Chapter 4

Tucked in the corner of the top level arena seating, Amber sat alone. Through watery eyes she stared absently down at the workers assembling the ring, barriers, and stage below. This was all she'd ever wanted for her life. To be a Diva on WWE's main roster. Had she known back when she'd first started, the levels to which she'd have to stoop in order to make that happen she might have picked another line of work. Instead, she'd given them all of her and received the shaft as payment. How could her life go from perfect to a complete wreck in the matter of just a few days?

She dabbed a tissue at her eyes and sniffled. Regret and guilt sliced through her as her first thought landed on Lexi and how this should have been her issue to deal with. It was wrong of her to wish this on her best friend, especially after everything she'd done for Amber. Still, Lexi had the personality to handle the situation. Lexi had a backbone and sass and the clout with management to get them to listen. Hell, knowing how she was, Lexi would have had the guts to stand her ground on the issue and simply outright refuse.

Instead, Lexi was basking in the glory of being a new mother and preparing for her return in a little over a week and Amber had been the one caught in 'The Authority's' snare. She'd become the scapegoat for The Shield's demise and her career was the one at stake.

She glanced around the arena, took in the empty seats and sucked in a ragged breath. In a few hours every one of these seats would be filled with fans eager to hurl insults and slurs at her. If only they knew the truth. But they didn't know the truth and as far as management was concerned, they never would.

So what choice did she have? She couldn't quit. Not when she had a contract that wasn't due to expire for another six months. While she had a nice little savings built up, it wouldn't be enough to survive even a single round with WWE lawyers. She could refused to participate in the storyline and let them fire her for cause.

Then what?

She had no real skills outside of wrestling and Vince owned damn near everything tied to wrestling. If she left how would she support herself. Worse yet, what would happen to her relationship with Seth? Amber let her eyes drift closed as she drew in a deep breath. An image of him appeared behind her closed lids and her heart melted just a little.

The man was so full of energy and passion. He'd cared about her when no one else had and even now he loved her. Why, she still hadn't a clue, but she valued his love so much. Still, knowing what she'd have to do, would she be able to keep his love?

A tear broke free and streaked down her cheek. There was only one real way for her to get through this storyline and still have a career on the other side. It meant sucking up to The Authority and not just playing her part, but doing it so well that management would have no choice but to give her the props she deserved. It meant that for the first time since she'd arrived in the WWE a year and a half ago, that she put her career first and her heart second. Ultimately, it also meant risking her relationship with Seth by placing it on hold until management lost interest and moved on.

No matter how much she loved him, or how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, deep down she'd always known her relationship with Seth was finite. Everything good in her life was finite. So when this was over, if by then, Seth had moved on to someone else, she'd be crushed, but she'd learn how to deal with it. After all, didn't he deserve a normal girlfriend, instead of the twisted basket case she was most of the time?

Seth's phone vibrated and he glanced down to read the text from Roman. "She's not in catering. Gonna check the loading docks"

A moment later Dean's text came through. "She's not in wardrobe. Checking hair & makeup next."

Seth texted back. "Had Nattie check for me. She's not in the diva's locker room. Checking the ring area."

When all three men came up empty yet again Seth's frustration began to grow. There were only so many places she could hide in the arena. So why hadn't they found her yet? The longer she had time to stew over this meeting, the better the chance that she'd somehow internalize this and make herself sick.

He raked a hand through his loose hair as he stood on the concourse and looked around. Most of the time Amber was fine. With the help of Lexi, Zoe and the boys they kept life fairly stable and managed to downplay the darker events that would happen. She'd even been a positive force over the summer when Lexi went into early labor during the hurricane and panicked. He had hoped she'd turned a corner with that event, but alas that didn't appear to be the case.

The moment management began talking break up again, he'd noted the change in her personality. Happy and positive events and emotions she did fine with, but anything connected with turmoil or forced change caused her insecurities to surface. Even when she knew something was for the best, it didn't change the fact that she struggled to work through and accept the situation.

It was same sensitive nature that drew him to her from the beginning. When she felt something, she felt it with her entire being. Love. Passion. Desire. The way she displayed these emotions made him crazy with need. The tenderness and empathy she had for others made his heart melt.

Yet, it wasn't a character trait she could switch off when it came to darker emotions. Hate. Anger. Grief. Worry. She would allow them to eat at her until she would become nothing more than a shell.

Guilt!

Guilt was the big one, the granddaddy of emotions that could take her down with with the speed of a game hunter's well placed bullet. Somehow, in her mind, she could make any bad situation her fault. Even a year and a half later he still didn't understand exactly how in a situation where she was an innocent victim she could twist it around until in her mind it was her fault.

He knew it stemmed from the misplaced blame her father directed on her when she was younger. The trauma of being nearly raped had to have been bad enough. Then for her to find her father dead with a self-inflicted gunshot wound… Seth shook his head at the thought. To have the only family she knew disappear during the formative years of her life. Those events alone would have been enough to cause issues, but it was that damn note that had done her in and changed her forever.

She'd told him about the note her father had left and how he'd all but blamed her for his weakness. How he couldn't control his urges around her and that the only way to protect her was for him to go away. She confessed how she'd never told anyone what the note said and how she'd lived with that guilt for nearly a decade. Seth tried to make her understand, to make her see how her father was a sick coward who unfairly blamed her. How what happened to her wasn't her fault, but it had been an uphill battle. Live with something long enough and it becomes gospel.

Earlier in the year, when Lexi decided to go back to a therapist for help with her issues, he'd nearly convinced Amber to see one also. There was only so much he could do when it came to helping her prevent twisting negative emotions into something worse than what they really were. The truth was, she needed help beyond what he could give her. She needed professional therapy. It was just a matter of finding the right key to get her to go.

He'd just considered checking the upper level seating and turned to head toward the stairs when he spotted Amber slowly working her way down the steps. He waited at the base, watching with a cautious stare. Her puffy and bloodshot eyes told him she'd been crying. The pained look of resolve that masked her features had his heart beating in fear. He'd been too late to talk to her. She'd already come to some sort of decision and he'd bet he wasn't going to like it.

"Hey." He reached for her hand as she stopped on the bottom step and stared at him.

"Hey," she sniffled.

"Dean told me about the meeting." He watched now, assessing her actions, her expressions

She lifted a shaky hand through her hair. "Yeah, it wasn't good. I just needed a little time to think things through. I'm sorry if you were worried about me." The monotone timber associated with her response sent chills sliding through Seth. Whatever her decision, it pained her enough that she'd already resorted to mentally distancing herself from it, to shutting down her emotions as a method of dealing with the pain.

"You should have come and got me," he urged as he wrapped an arm around her and grimaced at the stiff way she held herself. "We could have talk it out."

She turned her head and looked at him now. He could see the love in her eyes and the pain. "This was something I needed to work out on my own." What he knew was a fake smile tipped her lips. "It's all good. I know what needs to be done now."