I am aware of the effects of rape, trust me. I am aware that there will be PTSD. Asami isn't fine, she's more worried about Korra in the moment. She's lying. It'll be explored in this chapter and most likely a few others.
...
She couldn't tell Korra that she wasn't fine. She couldn't tell Korra that, when she wasn't tending to her injuries, she was in the bathroom glaring at her reflection like it had insulted her. She couldn't tell Korra that, while she was asleep, she'd showered for Raava knew how long until she couldn't bear to stand under the water anymore. Until it felt like she would get third degree burns from the heat of the water.
She couldn't tell Korra that she'd burned the clothes she wore the night before.
And couldn't was turning into I don't want to.
Asami had sat outside in her driveway, watching the flames possess the clothing and tear at the air as they took away the reminders of what happened. The light of the fire reflected in her eyes as she stared at it, her knees pulled to her chest and her chin resting on them. Watching the smoldering embers land on the asphalt of the drive and dying out upon hitting the cool surface. And when the clothes were reduced to nothing but ashes, she allowed herself to shed the memory long enough to return to Korra and take care of her.
Now, as she laid beside a slumbering Korra, it all came flooding back to her. It bubbled to the surface and Asami bit down on the inside of her cheek.
How did she do it? How did she manage to block what happened long enough to help Korra? Most others wouldn't be able to function, to busy self-loathing and cursing themselves for letting it happen. But this was her mate. How could she focus on herself when her own mate was in trouble?
Her heart clenched in her chest.
She'd spent the last two hours watching Korra sleep. After a heavy make out session (and possibly the renewing of mating marks), Korra had managed to doze off. It took all of Asami's strength to not shove Korra away at the anxiety eating away at her during the kiss. She did was to kiss Korra, she wanted her to replace the horrors of her memories. Maybe it wasn't good to force a recovery, but Asami was finally willing to accept that she wanted Korra.
She heard a low groan come from Korra's chest and the young Avatar stirred, her body tensing for a few brief moments. Asami sat up to allow Korra the room she needed to move. When Korra opened her eyes and saw Asami she grinned, reaching out to run her fingers through her ruffled hair.
"Hey." she said huskily.
Asami forced a smile on her face. "Hey. How do you feel?"
"Better." Korra said. Her stomach growled and she laughed a bit. "And hungry."
"I could make you something to eat." Asami offered. "Mom just went shopping, I'm sure we have something you'll want."
"Any meat?" Korra said. "Don't get me wrong, the Airbender diet is good, but I didn't get this strong just by eating vegetables."
Asami laughed. "Strong people don't get jumped. Especially a strong Avatar."
"Hey, they had backup and no one's supposed to know I'm the Avatar!" Korra argued, making Asami laugh again.
"Relax, I'm only teasing." she said. "Think you can get up?"
"Uh, I can try." Korra said. "Help me?"
Asami nodded and stood from the bed, reaching out for Korra's hand. Korra took her hand and gently eased her legs off the bed, sitting up. She clenched her teeth in pain and let out a slow breath. Asami waited patiently, giving a smile of encouragement. She held her ground firmly when Korra stood up slowly. Korra took a step forward and winced, her leg shaking under her painful weight. She stumbled forward and grabbed Asami by her wrist to keep herself up.
Asami's heart immediately started to race and swallowed harshly, trying her best not to yank her hand away when the memories came flooding in. Korra steadied herself and caught sight of the frenzied look in Asami's eyes. Her smile disappeared instantly and she took Asami by her shoulders.
"Asami?" she said. "Asami, are you alright?"
Asami blinked a few times to bring herself back to reality. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just zoned out."
"Were you-" Korra began but Asami knew where she was going and stopped her.
"C'mon, you said you were hungry." she said hurriedly.
She led Korra out of the room slowly, keeping herself sturdy for Korra's support. She bit hard enough on her tongue to draw blood, and the metallic taste was all she focused on as they made their way to the kitchen. She assisted Korra in sitting down at the table and then went to the fridge.
"We have bacon, sausages, eggs," She looked at Korra. "How does that sound?"
"Sounds good." Korra said, and it made Asami smile.
Asami took out the breakfast items and placed them on the counter, going to the cabinet and pulling out two frying pans. She got a spatula from a drawer and placed the pans on the stove.
"How much do you want?" she asked as she bustled around. She reminded Korra of a regular housewife and she smiled to herself.
"That's actually a hard question." Korra said jokingly. "I eat a lot."
"Then I'll start you off with four eggs, and two of each bacon and sausage." Asami said.
"Fair enough." Korra replied. "And scramble the eggs please."
Asami got to work, cracking the eggs into a bowl and adding seasonings and cheese. She whisked them by hand with a fork and poured the mixture into the pan, turning on the fire. The sizzling of the food against the metal was soothing to Asami's ears. She loved to cook, it was a great stress relief for times like now. Her mother told her that on the nights she didn't cook and her father did, he would set Asami to sit on the counter and let her watch him work "his special touch" as he called it. Asami was his experimental taste tester.
Asami allowed herself to get lost in the task before her and reminisce about the stories of her father. It lessened the strain in her chest. Absentmindedly, she began to him one of her old favorite songs as she put on the bacon and sausage. Korra was respectfully silent, grinning at Asami's concentration and beautiful humming. It was when she hit a certain series of tones that she spoke up.
"What song is that?" she asked gently, in case Asami was too far gone to hear her. She secretly didn't want to interrupt her, but her curiosity needed to be satisfied.
"Oh, it's a song from when I was younger." Asami said with a far away smile. She flipped the bacon over. "It's the first song I remember hearing on the radio. Photograph by Ed Sheeran."
"Would you sing it for me?" Korra asked.
Asami chuckled, blushing heavily. "I think I'm a little tone deaf." she admitted. "It's been a while since I sang in front of someone."
"Please? I swear I won't laugh." Korra begged.
Asami looked over her shoulder at Korra's pleading gaze and couldn't help the bright smile that graced her lips. "Alright, one verse and the chorus. That's it."
"I'll take it." Korra said.
Asami looked back to the food, which was almost done, and took a deep breath. She let the tune play in her mind, and started off low and sweet.
~Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive...~
Korra listened in complete and utter awe, her jaw hanging open slightly. Asami once again lost herself in the song as she turned off the burners and grabbed a plate from the cabinet above the sink.
~We keep this love in a photograph
We make these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken
Time's forever frozen still...~
She scraped the eggs from the frying pan onto the plate first, then the bacon and sausage. She went to the fridge and began putting everything back in its place and pulling out a carton of orange juice, her voice strengthening as she started the chorus.
~So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home...~
She poured the orange juice into a glass and placed the plate and glass in front of Korra, her eyes casted to the floor in embarrassment. Korra laughed softly at her shyness and hooked her finger under Asami's chin, forcing herself to her feet and kissing Asami passionately, slowly. Asami, taken by surprise, caught herself before a scream could escape her and kissed Korra back, enjoying every second of it.
When Korra finally pulled away, she was breathless. She smiled and looked Asami in the eyes. She said, "If you're tone deaf, then my ears are lying to me."
Asami was speechless, her thoughts remaining trained on the kiss. The way it still burned on her lips, the way it managed to reignite the fire that was much too soon extinguished the night before, the way it seemed to find its way to every part of her body that had gone cold.
The way it really felt like love.
Korra, confused about Asami's silence, frowned a bit. "'Sami?"
Asami took Korra urgently by the collar of her tank top, pulling her close and kissing her. Her eyes burned with the tears that were rapidly building and spilling over down her cheeks. Korra placed a hand on Asami's shoulder and lightly pushed her back. Her eyes widened at the sight of Asami crying.
"Asami, what's wrong?" she said with concerned urgency.
"Korra, I..." Asami started, but the rest of the sentence was lost to a choking sob. She tried again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"Hey, hey, hey." Korra said. "It's alright. What are you talking about?"
"It's my fault..!" Asami cried. "If I had just let you come with me... I lied to you, and I-"
Korra placed a finger to her lips to quiet her down. "Asami, shh. Don't do that to yourself."
"But I-"
"It's not your fault." Korra said. "It's no one's fault but mine. I'm your mate, and I wasn't careful enough with you. I still should've accompanied you, I should've pushed for you to let me go with you. I should've trusted my instincts and I didn't do any of those."
"I still lied to you." Asami said. "I had to... I had to because you were hurt and I couldn't just leave you like that... You were bleeding and unconscious, I didn't want you to die..."
"You need to worry about yourself first. Physical scars will heal and the pain will go away. It's the mental ones that stay with us." Korra said. "Just like you'll never forget what they did to you, I'll never forgive myself for letting it happen."
"It's hard to kiss you." Asami said, and her nails dug into her palms. "It's hard to let you touch me and kiss me when the first thing I do is go back. Tahno's kisses were greedy and disgusting, just like their hands." More tears flowed from the brim of her eyes. The green of them looked like unpolished emeralds. "And when I kissed you, when I let you hold me, I wanted to force myself to forget. I... I wanted to rush the process of recovery so I could stand being with you."
Korra slid her hands over Asami's tenderly and pried her nails away from her palm, intertwining their hands. But not before catching a glimpse of the irritated red arched bruises left behind. "You can't do that. Recovery comes naturally, and you're acting like I'm going to leave you. We have forever to be together, and I'll wait that forever."
"We're not immortals, Korra." Asami said, but didn't resist the laugh that surfaced.
"Stop killing the mood." Korra scolded with a grin. Her grin faded back to a serious expression. "But I'm being honest, Asami. You don't need to force a recovery for me. I'm not going anywhere, I'll help you through this." She reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Asami's ear before brushing away a tear. "I love you."
Asami smiled and wiped her other eye with the back of her hand. "I love you, too."
...
Yay! I did it! Took so long because was hard to bring up the needed emotions to write this chapter and embody myself in Asami's shoes. That, and to figure out how to get to 2,000 words. But I did it, so yay! I hope you enjoyed, dear reader.
Thanks for reading!