AN: First, I'M SO SORRY that it's taken SO LONG to upload this chapter. It hasn't been my intention to leave it this long! Life has been quite chaotic! It's only been these last few days that I've had any kind of time to pay this chapter and coming chapters any attention at all! On a brighter note..today marks the one year anniversary of 'LITTLE VOICE'...my story that started it all! I can't believe that! I say this sincerely...If it hadn't been for the kindness and encouragement of readers and reviewers like yourselves..I would never have finished that story let alone started others. You guys are so awesome and I am grateful you take the time to read my stories and seem to enjoy them as much as I like writing them. PLEASE KEEP YOUR LOVES/HATES/HOPES/FAVORITE LINES OR MOMENTS/FAVORITES/FOLLOWS/PMS and WHATEVER ELSE COMING!...Hopefully the wait has been worth it for you...enjoy chapter eight..
CHAPTER EIGHT
"Can I get you somethin' to drink? Do you want somethin' to eat?"
"Shouldn't I be askin' you that?" Deacon joked, taking a seat on a stool in Juliette's kitchen.
"No, you're my guest. I don't know why people think I'm incapable of bein' a good host to my guests," Juliette smirked before frowning. "…Or lack thereof,"
"I'm sorry,"
"Nah," she waved him off before fixing two cups of coffee. "It's fine. It's been kinda therapeutic not havin' to do any talkin' actually, especially to jerks like Jeff…"
Juliette handed Deacon the cup of coffee and he thanked her.
"So," she beamed, holding the cup close to her face. "What's been happenin' in your world these last few weeks? I want all the details!"
"Not too much. It's been an easy couple of weeks thanks to you," Deacon smiled.
"How's Rayna?" Juliette smirked, deciding that she had to do a little pushing if she wanted to get the answers she was looking for. She knew that Deacon and Rayna had been together for a little over a month now. Everyone on the tour knew. Deacon hadn't made a point of telling her, but she knew. Juliette could see it in his face.
"She's fine," he replied casually, hoping that Juliette didn't catch the flicker of surprise in his voice.
"I bet she is. Y'all have had plenty of time to spend together over the last few weeks so-"
"Why would be spendin' time together?"
"Oh, come on!"
Deacon narrowed his eyes, shooting her a look. "I see what you're doin'…Sorry, it's not gonna work."
"All right," Juliette grinned, taking a sip of coffee. "We'll play it your way…But I'll have you know that I can see through this little act y'all have goin' on here,"
Deacon rolled his eyes, promptly laughing off her comment.
A comfortable silence filled the room, leaving them to ponder their own thoughts.
"Okay, nope. Can't do it," Juliette started, slamming her cup on the counter a little harder than she intended. "I need to know. You don't even have to say it out loud…just nod once if y'all are sleepin' together or nod twice if you're not."
"Are you sure that the doctor made the right diagnosis?" Deacon teased, deliberately ignoring the question.
"I'm serious!"
"So am I!" he laughed.
"Fine,"
"How are you feelin' about gettin' back out on the road again?" Deacon asked seriously, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.
"I dunno, okay I guess," Juliette replied. "My voice still isn't quite what it should be. I saw someone yesterday afternoon, you know, to help me start tryin' to get my voice back to where I need it to be."
Deacon nodded thoughtfully and cleared his throat. "There's actually somethin' I wanted to ask you...two things actually."
Juliette frowned. "Okay, you're scarin' me when you look at me like that."
"It's nothin' bad,"
"Deacon, what?"
Deacon sat his cup on the counter and crossed his arms awkwardly. "First thing…I was wonderin' if you still have that Martin 000-15M sittin' around here that I could maybe buy off of you?"
"Yeah, why?" Juliette asked, slightly confused. "Hang on a minute, I gave you a perfectly good Martin, remember? An expensive one too…Why on earth are you wantin' another one?"
"It's for Maddie,"
"Who? Rayna's Maddie?"
"Yeah, for her birthday. Rayna asked me to go guitar shoppin' with them the other day for Maddie's birthday. Maddie had her eye on a Martin 00…but I was thinkin' that if I brought yours…well, that'd mean a lot to a teenager to have a guitar owned by-"
"Seriously?!" Juliette's mouth dropped open and she shook her head in awe. "That girl is one lucky girl! She's lucky to have an uncle wantin' to give her somethin' like that? I wish I had an uncle like-"
"Actually, I'm a little more than that." Deacon spoke without thinking, immediately regretting it when Juliette's eyes widened. He silently cursed himself.
"What? What are you talkin' about?"
Deacon paused for a moment, trying to find the best way out of this situation. His thoughts twisted themselves around each other, confusing all reason and logical rationale. Before Deacon knew what he was doing, he felt his mouth open. "…Maddie is my daughter."
Juliette looked at him incredulously. "You been drinkin'? Don't tell me you've stopped goin' to your meetings-?"
"Wh-? No, Juliette-"
"Then why would you-?" Juliette blew heavily, shaking her head as she put her hands on her hips. "I'm sorry, come again?"
"Maddie Conrad is my daughter."
"Your daughter?"
"Yep,"
"By the way that you're talkin'…I take it that you haven't known for very long…" Juliette exhaled, her eyes filling with concern.
"Nearly two months," Deacon replied, taking a sip of coffee.
"Are you okay?"
"Me? I'm fine…" he said unconvincingly.
"You don't have to lie, you know. Not to me anyway,"
"Well," he blew heavily, contemplating how to formulate a logical sentence. "You know, when Rayna told me the truth I didn't believe her. I couldn't believe her. The fact that I had a thirteen-year-old daughter was somethin' I kinda struggled to wrap my head around. I'm still strugglin',"
"I don't blame you," Juliette managed, still in shock.
"Then…then I got angry, I was so angry and confused…resentful even. I didn't want to be around Ray, I didn't know what I'd do if I saw her face. She'd lied to me. Not just about Maddie, but about everythin' for the last thirteen years. She came round to see me and I slammed a door in her face," Deacon chuckled sadly, his eyes becoming misty as he thought back to that night at the hotel when Rayna had sought him out. "She was stubborn though, throwin' her body up against that door until I let her in. It wasn't until then that I realized that none of this-" he choked back tears. "You've gotta understand that I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. I hurt her, Juliette. For years, I dragged Rayna through hell….and I hate knowin' that she suffered because of me-"
"Deacon, I'm sorry-"
"I know she didn't do any of this to hurt me. She did it to protect Maddie…I know that, I get it," he swallowed hard. "…I might not fully understand it yet, but I know why Ray did what she did."
Juliette nodded, quickly wiping tears from her eyes as she looked at him. "Wow…"
"Don't cry," Deacon chuckled, trying to shake the heaviness that clung to their skin.
Juliette laughed. "I'm not cryin', I just have somethin' in my eye."
"It's okay,"
"So, what now?"
"What'd you mean?" Deacon asked.
"Well, how do you feel now?" Juliette replied.
"I dunno," Deacon said truthfully, straightening his posture. "A little lost I guess…afraid, scared as hell that I might completely screw everythin' up. I don't know the first thing about bein' a father…or somebody for someone to look up to. I don't know anythin'…and that scares me."
"That's not true," Juliette shook her head. "You've known those girls their whole lives. You're great with kids, especially those girls. I see the way they look at you. They love you Deacon…"
Deacon ran a hand through his hair, struggling to acknowledge that what Juliette was saying was true.
"Does Maddie know about…?" Juliette asked, letting the sentence finish itself.
"No," Deacon shook his head.
'Is she gonna know?" Juliette made a face, her tone a little sharper than it had been before.
"For now, no."
Juliette nodded slowly, processing what Deacon was saying. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not passin' judgement or makin' suggestions on what y'all should do…"
Deacon raised an eyebrow. "But?"
"But the longer you leave that little girl in the dark…the longer y'all try and deny what you now all clearly know…the harder it's gonna be for all of you to come back from somethin' like this if it comes out badly."
"I know," he agreed. "Believe me, I know…"
"Okay," Juliette nodded, smiling weakly. "You know, I'll support you with whatever y'all decide, right? And my lips are sealed, too."
Deacon did a double take, a smile forming on his lips. Juliette might've been one of the most highly-strung and volatile people he'd ever met, but she'd come a long way over the last six months. Under all the glitter and the charm, she was a sweet person who genuinely cared.
"What?" she frowned, suddenly realizing that he was staring.
"Nothing," Deacon shook his head. "You just keep on surprisin' me."
"I can say the same about you," she joked.
Deacon finished the last of the coffee in his cup. "Okay, there's also one other thing,"
Juliette threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh gosh, don't tell me that the other kid is yours too!"
"What?!" Deacon exclaimed, feeling a little lightheaded. "No…no."
"Hallelujah!" Juliette threw her hands up in the air.
"No, I was actually goin' to ask you if you were free Saturday afternoon..."
- NASHVILLE -
"Okay, open your eyes!" Maddie exclaimed, awkwardly bouncing on the spot as she stretched out her arms.
"Oh my gosh!" Rayna murmured, throwing her hands to her mouth when she opened her eyes. Rayna hadn't really known what to expect when she'd been asked to open her eyes. Maddie had been insistent on keeping her birthday outfit a surprise until the actual day of her party. She spun around so Rayna could get a better look at the dress. It was a black and white floral lace shift dress. It had long sleeves and fell just above the knee. Maddie had switched her glasses for contact lenses and her hair fell in loose curls. Rayna suddenly questioned her decision to let her longtime stylists help Maddie get ready for the party. She looked so grown up. Where had all the years gone? Maddie wasn't a baby anymore. She looked beautiful. Rayna took a second to gather all of her emotions and she opened her arms wide to her daughter.
"My gorgeous baby…you're so beautiful," Rayna murmured against Maddie's hair, holding her close.
"Thanks," Maddie struggled against Rayna's tight grip, squirming in her arms when Rayna held her longer than she'd anticipated. "Um…mom…you're-"
"Come on, Ray," Pete teased, absentmindedly spinning a comb in his hands. "Let the birthday girl go. You're ruinin' her hair!"
Rayna let go of Maddie and made a face at Pete and Gianna. "What have y'all done with my baby girl?!"
Pete and Gianna laughed.
"Mom…" Maddie rolled her eyes.
"Sweetie, your mom's just jealous because you look beautiful and she's still running around in sweatpants…and," Gianna frowned and waved loosely at Rayna's t-shirt. "…You're not wearing that, right?"
Maddie giggled.
"What are you tryin' to say?" Rayna crossed her arms, pretending to be offended.
"It wouldn't hurt for you to let me get my hands on that hair of yours either," Pete goaded, playing with a strand of Rayna's hair.
Rayna smacked his hand away and laughed. "Y'all are damn rude is what you are-" Daphne bolted past them and Rayna managed to grab her arm, pulling her to an abrupt stop. "Hey!"
"Hey!" Daphne mimicked and tried pulling her arm from Rayna's grasp.
"What're you doin'? Why aren't you dressed yet?"
"Why aren't you dressed yet?" Daphne grinned cheekily.
Maddie, Pete and Gianna looked away, desperately trying to hide their smiles.
"Very funny," Rayna chuckled, spinning Daphne in the direction of the stairs. "You need to get your behind up those stairs."
"So do you, mom."
"Sweetie," Tandy called, stepping out of the kitchen and into the hallway where everyone was standing. "People are gonna start arrivin' in another hour. I've got everythin' in the kitchen covered if you wanna run upstairs and change?"
"You sure?" Rayna asked Tandy, quickly making a mental note of all the things she still needed to do.
"Mmhmm,"
"Ok, then. Come on smarty pants," Rayna squeezed Daphne's shoulders and steered her towards the stairs.
Daphne tried turning to look at Rayna as she walked. "Can Pete do my hair too?"
- NASHVILLE -
"Breathe," Tandy whispered, startling Rayna out of her thoughts.
Music offered a low hum over the chatter and laughter of guests. Rayna had tuned it all out and set her focus on the table that had been piled high with party food. This was supposed to be a joyous celebration but Rayna was sure that it has been more of a nightmare than anything else. Teddy had shown up early, insisting that he help them with the final preparations. Rayna was sure he'd only done that to try and make her feel guilty because Maddie had firmly requested Peggy not be invited. It didn't work. If anything, it only made her angry. Especially when he'd make some nasty remark under his breath about Deacon. It had taken everything in her being not to bite back. Rayna had also avoided Lamar like the plague. She had felt his eyes on her from the moment he walked through the front door but she didn't dare look at him. Today was not the day for arguments. It was Maddie's birthday.
"He'll be here," Tandy said quietly when she saw how tightly Rayna was holding her cell phone.
"Hmm?"
Tandy made a face. "Come on, you know exactly what I'm talkin' about. Deacon wouldn't be late for her birthday party if he didn't have a good reason."
Rayna nodded slowly, wrapping her arms around herself as she forced a smile. "I know. I just can't help thinkin' that...never mind. He'll be here soon...he'll be here."
Rayna swallowed the lump in her throat and kept trying to keep her mind from thinking things about Deacon that were doing her more harm than good. Even though it had been nearly fourteen years since Deacon had given her any reason to assume the worst, she couldn't help but assume the worst anyway. Rayna tried shaking the anxiety bubbling in her stomach by focusing on something else. She looked at Maddie surrounded by her friends as she showed them the guitar that she'd gotten for her birthday. It wasn't the one Maddie had originally set her sights on but she seemed to love it all the same. Maddie was smiling giddily as she showed the instrument off. Rayna pursed her lips. At least Maddie was enjoying herself.
"Hey mom!"
Rayna forced a smile and looked down at her youngest daughter. "Hi sweet girl! Are you havin' fun?"
"Um, where's Deacon?" Daphne swayed back and forth.
"Deacon?" Rayna barely managed to get the word out.
Daphne nodded. "Mmhmm. I can't find him anywhere and at least he'll play with me…" the little girl looked over at Maddie surrounded by a group of girls.
"Right, well…sweetheart, I don't know where he is,"
"Why not? Isn't he your boyfriend?" Daphne twirled her hair and scrunched up her face, completely oblivious to the listening ears around them.
Rayna and Tandy smiled awkwardly at two mothers standing a few feet away from them and they returned the smiles. By the looks on the women's faces, they had obviously been listening in on the conversation.
"Mom?"
"Mmhmm," Rayna ran a hand through her hair.
"Where is he?"
"Daphne," Rayna replied, agitation creeping into her voice. She had no idea where he was and the fact that the little girl kept pushing the point only frustrated her more. "I don't know where-"
"Deacon!" Daphne's eyes lit up and she bolted across the room.
Rayna frowned and turned around to see where Daphne was going. She saw Deacon discreetly walking into the room and she immediately let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Deacon caught sight of Daphne and put his guitar case down to catch her as she ran into his arms.
"See…there he is," Tandy smirked.
"Shush it," Rayna elbowed her playfully before slowly making her way across the room to Deacon and Daphne.
"You should see Maddie's birthday cake! It's like sooo big and triple chocolate!"
"Triple chocolate?!" Deacon asked enthusiastically as Daphne proceeded to fill him in on everything he'd missed.
"Hey," Rayna crossed her arms as she cut in on the chirpy conversation.
Deacon met her gaze and smiled nervously. She wasn't happy. Deacon knew that look all too well.
"Darlin', why don't you go on over to that big table of food and see if there's somethin' there that I'd like, hey?" Deacon suggested to Daphne.
"But you only just got here and I haven't finished telling-"
"Daphne?!" Tandy called from across the room. "Can you come and help me grab some more paper plates from the kitchen please?"
Deacon and Rayna smiled at Tandy gratefully as they watched the nine-year-old reluctantly walk away.
"Ray…"
"Deacon…"
"Can we just talk a quick second?" Deacon asked, cautiously taking her hand. Rayna's eyes widened at the gestured but she didn't pull away. Instead, she let him lead her out into the hallway where there was a little more privacy.
"Deacon, I-"
"No darlin', I'm so sorry. I should've been here earlier. Last thing I wanted was to be late, especially for her birthday. I know it meant a lot to you that I be here from the start. I meant a lot to me too," Deacon said sincerely, regret filling his eyes as he held onto her hands tightly. "Ray, I'm sorry. It took longer than I thought to-"
"Babe, it's okay…" Rayna interjected, shaking her head furiously. "I just…I was worried that somethin' real bad had happened to you," Rayna felt her eyes stinging and she loathed herself for crying, especially about something as trivial as this. Of course everything was okay. She didn't need to be worrying about anything. He was here, wasn't he? "I know it's stupid…me bein' like this but I…we haven't always had the greatest track record-"
"Hey, it's not stupid," Deacon ducked his head to try and meet her gaze. A sudden sense of guilt knocked the wind out of him when he saw how distressed she was. She wouldn't look at him. In that split second he realized that what he was seeing now was the aftereffect of years of broken promises, heartache and agonizing nights when she'd been left alone waiting and wondering if he was alive or dead. He'd never been sober enough to see how his reckless decisions had hurt her, at least not until today. It scared the hell out of him to think about how he'd hurt her. "Baby, look at me..."
Rayna raised her eyes to look at him. Embarrassed, she quickly tried wiping away her tears.
"I'm sorry, Ray," he whispered, reaching up to wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek when the tears kept coming. He cleared his throat, hoping to shake the trembling in his voice. "I'm so sorry for all of it. All the years, all those nights I left you alone. Ray, I wasn't thinkin' today. I hate that I caused you even an ounce of pain. I should've called. I…baby, I'm so sorry. I know it probably don't mean much but I really am," he stammered, pulling her into his arms tightly.
"It's okay. You're here and that's all that matters to me…that you're here,"
A gasp escaped his lips and Rayna felt him start to cry as she buried her face in his neck. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her body firmly against his in an attempt to find comfort and refuge in his touch. He did the same. They stood in a quiet embrace for a good while, shutting out the world around them as her fears and his guilt slowly slipped away.
Rayna pulled her head back to look at him, but she didn't loosen her grip around his waist. She chuckled at the sight of him. His eyes were red from all the tears. Rayna could only assume she looked the same.
"Look at us…cryin' and carryin' on like this when there's a party goin' on in the next room! Do you think I can blame my red eyes and ruined make-up on the fact that I'm all emotional over my baby turnin' fourteen? Speakin' of which, babe, you should see her…she is so beautiful today."
"I think you look beautiful," Deacon murmured, reaching up to stroke her face affectionately.
"Oh, come on!" Rayna shushed him, shaking her head as he tangled his fingers in her hair. "We both know that's the furthest thing from the truth right now! You are obviously mistakin' me for someone else. I mean, look at my face-"
"I am lookin' at your face," he chuckled. "Black mascara tears and all…I think you're gorgeous."
Rayna's mouth dropped open. "You did not just quote Juliette Barnes at m-"
Deacon leant down and captured her lips with his, effectively cutting her off mid sentence. Rayna quickly forgot what she was babbling about when he deepened the kiss. Deacon smiled against her mouth when she reached for him eagerly.
"And here I was thinkin' that the adults were supposed to be the responsible ones at a teenager's birthday party…" Juliette coughed, leaning back against the front door as she closed it.
Deacon and Rayna jumped apart, both fumbling to fix their clothing. Instinctively, Rayna's hands flew to her lips and she made poor attempts at fixing her lipstick. Deacon ran a hand through his hair and he smiled awkwardly at Juliette.
"Juliette!" Rayna exclaimed.
"Hope y'all don't mind…" Juliette smirked, clearly enjoying the fact that they were squirming. "I let myself in."
"I can see that," Rayna replied, her tone overly cheery.
"Juliette, I thought you were waitin' in the car?" Deacon asked, hoping to shift the conversation.
"Yeah," Juliette drawled. "That got a little borin'. This on the other hand is a lot more interestin'!"
"Okay," Deacon replied, ignoring this little game Juliette seemed too keen to play. "Ray, where can she go? You know, to hide out? I take it you wanna wait a little before we drop the Juliette bomb on all the guests?"
"I thought I did a pretty good job of droppin' the 'Juliette'," Juliette made quotation marks with her fingers as she mumbled. "Bomb just now on y'all...but, whatever,"
"Well, there's the music room…no one's gonna go down there," Rayna suggested.
"Music room it is!" Deacon said enthusiastically.
"For the record…there's nothin' wrong with quotin' a Juliette Barnes song," Juliette pursed her lips, loosely gesturing between Rayna and Deacon.
Rayna's mouth dropped open.
"Where do you y'all want me to go again?" Juliette asked, spinning around.
Rayna was too stunned to reply. Instead, she pointed to her right and looked to Deacon.
"This way..." Deacon chuckled, leading her up the hallway to Rayna's music room.
"This way?"
"Keep walkin'."