Day 25

„Sloan, what the hell are you doing? Get in there, don't let him get away with that bullshit!" Mac almost shouted at her through the microphone.

They were in the middle of a segment on the Arms Trade Treaty which was heavily opposed by the NRA but expected to be signed by President Obama in the near future.

Sloan was in a satellite interview with a spokesperson of the NRA and was supposed to lead it up to the point where it became clear that their standard argument against any proposed law on gun regulation – it would supposedly threaten the rights of American gun owners – which had been brought up like an automatism just as every time anything gun related was on the political agenda, would not apply to the ATT which was intended to solely deal with international arms trade between governments.

An interview like this was journalism 1.0 and should be no problem for an experienced anchor like Sloan: Ask for the reason for condemning the treaty, state its real purpose and wait how the NRA official reacts to that - slam dunk.

However, Sloan seemed to be completely off track tonight.
She had already missed her cue after a commercial break so that there had been a 4 second on-air silence before Mac had been able to get her to start the next segment. And now she simply accepted all the interviewee's answers and didn't question a single thing.

Despite the fact that the answers given just begged for a detailed follow up, this segment would be much too short to fill the B block if Sloan didn't shift up a gear.
As a precaution Mac had already told Jim to be prepared to move up the first story from the C block. Also they had made sure that one of the stories that had been cut during the final rundown meeting, a short report on an interview with Ann Romney on ABC that morning, stating that she and her husband would be very partial to Paul Ryan as the Republican candidate for the Presidency in 2016, was ready to be aired at the end of Newsnight if necessary.

Luckily Sloan managed to at least partly get her act together so that the show didn't end in a complete desaster, but after the show Mac furiously went up to her office to have a word with her, already starting to speak the moment she walked through the door.

„Goddammit, Sloan, what was the matter with you tonight? You not only messed up the NRA interview but..." Mac stopped her rant when she saw her friend slumped in her chair behind her desk. „Sloan? Are you alright?"

She carefully stepped around the desk and put her hand on Sloan's shoulder. „What's wrong? Did anything happen?"

Sloan shrugged, but didn't look at her and said quietly „I'm sorry about messing up the show tonight, Mac."

Worried about her friend Mac dismissed her anger for now. „We can talk about that later. What's the matter with you?"

Finally Sloan looked up and took a deep breath. „Grayson called right before the show..."

„Grayson?" Mac was confused, but then she remembered. "Wait, as in your ex-fiancé Grayson? What did he want?"

„He's moved back to New York a few weeks ago and he wants to meet me." Sloan mumbled.

Mac leaned against the desk and looked at her intently. „And you told him to fuck off, right?"
When she didn't get an answer she intensified her stare, trying to read the answer in the economist's eyes. „Oh my God, you're thinking about it..."

They both stayed silent for a moment, before Mac moved from the desk and went to collect Sloan's coat and purse from the coat rack.
„Get up, we're going."

„Where...?"

„I'm taking you home, it's Friday anyway. Looks like it's my turn to take care of you tonight." Sloan hesitated for a second, but then she slowly got up.

„I can't speak to Don right now. You'll have to make sure that he's not in the bullpen."

„Yeah... He has to get ready to get Elliot on the air, you won't see him. Come on." With this she pulled Sloan out of the room and then continued down the stairs to her own office to summon a car and grab her things, including her duffle bag with a change of clothes.

When they arrived in the lobby the AWM car, which Charlie insisted she'd use for now to protect her from paparazzi looking for a story on her and Will, was already waiting, and Mac gave the driver Sloan's address.

They both were quiet during the ride and in the elevator going up to Sloan's place. When they entered the apartment Mac sent Sloan, who was still wearing her clothes from the show, to get changed while she ordered some Italian food and looked for a bottle of wine in the kitchen. She was still sticking to her resolution not to drink, but tonight she would make an exception and pour herself half a glass to keep Sloan company.

When Sloan came back, now dressed in yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt, Mac motioned her to sit next to her on the couch, sitting slightly sideways to face her.

„Okay, here's some wine and now tell me from the beginning."

Sloan shrugged, pulled her legs up and snugged her arms around them. „There's not much to tell. Apparently he was transfered back to the New York office a while ago. He said he'd miss me and wants to meet."

„What did you say?"

„I told him that I'd have to think about it..."

Mac shook her head and briefly closed her eyes. „Are you thinking about it as in thinking about it or are you thinking about it as in considering it?"

„I honestly don't know, Kenzie... It's all just a complete mess up here right now" She pressed her head in between her knees and cupped her hands on top of it, pushing it down even further.

Mac didn't say anything for a while before she sighed. „Sloan, you know I'm your friend and I will support you in everything you decide to do. But please... Don't make the same mistake I did..." She looked over to her but Sloan still hid her face. „What about Don? You've been together for almost 7 months now."

At this Sloan looked up again. „You had been with Will for a year when you saw Brian again..."

„No, I wasn't."

„That's what you told me at the bar one night."

„Well, if I did I either had way too much to drink at that point or was preoccupied with something else. I hadn't seen Brian for about a year then, but I had only been with Will for about 6 weeks... Back then I hadn't realized that I had fallen in love with Will, otherwise I would have never even considered going back to Brian. But you... You love Don, don't you?"

„Yeah, I do..." Sloan confirmed with a smile before turning serious again. „But still... There's always this nagging feeling about why Grayson did it. At that time I'd really thought he was the one, I'd thought it was real!"

Mac felt a chill running down her spine and decided to up the ante.
„I've never met Grayson, but from what you told me he was an egotistical, arrogant and narcissistic jackass. How long has it been since you caught him cheating with your bridesmaid? Six years? Seven years?"

„Six." She could barely understand Sloan's mumbling.

„Six years... And has he ever contacted you before today? Did he ever have the decency to apologize to you? Did he ever say anything remotely close to missing you or wanting you back previously?" She paused. „Sloan, if he's just moved back here, don't you think he might just be looking for a fuck buddy?"

„I'm not planning on sleeping with Grayson!" Sloan gave back indignantly.

Mac couldn't help a sarcastic laugh. „Neither did I at first, believe me... It just happened... I was still hung up on Brian for rejecting me and wanted to show him what he had lost, what a fucking mistake he had made... And then one thing lead to another..."

Sloan looked up from her glass. „I'm sorry, Kenzie, I didn't mean to bring all those old memories back to the surface..."

„It's okay." Mac assured her. „It's not that I like to think about it, but Will and I have talked about it and we're fine now... But you know what happened to us and it easily could have ended with us never finding our way back together..." She contemplated. „You know... But you need to keep this to yourself, promise?" Sloan nodded and she continued.
„On election night... Two hours before Will proposed he had fired me... I had baited him, but still..." Sloan's eyes went big. „And half an hour after that we had a huge fight in the hair and make-up room. When I walked out of there I was convinced I would never see Will again after that night... And if he hadn't had his change of heart I probably wouldn't have... So please, don't risk what you have with Don over that jerk Grayson..."

„Don doesn't even have to know... I just want to know 'why'... get some closure... I thought at least you would understand that?" Sloan's eyes pleaded to Mac, who couldn't hide her smile.

„Sloan, you're such a ridiculously honest person – There is no way you can keep something like this from Don. And yes, I do understand, but I also know what it can cost you. You have to decide if knowing is worth the risk..."

Sloan swallowed and looked at her. „Would you do it again? With what you know today?"

The answer came immediately and was very determined. „Definitely not. Will and I have lost six years of our life together and we could have lost each other forever. Nothing is worth that risk if you are sure Don is the one for you..." Mac paused for a moment before she continued.
„I know Don isn't Will, but I do know that for a long time he thought he wasn't good enough for you, wasn't playing in your league. If you're going to secretly meet with Grayson and Don finds out, I don't know what he'll do..."

Sloan thought about these words and sighed. „You're probably right..."

Mac placed her hands on her friend's shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. „You're happy with Don?"

„Yeah..." Sloan smiled dreamily.

„Did you ever think about Grayson before his call tonight? I mean, not right after it happened, but later?"

Shaking her head Sloan groaned. „No, not really. Definitely not since I've been with Don... Except for some comparisons, which by the way all ended up in favour of Don..." She smirked.

Mac grinned back and kept her eyes on Sloan. „Okay... So do you think it would be worth it to meet him and risk everything? As much as he has hurt you, maybe all these years later you can take Grayson cheating on you as a last minute sign that he hasn't been the right one for you? In the end it probably did save you from even more pain, marrying a cheating bonehead..."

At this moment the door bell rang and Mac got up to get the food. „Just think about it, okay?"

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After a long night with much more talking and two bottles of wine Sloan had almost emptied on her own Mac rose early and left a note that she had gone to see Will in prison but would call her later.

When Will entered the visiting room he was surprised to see his wife and gave her a wide smile. „What are you doing here, Mac?" He quickly stepped towards her and pulled her into his arms. „Didn't you say you would come tomorrow?"

„I did." Mac sighed into his chest. „But after the day I had yesterday I needed to see and hold you..."

Will pulled back to look at her. „What happened?"

„In a minute, just kiss me first?"
There was nothing Will wanted more, so he quickly put his hands on her cheeks and covered her lips with his own.

The kiss started out slowly, but when Mac pressed her hips against him and let her hands slide into his hair he groaned deeply and let his tongue slide inside her mouth. Running it against hers one of his hands moved down and sneaked under her blouse to touch the skin in the small of her back, causing her to moan and clench her fingers in his hair.

Finally Will broke the kiss and panting for breath he rested his forehead against hers. „God, I miss you..."

„ I know... Same here..." Mac murmered, also breathing heavily. „It's not getting easier, is it?"
Knowing this was just a rhetorical question Will just hummed in agreement. Then he took Mac's hand and pulled her over to the chairs. „So, what happened?"

She sighed and quickly let him in on yesterday's show and what Sloan had told her afterwards.
„Fuck!" Will cursed. „I was hoping she'd never hear from that asshole again. How is she doing?"

I haven't seen her this morning, she had a little too much wine last night. But before we went to bed she said she probably wouldn't meet him, so I hope she's not going to change her mind again. It's just..." She took a deep breath. „It hit a little too close to home, you know? That's why I needed to see you..."

„I understand, Mac..." He pulled her to his chest again and pressed a kiss into her hair. „I'm definitely not complaining about seeing you... But you know that we're good, right? There's nothing to worry about."

Mac nodded and held him tighter. „I know, it just came all up again so unexpectedly last night and I guess I just needed some reassurance. I was trying so very much not to think about it anymore..."

„You know what?" Will asked her with a hint of surprise in his voice.

„What?"

„I can honestly say I haven't thought about it once since I've been in here. And believe me, there's lots of time to think... Looks like I'm really one hundred percent over it, just in case you were wondering. So why don't you stop thinking about it, too?"

Mac sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. „Oh, Billy..." She cupped his cheek and kissed him softly. „I love you so much... I don't even wanna think about where we'd both be if you hadn't proposed that night..."

„I know..." Will smiled. He just managed to gently trace her eyebrows with his fingertips before Mac wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck. And that's where she stayed until the guard came to call Will back to his cell.