Chapter 20 – Day 13 – 5 Tributes
I end up doing nothing about Billee. No matter what situation I think of in my head, I can't find one without any flaws. If I kill him I'll be guilty about it my whole life. If I stay with him, he might kill me.
I also want to say that we should split up, go our separate ways, but I can't help but feel that without an ally I could die.
I've had too many close calls already.
Today is a slow day. Billee and I do nothing but sit in the ditch. We eat berries and just stay in silence. The two of us are captivated by our own thoughts, eager to be the first one to figure out something to do. At one point, Billee stands up.
"I'm going hunting." Is all he says. He grabs a spear from the left side of the ditch and crawls out through the bushes and into the sunlight.
The air is dry today. It's warm but the wind is freezing. I can even feel it from within the ditch. Constant breezes reach me in my solitude. I'm ready to go home. I'm ready for this to be done. It's been thirteen days of me suffering the worst things in life, and nobody cares. It's entertainment. It's cruelty.
I've never even gotten a sponsor this whole time.
For the second time, I consider suicide.
The barrier is not too far from here. I can slip out while Billee is gone. He might be a little upset, but what does he care? It's one less person he has to deal with.
I remember that by this point they should have done the family interviews back at home. Usually when eight tributes are left, the interviews are televised throughout the twelve districts and the Capitol. I soon realize that Delly's parents had to have been interviewed. Or, at least, been awaiting an interview before Delly died. I can't imagine what they must be going through.
As I remain seated, my mind returns to the thought of suicide. I would rather die on my own whim than from the wound of someone else. The barrier would be quick and effortless. One second of thought and then boom, you're dead. No going back, no final words. I would rather that than be stabbed to death.
I wonder if the Gamemakers have considered bringing in another event. They usually create a Feast back at the Cornucopia when there's four or five tributes left. They haven't said anything yet, but it's about time they—
My thoughts are stopped when I hear the canon boom.
It must have been Billee.
It had to have been Billee.
He's dead; I've lost him.
I was wrong. Losing him was not going to be easy. I thought it would be quick and painless and just something I would have to deal with, but it's not. It's the complete opposite.
But then I hear sprinting footsteps nearing the ditch.
His killer is coming for me now. I'm done for.
Someone rips through the bushes and into the ditch.
It's Billee.
I jump up and begin to cry out of nowhere. He holds me in his arms and I cry into his shoulder.
"Don't do that to me, don't ever do that to me again. I thought it was you."
"No I thought you had wandered off, gotten yourself killed by Portia. I came back as soon as I heard the canon."
I look into Billee's green eyes, which are wet with tears of his own. For some reason, I have the urge to kiss him. Hours ago I was plotting to ditch him and now I want to kiss him. I don't know what's come over me.
But, I keep my lips to myself.
I don't kiss him.
We do hug again, though.
The rest of the day is us sitting more, but this time talking a little here and there. We talk about our families, our lives back in District 5. I tell him about Annie and how close the two of us are.
We share a few laughs and by the time we've run out of things to say it's dark.
I lie down in the same position I did the night before, but Billee does not.
This time he lies right beside me.
After an hour or so once when he thinks I'm asleep, he even puts his arm over me.
I smile and stay up until the anthem. Billee falls asleep before then, but I can see through the bushes that the District 6 boy died. When I try to think about how he died I immediately think it was Portia. She's on the loose and killing now, apparently.
I mean, it could have been something else. Maybe another tribute killed him. Maybe he starved or got sick. Maybe he fell out of a tree or off a cliff.
But deep down, my gut tells me it was Portia.
It always seems to be Portia.