January 8th, 10 pm

Whitefish is, shockingly, not turning out to be as awful as I imagined it. Quinn Fabray has helped a lot in changing my opinion of it, of course. She's called me every day since we met at group and we've hung out almost as much. Saturday we drove to Kalispell to turn my Miami wardrobe into a Montana wardrobe.

Thankfully, after a few frantic calls and texts to my dad and Aunt April, I was gifted with a large deposit in my bank account to fund my "winter wonderland attire", as Quinn phrased it.

We spent most of the day at the mall trying on outfit after outfit. I ended up with several pairs of jeans and slacks, as well as armfuls of sweaters and long-sleeved blouses. We found a nice coat that wasn't a parka for days when the ground wasn't covered in snow. We ended the shopping trip by spending almost two hours trying on shoes since apparently flats were unacceptable in the dead of winter. I found a great pair of snow boots, as well as a few other pairs of shoes I could wear when I was indoors.

I ended up treating Quinn to lunch since she'd given me a ride to Kalispell and refused to accept any gas money from me.

I started scrolling through my missed calls and messages as Quinn started the drive back to Whitefish. My dad had called me, then sent me an email telling me to call him that night when I had time. I had a call and an email from Emma, inviting Quinn to dinner, and a text from a number I didn't recognize. I left that one unread, locking my phone and putting it back in my bag.

"So, Emma wants you to come to dinner at her house tonight," I said to Quinn as we turned onto my street. "I guess she wants to meet you after allowing me to spend all day with you. You know, to make sure you're not a complete nut job or anything," I joked, letting out a small laugh.

"I'd love to!" she said, her voice high. "It'll be a nice break not spending dinner with my sister and her monster kids," she added, her mouth moving a mile a minute. She continued talking about what it was like crashing with her sister, her sister's husband, and their two children she christened Demon #1 and Demon #2.

We arrived back at the small house, and the two of us climbed out of Quinn's truck. Quinn helped me carry all of my new clothes inside and we headed upstairs, not seeing anyone else on our way up. I figured they were all busy around the house, plus it wasn't like I wanted to spend any extra time with any of them.

Quinn and I spent the rest of the afternoon putting all my new clothes away.

"So, you weren't kidding," she said, hanging up a new dress I'd found.

"About what?" I asked, gathering up all the empty bags lying on my bed.

"About the no door thing," she said, nodding towards the empty archway at the entrance in my room. "Your mom must be super worried about you or something."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Yeah, she's super worried," I said sarcastically, shoving the empty bags into the tiny waste bin sitting in the corner of my room. "The only reason I have that," I said, gesturing to the ancient computer sitting on my desk, "was so my dad and I can video chat."

"So, that means you can get on Facebook too, right?" Quinn asked eagerly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Emma never said anything about it, but it's a moot point, really. I deactivated my Facebook months ago."

"Why?"

"It's a long story," I said, stifling a yawn.

"I've got time," Quinn said, taking a seat on my bed. "I'm sure your mom won't have dinner ready for at least another hour."

Okay, truth time. I deactivated my Facebook after I attempted to take my life. It was my decision and no one else's. I was getting messages from people I wanted out of my life and it was the only way I could think of to get them to stop. I don't really miss it that much, though it would be nice to be able to talk to everyone from college.

If I told Quinn exactly why I left Facebook, that would involve me going into everything that happened back in New York that led to my stay in the loony bin. I liked Quinn and everything, but I wasn't ready to let her in on all my deep, dark secrets. So I figured the best answer was a straight up lie.

"I just didn't use Facebook that much anymore," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "I guess it's really not that long of a story."

Quinn pursed her lips, obviously not believing my story. However, before she had a chance to call me out on it, there were a few knocks at my door frame as Jesse poked his head in.

"Hey Rach, your mom sent me up to let you know dinner will be ready in a few, so you should head down."

I rolled my eyes at him before glancing over at Quinn to tell her we should head downstairs, but she didn't seem to be paying attention to me at all. Her normally pale face was now flush with color and her blue eyes had widened to the size of dinner plates. She was staring at Jesse as she tried desperately to fix her hair and smooth the wrinkles out of her blouse.

Jesse hadn't appeared to even notice Quinn, turning and heading back to the kitchen after delivering Emma's message. I thought back to what Jesse had said before about Quinn having a crush on him back in high school. Maybe she still had a thing for him. If that was the case, I wasn't about to ask her about it where Jesse could easily overhear her.

Instead, I decided to change the subject. "Well, we should probably head down before Emma herself comes up and drags us down to the table." We walked through the doorway of my room and started heading down the stairs towards the kitchen.

"I still think it's weird that you call your mom by her first name," Quinn said, her voice an octave higher than it normally was.

"I told you," I said as we reached the first floor of the small house I currently lived in. "She may have given birth to me, but that doesn't make her my mom." I kept my voice low, not wanting Emma to overhear what I was saying about her.

"Still, it's weird."

We headed into the kitchen where Emma appeared to be putting the final touches on whatever it was she had cooked for dinner. Will and Jesse were seated at the table, Will finishing off a beer while Jesse ignored him, his attention occupied by something on his phone.

I was still adjusting to living with Emma and her small family. I'd been here a bit over a week and the four of us were still trying to get into a routine. The first night I had dinner with the family was also the night they found out I was a vegan. That made it a bit difficult to eat the bacon cheeseburgers they'd made for dinner. Emma had started making an effort, however, and would usually text me to ask what I wanted her to make me for dinner. Typically, she made me something different from everyone else since none of the rest of them wanted to eat vegan like I did.

"Rachel, I made pasta for dinner. I made meatballs for everyone else but made sure they were separate from the noodles and sauce. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, that's fine," I said, pulling a chair out from the table and taking a seat. Quinn took a seat at the chair next to mine, stealing furtive glances over at Jesse, who didn't seem to even notice she had joined the table.

"Jesse, phones away at the table. You know the rule," Emma said as she set a bowl of broccoli on the table. Will finished up the bottle he was drinking, setting it to the side as he opened a second one.

"I'm not a kid, you can't tell me what to do," Jesse muttered, shoving his phone into the pocket of his very worn jeans.

"Well, then find your own apartment. Then you can have your phone out at the table all you want," Emma replied shortly, heading back into the kitchen to bring out the rest of the dinner. Jesse made a face at her behind her back, causing Quinn to cover her mouth as she giggled. Jesse glanced over at her, giving her a small smile.

"So Quinn," Will said, scooping a pile of broccoli onto his plate, "It's nice to finally meet you. We've heard a little about you from Rachel over the past few days. So, you live here in Whitefish, correct?"

Quinn nodded her head as Emma brought the rest of the food out to the table, taking a seat beside Will. "Yeah, I've lived here my whole life."

"So you must have gone to school with Jesse," Emma interrupted, setting a glass of water down in front of Quinn.

"Thank you," she said, her cheeks turning pink. "I don't really remember him much. I was a few years below him, after all. I doubt we ever exchanged two words with one another."

"Uh, so do you have any family here or are you all by yourself?" Will said quickly, trying to change the subject. I glanced over at him and gave him an appreciative smile. Will's starting to grow on me a bit.

"Well, my parents moved to Missoula last year. I stayed here, so I live with my sister and her husband. I just can't imagine ever leaving Whitefish. I've lived here my whole life." She shrugged her shoulders. "Plus all my great friends like Rachel live here, and my life would suck without them in it."

Jesse snorted into his food, earning a dirty look from both me and Emma. Quinn's cheeks turned red again, and she stared down at her plate, falling silent.

Dinner was pretty uneventful with Quinn answering Emma and Will's questions quietly and Jesse ignoring everyone. After everyone had finished, Jesse headed up to his room without a word to anyone and Quinn stated she needed to head home.

"Well, it was lovely having you over," Emma said, giving my one friend a warm smile. "You'll have to come back soon."

"I'd be delighted to, Mrs. Schuester," Quinn said politely, rising to her feet.

"Here, I'll walk you out," I said, pulling my boots on and grabbing my coat. Quinn waved to Emma and Will before grabbing her bag and heading outside. I followed behind her, the cold sending a shiver through my body.

"Sorry about that," I said, walking beside her as we headed down the driveway toward her car. "You're the first person I've ever introduced to Emma, so I guess she was trying to be a good mom or something," I said with a shrug.

"Hey, it's cool. It's not like she was asking me for my bank account number or credit report," she said with a laugh. We reached her truck and she fished her keys out of her purse, unlocking the doors. "So, you need a ride Tuesday?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, Will has a doctor's appointment in the morning, so he said he'd give me a ride there. Thanks, though."

She leaned against her truck, looking at me. "I have a favor to ask of you."

I arched my eyebrow at her. "Oh?"

"Two of the guys from group have a party every week. You know, just people from group hanging out, eating food, and watching movies or playing video games. They're having one Friday after group, and I think you should come. I'm the only one you really know, and it wouldn't hurt to make some other friends."

I stayed silent, thinking it over for a few seconds. In high school, I was never the type of person who got invited to parties. I didn't have many friends, so a "party" would be my only two friends coming over to watch a movie and eat some candy. When I was at college, I got invited to one party and I made the mistake of attending it. Something bad happened, and it takes all my self control to keep the images out of my mind.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I finally said, trying to smile. "I men, I'm not really a party person."

"Oh, come on, Rach," Quinn whined. "It'll be fun. Nothing bad's going to happen, there's not even going to be any alcohol there. Think about it at least?" she suggested.

I let out a sigh. "Okay okay, I'll think about it."

"Yay!" Quinn squealed, giving me a hug. "I'll text you later!" she said, giving me one more hug before climbing into her truck.

I waved at her as she pulled away from the house. I stood outside for a few seconds as her truck disappeared from view before heading back inside into the warmth. I pulled my coat and boots off, leaving them by the door. I poked my head into the living room, saying goodnight to Will and Emma, then headed upstairs to my room.

I pulled my phone out, deciding to give my dad a call. I hadn't spoken to him in a few days, after all. I heard the dial tone for a few seconds as the phone rang, then there was a click and a deep, warm voice answered. "Hello?"

"Hi Daddy," I said quietly, sitting with my legs crossed on my bed.

"Wow, it is so great to hear your voice," he said, laughing on the other end. "I'm so used to hearing it every day, and now I only hear it a few times a week. Hold on a sec, let me grab April." I heard some rustling and my dad should "April!" before he was back on the phone. "So, how are you? How's Montana been?"

"It's been okay. Really cold," I added with a laugh. "Thanks for the money, by the way. I went shopping today and got a bunch of clothes so I won't be freezing everywhere I go."

There was another click as Aunt April got on the phone. "Rachie!" she practically shouted, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear for a few seconds until she calmed down.

"Jeez, April. Are you trying to make me go prematurely deaf?" my dad asked.

"Sorry, sorry," April said. "I'm just so excited to hear her voice! I haven't spoken to her since she left. How have you been, baby doll?"

"I'm doing fine," I promised. "Really. I even made a friend."

"Quinn," April said. "I know, I read your emails. I mean, how have you been?"

"Oh," I said quietly. "Okay. It's been hard without you guys around. But Jesse and Will and Emma have been really nice. Emma's even been making vegan meals for me so I adjust better. She still hasn't given me back the door to my room, though."

"She's just worried about you, honey," my dad replied. "We all are."

"I know. I'm sorry for putting you guys through that. That wasn't fair for me to do."

"Honey, don't apologize," my dad said sternly. "I just wish you felt you could have come to me or your aunt instead of doing what you did. You know, if you still feel like talking, we're always here for you."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, feeling more guilty. I put my dad through hell, and he still was worrying about me. Yet, instead of opening up to him or my aunt, I kept shutting them out and kept them in the dark. It wasn't fair of me to do that, but I knew I still wasn't ready to tell them the truth.

"I know, Dad," I said. "I'll remember that."

"So, anything fun planned for this week?" Aunt April asked eagerly.

"Meh, not really. I have therapy and group. Quinn invited me to a party on Friday at one of the other group member's houses, but I doubt I'm going to go."

"What? Why not?" Dad asked.

"It's just not my scene. I'm not a party kind of girl."

"Rachel, it's the only way you're going to make more friends," my dad reasoned. "I wanted you to go and spend some time with your mom so you wouldn't spend all day in your room or on the couch. I think you should go to that party, and I'm sure your therapist would agree with me."

I sighed, knowing he was right. "Fine, I'll go if you do one thing for me?"

"Anything," he said.

"Stop calling Emma my mom."

"But sweetheart, she's your mother even if you don't want her to be."

"I know that, but can you not call her mom to me? As far as I'm concerned, she's just Emma."

My dad sighed, obviously trying to decide if the argument over this was worth me not going to the party. "Fine," he finally said. "I'll call her Emma. Happy?"

"Very," I said with a smile on my face. "Okay Dad, I should probably get going. I wanted to write in my journal before turning in for the night. I love you both a lot. I'll call again soon, I promise."

"Okay honey. Have a good night. We love you."

"Love you, Rach!" Aunt April said. There were two clicks before I ended the call, setting the phone on my bed. I stared out at the window, contemplating the party again. I really didn't want to go, but my dad was right. I was never going to meet anyone else besides Quinn unless I opened myself up. Besides, how bad could a party with a bunch of headcases be?

And so, here I am. I've been writing for the past hour but I really need to get to bed. I should check my phone one last time before I go to sleep.

Of course Quinn texted me. She can't go more than two seconds without talking to me. She wants to get breakfast in the morning. She said she'd come pick me up, plus it's less time I have to spend with the Schuesters.

I read the text from the unknown number from earlier today and a cold shiver went through my body.

Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you xo

Underneath that was a picture of me. My hair is disheveled and my tights are ripped. The makeup on my face is smeared and the skirt from my dress is pulled up, exposing my underwear. I am also clearly unconscious.

There's only one person who would send me this.

Brody.