Hello, hello, hello! My winter break is almost over, and I have written approximately not at all. Soon, I will go back and get my exam scores and cry, probably. Reviews will improve my mood hugely, and I will not feel like such a massive failure if you guys say I'm doing alright. So, please, enable me! Review! Tell me what you think! I'll be happier failing my precalc exam if I have validation.

Thanks, though. You guys are fantastic for sticking with me. Can you believe it's almost been a year since I published this? It'll be wrapping up soon, this is probably the last chapter before the rehearsal dinner, and after that is the wedding, which I already have written. Look at me, being productive. You can tell me how proud you are in the reviews. Do you guys think I can get to 100 followers for my one year anniversary? That would be the best gift I could ever receive. Please, spread the word. If I hit 100, I'll post early, and that is a promise.

This isn't a very long chapter- it didn't really need to be. Fortunately, that means I haven't wasted my will to write, and I might have another chapter out in a couple of weeks. Who knows, I have more responsibilities with jazz band and quintet music to learn and my quartet hasn't even gotten our music, so who even knows, man. Whatever happens, happens, and whatever doesn't happen, is probably a new chapter. But I will try, and that is a promise.

Seriously, though, thanks for sticking around.

"I can't believe you made me do that."

James and Lily were walking down the path from Widow's Hill, Lily still laughing exuberantly, James pale-faced and in the second stage of shock.

"Come on, Potter, you know it was fun."

"I could have died. You just risked a national treasure."

"I certainly hope you weren't talking about yourself, Potter."
"I absolutely was. I am a gift to humanity."
"Oh, sure."

"Don't you laugh at me! You've had a lifetime to get used to that hill! I went down three times, and I'm pretty sure I lost five years of my life from stress alone. I'm going to have heart problems when I grow old."

Lily shook her head, laughed, and checked her watch. "Well, Potter, it's only twelve-thirty. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know! You know what to do around here that's open past midnight. It's all you."

Lily scowled, ruffling her hair with the puff of air that escaped with her somewhat indignant huff. "Jeez, Potter, I have to do all the work around here."

"I flew you to Exeter to buy presents. I'm living in the same houseas Petunia. Both things I did to save your ass. I think you can pick what we do, and I'll take it as repayment."

"Fine," Lily said, grabbing James' mittened hand and dragging him back towards the town. "And don't whine about Petunia, I've lived with her for twenty years, I think you can handle a week and a half."

"I just feel bad for your dad. He's lived with her his whole life."

"Eh, she can't have been bad as a baby. She couldn't talk, and there's no way for babies to have a judgy face."

"Please. You should see some of my cousins."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not. These kids grew up in the lap of luxury, and from their infancy, they turn their noses up at anything that they deem 'below them'."

"Even the babies?"

"Any formula that isn't made with the purest, most expensive, probably-mixed-with-nontoxic-gold-flakes gets treated to the 'patented pureblood baby blubber', so named by Sirius the first year he summered with us."

"You're pulling my leg."

"Okay, maybe a little, but you'd be surprised how young some of these kids get a stick up their ass. But I'm not kidding about Petunia's attitude. Oh my god, I actually don't know how you survived this long with her and Snivellus in the same town.

Lily laughed as they approached the rapidly decreasing lights of Cokeworth. "You'd be surprised," she said, adjusting her beret so it covered her ears. "Before I got the scholarship and he started dating Vermin, she wasn't so bad. Sure, she adhered to the rules, but Mom really made her feel comfortable with herself. I kind of feel like she's lost that. She needs everything to be just so, and have a normal life, and without Mom, she can't have that. So she's trying to make it, I guess."

James looked at Lily. Discussion of Petunia seemed to have cast a shadow over her cheery attitude. Her normally sparkling green eyes were downcast, and her arms were pulled up against her, making her seem small and vulnerable.

"Can I ask you something?"

James' heart started to beat faster. It's not that, James, don't get your hopes up, shut up shut up shut up-

"Yeah, of course. That's what friends are for, right?" James, you idiot, don't talk about friendship if you want her to talk about more than that-

"Today, in the kitchen, when you were kind of fake-lecturing Petunia about the dangers of marrying someone you don't know, did you notice any evidence of discontent, or of her second-guessing herself? Because I almost did, right when you were talking about impropriety and possibly marrying an axe murderer, but I might have just imagined it. And I talked to Dad about it, and he says he's already talked to Petunia and he says she's set in her decision, but I just thought I saw something and I wanted to know if you saw something, too."

James chided himself for raising his own hopes and tried to rifle back through his memory to that morning. Let's see, there was a chocolate and cranberry muffin, a dropped cantaloupe, and a very harsh assault by way of wet dishcloth. What did I say?

"Honestly, Lily, I have no idea. But if you thought you saw something, you probably did- I can read the lads like a book. If they have anything on their mind, I can tell, and it's because I spend so much time with them. You know Petunia better than anyone. If you thought you saw something, you probably did."

Lily gave a half-hearted smile and trudged onwards. "I was thinking this morning about whether it was worth planning a way for Petunia to fake her own death to escape the wedding. Any thoughts?"

James smiled wickedly. "Now, this sounds like my kind of business. I have so many ideas- wait, why the hell are we back on your street? It's twelve fifty. If we go back now, we won't be sticking it to the man. Or in this case, Petunia."

Lily went up to the side door and extracted a key from under the houseplant. "We aren't done. Wait here, I'll be right back."

James crept over to the window. He peered in and saw Petunia sitting on the living room couch, her arms crossed and lips pursed, eyes focused on the TV. From the reflection off the picture of the Evans family behind her, James could see she was watching The Shining. "So edgy," James muttered. He dug through the snow to find the frozen soil beneath and picked up a handful. He carefully melted some snow in his hands and mixed it with the soil, creating a muddy mixture. He knelt by the window, his finger poised to right. Which R is backwards? And I have to write backwards so she'll see it anyways, so the backwards one will actually be forwards, and the rest will be backwards-

He felt someone kneel beside him, "What are you doing?" Lily hissed. "Do you want her to see us?"

"I'm just having a bit of fun."

"With mud."

"Yes. She's watching The Shining."

Lily's eyes travelled from the mud to the window, comprehension dawning on her face. "Redrum," she whispered.

"You watched a horror movie? You hate horror movies."

"How do you know that?"

"It was your introductory fact in psychology our freshman year."

"You remember that?'

"I remember everything," James said with a cheeky smile. "Now, I was trying to remember which of the R's was backwards before someone so rudely distracted me."

"It's the second one."

"Are you sure? 'Cause if it's wrong, she won't freak out, and it won't be as good."

"I am one-thousand percent positive. But remember to write the whole thing backwards-"

"Yeah, I know, I know."

With a steady hand, James carefully spread his muddy paint across the surface of the window, writing the eerie message to Petunia. When they finished, the two crawled away from the windowsill to avoid being seen. They sat against the walls of the house, breathless with laughter. A shrill scream split the air, and they heard footsteps pounding up the stairs, making them laugh even harder.

Lily clutched her sides, speaking between gasps of laughter. "Looks-like she won't- be- up- when-we get- done."

James leaned his head against the wall of the house, still chuckling. "What are we doing anyways?"

Lily stood up and pulled James to his feet. "This," she said, pointing to two snow shovels lying on the ground by the walk.

"That did not explain anything."

"We're going to be secret shovelers."

"We're going to be what, exactly?"

"It's something my mum invented when we were younger and wouldn't go to sleep. She'd go out with us after people went to sleep, and we'd shovel driveways, or rake leaves, or pull weeds, or something. It was a way to help people and a way to run off all our excess energy. And she turned it into a competition- because that would motivate Tuney and I. So we're going to be secret shovelers. It finally stopped snowing, and while I don't know if it's going to start again, we can get some of it out of the way for the poor folks who have to go out tomorrow."

"What are the rules?"

"Whoever finishes their side of the street first wins. If you get caught, you immediately forfeit. You can't dump your snow on the other person's driveways. You do have to shovel walks. Now, let's go, it's chilly, and shoveling makes me warm."

The two began fervently shoveling their respective driveways. "You know, I wasn't kidding about helping you plan Petunia's fake death." James said from the bottom of his first driveway.

"I know you weren't." Lily responded. "Every time you finish a driveway, we can exchange an idea. That is, if you can keep up with me."

"Oh, you're on."

James watched Lily like a hawk, shoveling madly. He had a couple of close calls- he saw an upstairs light flicker on in the second house he did- he had to dive wildly onto the porch so they wouldn't see him. In the fourth house, a dog started barking inside when he shoveled up the walk too close to the door, leaving Lily in hysterics as he bolted down the street, his shovel slung over his shoulder. And at the end of each driveway, he hollered a suggestion for Petunia's staged death at Lily, who shouted one back in turn.

"Maybe she sledded down Widow's Hill," (James)

"I think she could have been smothered by her own unwieldy fiancé." (Lily)

"She rode a segway off a cliff." (James)

"There was a tragic kale-chopping accident." (Lily)

"A KGB agent stabbed her with a poisoned umbrella." (James)

"Her scissors were face-up while she was walking." (Lily)

"She got into a gunfight with the Pope." (James)

"Her death was attributed to pure, undiluted bitterness." (Lily)

In the end, Lily finished her side of the street with half a driveway to spare. Red faced and exhausted, the two walked back to the Evans home at 1:30 a.m.

Lily let them in with the key to the house, debating the merits of the various proposals they had imagined with James.

"Isn't the KGB defunct?" Lily asked, shedding her coat by the hall closet.

James wiggled his eyebrows. "That's what they want you to think. I still don't get why you don't like the pope one."

"You can't just start a gunfight with the Pope. He's got a little bulletproof popemobile and everything. It's impossible. Not to mention, it would be impossible to spread that story on the internet so everyone would believe it."

"Please. We can enlist Remus, he's quite the hacker."

"Remus?"

"You'd be surprised."

Lily shook her head. "We are not bringing the Pope to a gunfight."

"Well, in any case, no matter how brilliant 'suffocated by fiancé' is, Vermin won't buy it, because he'd have to be there."

Lily shook her head. "This is going to take some planning. I'll get blankets, you go get the Moonymas cookies. We meet back here in five. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

-x-x-x-

Petunia woke up at 3:30 in the morning with a strong craving for juice. She sat up, stretched out her arms, jammed her feet into her slippers, pulled on her housecoat, and carefully slipped down the stairs to the kitchen. She retrieved her beverage of choice, but paused at the bottom of the staircase. She saw bright light flowing out of the living room, accompanied by loud noises- were those jingle bells?

Petunia poked her head in. Sprawled on the floor under Lily's worn checked comforter were Lily and James- both in a deep sleep with The Year Without A Santa Claus blaring out of the television. Petunia pursed her lips, but she almost felt like smiling. Lily was spread out on the floor, all four limbs splayed in different directions, mouth open and red hair fanning out everywhere. James' head was in her shoulder, her hair across his face, fluttering with every breath he took. Their legs were peeking out from underneath the blanket, entwined casually but comfortably with each the other's.

A half-empty cookie tin sat to James' right, crumbs everywhere. Lily had a notebook lying open on her chest, filled completely with her cramped, curly writing. What Petunia assumed was James' writing- a dark, spiky scrawl- was interspersed with Lily's, along with numerous doodles along the margins of the page. Beside James was a stack of books Petunia recognized from her mother's library- A Complete History of The USSR and Espionage, Kale-The Easy-to-Grow Superfood, and The Papacy: An Encyclopedia.

Petunia turned away to go up the stairs. When was the last time I was that comfortable with Vernon? she thought to herself. When he's around, I always feel like I have something to prove- to be beautiful and desirable and normal. How long has it been since I've been as comfortable as the two of them are?

She trudged up the stairs with head full and heart heavy, and her juice completely forgotten.