This chapter is not really supposed to „lead" anywhere, it's just an attempt to show what might be going on in Will's mind, rambling around while being stuck alone in his cell.

Thanks again to lilacmermaid for her support. .-)

Day 16

By the sixteenth day of prison Will had settled into the daily routine – Wake up call at 06:00 a.m., taking a shower, eating his – not very good – breakfast, then waiting for lunch and then again for dinner. Interrupted only by the 20 minutes he was allowed to spend in the courtyard every day – alone - and the occasional visitor.

The whole day stretched out in front of him like honey slowly running from a spoon.

10:34 in the morning and he already felt like he'd been awake for a whole day.

He was lonely.

He didn't like to admit it but obviously he had been wrong. How could he have ever thought he was too big a celebrity to be charged with contempt?
Mac had tried to warn him but he didn't listen, so all of this was his own fault. Still, he didn't regret it because otherwise Neal would be in his place, and though he was talking tough he knew he wasn't. Neal wouldn't have been put in solitary confinement and who knows what would have happened to him in here...

He had been lonely before – As a little boy when he had to protect his mother, his sisters and brother from his drunken father and of course during those long, dark years MacKenzie had been away. Inside he had still been lonely after she returned because for a long time he couldn't even admit his feelings for her to himself. And even after that he had fought them for more than another year...
Oh, he could still kick himself for not figuring it all out sooner...

Back in those days he had always thought he didn't mind being alone, but this was different. Before he mostly chose to be on his own; he had always had the option to call somebody, go on a date, catch a movie or broadway play. Now he was cut off from his friends and family and depended on guards exchanging a few words with him. And this left him alone with his own thoughts far too much...

Mac, Charlie and Rebecca were his only regular visitors; the latter two about once a week, his wife about two or three times a week, but mostly on the weekends. Mac had told him that Sloan, Elliot and Don wanted to come see him soon, but they hadn't so far.

Still a little more than an hour to go before visiting hours would start at 1 p.m., but he didn't expect anybody to come for him today. With their working hours they could also probably only come by on the weekends.

During every one of her visits so far Mac had asked him how he was doing and he had lied to her, said that everything was fine and not to worry. He had even pretended to take this time as a much needed vacation with lots of sleep and catching up on some reading, but though she never said anything he knew that she didn't believe him. Though it had been at least partly true in the beginning, when he thought his imprisonment would only be a matter of a few days.

Habib - it's Wednesday, normally he would have seen him today - would probably ask him why he didn't tell her the truth. Was it pride? Shame? Didn't he still completely trust her?
Bullshit, he trusted her with his life and that even before they had finally sorted out all their problems. He simply knew that this whole situation was hard enough for her and he didn't want to pile on. Though she probably would insist he did.

God, how he missed Mac.. Naturally he missed the physical part of their relationship and he had spent hours thinking about making love to her; in their bed, in the shower, on the kitchen counter...Even in their offices, although they had always followed a strict 'no display of affection at work' policy. Well, almost always... They didn't restrain themselves completely from brushing their hands, the occasional peck in one of their offices or walking out at night with his arm around her shoulders.
But now... Sometimes he almost felt her skin under his fingers and her little kisses on his neck...

And how he relished thinking about this one special night before their wedding...
He was sure he would never ever forget these hours in his entire life, he had never experienced anything like it before...
Their sex life had always been fantastic, already the first time they were together. But now, with their personal problems being solved, being secure in their relationship and not knowing what the next day would bring, that night had been about more than just passionate, mindblowing sex - Their souls had opened up and connected so deeply that he still felt a part of MacKenzie's was inside of his own...

But even more he missed their talks, her laughter, the banter. He missed their ever so light touches, just reassuring each other throughout the day. He missed her voice, her smile and even her fiery looks when she was angry with him. He missed just being around her, he missed their discussions and fights just as much as their lazy late nights cuddled up in front of the tv or in bed. And he really missed playing the guitar and singing to her at night.

Oh yes, he missed his guitar; his constant companion since he had been about 10 years old. His first guitar was actually the only good thing he ever got from his father. He had never said how or why he got it but one night he came home and just gave it to his oldest son. Will had taught himself to play and it became an escape for him, although he did get the occasional resounding slap while playing it when his father felt disturbed by the noise...

Yes, he would love to have his guitar here right now to comfort him, play a little jailhouse rock... But given the choice he would gladly give up the music for good to just be able to go home and be with his wife again.

His wife... He loved the sound of these words, though the wedding still seemed pretty unreal to him. After all he hadn't really been able to enjoy the perks that came along with it, but at least he knew what was waiting for him outside. Jesus, how he looked forward to their married life!
He had to ask Mac during her next visit where she wanted to go on their honeymoon; that would give him – and her – something to look forward to...

How he would have loved to take her to Nebraska to meet his father. To show him what magnificent woman had fallen in love with his measly little son...
He would never think of Mac, his beautiful, smart, strong, confident and independent MacKenzie, as a trophy wife, but to his father he would have presented her as one. Just to impress him and to shove it up his ass that his son wasn't the loser he had always told him he was.
But then he – no, she - would have shown him what a remarkable woman she is. This petty excuse of a man who all of his life was too much a coward to accept a woman as an equal but needed to make himself feel better by having his wife live in constant fear of being abused by him again...
But no, he had to stop going down that road. He couldn't go there, not yet...

Mac... He should rather think about Mac...

04:05 p.m. Right now she was probably in the last rundown meeting with Jim, Maggie, Kendra, Gary, Tess, Martin... Good kids, all of them. They were so green, when they started three years ago – okay, all of them but Jim – and it was amazing what Mac had been able to teach them in this short period of time.

He was fairly sure but still could only hope that they all gave Mac the extra assistance she needed while carrying more than her normal work load with him being gone and Pruit being such a prick... Not to speak of their moral support.

It had been wonderful seeing her on Sunday, but she had looked tired and weary. She had insisted she was fine, but he was quite certain she just wanted to keep him from worrying about her, just like he had told her his little white lies...

Were they still white lies and therefore alright or was he supposed to tell her how he really felt? What was more important right now in their relationship – honesty or protection?
He didn't know, but as long as he couldn't physically comfort her except for a few hugs and kisses during her short visits he at least had to try and keep her spirits up. If he couldn't do that then he himself would go insane in here...

He was glad she had Charlie she could go and talk to whenever she needed to, though he wasn't sure if she would... She had never liked to appear weak and needy, espcecially at work. But he knew she didn't see Charlie as just her boss but also considered him a friend, so he hoped she would open up to him...

Charlie really deserved this bourbon he was talking about. Heck, not just one bottle but a lifetime supply! Okay, maybe only one case a year or he wouldn't be around much longer and Nancy would bite his head off... But everything came down to the fact that it was Charlie who had brought Mac back into his life and he would never be able to repay him for that. He didn't even want to imagine what kind of grouchy and miserable SOB he would still be if Mac hadn't come back into his life...

Mac... His beautiful, funny and caring Mac...
04:49 p.m. The rundown meeting was probably over by now. What would she be doing? Maybe meeting with the graphics guys? Assigning the teams to work on the different stories that they were running this evening? Following up on leads or sources? Staff evaluations? Or fighting Pruit again for one of his ideas?

07:23 p.m. Every night around this time he felt himself getting itchy, wanting nothing more than to change into one of his suits and report the news. He knew Sloan was a stand-in as good as he could have, but still... Newsnight was his show. It wasn't just a job, especially since Mac had returned and made him start his mission to civilize.

He wanted to be involved in choosing the stories they'd report an, not be the story. He wanted to be back behind his anchor desk and get the important news out to the country. He wanted to be pushed by Mac's commanding voice in his ear; she just knew how to get the best out of him, always had. He still shuddered thinking about what had become of him during the time she was gone...

09:01 p.m. The show was over.
He was hoping Mac would take a little time to enjoy herself, maybe go to Hang Chew's with the team or meet with Sloan and have her distract her with stories about her and Don or even an economics lecture she wouldn't understand a word of... Which Sloan knew, so Mac wouldn't even have to pretend but could just let go...

Sloan really was a good friend and he was so glad Mac had her with her right now. Though she did sometimes act like a social klutz she was warm and caring and fiercly defensive of her friends.
He knew she had thought he was an ass in the beginning and now they had this wonderful big brother-little sister relationship... He still couldn't believe she gave him that lecture on his state of mind, the hole in his heart and goldilocks planets.

But she had been right, there is only one planet in all of space that's perfect for him. And he found it and had conquered all obstacles in its way to make it his.

Mac.