AN: And now a little bit of Kurt while at the coffee shop. Enjoy! Inspired by lyrics from "Nothing For Christmas" by New Found Glory.
I couldn't help but feel guilty recalling Blaine's words that he loved me even if I only wanted his friendships. I hadn't mean to lead him on. It wasn't fair to him for me to hold him when I wasn't sure that I could ever be his boyfriend again. Especially now. After my experience a few months ago, I'm not sure I could ever be anyone's boyfriend as I never want to put myself in that position again. Never wanted to lead anyone on, and give them the impression that I wanted to do something that I didn't.
"Stop acting like a tease. You know you want me."
Of all the things that Dan had said to me that night, those were the words that kept haunted me. I couldn't figure out what I had said and done to make him think I wanted to go that far. Blaine and I had dated for months before we even discussed taking our relationship to that level. Going there on the first date was unthinkable.
I felt someone brush my arm, and I jumped. Coming out of my thoughts, I looked around for the threat but all I saw was an old guy walking away.
"This isn't going to work," I say, just wanting to return to the safety of my apartment.
"You're doing fine," Blaine says from beside me, his arm encircling my shoulders as we walk into the coffee shop I had frequented before that fateful night.
But I know I'm not. I can feel my heart beating fast and all I want is to escape to the safety of my apartment. But the reassuring feeling of his arm around my shoulders keeps me from protesting further. With Blaine by my side, what can go wrong.
Blaine leads me to an empty table and asks me what I want. I give him my order, and feel panic rising as he walks away. Though there is nobody near me, I feel like I'm surrounded and hope that no one approaches the table.
Will I ever stop feeling this overwhelming fear? Can I ever recapture the peace that being in Blaine's arms had always made me feel?