacKenzie didn't give up. She was determined to continue renovating the appartment, at least up to the point where everything was done that Will and she had planned and decided on already. It wasn't as easy - and fun - doing it alone, but at least it kept her busy and distracted.
She needed the distraction.
As long as she worked she didn't have to think, so all week she had arrived early at the office and stayed late. When she came home past midnight she just fell into bed, though sleep was mostly still hours away and that's when the thinking began. So she even spent most of Saturday at her desk; sorting, filing and reviewing last week's shows.
She had hardly returned any calls from her family and worried friends yet – let alone reporters who wanted a quote on Will and their marriage.
So far she had also rejected all invitations to join the team at Hang Chew's after work. She knew they were all worried about her, but she just couldn't bear the thought of Will being alone in his cell while she was out with their friends, laughing and drinking. Or worse ruining their evening because they might think they had to be considerate of her situation and keep it down. They worked hard and they deserved to let off steam.
So she had spent most of the time alone and this weekend she had taken on the living room as her project.
Mac wasn't really talented when it came to working with her hands, but at least that meant she had to concentrate and couldn't let her thoughts wander to Will. Or at least she shouldn't, though she did often enough... That was probably one of the reasons why the wallpaper kept coming down...
Her father always used to say that you have to put your heart into what you are doing, and hers wasn't in this completely. She kept telling herself 'I'm doing this for us', but she would so much rather do it with him instead of for him...
Maybe she should throw a party where everybody who wanted food had to put up at least three strips of wallpaper or lay parquet flooring...
Mac had just finished this thought when the door bell rang. „Good timing", she muttered relieved, put aside the paste brush and wiped her hands on an old towel while walking to the door. When she saw her visitor she froze.
„Hello, Mac..."
Mac didn't know what to say. She had expected Jim or maybe Sloan and Don were coming by on this Sunday afternoon, as so far her friends had made sure not to leave her alone for too long. They were constantly dropping in at work, inviting her to lunch or dinner and calling regularly. She suspected they had worked out kind of a schedule to keep an eye on her.
But instead she looked into Molly's face – One of her oldest friends who part of her actually hated at this moment.
„Can I come in?
Mac hesitated for a moment, thoughts swirling through her mind. Finally she turned around and walked back into the living room without saying a word. Molly quickly followed her in and closed the appartment door. „Wow, you still have a lot of work ahead of you."
„Well, I do have to do it all alone now", Mac replied coldly and unspoken accusations filled the air in between them. Finally she pointed at the stubborn piece of wallpaper which had come down again in the meantime. „Do you know how to hang wallpaper? You might as well make yourself useful while you're here."
„Sure. Do you have an old shirt for me I can wear?"
Mac looked her over from top to bottom. „You'll have to wear one of Will's. Take a look in the top box on the right in there." She nodded her head towards the bedroom.
After a minute Molly came back, wearing a grey shirt from Northwestern University which Mac had given to Will as a prank a couple of days after he had found out that it had been her who had 'produced' his infamous monologue from the audience. „Not that. Wait, I'll get you another one."
Will had not been amused and hated the shirt in the beginning. However after their engagement he suddenly began wearing it at home, insisting that this was where their new future had started. He wouldn't be caught dead with it in public though, despite having been challenged by her a number of times.
They both worked in silence for a while and actually managed to put up three more wallpaper strips – and keep them up there - when Mac finally cleared her throat.
„So, what do you want?"
Molly turned around. „First of all I wanted to congratulate you on your wedding. Believe it or not, I am really happy for you both."
„And?" Mac nodded in acceptance but wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily.
„I wanted to apologize for the way everything went down during our... visit... to your newsroom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not apologizing for having been there; we did our job. But I admit that we could have handled the whole matter more sensitively... And I shouldn't have let it get personal between the two of us."
Molly was looking at Mac for a reaction, but she just kept putting paste on the next strip of paper.
I should tell you that my boss knows I am here."
Now Mac looked up and starred at her which made Molly lift her hands defensively. „Seeing how quickly you went to the altar they think there is a chance you know more than you have told us and just wanted to get spousal privilege. They are probably hoping you'll slip or I will squeeze something out of you under the cover of our friendship, but that's not why I came over here. Or what I think. And I honestly don't even want to know, you have to believe me."
Mac didn't react at first, but then she slowly nodded.
„Will and I got married because we wanted to. Because we are in love and have already lost 6 years of our lives. And you know that... But also... I needed him to know that I believe in our future together and will be right here when he comes back. You heard some things about his past. You know that he never had a real family life like every kid should have. I need him to know that he has one now, that I am here, so that he has something to hold on to."
„I know, and I'm sorry it had to come to this..." Molly replied sympathetically. „I probably shouldn't say this but part of me admires him for standing by his convictions. I really respect that... How is he?"
Mac sighed. „I went to see him on Friday and again this morning. So far he seems to be holding up okay. But he believes he has to be strong for my sake and won't let me see what's going on inside of him... He can't admit that he is scared and confused and angry, so he's putting up a front to make me feel better...That is so typical for him..."
„I know a couple of the guards down there. I can ask them to keep an eye on him and tell me in case they notice anything weird or unusual in his behaviour. If you like me to, that is", Molly hastily added, still treading on shaky ground.
„I would appreciate that, Molly, thanks. But... if there is anything to tell, please only talk to me, no one else."
„Promise, pinky swear", Molly held out the bent little finger of her right hand. With a warm feeling Mac remembered some of the probably hundreds of pinky swears the two of them had shared, from not ever telling anybody where Molly hid her braces to Mac's first boyfriend at age thirteen. Not that anything had ever happened between them, but if her mother had known...
With a solemn „For old times sake" she entangeled her pinky with Molly's and for the first time since her arrival Mac smiled at her.
In a now more comfortable silence, distrupted only by an occasional comment or curse here and there, they continued with the walls and half an hour later they looked at their accomplishment with pride. The walls were done and everything had stayed where it was supposed to.
While Mac took a quick shower Molly changed back into her clothes and heated up some pizza she found in the fridge.
„I would have loved to invite you out for a drink, but I guess it's better not to be seen in public together right now." she shouted through the bathroom door Mac had left ajar once the water was turned off.
Wrapped in a towel and drying off her hair with another one Mac came out.
„That's okay. Check the fridge, there's a nice bottle of white wine in there."
When she was finished dressing into some comfortable sweats and a shirt Molly had already filled a couple of glasses and waited for her, sitting on one of the crates Will and Mac had been using as chairs until the bulk of their furniture got out of storage. Mac joined in, leaned back at the wall behind her and took an appreciative sip of wine with her eyes closed.
„So. How are you holding up?"
Mac snorted and shrugged her shoulders. „I didn't even have time to think about anything, let alone let it sink in... I just keep busy... Work work work, either here or at the office, until I can't keep my eyes open anymore."
Molly knowingly looked at her. „Talk to me."
After a long silence Mac finally spoke.
„I'm very very proud of Billy. I miss him terribly... I'd like to beat him senseless...
I'm angry at the source. I'm angry with you guys that you don't find it... I'm angry with Neal because he has told Will - although I know he made him do it... I'm angry about the direction Newsnight is going under our new boss. I'm angry with Will that he has left me alone with this construction site. And our new boss. I'm angry that he left me alone... That's what I'm feeling, 24/7... Do you want me to go on?"
„If you have more to say?" Mac shook her head and starred into the glass.
„Is this the first time you let it all out? You can't keep it bottled up, Mac... Talk to me, talk to Jim, talk to a shrink if that will help you. But please don't try to get through this alone."
Mac didn't answer but then she hesitantly asked: „Do you know... Did you hear anything about how long they will keep Will locked up if he doesn't give up the source? Any rumours?"
Molly regretfully shook her head. „No, I'm sorry... But I do know that for now they don't intend to back off. If they let him go after only a few days they lose face. And would set a precedent for the future. They have to keep him in jail for a while to discourage anybody else in a situation like this. Not that they would ever admit that it plays a role. I'm sorry, Mac, I'm pretty sure Will's being made an example off..."
A single tear rolled down Mac's cheek.
„I miss him so much, Molly..." she whispered, her voice almost breaking. „The three years overseas were hell. The three years just working with him were often frustrating, even hurtful, but at least I could see him and talk to him almost every day. And these past months now... Everything just fell into place. Sure, we had to work out a lot of things and still have to, but we were together... We trusted each other again, not only professionally..." Mac lifted her glass but didn't drink.
„You know, when Will proposed he promised that he would never hurt me again – And now he just left... I know he didn't want to and as I said, I really am proud of him, so how can I be mad at him at the same time...? I feel like I'm letting him down..."
Molly leaned forward and took her hand.
„You are not letting him down, Mac, stop thinking that. It's normal to have these mixed up feelings... Ask yourself:
If Will would name the source, could he live with that? No, and that's why you would never ask him to do it, not to mention your own journalistic ethics. If you did, if you told him you couldn't stand to be without him any longer, I am pretty sure he would open his mouth and be home within the hour. He would probably hate himself for it and maybe even you, too, but that's not you anyway. I know you, Mac...
You once told me that you confessed to your affair with Brian because you wouldn't have been able to live with yourself if you hadn't told Will. Well, I know you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you asked Will to compromise his principles. That's why you will continue to be supportive, but that doesn't mean you have to suppress your feelings about the situation or even like it."
Mac thought about this for a while, then she looked up with a faint and at the same time sad smile.
„Thanks, Molly, I needed to hear this...You're really a good friend... Though I do still hate you a little..."
„I know. Now eat your pizza."
I hope you enjoyed reading about this day?
A big "Thank you" goes to lilacmermaid33, who thankfully acted as my beta and gave me good tips on the devolopment of the chapter. :-)